Saven Denial (The Saven Series Book 3)

by Siobhan Davis

  I sigh dramatically as the lock secures across my midriff. I guess they don’t trust me either.

  My patience is starting to wane.

  Leaning forward in my seat, I peer into the cockpit, clinging to my last shred of hope. Alex’s conflicted blue eyes are the only ones to greet me. Neve’s human boyfriend is clearly torn between sides, and I can empathize. I have a foot in three different camps, and when the chips are down, I’m not sure which side I’ll be on.

  Logan’s absence strikes terror deep into my heart. “Where is Logan? Please! Is he … alive?” I don’t direct the question at anyone specifically. I just send it out there into the open, hoping someone will take pity on me. Squeezing my eyes shut, I swallow the anxious lump in my throat.

  It must be bad if no one wants to tell me.

  “Sadie.” The air swirls softly as Fern sits down beside me. She clasps my clammy hands in her cool ones. “We don’t know.”

  My eyes jerk open. Blood rushes to my head, and black spots distort my vision. My heart hammers against my ribcage. “What?”

  “Dante has him.”

  Panic claws at my chest, constricting and tightening and choking. My breath snakes out in anxiety-laced spurts. “Oh, no! This is all my fault.”

  “Damn right it is,” Haydn confirms in a scornful voice.

  “Stop it. Right now.” Fern jumps up and prods a finger in Haydn’s chest. “Sadie loves Logan. She didn’t want this. We know you’re angry and worried—we all are—but taking it out on Sadie isn’t fair, and it isn’t helping. Besides, this is the last thing Logan would want.”

  Irritation is visible in the taut curve of Haydn’s jaw as he glares at Fern. “This is official Saven business and nothing to do with you or any human. Butt out.” He inches toward her, aggression clearly etched across his face.

  What the hell has gotten into him? Why is he acting like this?

  “Back off, dude,” Rylan says, fisting a hand in Haydn’s shirt. “I can’t allow you to speak to Fern like that.”

  Neve steps forward, separating both guys before things escalate. “I’m in charge in Logan’s absence, so I’ll be the one to make a call in this situation.” She turns to face Haydn, pointing at a seat off to the side. “You need to calm the hell down. Sit over there.” She instructs him as if he’s an untrained stray dog in need of a firm hand.

  He doesn’t budge position.

  “I’m not asking.” She levels an uncompromising look at him.

  Watching me the entire time, he backs up and plops down into the seat. Hostility radiates off him in waves.

  He hates me.

  He blames me.

  And I’m not sure that I altogether disagree with him.

  “What’s the current fuel situation, Rylan?” Neve asks in a cool, controlled voice as she takes the seat Fern just vacated.

  “Not good. We’re running low.”

  “Let’s stay put here for a while until we decide what to do next. Activate the invisibility shield and keep watch outside.” She takes charge like a natural leader.

  Rylan nods before joining Alex in the cockpit.

  Silence descends the cabin. Neve stares wordlessly at me, and I can’t gauge her mood. Ax and Izzy—seated in the row in front—are watching the interactions with the intensity of a regular moviegoer at the legendary Oscar Ceremony.

  Ax’s gaze is focused solely on me, and the burden of responsibility presses firmly on my shoulders. I owe him so much, but he is going to hate me, too, when he realizes I’ve been pretending and that my actions these last few days have all been part of a necessary performance.

  But I can’t think about that now.

  All I can think about is Logan.

  My heart throbs painfully at the thought of him snared in Dante’s lair. “You can still talk to him though, right?” My eyes silently plead with Neve as I pose the question. “Is he okay?” My voice trembles, and it’s a wonder I can actually get the words out of my mouth.

  She shakes her head, and my heart stutters. “I can’t get through to him,” she clarifies the second she spots my horrified expression. I’m tempted to smack her for almost giving me a coronary. “My guess is Dante has applied a blocking band to stop him from communicating telepathically. All we’ve been able to determine, with any degree of certainty, is that Dante took him back to Saven.”

  My stomach drops. “Oh, God.” Panic and fear threaten to smother me. “Where are we? And what’s the plan? We’re going to rescue him, right?” My wild gaze darts around the cabin.

