by Indiana Wake
Sunday was their last day and they woke early to prepare breakfast and to do a final clean before church. Amanda and the sisters said goodbye to their friends and Sabrina cried as she hugged her best friend goodbye. It was all Amanda could do to not join her, but she must be strong. The girls would do much better if she showed them this was a good thing. So she bit down her own sadness and explained with excitement how she looked forward to meeting her husband. Even though she knew nothing about him, not even a name.
At last it was time to go, their bags were packed, goodbyes' were said and as they were about to leave Aunt Morgan sneered. “There is a lovely surprise waiting for you, Amanda,” she said and then she was gone. The girls stood alone on the platform waiting for their first ever train ride.
Amanda bit down the fear that those words gave her and turned to her sisters. “This is going to be such fun,” she said. “Just think of all the things we will see, all the places we will go.”
Cassie and Sabrina gave her a half smile, but it was better than nothing. Together they boarded the train and made their way to the carriage. To say the journey was tiring would be an understatement. Let's just say that the man Amanda was going to marry wasn't very generous when it came to spending on their travel. The tickets he sent them seemed to be for the cheapest, smelliest, most congested train compartment that money could buy. It did not bode well for the future and while her sisters chatted excitedly Amanda closed her eyes and prayed that her husband would be less of a monster than their Aunt.
In the carriage with them was a family of seven. The children were loud and badly behaved and Amanda spent the whole journey reassuring Sabrina and calming Cassandra. Still it seemed that with the noise and bustle that they were unable to sleep a second, during their entire trip and when they finally got off the train, their appearances were less than welcoming. Their eyes had dark circles underneath, their clothes were wrinkled and their hair looked a mess. Amanda did her best to tidy them up and make sure that they were presentable, but now the moment was close she found herself shaking with nerves and wanting to return to Aunt Morgan’s. It may have been awful, but it was what she knew.
Fighting back her nerves she smiled at her sisters. “Come girls let us start our adventure with a smile on our faces.”
They got off the train and looked about. The place wasn't bad to look at, with green hills in the distance and friendly faces smiling at them as they passed. No one took any notice of their haggard appearance. Seeing all this, the three of them felt their spirits lift and they felt hopeful that their new life wouldn't be as bad as their journey had been.
A man with an unusually large nose that reminded one of a hawk's beak stepped forward. "Are you the Patterson sisters?" he asked.
Amanda felt her heart stop. Was this her intended? "That would be us," she said.
The man looked them up and down as if appraising a horse and then nodded towards a carriage. "Mr. Tomkins sent me to fetch you. He never told me you were such large ladies, still follow me," he said and without helping them with their bags, he turned on his heel and headed toward the carriage.
Amanda felt her heart falter at the rude words, but she would not let it show. She smiled at her sisters and together they hauled their bags and followed him. Putting the luggage away by themselves, they got into the carriage. Amanda could see that the little hope that had blossomed was dying in the drought of kindness.
The carriage began to move and soon the beautiful landscape around them fell away. Now, all they could see for miles was barren planes and red earth. It seemed so alien and so hot that their hopes died a little bit more and Amanda wanted to break down and cry. What had she done? Should she have refused this proposal? But what else could she do? They had no income and without Aunt Morgan they would be destitute. Sabrina started to shake and a tear leaked from her eyes and traced its way down her cheek. Amanda had to be strong. Whatever happened they were together and she would make the most of the situation.
“Come, Sabrina,” she said taking her handkerchief and offering it to her sister. “This is just the journey, it is strange and tiring, but all will be well soon.
“Of course it will,” Cassandra said. “When has Amanda ever let us down?”
Amanda felt her heart break at such kind words, but it had the required effect on Sabrina. She stopped snuffling and dried her eyes. Holding hands they made the rest of the journey looking out at the dry, dusty land and the distant mountains.
Finally, after an hour or more, the carriage crossed under a wooden sign that had Big T Ranch on it. This was to be their new home. Up ahead was a large wooden house but as they approached it, there was a run-down look about the whole place.
Weeds were growing everywhere and the door on the barn hung an odd angle. A corral held a couple of horses, but even the fencing on this was in need of repair. That was when she noticed the children. Behind the corral, three children raced around out of view of the ranch house. The carriage pulled to a halt and wondering who the children belonged to, Amanda and her sisters got out of the carriage.
The three youngsters ran over. There was a girl of about ten, a boy of six and another of approximately four. They raced each other and came to a sudden halt in front of the carriage.
"Hello there. Which one of you is the new mommy?" the girl shouted.
Amanda looked at her sisters, who were staring at her and the children in horror. Amanda turned to the children and said, "Mommy?"
Before anyone could shed any light on the situation, a tall man appeared and called out, "Children, come here." The children hesitated but then ran to the man, who clearly could only be their father. Stopping at a short distance from him, they turned and looked back at the girls. This was most peculiar and she hoped it did not bode badly for his temperament.
Amanda took her eyes off the children and looked up to see a well-built man, a few years older than her; she imagined he was in his late thirties. He had broad shoulders a refined face, brown hair that was kissed red by the sun and blue eyes that pierced into her even from this distance.
