by Janet Dailey
“He told me—he warned me that he’d be moving on, but I thought—” She stopped, closing her mouth at the knife-sharp surge of pain. When she continued there was a betraying quiver to her voice. “I thought he’d love me so much he’d change his mind.”
“You’ll get over him, Charley—in time,” he comforted.
She turned on him in a blaze of anger. “No, I won’t! I won’t get over him—not ever! I’ll never stop loving him—not even when I die! I’ll come back and I’ll haunt him!” she declared.
“You don’t know what you’re saying.” He looked at her uneasily.
“Yes, I do,” Charley insisted and spun away. The beginnings of a sob started again and she pressed the balled handkerchief against her mouth and sniffed in a breath. Her eyes were watering again, blurring her vision. “Do you think he’ll come back, Gary?” The question was barely above a whisper. When he didn’t answer, she pivoted around to face him and repeated it. “Do you?”
He tried to squarely meet her gaze and failed. “I don’t know.” He evaded the question with an indefinite answer.
“But you must have an opinion,” Charley insisted. “Do you think he’ll come back? Not right away, maybe, but someday?”
Her brother clasped his hands together and studied them, taking his time before answering her. Finally he lifted his head and shook it sadly. “I don’t think he’ll come back, Charley. Shad couldn’t have made it any plainer that he wanted to leave.”
She swallowed in a breath, feeling the last hope die with Gary’s answer. She looked away, blinking at the hot tears scalding her eyes. “I would have gone with him if he’d asked me,” she said hoarsely. “I would have lived out of the back end of that truck. It wouldn’t have mattered—just so long as I could be with him.” Even as she made the statement, she recognized that later on it might not have been enough. “But he never asked me, Gary. Not once.”
“Maybe that’s best,” he suggested tentatively.
“The best thing would have been if I had never hired him in the first place,” she retorted. “I knew the moment I saw him that he was just passing through. I should have told him to keep traveling. I guess that’s what he did,” Charley said with a bitter laugh choked with pain. “The only problem is he walked all over my heart as he was leaving. All I can say is ‘good riddance!’”
“That’s right,” Gary was quick to agree. “You’re better off without him. He isn’t the kind to ever settle down. He’d always be wandering off someplace. A leopard can’t change his spots.”
“I don’t want a leopard. I want Shad.” She switched sides again. “If he was going to leave, why didn’t he go before I fell in love with him? Why did he stay so long? He said he didn’t want to hurt me. For someone who didn’t want to, he certainly did a bang-up job!”
“You’re just torturing yourself with all this talk, Charley.” Gary used the cane to push himself to his feet. “Why don’t you let me fix you some coffee? You need something to settle your nerves.”
A truck drove into the ranch yard. When Charley heard it she pivoted toward the door, her heart leaping into her throat. She glanced wildly at her brother. She felt dizzy with hope.
“Do you think it’s Shad?” she whispered. “Maybe he’s come back! Maybe he’s changed his mind and finally realizes how much he cares.”
Outside the engine died and a metal door was slammed shut. Charley rushed toward the front door, her feet hardly touching the floor. When she saw the man walking toward the porch, the world came crashing down around her. She sagged against the doorframe, her spirit broken by abject disappointment. She turned away and leaned her back against the wall, her eyes tightly shut.
“It’s Chuck Weatherby,” she informed Gary in a painful whisper, and pushed away from the wall, putting distance between herself and the front door. “I don’t want to see him . . . or talk to him. Send him away . . . please.”
On the far side of the room, she stopped and listened to Gary limp to the screen door. There was no creaking of the hinges so she knew he hadn’t opened it to invite their neighbor inside.
“Hello, Chuck.” She heard her brother greet him. “What brings you over this way?”
“Afternoon, Gary.” The greeting was returned as Chuck’s footsteps stopped on the porch. “Your hired man stopped over to see me earlier this afternoon. He said he was leaving and wanted to know if I could loan you one of my men for a couple days. I told him I could, but I thought afterward that maybe I ought to check with you.”
