When You Make It Home

by Claire Ashby

  I couldn’t believe the way Steve was putting the word out for me. I know I asked for it, but he went too far.

  “Steve is quite the gossip.” I leaned closer to a mirror, trying on a pair of large, red-framed sunglasses. I peeked over the top of the frames at her. “But I’d tell you anyway. I met a cantankerous army medic. He was badly injured, and I think I like him. How does that sound?” I pulled the glasses off. “Actually, I know I like him.”

  Chelsea squealed. The wonderful thing about Chelsea was she’d say, “Go for it,” even if everyone else knew that it was a bad choice. Chelsea considered being moderately self-destructive a small price to pay if it meant good times ahead. She bought into a “have fun now, deal with the fallout later” philosophy that worked well for her. It made her the best person to chat with when everyone else was looking down on my decisions.

  “Oh, you need to nurse him back to good health.” She shot me a wicked grin and rubbed the palms of her hands together. “You lucky girl. Have fun and stay out of trouble or get in trouble as long as you’re having fun. I don’t care, as long as you tell me all about it.” She laughed a loud “ha ha ha.”

  “You don’t think it’s bad if I date someone while I’m pregnant?”

  “Hey, motherhood does not end your life. Maybe makes it a tad more complicated, but at least you know that if a guy likes you, he really likes you. Anyways, how are you going to score a baby daddy if you don’t get out there?”

  I had to laugh with her.

  Two women came in to browse the store, and I snuck away with a wave. Before I stepped out into the fading afternoon light, Chelsea called out to me, “He’d better be good to you, or he’ll have to answer to me. I show no mercy.” I had no doubt she meant every word.

  Once home, I had to make two trips back to my car to bring in all the bags from A Pea in a Pod. I put the five heavy bags on my bed, but I wouldn’t allow myself to dig in until I finished my duties, so I called Dad and Nina. Their machine answered on the third ring. I left a message, surprised at feeling disappointed that I was going to have to wait to tell them the news.

  I took a quick shower and slipped on my Gap elastic-waist, smoky-gray pajama pants and a white cotton top that left a full two inches of my belly exposed. Dinner was a peanut butter and honey sandwich with banana slices wedged in. As I poured a tall glass of milk to go with my dinner, I noticed the light on my answering machine flashing. Assuming my parents had returned my call, I mashed down the play button.

  Instead, Theo’s maple syrup voice filled my kitchen. I sat there with my glass halfway to my mouth as I listened to him.

  “Hi Meg. I wanted to say goodnight. I hope you have fun with your new clothes. Enjoyed spending time with you. See you around.”

  The click of him hanging up the phone was loud, definitive. I hit the play button again and again. I analyzed the nuance he placed on each word. I certainly enjoyed spending time with him, too. I cursed myself for being in the shower when he called. Stupid personal hygiene! His number was on my caller ID—I could call him back, but if he had wanted me to, wouldn’t he have asked? Was he still planning on moving in with me? Or was I such a thankless oaf after shopping that he had second thoughts? Couldn’t blame him. If he talked about our arrangement with anyone and got the same reaction I got, then he was sure to change his mind.

  Finally, I focused on his parting words: “See you around.” As in, I’ll see you when I see you, but don’t seek me out.

  Chapter Eight

  I was rearranging a contemporary YA display and momentarily lost myself in the first pages of John Green’s latest release, when Hazel came out of nowhere.

  “I knew you were pregnant.” Her eyes gleamed.

  I slammed the book shut, sliding my fingers across the glossy cover. “Oh?”

  “Sure did. You always eat Ellie’s chocolate layer cake when it’s that time of the month. I could set my clock by it. Haven’t seen you eat any cake in some time.”

  My shoulders sagged, and I returned the hardback to the shelf.

  “Meg, tell me you’re not one of those women who decided to make a baby without a man. Like one of those girls on reality TV? Just because it can be done, doesn’t mean it’s a good idea, you know.”