Amanda felt herself drawn to him. He looked like a strong man who could carry the weight of the world on his shoulders and still stand up straight. He came down the steps toward them and extended his hand like one would for a man. "Hello, I'm Edson Tomkins. Welcome to my home. Which one of you is Amanda?"
Amazed by his gesture and greetings, Amanda extended her hand as well. “I am,” she said as she awkwardly shook hands. She had never shaken a man's hand before. Not knowing how to greet him, she curtsied while shaking hands and then blushing at her own embarrassment, she mumbled, "It is nice to meet you. I'm Amanda and these are my younger sisters Cassandra and Sabrina."
Nodding at them both, he turned to her. "Do come in. You must be tired from your journey." The girls bent to pick up their bags but Edson stopped them and said, "Leave it." Gesturing with his fingers for the hawk-nosed man to come forward. "John, bring these bags to the guest room." Then without another word, he turned and began to head back towards the house and the girls followed him inside.
Chapter 5
Edson moved to a sitting room of sorts. His stride was long and the three girls picked up their skirts and followed as quickly as possible. Amanda felt as if the house was a shell. Empty rooms looked in need of a woman's touch. Edson stopped and kept his back to them as he stared out of a wide window. Amanda could see the garden behind him. Like the rest of the place, it had a neglected air. Weeds were more abundant than flowers and it appeared no one had attended to it in quite some time. Edson gestured for them to take a seat.
The three girls shared a smile and then sat down.
Edson sat across from them and studied them for a moment. "I hope your journey wasn't too tiring," he said.
Amanda tried to read his thoughts, but his eyes gave little away. Were they a disappointment to him? Would he send them back home, could he?
"The carriage we were in could have been better," Cassandra muttered.<
br />
Amanda reprimanded her with her eyes and turned to Edson. "Thank you, the journey wasn't too bad. My sister is just a bit tired from traveling so far."
"John was in charge of getting your train tickets,” Edson said and he ran a hand through his hair. It seemed a weary gesture as if he could not force himself to handle the situation. “I bet he got the cheapest ones and kept the rest of the money for himself. I'd fire the rascal if I had a man I could afford to lose.” Lifting his eyes to Amanda, he continued. I do apologize for your uncomfortable journey."
"It is quite all right, you needn't worry at all," Amanda said.
"Well, if there is anything else you'd like to ask, now would be the time otherwise you are free to go to your room," Edson said.
Amanda looked around embarrassingly, before turning back to him and asked, "If you don't mind my asking, those children out there, are they yours?"
"Why yes of course. Didn't you know that? I made it quite clear that I was only looking for someone who would be willing to look after my children and give them the care they deserve, the care that only a woman, a mother could. Didn't you know about this?"
Blushing, Amanda looked at the floor. "Umm no, I wasn't aware of this."
"Oh," Edson looked thoughtful. "Does this change the arrangement then? Because I need someone who is willing to love my children as her own. I am not looking for a wife; I am looking purely for a mother. So, if you'd like, take a little time before you let me know your answer."
Amanda stood up and found herself in a daze from this information overload. She guessed this was the surprise her Aunt had alluded to. Could she do it, could she live here as a wife in name only? Could she give up her hope of marriage and a family? "Yes,” she said. “I must think over the whole situation. Thank you for your honesty and for giving me time. Good day."
A woman appeared at the door and led the three girls to their room. “I’m Eva, Eva Tisdale she said.”
“We’re very pleased to meet you,” Amanda replied.
“Don’t you go worrying about Master Edson. He’s a good man, needs a woman like you around and he will take care of you,” Eva said as they walked along an empty corridor.
Amanda wondered if that was right. Where was the children’s mother and why was the place so run down? Had he lost his fortune, for if that was the case how long could they live here? With thoughts tumbling around her mind, they walked through a door.
The three girls entered into a lavish room with three separate beds, two closets, a window seat, a full-length mirror in one corner and a chest at the foot of every bed. It was a large room and spacious as well. It seemed that Edson wasn't the one with a lack of generosity after all. A jug of water and three cups was set on one of the chests. On the other was a bowl of water, a washcloth and towels were draped across one of three chairs. It looked like their needs had been thought of and Amanda smiled at such a thoughtful gesture.
While she studied the room Cassandra claimed the bed nearest to the window at once, Sabrina settled onto the middle one, which left the last bed for Amanda.
"Not a bad room," Cassandra sighed, sinking into her bed. "I could get used to all this space."
"Amanda, he has children, will you be comfortable with that?" Sabrina asked, concern marring her pretty features.
"I can't believe Aunty didn't tell you!" Cassandra exclaimed, sitting up. "It's just like her to keep information like that from you."
"I don't mind the children," Amanda said, settling down on her bed. "They seem like little dears and I would love to get to know them more."
Cassandra looked at her sister with knowing eyes and said, "But?"
Amanda smiled at her trying to hide the sadness that had wrapped her heart in sorrow. "You heard Mr. Tomkins. He doesn't want a wife. I have nothing against the children and I’ll love them, I'm sure. But will it really be a marriage if my husband does not wish to be with me. If he is with me because of some notion that I will only be in the children's life, then do I really want to be in a marriage like that?"
