Something Old, Something New

by Linda Louise Rigsbee

  “Let’s go,” he said and urged Ed into a lope.

  They raced the horses past the pond and up the hill, slowing when they came to the rocky area. There Alex took the lead as they rode into rough country, his shoulders swaying with the movement of the horse. He was an excellent horseman, and rode as if he were part of the horse. Was it something that came natural to him, or did he have a lot of experience riding?

  As she watched his back, it occurred to her that he definitely was not slight of build – maybe a little thin. His shoulders and hips formed a triangle that rippled with movement. What did his bare back look like? Warmth flooded up her neck. Now she was beginning to think about those things during waking hours. Well, tomorrow she could look to her hearts’ content and it wouldn’t be indecent. In the mean time, she’d best keep her mind and eyes on something else.

  Twisting in the saddle, she soaked in the scene behind them. The big oak tree leaned over the pond with outstretched arms, as if ready to capture a catfish. The old house sat quiet, the roof above her bedroom covered with a blue tarp. They were supposed to come out and fix that next week. The Sycamore tree that had fallen on it had been removed by Josh, Bill, Alex and Mr. Reynolds using a chain saw and good old-fashioned elbow grease. The wood was split and stacked beside the house, waiting for winter. Beyond the pond was a vivid green line of brush and trees, bordering the creek. The log house was further on, and up a steep incline…a sentinel overlooking the valley. The barn was just far enough from the house, and positioned so that the odors, if there were any, would not reach the house. Even the chicken coop was visible at this elevation. The buffalo stood at the fence, watching them. They were probably wondering why they couldn’t go along. The sun had baked the sage grass a tawny color in the fields. It was a peaceful scene made so much more beautiful by the addition of strategically placed outbuildings.

  Princess stopped and Carmen turned around. Alex had stopped, and was taking in the scene as well. His gaze swept the country and came to rest on her. He smiled.

  “We have a beautiful place, sweetheart.”

  “Is it prettier than Texas?”

  He looked thoughtful a moment and then shrugged. “I couldn’t say. It’s like comparing a horse to a gazelle. I guess it depends on what you want to do with it.”

  “Is this the horse or the gazelle?”

  He winked. “The horse.”

  She put a thumb up. “Yes!”

  He laughed and turned straight in the saddle. “I know you made the fence tall enough that a goat couldn’t jump it, but I see some places where we need to reinforce it.” He pointed across the valley. “I wonder if it would be wise to put a fence across down there. We could bring the goats down there. I think the longhorn would be safe enough up here.”

  Carmen perked up. “Longhorn?”

  “Yes, I have a contact in Texas. I might get a Longhorn cow in a month or so. Do you mind?”

  “No.” It certainly didn’t bother Alex to use her property before they were married. Maybe that was why he was so gung-ho for her to share his things. A dark thought invaded her mind. Was he marrying her farm? Of course not. If he wanted more land, he could afford to buy it … couldn’t he? How much money did he have? Maybe he was broke after the clinic and the house he built. For all she knew, he could be in debt up to his eyeballs. Why would a good looking wealthy man want to marry an Arkansas hick…and move here? None of it made sense.

  “I don’t remember this trail,” he said indicating a rocky trail that led straight up the mountain.

  “We haven’t been there before,” she said. “It’s pretty rough.”

  This would be a good time to take him to the special place she had constructed, and she so wanted to visit it. Fortunately there had been no sign of slain deer or wild dogs. Maybe it was an isolated incident. Maybe the deer had died of natural causes.

  He turned around and looked back at her, the explorer expression intensifying the darkness of his eyes.

  “Do you mind?”

  She shook her head. “No. Do you think it will be alright for Princess to carry me and her foal up that hill?”

  He grinned and held a hand out.

  “Ride with me if you’re afraid.”

  She straightened. “I’m not afraid…except for Princess.”

  “She’ll be alright,” he said. “She’s probably carrying fleas that weigh more than you do.”