“That’s good of you, Chuck,” Gary said. “Russell did leave and, uh, we could use an extra hand around the place for a few more days.”
Listening to Chuck’s steady voice started Charley to thinking. She wiped away the last traces of tears on her face and took a deep breath. Taking a determined hold on her emotions, she turned toward the door and tilted her chin a fraction of an inch higher.
“Gary, why don’t you invite Chuck in?” she suggested in a loud voice.
Her brother cast a puzzled look over his shoulder. His glance seemed to demand that she make up her mind what she wanted. Shrugging at his inability to understand the female mind, he shifted to one side and pushed the screen door open.
“Come in, Chuck,” he invited.
“Thank you.” As the rancher entered the house he removed his hat and ran a hand through his auburn hair. “Hello, Charley.” He nodded respectfully toward her and smiled. “I just came by to—”
“Yes, I heard,” she interrupted him. “Gary and I appreciate your helping us out this way. We know it’s difficult to spare a man at this n time of year.”
“You know that anytime I can help you out, all you have to do is ask,” he insisted and moved slowly across the room toward her. “It’s a shame that Russell just decided to up and walk out without giving you any notice. I warned you all along that he wasn’t the kind of man you could depend on. I’m surprised that he stayed as long as he did.”
“Yes, well. . . .” Her voice wavered as she faltered over the words. She had to pause and sniff in a breath before she could continue. “We had been hoping Shad would stay longer.”
His gaze narrowed on her face, noticing her red and swollen eyes and the stiffness of her carriage. “Is something wrong, Charley?” he questioned with a frown. “Have you been crying?”
Glancing at her brother, she attempted to change the subject. “Weren’t you going to put some coffee on, Gary? You’d like a cup, wouldn’t you, Chuck?” she offered with forced brightness. “I think there’s some apple pie left from lunch.”
“Yes, that would be fine.” Despite his affirmative reply, the rancher hadn’t been distracted from his initial observation.
“Then do you want me to put some coffee on?” Gary asked as if he half expected Charley to change her mind.
“Yes,” she nodded and her brother started for the kitchen. “I’ll dish up the pie while you fix the coffee.” When she took a step to walk past Chuck, he caught her arm and stopped her. He made a closer study of her tear-washed face.
“You have been crying,” he stated.
She flashed a glance after Gary but he’d already disappeared into the kitchen. With a sigh, she met Chuck’s steady look. “Yes, I have,” she admitted because she knew he would see through any excuse she made.
“Because that Shad fellow left,” he guessed and released her arm.
Hanging her head, Charley nodded, “Yes.”
For a minute there was only silence to follow her admission. Then she sensed the growing anger that filled the rancher. It seemed to flow from him in waves. It was strangely more comforting than any kind words would have been.
“I knew something like this would happen the minute I laid eyes on him,” Chuck muttered savagely. “Rogues like that just naturally can’t keep their hands off women.”
“It’s all right, Chuck.” But she was deeply moved by his anger, which put all the blame on
Shad and none on herself. His loyalty was unshakable.
&nbs
p; He turned to her, his mouth tight. “Somebody should teach him a lesson. He deserves to be strung up by his heels for hurting you.”
“It wouldn’t change anything.” Her eyes misted over with tears, all the hurt making itself felt afresh. It didn’t matter how many rotten things were said about Shad, she still loved him.
“I passed him on the lane when I was driving in here,” Chuck said. “He can’t have gone far. If you want, I’ll go get him and bring him back here.”
“No.” Pride stiffened her shoulders. “If he doesn’t care enough to come back on his own, then I don’t want him. I don’t want any man that I have to drag to the altar.”
Her reply stole his sense of outrage on her behalf. He breathed in deeply, his expression turning sad and grim. “Charley, I don’t know what to say except . . . I’m sorry.”
“So am I.” Her faint laugh was just short of a sob.
