by Indiana Wake
"Because, without the sorrow, we would not appreciate the joy and the happiness,” she said gently. “Our sorrow and our tendency to feel it, is what makes us humans."
Edson seemed to deflate in the chair before her. It was as if the joy had been ripped from his life and then she understood. The woman had not left him, she had been taken away. His love had died and left him a shell of a man. Could she ever help him heal? If not… could she live with someone so broken?
Edson turned back to his book. “I see we will have to agree to disagree on this one, Miss Amanda,” he said. And without another word, he lowered sad eyes to the book and began reading again.
Amanda stared at him for a few more minutes before she got up and left the room. His sorrow was too much of a wall and she did not think that she could ever break through it.
Chapter 7
The next morning, Amanda set out on a mission. One thing that Edson was right about was that the children were in need. The house was a stilted prison for them to grow up in. A silent place where they were forced to be quiet and to witness their father’s grief. It was not healthy and it just would not do. She was determined that she would change that, and to start with she need to get acquainted with the children and get to know them better.
She was hoping to start it at breakfast but once again the children had not joined them and had taken their meal in the kitchen with Eva Tisdale. Amanda didn't like that arrangement and decided that she was going to do something about it. But for now she tried to make conversation with Edson. Again he refused to talk; it seemed that he enjoyed his peace and quiet. Maybe he should have thought about that before he invited a wife and her two sisters into his home, Amanda decided. Things around here were going to change.
After breakfast, Amanda excused herself and while her sisters went to the library, she looked for Mrs. Tisdale.
“Where are the children?” she asked.
“They are outside, playing,” Eva replied. “They know better than to make too much noise over breakfast.”
“Well maybe that will change,” Amanda said before she went outside.
Between the garden and the barn, she found the children. They were in the middle of a hide and go seek game. There was giggling and laughter, but they stopped as soon as they saw Amanda. Smiling to put them at ease Amanda went up to the girl, who was the eldest and seemed to be the leader of the trio. "Can I play with you, too?" she asked.
The girl’s pretty blue eyes widened and she looked at her two little brothers, then back to Amanda. "Sure," she said with a shrug.
Amanda felt a surge of joy, this was a good start. The girl turned and was about to run off when.
"Wait a minute,” Amanda called. “I don't know any of your names. Would you be kind enough to tell me?"
Shrugging again, the girl said, "My name's Jenny, This is Jake and my littlest brother is Jeremiah."
"You all have such lovely names," Amanda said, smiling at the three. The youngest one, Jeremiah blushed red and went to hide behind his sister. Jake, however, was a bold little chap and strode right forward to shake hands just like his father had.
"I'm Jake. How d' do?"
Shaking hands with him, Amanda's smiled grew wider. "I'm great, thank you for asking. How are you?"
"Me good, too," he replied.
It seemed that along with their eating, Edson had been neglecting their education as well.
"Well, I'm glad to hear that," Amanda said. "I'd very much like to play with you… if that is ok. Would you like that?"
"Yah," Jake said and then running away he called, "You count, we be hiding now."
Laughing, Amanda got up and closing her eyes, began counting. She could hear a lot of giggling and shouts of "No peeking" before she set off to find them. The morning sped past. The first child she found was Jeremiah. He was knelt behind the water trough for the horses. There was tall grass growing beside it and as she approached the unmistakable sound of giggles could be heard. The grass waved in time to the giggles and Amanda had to bite down on her knuckles to control her own laughter.
“Where could they be?” she asked as she got to the trough. “I can’t see them anywhere; they must be such clever children.”
The giggles continued and the grass literally tossed and shook, but Amanda walked away letting Jeremiah have his fun.
Each time she found a child she tickled them until they laughed so much that they soon became comfortable with her and then the game would begin again. Often she would leave Jeremiah until last, letting him believe that he had the best hiding place of them all.
Sometimes Jenny and Jake would help her search and they would see how long they could let Jeremiah think that he had not been found. All three children filled the air with laughter and joy and Amanda had not had so much fun in years. They ran and laughed and hid and they let her hug and kiss them and were happy to spend the whole day with her.
Soon the day was over and it was time to go in and wash up for dinner. Before they went in Amanda pulled all the children to her. “I have had such a fun day,” she said. “Thank you so much.”
As she let them go, little Jeremiah ran forward and grabbed her around the knees, he clung to her and hugged on tight. Amanda dropped down and hugged and kissed him. Then she opened her arms and all the children were hugging her. It felt good and she wondered how long it had been since they had been hugged by their father. How long had it been since they knew he loved them?
***
That evening Amanda and her sister put on their best dresses. They were still old and a little faded but the girls looked good and Amanda wanted Edson to see that.
“How was your day?” Amanda asked.
Cassie sighed and lay back down on her bed. “It was a dream to not be shouted at all day. I think I could like it here.”
“And you Sabrina?” Amanda asked.
“It is nice and relaxing but at the moment it is not a home. It feels cold despite the blistering sun and empty despite all the children.” Sabrina stopped talking and then a looked of shock crossed her face. “Still it is better than Aunt Morgan’s,” she added quickly. "I don't want to go back."