  “This is not appropriate work conversation. But a man was involved.” Once the words were out, I realized how they sounded. I was on the verge of talking sex with a woman more than twice my age. Uh-oh. We were rapidly approaching a door that, once opened, would be hard to shut.

  “It’s okay to have fun with the boys. We all have needs.” Her words made me want to poke myself in the eye with a pencil. “There’s this fellow I’ve been seeing—”

  “Hazel, stop!” I held up both hands, as if to hold her back. I wasn’t going to cower about my condition. Something caught Hazel’s attention over my shoulder, and I latched on to my escape. “Let’s return our focus to work—there is plenty to do around here.” I spun on my heels and abruptly smacked into Theo’s chest.

  “Hey, Kitten, where are you scurrying off to in such a hurry?” To my horror, he winked at me right in front of Hazel.

  Talk about being dazzled. His massive hands gripped my upper arms to steady me; all the while he leaned on his crutches. My palms were flat on his firm chest. I could feel the heat of him against me, the heat of his hands on my arms and the heat of something else pooling inside me. I sucked in a breath and swallowed. In a moment of self-preservation, I took an unsteady step back, my knees weak.

  “What are you doing here?” I winced. Why couldn’t I be more graceful? Graceful at all, for that matter. “I mean I’m glad you’re here, I—”

  “I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone.” Hazel waltzed off, probably ready to fire up the rumor mill.

  “I’ve tied up all my loose ends.” He squeezed the grips on his crutches, his forearms flexing. “I’ve got transportation. I bought an old F-150, since I’m not ready to get back on my Harley. All ready to move in, if we’re still on.” He smiled. “By the way, you look nice.”

  My stomach flipped. “Thank you. I have a key for you.” Ever since his offer, I’d kept the spare ready in my purse. Days and days had passed since he’d first suggested moving in, and I’d wondered if it would happen. He’d finally shown up, and I wasn’t the only one to notice.

  Everyone in the bookstore seemed to stop and stare as we headed back to my office. Walking past an antique bookshelf, I spied Theo’s reflection in the glass. His eyes were trained on my ass. I threw a little more sway into my hips, but then I caught Hazel smirking at me from the Greeting Cards department, and my face warmed. I told myself that by having Theo in my home, around all the time, I could build up a tolerance, and having him near me would no longer set my body on fire. But still, the idea of Theo under my roof made me foolishly excited.

  If Theo noticed the attention, he didn’t seem to care. “I’ll move in today. And as soon as you’re ready, we’ll figure out what all needs to be done. That work for you?”

  From a drawer in my desk, I retrieved my purse and rummaged through it for the spare key. “Okay, sure. Make yourself at home. Mi casa es su casa. I learned that in the Language section.” I held the key out to Theo and smiled.

  Steve walked in, a cup of coffee in hand. “Oh, hey man, what’s up?” His tone was friendly and in no way matched his confused frown. I waited for him to head to his office, but he stood frozen, glaring intently at the key I held out to Theo.

  Theo nodded at Steve. “Just picking up the key.” He took it from me, our fingers brushing, then twirled the key ring on his finger casually before shoving it in his pocket.

  Steve stiffened, pinning me with his steely blue glare. “What key?”

  “You didn’t tell him?” Theo chuckled at me and then clapped his hand on Steve’s shoulder as he went past. The jolt to Steve’s arm sent a s
tream of steaming coffee over the edge of his mug. “I’m moving in with your sister.” Theo hesitated at the door, his expression playful. “See you at home, Meg.”

  Steve waited until Theo cleared the doorway then kicked the door with enough force to make it slam shut. He set his coffee on my desk and swiped his damp hand on his jeans. “What the hell is that about?”

  I dropped into my chair and leaned back to look up at Steve. “It’s not the way it sounds.” I smiled like the Madonna and rested my hands on the ledge of my belly.

  “Then what way is it? What is it between you and that guy?” Steve gripped the back of his head. “He’s not putting the moves on you, is he?”