“I’d like to get my hands on that guy for five minutes,” Chuck muttered under his breath. “I’d teach him a thing or two about hurting people.”
Gary hobbled into the living room and paused, glancing from one to the other and guessing at the conversation. “The coffee is done. Should I pour it?”
“Would you stay for pie and coffee, Chuck?” Charley asked, giving him the option to refuse now that he had learned how she felt about Shad.
“I’d like to have some of that pie and coffee,” he said, studying her quietly, “if you’re sure I’m welcome.”
“I’m sure,” she nodded, then deliberately adopted a cheerful smile. “You have always been a good friend, Chuck, a very good friend. That hasn’t changed.”
Just a flicker of regret showed in his ruddy features before his expression was controlled to appear impassive.
“I hope you know that you can call on me whenever you need anything,” he returned, not referring to his own deep affection of her. But his meaning was clear.
Charley didn’t reply to that. Instead she glanced at Gary. “Let’s all go into the kitchen.”
All of them went through the motions as if this was an ordinary afternoon. While Gary poured the coffee, Charley sliced the pie into servings. Chuck started a conversation about ranchwork to ease the stilted silence.
The pie was consumed and a second cup of coffee drunk before Chuck sat back from the table. “That pie was delicious, Charlotte.” He rubbed his expanding stomach.
“Would you like another slice?” she offered.
“No thanks, my supper is already spoiled,” he refused. “Speaking of which, it’s time I was getting back to my place.” He stood up, hitching his trousers higher around his middle. “Ray will be over first thing in the morning.”
As he turned to leave Charley came to a decision and stood up. “Chuck?” She waited until he glanced at her. “There’s a dance next week in town. I wondered if you would like to take me.”
“I—” He stared at her for a stunned instant, not quite certain he had heard her correctly. “I’d like that fine, Charley.”
“Good,” she said with a decisive nod. “I’ll be ready around seven.”
“I’ll pick you up then,” He was smiling as he pushed his hat onto his head and walked into the living room to the front door.
When she heard the door slam and his footsteps on the porch, Charley turned back to the table. Gary was staring at her with a dumbfounded expression. He shook his head as if trying to understand it all and rid himself of the confusion.
“Charley, are you all right?” he asked, combing his fingers through his hair. “What am I saying? You’re not all right. That’s obvious.”
“Why?” She looked at him calmly, a calmness born of a new purpose.
“I don’t understand you. You’re not making sense,” her brother declared. “Not an hour ago, you were crying your eyes out over Shad, shattered by a broken heart. I just heard you asking another man to take you out. What’s going on?”
“I told Shad I wouldn’t wait for him and I meant it,” she replied.
“Oh, Charley,” he moaned in dismay. “You don’t know what you’re doing.”
“Yes I do,” she insisted and started to clear the table.
“No, you don’t. You’re making a big mistake,” he warned.
“No, I’m not.” She set the stack of dishes down. “The way I see it I have two choices. I can either grow old and lonely waiting for Shad to come back, which he never will, or I can marry someone else and have a home and a family.”
“You aren’t serious?” Gary stared at her. “Are you saying that you are going to marry Chuck?”
“Why not?” Her hands were on her hips in mute challenge. “He’s a good man, solid and dependable. You’ve said so. Shad even said he would make a wonderful husband for me. He couldn’t have a higher recommendation than that, could he?” There was a trace of sarcasm and bitterness in her voice.
“That is no reason to marry a man.” Gary shook his head at her reasoning.
“Listen, Gary—” her chin quivered slightly “—chances are I’m never going to love anybody the way I did Shad again. So I might as well marry someone I like and respect. Chuck might not win any prizes, but he is nice.”
“Okay, maybe there is some logic in what you say,” he conceded. “But don’t rush into anything on the rebound, Charley. Don’t marry him for spite. Promise me.”
“I promise,” she agreed.
Chapter Eight
FOR THE NEXT two months, Charley managed to stay busy. There was a lot of work to be done on the ranch that occupied her time even though Gary had fully recovered from his broken leg. She continued to see Chuck on her free time, more frequently than she ever had before.