  Princess followed Ed up the steep trail with an eager stride that kept Carmen clinging to the saddle horn. Alex kept looking back; apparently to make sure she didn’t fall off. The trail wound around pine trees and over rock outcroppings. It was mostly used by deer, but she had been up it a number of times with her father. She and Josh had discovered a different route. It was shorter but rough and steep.

  As they came out on the top of the mountain, a vista of hills and valleys lay before them as far as the eye could see. Green trees in every shade clumped together like heads of overripe broccoli. Fields of corn and soybean lay in the valleys like patchwork quilts.

  Cicadas sang in the trees near them, and a mockingbird mimicked its feathered friends. A Red Tailed Hawk soared overhead, banking off to the left and then right, searching for a rabbit or squirrel bold enough to show itself. A soft breeze lifted the perspiration from their hair and replaced it with the scent of honeysuckle.

  Alex turned to Carmen, his expression pure surprise.

  “I didn’t know this was here,” he said softly.

  Carmen nodded. “It’s beautiful in the spring and summer…even in the fall, but during winter it’s gray and cold.” She took in the summer scenery and sighed deeply. “Mom wondered why Dad was so determined to stay here, but I knew why.”

  “Didn’t he ever bring her up here?”

  She shook her head. “She was afraid of the wild country.”

  His gaze swept the scene again and then he shook his head.

  “How sad.”

  Turning his head, he gazed down at the house below. “I didn’t realize this hill was so high.” His gaze came back to Carmen. “Next week we’ll have to come up here again.”

  It was dangerous country. A body could be lost up here for years. Why hadn’t that occurred to her before? She nodded at the rifle.

  “Do you always carry a gun when you’re riding?

  He glanced down at the gun and then back to her. “I do when I’m riding in this kind of country. You never know when you might suddenly meet a bear or…something.”

  “I suppose it comes in handy for all kinds of surprises.”

  It was ridiculous to be suspicious of him. Only yesterday she had felt safer when he was around. Why hadn’t she questioned all these things before now? There wasn’t time to investigate him before the wedding…not that she would have the slightest idea how to do that anyway. And she had made it so much simpler by telling everyone that she wanted him to make all the decisions. What was she thinking?

  “We’d better get back,” he said, turning Ed toward the trail again.

  She started out ahead of him. Maybe it was best to wait for a while after they were married to show him the place. They would have to walk along the ridge for a while to get there. If he thought this scene was beautiful, he’d be astounded at her place on the mountain. As far as she knew, only she, Josh and Dad had been there.

  Riding back down the trail was even more frightening than coming up. Princess was eager to get back to some oats, so she walked faster than Carmen thought was safe. Carmen sawed on the reins, trying to slow her down.

  “Let her go,” Alex said behind her. “She’s sure footed and she knows the trail now.”

  “She’s only been up it once,” Carmen said.

  “That’s enough for a horse.”

  Surprisingly, Princess actually maneuvered the trail with more ease when she had no resistance from Carmen. Why did Alex always have to be right?

  Back at the barn, they unsaddled and rubbed the horses down. After making sure they had grain and water, the
y headed for the house to eat lunch. He could probably hear her stomach growling.

  “I can hardly wait for a couple weeks of good meals,” he said as they sat down to sandwiches.

  Only a couple of weeks? She continued wolfing down her sandwich without comment.

  After a few more minutes of eating in silence, he put his sandwich down and turned his attention to her.

  “Did I say something to offend you?”

  She shook her head and swallowed a bite.

  “No.”

  He watched her for a few more moments.

  “Would you rather go somewhere else on our honeymoon…Bahamas, Jamaica?”

  She wrinkled her nose. “Too much.”

  “Too much money or too much change of pace?”

  “Both.”

  Actually, being those places sounded good enough. It was the getting there that didn’t sound appealing. The idea of flying was terrifying, and a boat trip surrounded by water for days wasn’t very appealing either.