  Neve’s brows pucker. “You didn’t know you teleported to the Gobi Desert?” She gives me a funny look.

  “No one ever explained how to teleport, and we were kind of in a hurry. There wasn’t time to think about what I was doing.” My chin jolts up, and my eyes meet Ax’s. That’s a bit of an understatement, but I don’t want to get into all that yet, not until I find out exactly what happened to Logan and how he ended up in Dante’s clutches. A thought occurs to me. “How did you know where to find me?”

  “We were tracking your comport.”

  “Oh, of course. Thanks for coming to get me.”

  Neve nods. “What happened after you went into the wormhole?” Her probing gaze is kind but determined.

  “That’s not important right now. Getting Logan out is. How did he end up captured anyway?”

  Haydn snarls, and I flinch. Neve narrows her eyes at him. Her ferocious glare screams, “Shut. Up!” Haydn holds her gaze like an insolent child until she breaks the spell, rolling her eyes. “First things first, Sadie,” she says, switching her attention back to me. “We need to know where you’ve been and whether we can still trust you.”

  Okay, that stings.

  My cheeks flush pinky-red. “You don’t trust me?” I squeak.

  At least she has the decency to look ashamed. “I want to trust you, honestly, I do. But we still don’t know what happened to Logan on the ship. We only know what we saw, and that has given all of us considerable reason to be on edge around you. And now you reappear, with them”—she slants a suspicious look at Ax and Izzy—“and that’s not in any way reassuring. So, you need to start talking. Right now.”

  When it’s put like that? Fair enough.

  So, I fill them in, explaining how Griselda mind-jacked me on the ship and took control until I was strong enough to evict her from my head. I can’t look anyone in the eye as I give them a brief account of my assault on Logan. Although I wasn’t in control of my actions, I’m still disgusted at myself for being too weak in the first place. Incredulous, distrustful expressions meet mine as I explain about my incendio gift. Neve visibly bristles beside me.

  “It’s okay,” I assure her, holding my wrists out in front of me. “Griselda put these deflective cuffs on me so I can’t access my gift. And, though it would’ve come in handy when we were trying to escape, I’m glad she did it. It …” I swallow nervously, afraid to admit this out loud. “It terrified the hell out of me,” I whisper. “I don’t know how to control it, and I don’t want to hurt anyone else I love.”

  Neve’s eyes soften at the edges. “I know you wouldn’t deliberately hurt anyone, Sadie, but you’ve got to understand it from our perspective. None of us have ever seen anyone do that, and it was as if we didn’t know you at all. You transformed into someone else, and it scared the crap out of us.”

  I bob my head. “I get that. It scared me too. But you do know me, and I’m telling you the truth. I didn’t know about any of this stuff. It’s come as much of a surprise to me as it’s going to be to you.”

  “Okay, well, let’s hear it then.” Neve touches my elbow, imploring me to continue.

  Drawing a big lungful of air, I start into the rest of my explanation. I tell them how Griselda kidnapped me as a kid and took me to Torc to experiment on me. How she subjected me to invasive DNA mutilation until my genetic makeup was permanently altered. That not only am I part Tor and part human, but I am also part Saven.

  Neve emits a
shocked gasp when I get to that segment of my confession. “That’s the explanation for your Eterno bond with Logan?”

  “Yes. But, according to Griselda, if she was telling me the truth”—my chin juts up and I lock eyes with Ax—“that wasn’t intentional. Someone deliberately switched the DNA sample they were using on me.”

  Haydn’s elbows are propped on his knees as he holds his face in his hands. “Who would do that, and why?”

  “I don’t know.” The minute my eyes connect with his, he looks away, as if he can’t bear to look at me. My heart does an anguished little jump.

  “I bet he knows,” Rylan pipes up, motioning his head in Ax’s direction.

  “Do you?” I ask him outright.

  Ax vigorously shakes his head. “I don’t, and my mother doesn’t know either.”

  Haydn harrumphs. “You expect us to believe that?”

  A muscle tenses in Ax’s jaw as he shoots a ferocious look at Haydn. “I don’t care what you believe. All that matters is what Sadie thinks.” He turns and faces me. “Do you believe me?” His earnest eyes search mine.

