A Love Letter from the Girls Who Feel Everything
Page 1
Poetry & Prose
by bestselling authors
Brittainy C. Cherry
and
Kandi Steiner
Copyright © 2018 Brittainy C. Cherry and Kandi Steiner
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without prior written consent of the author except where permitted by law.
The characters and events depicted in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Published by Brittainy C. Cherry and Kandi Steiner
Edited by Elaine York/Allusion Graphics, LLC/Publishing & Book Formatting
Cover Design by Kandi Steiner
Formatting by Elaine York/Allusion Graphics, LLC/Publishing & Book Formatting
www.allusiongraphics.com
Introduction
Forgotten Words
Addiction
If Only
Anxiety’s Circus
Drowning
Survival of the Fittest
Perhaps
Waking Lies
Even On
Unapologetically
Lock
Lost
Cold
Better Man
Air
Fire
Water
Earth
Patience
Choices
The Human
Lonely Girl
Remember
Scars
Pleasing
Go
You
Time
One Day
Enough
Chase
Enemies
Pillowcase
Riot
Misplaced Warmth
Gray Area
Smells Like You
Diamond
Unmoved
Answer Me
Light
Moments
Power
Dreams
If You Knew
Drunken Orgasm
Which is Worse
How to Love the Scars
My Favorite Things
Sweet Love
Middle of the Night
Still Here
In Your Arms
Mask
Sorry, Not Sorry
Go
Lessons Learned
Less
Run
Your Name
Cool Girl
Royal
Games
Morning
Kiss Me
Romance
3, 2, 1
Solo
I Love You
Pause
A Point
Mistake
Morning Dew
Warm
Tragic
Nightfall
The Hanging Tree
Slow
Before and After
The Walk
Sundays
Still
Singed Wings
Math
The Gift
Easy
Grand Gesture
Thank You
More from Brittainy C. Cherry
More from Kandi Steiner
About the Authors
Dear Reader,
It is with shaking hands and full hearts that we write this letter to you. In a time when texting is the most popular mode of communication, we want to take you back a few decades. Close your eyes and imagine, if you will, someone you care for deeply handing you a small, folded piece of notebook paper with your name scrawled lovingly across the top fold.
Can you see their handwriting?
Can you feel your cheeks heating, your smile splitting your face as you hold that sheet of paper close to your heart with a sigh?
We don’t know how long it’s been since you last received a love note. Perhaps it was in middle school, from the boy two desks over. Maybe it was while you were in the military, from the girl back home waiting for your return. Or, perhaps it was just yesterday, from someone you’ve loved for years — or someone you love only silently, not yet saying those three words out loud.
Whichever it may be, allow us to bring you into the following pages with warmth and understanding. We get it. In a time when feelings are shameful, when being the “cool girl” or “disinterested guy” is the goal, when admitting you feel anything other than indifference is a sign of weakness — we are your allies.
We are the girls who feel everything.
And this is our love letter. To you, to them, to us, to the world, to no one at all. Whether it’s the brightest, sunniest day where everything is perfect, or the darkest, dreariest night of rain where life seems unbearable — we have lived it, we have survived it, and we have felt every, blissful, aching second.
Here’s to embracing the feels, to the brave souls that listen to the way their hearts beat and aren’t afraid to ask someone else if they feel those same beats, too. Here’s to the girls, the boys, the love we sometimes share and the love we all-too-often conceal.
And more than anything, Reader — here’s to you.
Love always,
Brittainy & Kandi
Maybe we should’ve spoken
while the coffee brewed each day.
Maybe we should’ve stated
the things that kept hurting us.
Maybe words would’ve helped
keep us from falling apart.
But maybe,
by mistake,
we simply forgot.
Forgotten Words
— B
You left my place, and I cursed out loud
Falling
To the floor
To the ground
Because you weren’t supposed to matter
And suddenly
You were the only thing
I didn’t want to put down
Addiction
— K
If only you knew your worth wasn’t
determined by the way he moaned as he
tasted your skin.
If Only
— B
I walk the tight rope,
heart beating
chest aching —
balancing on hope,
crashing on doubt.
To everyone around me
I am stable —
smooth as glass,
breathing soundly,
but inside, I shout.
Please don’t fall —
left foot
right foot
capturing the eyes of all.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Anxiety’s Circus
— K
I’d rather drown in
a million truths
than breathe in
one
dirty
lie.
Drowning
— B
In a time when dating isn’t dating,
when loving makes you weak,
when the person who cares less
holds the most power,
and feelings are never spoken of...
How does the girl who loves openly
survive
against the boy
who never allows himself to love at all?
Survival of the Fittest
— K
Perhaps it wasn’t a mistake,
yet merely a book that needed to
end.
Sometimes the final line
isn’t as enchanting as
the
opening.
Perhaps
— B
I fell into a dream last night,
and only then did I discover,
That though I say that I’m okay,
I don’t want you with another.
Waking Lies
— K
Even on your worst days:
When you can’t control your thoughts.
When the tears come faster than your breaths.