"Oh, my dear, sweet sister," Sabrina said coming to sit by her. Cassandra also came and sat on the other side of her sister. They each put an arm around her and
"Any man would be crazy not to fall in love with you,” Sabrina said. “You are kind, strong, caring and put everyone else before yourself. He says all that now but give him a few days and he will be smitten with you, I'm sure."
"I agree with Sabrina," Cassandra said. "He'd be a fool if he didn't appreciate what he has found in a partner like you. Anyway, you don't have to answer him right away. You can get to know him and see if he is willing to bend a little or if you can handle being in the kind of relationship he wants. If not, we can always find somewhere else to live. I've always said we should live on our own, get out of these marriages while we still have the chance." She wiggled her eyebrows funnily at her sister and Amanda couldn't help but laugh. She hugged her sisters and decided that she would give it a shot for their sakes.
Chapter 6
That evening the three sisters were summoned downstairs for dinner. They were led through a couple of hallways to the dining room, where dinner had already been served. Edson sat at the head of the table. Behind him was a picture of a beautiful woman. She was slim and elegant; her haunting eyes stared out accusingly at Amanda from beneath brunette curls. Her elegant red dress looked so regal Amanda imagined she could feel the velvet if she reached up and touched the painting. Edson caught her glance and simply lowered his eyes, but now Amanda understood. This woman had his heart and looking at her Amanda knew she could never compete with this refined beauty. That was when she noticed that the children were nowhere to be seen.
Edson stood and nodding his head, he gestured for them to sit. "Thank you for joining me for dinner," he said.
"Our pleasure," Amanda replied. Sitting down, she looked around once more. "If I may ask, where are the children?"
"They do not dine with me. I have them eat with Mrs. Tisdale, the housekeeper. She is more able to keep them in check and make sure they eat their food."
"Oh," was all Amanda could say.
Edson bowed his head and the sisters followed suit. Amanda whispered a prayer asking for help and guidance.
“Amen.”
Amanda turned toward her food and began eating. She had first seen this man and thought he must be a caring, strong father, but his actions and words kept indicating otherwise. She waited for Edson to start a conversation. Surely he wanted to get to know her, for she was to be his wife, but he continued to eat in silence. Cassandra and Sabrina, who loved to talk, stayed silent as well, affected by the mood in the room.
After they had finished eating, Edson stood. "I am retiring to the family room. If you like, you can join me there to indulge yourself in any activity that pleases you. There is a small library, down the hall from here, if you would prefer to read." And with that he exited the room and headed off in the direction of the family room.
The three sisters looked at one another and Cassandra pouted. "Well, that could've been so much colder,” she said. “It’s nice to know he's so warm and fuzzy."
Amanda shook her head at her sister but couldn't keep a grin from her face. Trust Cassie to put everything in perspective.
"I'd like to go to the library,” Sabrina said, “if that's all right."
"And I'd rather go to my room than spend another minute in awkward silence," said Cassandra.
"Very well, you two go off and do what you please. I don't see that anyone would mind," Amanda said. And so it was that Amanda headed to the family room by herself. She entered the room and saw Edson sitting in a corner, reading a book. She went inside and sat down. She looked around for something to do and noticed that there was nothing but a piano for her to use. Thinking that her playing, while he read would annoy Edson, she didn't dare step toward it.
She looked at him and saw that he was reading a book that was quite familiar to her. It was one she loved and that seemed fortuitou
s, maybe they had something in common. "That is a very good read," she said.
Edson looked up from his book. "You’re familiar with his work?"
"Oh yes, I've read every poem in there a million times. He has quite a profound point of view on the human condition. How we are innocent until corrupted by our experiences. What are you reading at the moment?"
"On Another's Sorrow," Edson replied, looking genuinely interested in the conversation.
"Oh, that is truly my favorite one," Amanda exclaimed. "It's one of the few poems in which the author talks purely of a person's innocence and goodness. Of how we are all compassionate creatures and God is the most compassionate of us all."
"Well, I'm not sure I completely agree with Mr. Blake," Edson said.
"How do you mean?" Amanda asked.
"Well, it just seems that God does not hold compassion for us at all. He left us to suffer in our ways and our sorrows."
Amanda smiled and closed her eyes, transporting herself to another world.
"And can he who smiles on all
Hear the wren with sorrows small
Hear the small bird’s grief and care
Hear the woes that infants bear
And not sit beside the nest
Pouring pity in their breast
And not sit the cradle near
Weeping tear on infant's tear.
These lines say it all,” she said. “God has not left us. He is sad in our sorrow and happy in our joy. Life is a test. We must all bear our burdens. But if you know the Lord is there to look after you and take away your sorrows, then you will never be sad and upset for long."
"But why must we be given sorrow at all? If God loves us so much then why not keep us happy all the time?" Edson exclaimed, closing his book.
He had a fire in his eyes as he said that and Amanda couldn't help but wonder what sorrow he had buried in his heart. Had the woman from the painting left him? Had she broken his heart?