  Though he’s still a virtual stranger, Ax has done more than enough to prove his loyalty to me. I drag my upper lip between my teeth. “I believe you.”

  His answering smile threatens to split his face, and a pang of guilt punctures me straight in the gut.

  Haydn throws back his head and faux-laughs. “You suckered another one in, huh?” He directs that jab at me. Transferring his attention to Ax, he says, “Trust me. You don’t want to go there. She’s not worth it.”

  A caustic pain slices across my chest, and stupid tears well in my eyes. He clearly wants to hurt me. To inflict the worst pain imaginable.

  Mission accomplished.

  Haydn is like a complete stranger to me. He’s done a full one-eighty, as if his previous declaration of love was a fabrication. As if everything I know of him—his protective care of me, his loyal friendship, his unflinching support, his nurturing spirit—was all an illusion. Something I conjured up in my head. When I know full well that isn’t the case.

  Hasn’t he listened to a word I’ve said? Does he honestly think I’m lying?

  A humiliating tear cascades down my cheek before I can stop it.

  Ax’s fists clench at his side, blanching white with the effort involved in restraint. Lucky for Haydn that he’s caged in. “Apologize,” he demands through gritted teeth.

  Haydn looks at me as if he’s looking through me. I wish I could see into his mind, to know exactly what he is thinking and why he is thinking it.

  How can everything we shared seem meaningless to him now? Did our friendship mean nothing?

  He looks up at Ax, a defiant mask on his face. “Why should I?”

  “Because if you don’t, I will make you.” Haydn barks out a dismissive laugh. A vein visibly throbs in Axton’s neck, and I fear he’s about to make good on his threat, restrained or not. “I’m not gonna say this again. Apologize to my wife. Now.”

  Oh, boy. He so went there.

  I could nearly kill him for dropping that bomb. As if Haydn needs any other excuse to add to his mounting suspicion.

  You could hear a pin drop in the room. Several shell-shocked faces turn to me for clarification. Neve’s mouth hangs open like a fish out of water.

  “Way to just put it out there,” I mumble.

  Haydn emits a strangled sound. “It’s true?” he splutters, his face showing disbelief instead of anger for a change.

  I nod slowly, as I glance down at my feet. I don’t know how to even begin explaining that, but I have to try. Reluctantly, I drag my gaze up and survey the faces of my friends. A myriad of expressions greets me, but I don’t sense suspicion or hostility from anyone but Haydn.

  I rub my hands nervously. “Before I explain, you need to understand that I’ve no recollection of this because Griselda wiped my memory before she returned me to my four-year-old body. I’ve lived this whole other life I know nothing about.”

  Ax recoils, and I cringe at my lack of sensitivity. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.

  “It’s okay,” he mouths back at me.

  I focus on the others. “I spent twelve years on Torc, and Ax and Izzy were the only reason I survived. I’ve seen memories of my time there, and I left recordings for myself. Ax was always there for me, and he didn’t approve of what his mother did to me. He … he’s …” I clear my throat, so embarrassed to be discussing this publicly. It also feels like a betrayal to be telling the others before I’m telling Logan.

  “I love her, and she loves me. She just doesn’t remember any of it. Yet,” Ax interjects, and I could easily throttle him for the second time in minutes.

  I bite down hard on the inside of my cheek, drawing blood. I’m going to have to come clean with him, and sooner rather than later. But I have no idea how to let him down without devastating him. The thought makes me hugely uncomfortable.

  He doesn’t deserve to be hurt.

  “It was my idea to get married before I was sent back to Earth when I was sixteen,” I continue. “So, yeah, I guess I’m married.” I run my hands through my hair and studiously avoid Ax’s gaze.

  “You guess?” His voice is ice and fire.

  “I’m embarrassed enough discussing this in public,” I hiss, finally finding the courage to look him in the face. “Can we talk about this later, in private?”

  “Stars!” Neve exclaims. “Logan is going to lose his shit when he hears this.”

  I scowl. “Jeez, thanks for that very helpful commentary.” I massage a tense spot between my eyebrows. “Are we done talking about me yet?”