When your mind lies to you and says you’re worthless.
He’ll stay.
The one who’s meant for you will always stay.
If he doesn’t:
Sweet baby.
Queen of all queens.
Let
Him
Go.
Even On
— B
Live boldly and unapologetically
and seek people who do the same.
Unapologetically
— K
There doesn’t always have to be a cage to
keep someone locked in.
Sometimes memories are the strongest
form of imprisonment.
Lock
— B
How wonderful,
the moment when you realize
Lost is not a place
or a tragedy
but a rare journey
a beautiful state
of Discovery.
Lost
— K
The world made me cold.
He made it his mission to thaw me.
Cold
— B
I knew you’d be better without me before you did.
Everyone thought you would fail,
but not me.
Because once I left,
you had to stand.
You had no other choice.
You couldn’t sit and let me carry you anymore.
No, you had to stand.
And standing made you realize you wanted to walk.
Then you wanted to run.
And in the end,
I left so you could become a better man.
For another woman.
Who isn’t me.
Better Man
— K
His words lingered,
gentle like the wind.
The whispers felt a touch like love,
yet his lips tasted more like sin.
Air
— B
If there is a way for you
to see me: the parts that burn.
Don’t try to extinguish me.
Instead see
the heartbeats
within
the flames.
Fire
— B
He shows up in waves:
When I’m close to moving on.
When I almost let go.
When I see the shore.
Then he tries to
drown me.
Water
— B
I float back down to
solid ground.
You aren’t the one for me.
No more blatant lies.
No more gaslighting.
No more promises of a future you’ve never dreamed of achieving.
I face reality.
Earth
— B
She was patient
like the moon
perfectly content
waiting for the sun
that would illuminate
her shadows.
She had no patience
for the sun who tried
to eclipse her
for she had no desire
to be hidden.
She wanted to shine, too —
side by side.
Only then
would a sun’s company
be better
than her own solitude.
Patience
— K
I don’t want to lose you,
and so I lose
a little
of myself,
instead.
Because I want nothing more than to keep you
in the sheets you’ve always fled.
Choices
— K
How beautiful it is to be human.
That we can fall asleep
drowning
in tears
and pain
but wake to a new sunrise
on a new day
with a dry face.
The Human
— K
It was on the silent nights,
the ones she spent alone,
that she understood lonely was not the absence of another person,
but rather the absence
of self-love.
Lonely Girl
— K
When he thinks of me
I hope he remembers the sunsets
instead of the erratic storms.
Remember
— B
There is all this fear around being hurt. Hurt by feelings, by loving — knowing that love could be unanswered or worse, given and then taken away.
But why?
Is it not pain that we credit for our strength? Is it not hurt that peels back the layers to reveal our true self? Is it not in our weakest moments that we discover just how much we can endure?
I am not afraid of love, or the scars it may leave behind.
Those scars are proof that I have lived.
Scars
— K
It’s pleasing to me
the way your heartbeats
kiss my ears.
Pleasing
— B
All this is easy
easy for him
him who I love
love that I know
know will kill me in the end
the end which is near
near to me he whispers
whispers empty words
words that make me feel
feel is what I shouldn’t do
do I let him go?
Go, I said
said too late.
Go
— K
It’s funny how love can come at bad times.
I wasn’t ready for yours.
You were ready for mine.
I compared you to my others,
even though you were nothing alike.
Because of past hurts.
Because of past pains.
Because of a heart unhealed.
When you left, I knew I was the only one to blame.
But when I think of my favorite days
my mind always crosses over to
you.
You
— B
The elasticity of Time has always intrigued me.
How astounding it is that a moment in time can feel like it occurred ages ago and like it happened only yesterday all at once. Sometimes, Time is a friend, a healer, a lover holding our hand as we walk through hell. But other times, Time is an enemy, bringing us back to a time and place that nearly killed us, as if to just remind us that no matter how strong we are now, we were once weak, we were once broken, and we can be again.
Time
— K
One day she decided it was okay for her to feel.
She embraced the scars from the past and allowed herself to fall apart.
In the morning, she cried into her coffee.
At night, she sobbed into her tea.
Sometimes one had to completely collapse for
their hearts to be freed.
One Day
— B
Isn’t that the saddest thing of all,
that love wasn’t enough for me?
Enough
— K
Don’t beg for his attention.
That’s not how love works.
Chase
— B
What I Know About You
and How I Feel About You
are completely at odds.
&
nbsp; Like the oldest of enemies
at war for reasons they can’t remember
never a winner to be pronounced.
Enemies
— K
He called me beautiful.
He pulled my hair.
He whispered sweet nothings
into the air.
When my eyes faded,
he was still there.
When I awakened the smell of
his cologne was all that clung to the
pillowcase.
Pillowcase
— B
There is a riot within me
that wakes only once the sun has faded
and the night has become that all-encompassing,
shapeless,
heavy blanket around me.
I laugh freely
in the daylight,
but in the dark,
I am a slave to my anxiety.
Riot
— K