by Indiana Wake
Mrs. Tisdale gave her such a smile that Amanda almost started laughing. She did her best to find a new way of saying, Grace, each day and today she had remembered an old rhyme. “God is great, God is good. Let us thank Him for our food. By His hands, we are fed. Give us, Lord, our daily bread. Amen.”
“Amen.” Went around the table and then they opened their eyes.
Jeremiah was mouthing the words and all of a sudden his eyes popped wide open and he started to laugh. “That was rhymmee,” he said and giggled into his hands.
It made Amanda feel so good to see how relaxed he was. How relaxed all the children were. Mrs. Tisdale served the meal and put a hand on her shoulder. She knew it was a gesture of thanks and she squeezed her hand gently.
“Is Edson not joining us?” Amanda asked her.
“He told me he was working on the ranch today,” Eva Tisdale said. “He did say he might miss lunch, but he won’t be late back.”
Amanda smiled as everyone started to eat. That was good, his healing was beginning and she wondered how much of a shock the ranch hands would get. It had been quite obvious to her that they had been taking him for granted. As much as she missed his company it was good for him to be back in the saddle.
“I want to talk to you,” Cassandra said.
Amanda could not help but cringe. Cassie was the most awkward of them all and the look on her face told Amanda that this was not good news. “Can it wait?” she asked not wanting anything to upset the children.
Cassandra tossed her beautiful blonde curls and huffed a little. “Perhaps we could talk after lunch.”
Amanda nodded and continued eating.
“But you had a surprise for us, Miss. Amanda,” Jake said.
She ruffled his hair. “Yes I do and it will still be there a few minutes later. Eat up all of you.”
The meal was delicious and everyone enjoyed it except for Cassie and Amanda. It was unlike Cassie to be off her food, she was a well-built woman and she loved to eat so Amanda knew that this was important. Frustrated she pushed away her plate. “I am finished,” she said. “When you are done children, wash your hands and face and meet me in the family room. Cassie, perhaps we could talk in the library.”
The two sisters stood and walked to the library. As she left, Cassie smiled at Sabrina, her youngest sister. Sabrina was sensitive and such a good person, Amanda hated her to feel any tension. Especially now, when things were just coming right for her.
With the library door closed, Amanda turned to her sister. “What is it?” she asked.
“I have come to a decision,” Cassandra said. “I will not marry the man Aunt Morgan arranged for me.”
“I understand,” Amanda said.
“Once you have married Edson, we can just stay here like you told us and I can maybe find a nice man in town.” Cassie twirled around with dramatic effect until she was looking out of the window.
Amanda felt her mouth open. It was not like her sister to be so selfish. She knew that had been her exact suggestion but somehow it sounded so cavalier. “I am not sure yet that I will marry Edson,” Amanda said.
Cassandra spun back to look at her, her face aghast. “You promised… you promised you would marry and keep us safe. This house is perfect. Edson is a dream and you love his children… why would you not marry him?”
Amanda heard the words and asked herself the same question. Why did she not want to marry Edson? “Because I love him,” she said the words before she realized it was out loud.
Cassandra laughed. “I thought that was the idea,” she said through her giggles.
Amanda found herself laughing back. It was the idea, but it would be torture to marry him knowing he would never love her in return. She knew it would, knew she would give him her heart and that he would never give his back, but she would do this for her sisters. “I will marry him and keep you here as long as you want,” she said. “But you have to promise me that you will meet with your intended and that you will give him a fair chance.”
Cassandra tossed her beautiful blonde curls and smiled. “Of course I will sister.”
As she watched her sister flounce out of the room, Amanda could only groan.
Chapter 12
Each afternoon Amanda dedicated to some form of activity with the children. Today, she had planned a game of horseshoes. Over the last few days, she had cleared an area in the garden and had sunk pegs into the ground. A bucket was waiting with various sizes of horseshoes and as she led the children outside they chattered excitedly.
“Who will be first?” she asked.
“Me, me, me, me,” Jake and Jeremiah shouted together. They were both bobbing on their heels with excitement.
“Youngest first I think,” Amanda said and she picked out the smallest horseshoe. “This must be Dapple’s,” she said. “Throw it low and get it as close to that first peg as you can.”
Jeremiah took the metal and even though it was the lightest it pulled his hands down. “Whoa,” he said laughing and raised it up again. Then he swung it backward a few times, with his tongue sticking out he finally let go. The shoe went straight up into the air and she had to pull him back quickly to avoid it as it hung in the air and then plummeted down towards them.
Jake was laughing and Jenny let out a squeal of delight. Amanda just wanted to hug all the children to her and never let them go for she feared that her days here were numbered. For Edson was working on the ranch again, he had Eva Tisdale to look after the house and his relationship with the children was healed. What did he need her for?
Fighting off her sorrow, she helped with the game. Jake was showing Jeremiah how to throw and soon the little cherub had the hang of it. Before long they had a competition. Little Jeremiah was allowed to throw from half the distance and Amanda was sure his siblings missed on purpose, but it was a fun game. The afternoon passed quickly and soon it was time to wash up for dinner.