  “Oh, please!” I kicked Steve’s shin. “Like I’m a great catch these days! I’m a niche fetish, at best.”

  Steve snickered and sat on the arm of the loveseat. “Yeah, but he hasn’t been around too many girls for a while. His standards are probably on the lower end of the scale right now.”

  I smacked his knee. “You pig! Shut up!” And because we were joking around and Steve had lost the chip on his shoulder, I threw in, “But since you asked, we’re shacking up.”

  Steve’s shoulders slumped momentarily, and then he laughed, wagging his finger at me. “You had me for a minute there. There’s no way you’re doing this.”

  I crossed my arms and kept a straight face. “I’m serious. I’m renting him the empty bedroom in exchange for help getting my condo ready.”

  “I’ll help you get ready, Meg. Don’t get close to that guy.” His hand went to the top of his forehead as if he was bracing a sudden headache. “Who knows what kind of problems he’s got festering inside him?”

  “Wow, are you serious? Give the guy a break, why don’t you? He didn’t escape from a mental hospital—he was in the army! You know, protecting his—our—country.”

  Steve flushed red. “Look, I get it. You pity him, and you want to take care of him, but that isn’t going to make your problems go away. You’re only going to find new problems with a guy like him.” His fists clenched.

  “Did it ever occur to you that he’s doing me a favor? That he’s helping me?”

  “No,” Steve barked back. “He’s helping himself, Meg. You don’t need his help. Whatever you need, I can do. If you don’t want to be in your condo alone, move in with me. I have room. I’ll be there for you and the baby—you know that. Trust me, this guy is up to no good.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Even as I said the words, I knew he sounded more sure than I did.

  “Fine, you do what you want, but I’m going to keep my eye on him.” Steve got up to leave and looked back at me. “You think you’ve got it all figured out, but don’t forget who’s always been there for you.” He pulled the door open.

  “Steve, wait! I can take care of myself. Don’t worry about me.”

  “I’m not going to worry, but I am going to watch you closer.” He disappeared into his office, slamming the door shut behind him.

  Tired of all the fuss, I went back out front to finish stocking the new releases. My eyes wandered to the clock every few minutes, my mind unable to fully immerse in my task because I was beset with the idea that Theo was in my home—in my space—settling in to stay for a while.

  The baby turned and kicked, and I put my hands to my belly. I looked up in time to catch Hazel tracking my every move.

  By the time I left work and made it back to the condo, it was after eight. I’d turned the lights off when I’d left that morning, but the windows were lit up once again. Maybe he wasn’t technically waiting for me, but I didn’t care. He was in my home, and soon I’d be in there with him.

  I searched the place with increasing disappointment before figuring out that he must have left. Why had he left the place lit up? The door to the spare bedroom was open wide, but those lights were off. Temptation pulled at me to check if he’d brought his things over. I wasn’t sure of the proper etiquette on how to treat a new roommate who’d bought me sexy clothes and kissed me without warning, but I stayed clear of his door and went about my business as usual.

  Trying to ignore the drop in my mood, I warmed up a can of instant tomato soup and chose a cookbook to browse, like I did every night with dinner. I turned the glossy pages of The Barefoot Contessa with one hand, while my mind wandered. For once in my life I couldn’t lose myself in a book. The screwed-up pregnancy hormones made focusing nearly impossible. But when my thoughts returned to Theo, I had no trouble concentrating.

  I finished dinner and then paced the condo while waiting for Theo, taking looping trips back to the bathroom to put up my hair and brush my teeth, only to decide to let my hair down again. Just before I climbed into bed, curiosity got the best of me, and I crossed the condo to his door.