  He cleared his throat. “How about something a little closer, say, Galveston?”

  She shook her head. “I’d like to see it, but right now I’d rather be here.”

  He picked up his sandwich. “I feel like a cheapskate.”

  She caught her breath. “But I don’t want to go anywhere. What could be better than this?”

  He eyed her skeptically. “You need to get out more.”

  Getting out at all would be more. Still, there was no place she specifically wanted to see. Why spend the money when there was so much they wanted and needed to do right here? Still…

  “If there is someplace you want to go, I’ll go with you.” She said. “I don’t object to going some place. I’d just rather be here.”

  “No, I’ve traveled enough for a lifetime. If you want to be here, then we’ll spend our honeymoon here.” He took a bite out of his sandwich in such a way as to imply the subject was closed.

  They could travel some other time when their lives were more settled. Right now there were so many things to do.

  After they finished lunch he took her to Katie and Bill’s house. Before they got out of the truck, he turned to her.

  “Are you sure nothing is wrong? You’re so quiet today.”

  “I’m fine. I just have a lot on my mind.”

  He watched her for a moment. “Do you want to share it?”

  “Not really. It’s just silly stuff that would be embarrassing to reveal.”

  Not only embarrassing, but hurtful. He had given her no reason to feel this way.

  “Is it about sex?” His gaze was intent on her.

  Warmth ran up her neck like a thermometer on a hot day.

  “No.”

  “Josh? Second thoughts?”

  “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Josh,” he stated, still watching her intently.

  “No!” Her fingers found the door latch. “Let’s go in.”

  Katie kept watching her until Alex left. Unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she pounced on Carmen before she could get out of the kitchen.

  “Did you two have a fight?”

  “No.”

  “Well, something is wrong,” Katie said. “You didn’t even kiss him goodbye.”

  Carmen hesitated…and then unloaded.

  “Do you know he already has all kinds of plans for my property?”

  Katie shrugged “So? After you’re married, it will belong to both of you.”

  “How do I know he isn’t marrying me for my property? I mean, what else do I have to offer? He could get any woman he wants. Why me? If he really has lots of money, like everyone says, why did he move up here? For all I know he has a dozen wives.”

  Katie stared at her. “Hello? I’m his sister. He does have lots of money…and no wife. I can’t believe you’re questioning his interest in you. You’re beautiful, for starters. You want him to make the decisions, and he loves being in control. Need I say more? Where is all this doubt coming from?”

  She stopped suddenly, her expression osculating from concerned to humor and then back again.

  “The wedding is tomorrow and you’re getting cold feet.”

  “I am not,” Carmen said, turning to leave the kitchen.

  Katie’s laugh followed her. “You are too. You left this morning sure of what you wanted and what you were going to do. Now you come back, hours before your wedding, unsure of everything. You’re having second thoughts.”

  Carmen walked away from her words and went to her makeshift bedroom. Her house was unlivable, her clothes scattered in three homes, and tomorrow she was going to give up her name as well. What did she have left? Nothing. She sat down on the cot and buried her face in her hands. Sobs welled up in her throat, forcing streams of tears from her eyes.

  A knock at the door reminded her she wasn’t alone.

  “Carmen, are you alright? I didn’t mean to laugh at you. If you need someone to talk to…”

  “I’m alright,” Carmen managed to croak in a voice that didn’t sound like her own. It must have convinced Katie, though, because she went away.

  For a long time she sat on the cot crying silently. Maybe she was being silly, but if that was so, why did it hurt so much? Surely second thoughts didn’t come abruptly in the middle of a peaceful ride, or tie a persons’ insides in knots.

  Vaguely she was aware of a vehicle door shutting outside and the front door opening, but it wasn’t a conscious thought until Katie and Alex were walking down the hall.

  “I’m just going to talk to her, Katie.” Alex said.