  “What else happened up there?”

  I try to recall what else I’ve neglected to mention. “I saw the future,” I admit.

  “What?” Fern shrieks, almost deafening me. “How on earth …?”

  I tell them about the Perception room and the Tempo—the time travel machine—and the vision of the future I saw. My future with Logan. A future that I don’t even know exists anymore. Then I explain how I blew up the Tempo and nearly died in the process, except that Izzy and Ax showed up in the nick of time to rescue me.

  Everyone looks emotionally drained by the time I finish relaying my sordid tale. I squirm in my seat, the metal bar of the lock digging into my hips. “Can you release us now?”

  “Yes,” Neve says at the same time Haydn says, “No.”

  She ignores him and frees all three of us. My body sags in relief. Ax stands up and stretches his arms over his head. His shirt lifts, exposing a tiny sliver of ripped skin. I don’t mean to look, but my eyes have an agenda of their own. I blush to the tips of my toes when he catches me gawking.

  Haydn lets out a low whistle. “You’re a real piece of work.”

  “It’s okay,” I say, turning to face him. “I got the memo.” He arches a brow. “The one that says you hate my guts. There’s no need to rub it in.”

  His face is impressively neutral as he silently stares at me, not even attempting to refute my claims. Ax switches rows and sits down beside me. His arm snakes around my shoulders, and he pulls me into his solid chest. My level of anxiety is off the Richter scale at the uninitiated contact. I yearn to pull out of his embrace and tell him to keep his hands to himself.

  But I don’t want to hurt him. Or humiliate him in public.

  Haydn sends death glares my direction, and I do my best to deflect them. “Now it’s your turn,” I tell Neve. “Tell me what happened after I left.”

  “This is going to be hard to hear, Sadie.” Fern speaks up first. “You should prepare yourself.”

  “Nothing can be worse than thinking I might’ve killed Logan. I haven’t been able to sleep for worrying about him.”

  Ax visibly stiffens.

  Neve sits upright in her chair, a pained look contorting her beautiful face. “He was in a bad way, Sadie, and we didn’t have the right medical equipment to treat him onboard. His external injuries were fine, but it was whatever was going on
internally that we couldn’t figure out. His stomach was burning up, and so swollen, and his temp was skyrocketing. It didn’t help that he virtually passed out after you were taken. From shock or his injuries, I’m not sure.” She sucks in a noisy mouthful of air.

  “So, what did you do?” I take her hands in mine.

  “We took him to Dr. Zuma in Rindyar. He was the only one we could think of at such short notice; however, it was stupid, thoughtless. But we were desperate … we knew we were losing him, and there wasn’t adequate time to devise alternatives.”

  I frown, slightly confused. “Isn’t Dr. Zuma an ally? That’s where Logan took me after I was shot. I don’t understand.”

  “We didn’t either,” Neve continues, chewing on the side of her lip. Alex moves behind her and plants a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “At first, everything seemed fine. Dr. Zuma treated Logan and nothing seemed untoward, except that he was jittery as hell. Turns out that Dante had seized control of the planet after your visit. I don’t know why he thought Logan would return—maybe it was just a lucky guess—but he had the place sewn up tight. The Saven soldiers were in hiding, and they chose their moment to pounce. We’d been so careful never to leave Logan alone but—”

  “But I left him unprotected,” Haydn butts in, “and they took him. We only managed to escape by sheer luck.” He grinds down hard on his teeth.

  “It’s not your fault.” The words leave my lips of their own accord.

  “I don’t want or need your sympathy,” he snaps, putting me back in my place.

  “Listen up, asshole,” Ax replies, instantly jumping to my defense. “Stop speaking to Sadie like that.”

  Haydn flips up his middle finger, and I stare open-mouthed at him. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear Haydn was a victim of body snatching. This is so unlike him.

  “Haydn.” Neve pins him with a glacial look. “I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say your attitude is not helping. So, cut it out, or go take a nap or something. You’re as grouchy as a grizzly bear in need of a decent feed.”

  “You’re falling for all this crap?” he says in an incredulous tone.