Amanda nodded. She couldn’t agree more. This was a house and not a home and if she were to take up permanent residence here, then that would have to change.
Arm in arm the three sisters stepped into the dining room and took their seats for the evening meal. Edson was already there. His eyes hardly flicked over them as they entered the room and then he was back to staring into space.
The girls nodded and took their seats. The room was quiet and uncomfortable and Amanda missed the children. She would much rather spend her time eating in their company than in the company of this inconsolable man. In fact, she could not imagine spending the evenings without them. She turned to Edson feeling sympathy for him, but she knew this would just not do. "Why do the children not dine with us?" she asked.
Edson, who had been lost in some thought, was startled by her voice and turned to her with an incredulous look on his face. "I beg your pardon?"
"Why do the children not dine with us?" Amanda repeated.
"Because they'd make a mess," Edson replied as if this should be obvious.
"If I were to look after them, help them to not make a mess. If I were to clean up after them, would that help?" Amanda persisted.
"They can be noisy and I like my peace and quiet in the evenings."
"Very well, then," Amanda said even though she wanted to shout, children can be noisy. They are yours and they need your love. Instead, she pushed back her chair and stood up. Stepping from the table, she grabbed her green skirts and curtseyed before turning to leave.
"Where are you going?" Edson asked.
Amanda spun back around to face him."To dine with the children," she replied. "Since they are not allowed to eat here with us, I shall simply go and eat with them."
"All right all right, sit down. You can have the children eat with us in the room but make sure the
y eat their meals and don't make a mess."
Amanda smiled her best smile and she wondered if she saw a touch of respect in his deep and moody eyes. "Thank you, I will of course. Go Sabrina, bring the children at once."
Soon the children were in the room, their faces lit up with excitement. They all crowded around Amanda and she set them up, putting out their plates with Mrs. Tisdale. She gave them all some food, showed them which fork to use and how to place their napkins on their laps. They were trying so hard to be good yet they rattled their forks on the plate and Jeremiah almost knocked over a cup of water. Quickly Amanda reached out and caught it. Setting it back on the table she could see the children were nervous, she simply smiled at them. This seemed to calm them and they went back to eating.
Sitting next to Jeremiah, she helped him eat. It was a difficult meal, stilted and quiet, but she knew that if they continued things would get better. She reached for a glass of water and took a drink.
Jake was smiling and she could see he was up to something. Part of her wanted to stop him, but it was too late.
“Which is the darkest night?” Jake asked his high voice seemed to rattle around the quiet room.
Edson looked up and Amanda worried, what would he say? Would he be angry? She hoped not for these children did not need that, they had already suffered enough. Slowly a smile crept onto Edson’s face. “I don’t know,” he said. “Which is the darkest night?”
Jake was giggling now and Amanda was so pleased that his mouth was not full. “The one when you can’t find the match,” he said and proceeded to rock forward giggling.
“That was very good son,” Edson said. “But the table is for eating not for telling jokes.”
Jake smiled such a big smile that even the slight rebuke could not dampen its glory. Jake picked up his cutlery and slowly the atmosphere of the room changed. Sabrina and Cassandra talked, laughed, told silly jokes and the children told stories of their own little happenings throughout the day.
Edson sat silently, listening to all the hustle and bustle. His eyes wandered up to Amanda on more than one occasion as she bent to wipe some sauce from Jeremiah's chin or to admonish Jake for not eating his food properly. She was gentle with them, kind and caring. She hardly knew them and she was already doting on them. As he watched, Edson felt more a part of his children’s lives than he had in the last four years and it seemed that he liked the feeling.
Chapter 8
That evening, Edson sat in the family room reading as was usual. For some incomprehensible reason, his eyes kept drifting towards the door. It seemed that Amanda had decided not to join him that evening and for some inexplicable reason that seemed to bother him.
After a little while of staring blankly at the book in his hands, he gave up and decided to go for a stroll throughout the house. He passed by the dining room, the library where Sabrina sat buried in a corner and past the kitchen. He stopped to ask Mrs. Tisdale where the children were and why she wasn't with them putting them to bed.
"Why, Miss Amanda said she'd be doing it and that I mustn't worry at all," replied Mrs. Tisdale, worried about his reaction.
“Oh,” was all Edson said before he left the kitchen. Climbing the stairs, he headed toward the children's room. The door was halfway open and Edson could hear voices as he approached. He heard giggling and the unmistakable sound of Amanda’s voice.
Frustration flooded through him. The woman was playing with them instead of putting them to sleep. With a flicker of anger at how this woman was upsetting his life, he approached the room. Breath held he stood still outside the door and moved a little so he could see the sight in front of him. The three children were in their beds, dressed in pajamas. With rapt attention, they listened to Amanda as she sat by them in a chair and read them a story. She told them all about a hare who wouldn't eat his carrots until one day he did and loved them so much, he never stopped eating them. The children giggled at the funny parts and hung on to every word she uttered. Edson looked at the whole scene from outside. He felt like an intruder like this was more her home than it was his. For a moment, he wondered if he should just go back to his book. Just a moment longer he thought for he had missed this, missed seeing how sweet his children were.