Amanda returned to her room to change. When she got there, a beautiful blue dress was lying on her bed. Just looking at it took her breath away and she gasped. Laughter came from behind her and she turned to see Sabrina and Cassandra giggling behind the door.
“We made this for you,” Sabrina said. “And bought you a few other gowns on one of our trips to town.”
It was only then that Amanda realized she was still wearing her old and worn dresses. She had been too busy to go shopping and suddenly she felt dowdy. With tears shining in her eyes, she hugged her sisters. “You are such wonderful sisters,” she said.
Soon she was dressed and looking into the mirror she could not believe the sight she saw. The dress made her look so beautiful. Sabrina was a superb dressmaker and she had got the fit of the dress perfect. Feeling a little light and giddy, she walked down the stairs.
As she got to the bottom, Edson walked in and took off his hat. His clothes were dusty, but he glowed with a vigor that she had not seen before. The children ran to him and he picked them up and spun them around amid happy squeals of delight. Then he dropped to his knees and spoke to them on their level. Amanda could not move from her spot on the stairs. She was mesmerized by his magnificence and by how much he had changed. At last he kissed the children and she thought she heard her name and then he looked up.
Their eyes met across the hallway and Amanda felt as if her breath had been ripped from her body. With a delicious ache in her chest, she felt drawn to him, like steel to a magnet and she stepped forward a step.
Edson rose and there was an expression on his face. It looked like awe but that confused Amanda. Quickly he crossed the gap between them and she thought he might pick her up and hug her like he had the children. When he stopped, she was disappointed even though his dusty clothes would have spoiled her new dress.
Edson stopped before this vision of beauty and bowed deeply. “You are so beautiful,” he said and then he held out his arm.
Amanda rested her hand on his arm. Had he just called her beautiful? Heat warmed her cheeks and as she touched his arm
tingles raced from the contact and flooded her body with a feeling of pure exhilaration.
Edson smiled a smile which melted her tummy and made her feel weak at the knees. Luckily she was leaning on his arm and she used it to steady herself as he led her to the dining room. Throughout the walk, their eyes held contact and all Amanda could see was the beauty of his ocean blue eyes. She could drown in their depths and indeed she was already languishing within their gaze.
“Miss Amanda you are so beautiful,” Jake said with a loud exclamation.
It broke the spell and a smile came to Amanda’s lips. She curtsied before Jake. “Why thank you, Master Jake,” she said. Letting go of Edson’s fingers she turned and felt the loss as her hand slipped out of his. But Jake was stood proudly before her; he bowed low and took her hand pulling her around to her place next to Edson at the table.
Sabrina and Cassandra joined them shortly and the meal was the nicest that Amanda had enjoyed. Often she would find Edson looking at her and as their eyes met color would flood her cheeks. Then she would see her two sisters looking at her with a strange expression. It made her want to laugh even though she did not understand it.
At last it was time to take the children to bed. She washed their hands and faces and they all got down on their knees and prayed. All the time Amanda was thinking of Edson. The more time they spent together, the more Edson seemed to open up, and to grow more lively. He was changing and everyone was noticing it.
Prayers were finished and she tucked the children into bed and placed a kiss on each forehead.
“Miss Amanda,” Jeremiah said. "You are an angel, Miss Amanda. You fixed daddy and made us all happy again. Thank you."
Amanda hugged him tight and felt her heart break into a million pieces at this. In such a short time, she had fallen madly in love with the children but she still didn't know if she would be able to live with a man who hung on to his wife's ghost. Sitting up she turned so all the children could see her. “I love you, for you are such wonderful children.”
“We love you, Miss Amanda,” came from all three beds.
Amanda choked back her tears. “Good night my little angels,” she said and then she left the room quickly before her tears could fall.
Leaning against the wall, she felt joy and anguish in equal measure. Part of her knew this would be such a wonderful life, filled with the joy of the children. But her heart ached for Edson. How she wished to feel his arms around her, to have his love. Was it too much to want it all? Was it selfish?
With thoughts like these, she entered the family room. Edson sat writing a letter and she wanted to catch up with him. To see how his day was, and to tell him all about the children.
Upon seeing her enter, he sat up his eyes mysterious pools in the semi-darkness created by the oil lamp. A smile creased his lips and he put down his quill. "Are the children asleep?" he asked, a daily question of his now.
Smiling at him slightly, she nodded. She took a chair away from him and picked up the book he had left there earlier.
Seeing that book in her hands, Edson smiled. It was a strange expression, somehow softer than his normal look, or maybe that was the subdued lighting and she was getting carried away with her feelings?
"I now understand what you meant,” Edson said. “That God gives sorrow but also gives us the joy, to balance it out."
Amanda looked up. "What do you mean?" she asked.
Edson stood and crossed the distance between them. As he drew nearer, Amanda felt her traitorous heart hammer against her chest and her skin warmed in his proximity. Edson took a chair and turned it so that he sat so close to her. Their knees were almost touching and Amanda felt as if her whole body hummed with need. How she wanted him to be her husband, to hold her close. The need was almost painful. She tried to look away but his eyes bored deep into hers and she could not move her head. Could not look away from the stormy depths that held her there. Her breath stopped in her throat and her mouth went dry and her lips parted slightly. Quickly she licked them and cleared her throat. It broke the spell he held on her and she dropped her eyes to her lap and the beautiful blue dress.