  “Just make sure you don’t order her around or belittle her,” Katie ordered.

  Someone knocked on the door. “Carmen,” came a deep voice that could be none other than Alex.

  She wiped her face with the bottom of her shirt. Her eyes must be swollen and red. How could she let him see her like this?

  The door opened a little and Katie reprimanded Alex.

  “You can’t just walk in. She needs privacy…especially now.”

  “Katie…”Alex’s voice began forceful and then lost purpose, as if he thought it wiser not to say what was on his mind. “Go do something in the kitchen,” he concluded gently.

  He opened the door wider and when he saw Carmen sitting on the bed fully dressed, he entered the room and shut the door.

  “Why are you crying, Carmen?”

  “You know.” Katie must have told him.

  “No, I don’t know. If I knew, I wouldn’t be asking you.”

  “It’s silly.”

  He sat down on the cot beside her and put an arm around her shoulders.

  “If it was silly, it wouldn’t make you so unhappy.”

  His warm hand caressed her back.

  “Now talk to me Carmen. Have you changed your mind? Do you want more time to think about it?”

  “I’m alright,” she insisted, but her voice broke.

  “No, you’re not alright, sweetheart.” He paused. “Katie says you’re questioning my intentions toward you and your property. Why didn’t you talk to me about it? If you don’t want me to use it, just say so. I never meant to intrude. Maybe I took too much for granted.”

  “No you didn’t. I wanted you to use it. I wanted us to be one. I just can’t…”

  “Can’t what? Is it that I can’t give you children? Is that what’s bothering you?” His voice was even, as if he were having trouble staying in control of his emotions.

  “No. I told you. It’s silly. I’m ashamed to say.”

  He lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. “Do I look like I’m laughing? Now tell me. What’s so silly?”

  She tried to turn her face, but he held her lower jaw in a firm grip. Tears rolled down her face.

  “I’m scared,” she finally confessed. “I don’t have a home anymore and tomorrow I won’t even have my name.” To her horror, she started a fresh bout of crying.

  He released her jaw and took her into his arms. “That’s not s
illy, sweetheart. I wish I had known you were feeling that way. My comments about your land were insensitive.”

  He held her close for a while, caressing her hair and back…crooning to her as if she were a child. “It’s alright sweetheart. Go ahead and cry.”

  When the tears finally dried, she pushed away from him. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I should have seen this coming. You’ve been struggling for so long to take care of yourself. What you need is someone to help you, not tell you what to do. Then I came along and started running your life…and tomorrow I erase your identity. As if that weren’t enough, I’m ready to take your innocence as well. I’m not surprised you’re crying.”

  Well, when he put it that way…It did sound a bit overwhelming. In fact, she hadn’t thought of the last part. Maybe that was it. Maybe it was cold feet, as Katie had said. Certainly she hadn’t thought about all this before. She lifted her shirt and wiped her face again.

  Alex looked away and she jerked it down. What was she thinking of? Not about exposing herself, that’s for sure.

  “I’ll be alright now,” she said.

  “Are you sure?”

  She nodded.

  “Do you want me to take you out to get something to eat?”

  She shook her head. “I’m not hungry. I’m just tired.”

  “Lie down,” he said as he stood up.

  She stretched out on the cot, lying on her stomach. He squatted beside the cot, continuing to rub her back. His hand was so warm and the caress was so gentle that her eyes gradually closed. She was so tired.

  Later in the night she woke and dressed in her nightgown. Was Alex in the other room? She started to go check and then decided to see if his truck was outside. It wasn’t. She crawled back into bed, but was too hungry to sleep. Maybe a glass of milk would help.

  She was sitting at the table drinking a glass of milk when Katie walked in.

  “Oh. I’m glad you’re putting something in your stomach. Are you feeling better?”

  Carmen nodded.

  “I never knew he could be that way,” Katie said.

  “What way?”

  “So gentle and understanding. Who would have guessed? Certainly not me.”