On the outside she appeared cheerful and fun- loving. But it was only on the outside. She worked a lot, played a lot and laughed a lot- trying not to feel the enormous emptiness inside. Where her heart had been, there seemed to be one big hollow ache. It throbbed through her with a never ending rhythm.
She never stopped thinking about Shad or remembering. Every time a vehicle pulled into the ranch yard she held her breath, hoping even when she knew it was useless. There was even a vague expectancy when she looked through the mail but she never heard from him—not a word.
Sometimes Charley would gaze at the ragged line of the Sawtooth Mountains and wonder where he was and what he was seeing. She would close her eyes and picture him as clearly as if he was standing in front of her—his thick and vital crow-black hair, his bold blue eyes always glinting with lively interest and his lean, handsome features. A tear would slide down her cheek, leaving a hot trail to remind her the pain of losing him hadn’t eased.
Charley wiped another tear from her cheek and turned away from the mirror. With a determined effort she shook away the hurt and fixed a smile on her mouth. Her shoulders were straight and square and her step was light as she walked out of her bedroom into the upstairs hall. She made it a point not to glance at the spare room to the right of the stairs, passing it to descend them.
Gary was entering the house by the front door when she emerged from the stairwell. He paused at the sight of her all dressed up, his glance warm with brotherly appreciation for the results.
“Do you like my new dress?” She did a slow pirouette to show it off. The plum skirt flared, then swirled against her legs when she stopped. “I splurged the other day and bought it. This is the ‘in’ color now. Next year no one will probably be caught dead wearing it but I couldn’t resist it.”
“It’s beautiful,” he assured her.
“I thought so.” Charley glanced down to check the fit and smoothed her hand over the waistline, enjoying the feel of the velour fabric. “Do you think Shad will like it?”
“Shad?” Her brother’s voice came back low and sadly questioning.
Her head jerked up as she realized what she had said, her pretense shattering for an instant before she recovered.
“That was a slip of the tongue,” she insisted with forced lightness. “I meant Chuck.�
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“It was a slip of the truth,” Gary corrected.
“That’s beside the point.” Charley couldn’t argue with him. “Do you think Chuck will like my new dress?”
“Yes,” he agreed dryly. “Chuck is so crazy about you that if you were wearing a sackcloth he would think it was beautiful.”
“This is hardly a sackcloth.” She glanced at her watch. “I’d better get my coat. He’ll be here shortly to pick me up.”
“Where are you going?” Gary watched her walk to the coat closet.
“We’re going to Twin Falls for Sunday dinner and maybe take in a matinee.” She removed her suede coat with its fur collar from the hanger. “There’s a salad in the refrigerator and you can grill yourself a steak.”
“What time will you be home?”
“I don’t know,” she replied, folding the coat over her arm. “It might be late. We have a special occasion to celebrate today.”
“Oh?” Gary lifted an eyebrow and frowned. “What’s that?”
“It isn’t every day that a girl gets herself engaged.” The corners of her mouth were curved upward.
Her brother looked grim. “I suppose Chuck proposed to you again.”
“No.” She shook her head. “As a matter of fact he hasn’t even brought up the subject of marriage these last two months. Usually he would have mentioned it a half dozen times. But if he doesn’t propose to me today, then I’m going to ask him.”
“Charley,” he sighed. “You may be able to kid yourself but you can’t kid me. Shad might be out of your sight, but he hasn’t been out of your mind for a single minute.”
“I won’t deny that, Gary.” She couldn’t because it was true. Drawing a deep breath, she steadily met his gaze. “But if he hasn’t missed me by now, then he never will.”
“Are you being fair to Chuck?” he reasoned. “Don’t you think it’s wrong to marry him when you’re in love with someone else?”
“No, I don’t think it’s wrong—not if Chuck is willing,” Charley replied. “As long as we both go into marriage with our eyes wide open, we can make it.”