Gently his hand reached out and touched her chin. It raised her eyes until she was looking at him. There was a storm in their depths, a passion that made her gasp and want to both run away and to leap into his arms.
"Before you arrived in our lives, we were all sad,” he said. “Sorrow filled this house so much that there was no room for anything else. You came and you brought an abundance of joy with you. Over the last couple of weeks, you have changed all our lives for the better and I can't imagine going back to a life where you are not a part of it. Before you, I was a man in a shipwreck, lost at sea, with no land in sight. You came in like a life boat and you saved me. I know I said I didn't want a relationship, didn't want a wife, but I have found myself falling helplessly in love with you. Every morning I wake up full of excitement because I know you will be downstairs to greet me at breakfast. The afternoons I spend with you and the children show me the life I so desperately want. Every evening that we spend in this room, enjoying each other's company is a moment I cherish. I love you, my dear, sweet Amanda and if you will be mine, I promise to keep you happy my entire life and cherish every second that I have with you."
Amanda watched the emotions roll across his face, like clouds after a storm. They lifted and left him full of sunshine. Tears formed in her eyes, for he had so eloquently cleared all her fears and doubts. This was what she wanted to hear, what she needed to hear, for from the minute she had laid eyes on him, she had been attracted to him. As she got to know him that attraction had grown into the love, she felt now. For he was a kind, strong man. It was why she could not have married him if she were not to be his wife in every way. It would have hurt too much to be by him and not be his every day of her life. This proclamation of his love to her had silenced all her fears and she couldn't help but smile.
Edson reached down and took her hands. “Please say something, he said. I love you and want to know if you will be mine?”
She looked at him with tears in her eyes and a smile came over her face. "I will be yours, today, tomorrow and always until the day that I die,” she said through her tears. “My dear Edson, I too have fallen in love with you and knowing that you feel the same about me, has made me the happiest person alive. I never believed I would get my happy ever after, but you have just proven that the Lord makes everyone's dreams come true. I love you, my dear Edson."
Edson's eyes blazed with passion and he grabbed her and pulled her close to him. He whispered on her lips, "And so, you shall be my wife." And with that he kissed her. His lips were tender at first and they sent a thrill down her spine like none she had ever known. Soon his kiss deepened and he kissed her with wild abandon.
The kiss ignited Amanda's soul and set her skin on fire. She melted into him and if it were up to her, their lips would never part. She couldn't wait to start her life with him and their children.
Chapter 12
The following day Edson showed her a dress he had bought for their wedding. It was beautiful white silk, covered with pearls and fine gems. Amanda could not believe that a man so broken could buy something so beautiful. But as she looked at the gown in its box, wrapped in a fine paper she knew it would not fit. How could he have known her size after all she was considerably larger than the average woman.
“How, when…?” she asked. “It is so beautiful, why would you buy this for a woman to be your… to be your wife in name but governess in reality?”
Edson blushed, it was Mrs. Tisdale. “She altered it for you too and assures me it will fit nicely. Now, my dear, will you marry me today?”
Amanda felt a range of emotions flood through her. The main one was joy, but there was also a little bit of fear and apprehension mixed in there too. “Yes,” came out before she could think and then she was in his arms.
Edson could not believe his luck; he pulled her to him and spun her around feeling the lo
ve and joy and knowing that his life could not get any better. “Then I must make the arrangements,” he said and turned to leave. Quickly he turned back and kissed her cheek in the tenderest manner she could believe.
Amanda was in a daze. It was her wedding day and for a second she did not know what to do. She stood there looking at the dress all packed up so neatly and she hoped it would fit.
There was a knock on the door and Eva Tisdale poked her head around the frame. Amanda let out a squeal of joy and rushed to hug the woman who had so graciously welcomed her into her home. “Thank you,” she said.
“I could not have been more pleased if you were my daughter,” Eva said. “Now let us see if it will fit.”
Quickly they held the dress against Amanda and it looked near perfect.
“Let us get you dressed,” Eva said.
“No first I must do something,” Amanda said and she rushed from the room. Her heart pounded again for these next few minutes were important to her and her happiness.
She raced down the hallway and into the school room. The children were all reading, waiting for the start of their lessons. The very sight made her prouder than she could say and tears formed in her eyes. “Children,” she said. “No lessons today. I need to ask you a question. Come here.”
Amanda knelt on the floor and waited for the children to sit around her. “I have a question to ask you and I want you to answer honestly.”
They all nodded though Jeremiah looked a little guilty.
“It is all right,” she told him and his face broke into a smile.
Now how was she to do this? Butterflies fluttered in her stomach and her throat went dry, but she must do this, must be sure. “When I got here,” she said, “you asked me if I was to me your new Mommy. At that time, I was not sure. Since then I have developed a love for each and every one of you, and I have also fallen in love with your father. Would you mind if I married your father?”