"Now, let us pray,” Amanda said after the story was finished. “Come on, children, kneel beside me."
The children scrambled out of bed and obediently knelt, folding their hands the way she told them to.
Amanda began, "Dear Lord, bless us tonight and bless us tomorrow. Make us better people, may we be kind and generous and let us love one another. Bless this house and these children and bless all who live in it. Amen.” She looked up to see the children all looking at her. “Now, Jenny would you like to say a prayer?"
“I don’t know how?” Jenny said and there was sadness in her eyes.
“Oh that is easy,” Amanda said. “Tell God what you feel from the heart, you can ask him for anything you want.”
A smile spread over Jenny’s pretty face and she nodded. "Dear Lord,” she said. “Make us kind and gentle like Miss Amanda and take away all the problems that make daddy sad. Amen."
Everyone said Amen, and then Amanda said, "That was very beautiful. Now Jake would you like a turn."
Jake nodded and looked very grown up. "Dear Lord, Make daddy spend more time with us like he used to and like he did today. Amen."
They all said Amen and Amanda felt warmth and love like she had not done for years. These children were so wonderful and she loved them already. "Jeremiah, you’re next if you would like."
Jeremiah smiled and closed his eyes. His hands clasped together in front of him, his eyes screwed tightly shut. "Dear Lord, make daddy love us. Amen."
Such simple words tugged at Amanda’s heart strings and she had to fight back tears as everyone said Amen.
Quickly Amanda tucked them all in bed, gave them each a kiss on the head and bid them a goodnight.
She walked out of the room in a haze of love and almost ran into Edson. He was standing against the wall, his eyes glistening. She startled before whispering, "Mr. Tomkins, what are you doing here?"
"Nothing, I was just leaving," and with that he turned and left, leaving Amanda staring after him, wondering what she could do to get this man to open up to her.
***
The next morning Amanda lay awake in bed and she could hear the children coming down the hall. She rolled over and closed her eyes. The door banged open and Jake and Jeremiah came in first laughing and trying to control their giggles. She could hear Jenny behind them also giggling.
Slowly they crossed the room until they were just feet away from the bed. Then the two boys launched themselves forward and stopped as they ran into the side of the bed.
“She’s still asleep,” Jake said.
“Should we shake her?” Jeremiah asked.
Amanda could feel a giggle starting deep down inside and she tried so hard to suppress it.
“No don’t,” Jenny whispered. “Maybe we should let her sleep?”
With that, Amanda felt a sweet kiss on her cheek and she opened her eyes and let the giggle come. Delighted the children jumped onto her, laughing, giggling and cuddling her with their love.
Amanda sat up and pulled them all close, placing a kiss on each sweet cheek.
“It is time to get dressed,” she said. “And then we will have breakfast.
Three sets of eyes opened wide with delight.
“Can we have breakfast with you?” Jenny asked.
There was insecurity in her eyes and Amanda wanted to say yes, always. But she knew she must not. So far she had not decided if she would be staying if she would marry Edson. But what choice did she have? At least here her sisters would be safe and she would have these three wonderful children to love and look after. Would that be enough? “Of course you will have breakfast with me, always,” she had said the word before she realized and wished she could take it back. But it was too late.
The children jumped
up and ran out in excitement, leaving Amanda giggling with merriment and only a little sad.
Cassandra was looking at her with a grin of her own. "You've put quite a spell on them, haven't you?" She winked at her.
"I have not,” Amanda said, but she could not keep the grin off her face. “Now lets all get up and get dressed."
With that, she headed off to freshen up and get dressed to go prepare breakfast with Mrs. Tisdale.
Soon she was setting the table for all of them when Edson entered the room. Seeing the additions, his eyebrows rose. "Are the children joining us for breakfast as well?"
"Most certainly they are," Amanda replied, getting ready for another tiff.
Edson just smiled. "Good. I'd like that."
Amanda stared at him for a moment and he blushed under her scrutiny. She couldn't imagine what had brought this change about him and before she could point it out, the children raced inside and rushed to hug their father.
Edson bent down and took his children in his arms, giving them the tightest of hugs and greeting them with good mornings. Amanda just stared at the whole thing unfolding in front of her. Cassandra and Sabrina entered the room and seeing Edson laughing along with his children, they stood there with their mouths open.
"What did you do, Amanda?" Cassandra asked, bewildered.
"I did nothing. Why do you assume it was me?"
"Well, you're the only one capable of pulling off a miracle like this. I can't believe this is the same, cold man we met our first day. It hasn't even been a week since we met him and already you seem to have melted his heart and have changed this house for the better."
"I did nothing,” Amanda said and she could feel the heat rush to her cheeks. “Maybe the Good Lord has blessed them because of their prayers."
"I couldn't agree more," Sabrina said as she winked at her sister.