  The long and narrow room that would one day belong to the baby was on the opposite side of the condo from the master bedroom. It had gone through many occupants. Steve had claimed it during our years at UT. Once he’d moved out during senior year, the room had served as my library. When Bradley moved in, he’d settled in with the books and used the space as his office. He’d hung heavy faux-wood blinds over the double-hung windows to block the sunlight. He couldn’t stand a glare on his computer screen. I had not removed the blinds, but for the first time, they were pulled up as far as they could go. Under the window, Theo lay on a twin-sized air mattress I’d never seen before. His eyes were shut, arms resting at his sides, a backpack and a large duffel bag the only other additions to the room. I couldn’t walk away from him like that, laid out bare and alone without even a blanket to snuggle. Finally, something I could fix. I snatched a lap quilt from my room and went back to him. I unfolded the soft fabric and settled the blanket over him. When I looked at his face, his eyes were open. I jumped back.

  “Um… Sorry to intrude.” I took another step back. “I brought you a blanket.”

  “Hi. Come over here,” he murmured, his smile sleepy. “It’s okay. Sit with me.” He stretched and tucked his uninjured arm behind his head. “Did I get you in trouble with Steve today?”

  “No. Well, maybe a little.” I sat on the floor cross-legged, facing the head of the bed. The moonlight cast an almost magical glow over Theo. If I reached out to touch him, I couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t disappear altogether. He looked like a guardian angel who’d been through battle. Maybe those were the best kind.

  “He’s right to be worried,” Theo said. “If I had a sister, I wouldn’t let some chump move in with her.”

  “So you admit to being a chump?”

  “Nah, I’m harmless.” He stared at me. “We’re friends, right?”

  I searched his eyes and felt a connection between us. Had he changed since we first met, or had the change been in me?

  “Yes, friends. Are you sure you’re going to be okay here? This setup looks a little not-so-comfy.” I considered my next question and decided Theo appreciated my directness. “Does your leg hurt?”

  “Yeah, it does.” He rolled onto his good side, his hand going to the hem of his shorts. “Do you want to see it?” He looked me in the eye as if daring me to say “no.”

  I shrugged. “Sure.” Of course I wanted to, especially if he felt confident enough around me to show me what seemed so personal.

  He pulled up the edge of his shorts, exposing what was left of his thigh. It was half the length of his other one. He smoothed his hand over the long scar at the end of his stump.

  “See these little marks?” He pointed to evenly spaced dots along the pink line. “That’s where they put in staples to hold my skin together.”

  My heart ached for the devastation that he’d gone through, although the wound didn’t look as bad as I thought it might—it looked surprisingly healed.

  “Usually I wear a special sock to keep the swelling down, but I take it off at
night.” The way he handled his leg was intimate, as if he were familiarizing himself with the change.

  “You seem to be getting better.”

  He straightened his shorts and fell back on the pillow. “I am. Better every day.”

  “You know you’re welcome to come sleep in my bed, right?” I raised my shoulders. “As friends of course.”

  “No, I’m good. I’m watching the sky.” His eyes were still locked on me.

  “Okay, suit yourself. We can go over everything tomorrow.” Once I stood, his hand wrapped around my bare ankle, squeezed, and ran up the back of my leg, palming my calf muscles.

  “Goodnight.” I stepped away from him and made a quick path to my bed, where I tossed and turned and twisted in my sheets for hours, thinking about Theo.

  “What do you think?”

  Theo and I stared at the bare wall, and I tried to imagine the built-in bookshelves he wanted to install. A girl like me could never have too much shelf space.

  But Theo’s question sent my brain in the wrong direction. What did I think? I thought he was hot. I thought of how my body tingled and everything seemed to sparkle when he was near me. I thought I was falling hard… fast.

  “Meg?” He leaned forward, his smile fading.

  “We could buy shelves. That was my plan originally. I love the idea of built-ins, but that’s a lot of work for one person to take on.”

  “Whatever you want.” He rubbed the back of his hand across his forehead. “But I’ll have help, so that shouldn’t be the reason you turn me down. We can build the shelves in no time.”

  He had a friend, someone to keep him company. That was good; I wouldn’t have to worry about him getting hurt. He was a grown man; he’d made it that far in life without me. “Okay.” I smiled. “Build me some serious shelves. Transform this place. Let it rival the Library of Alexandria.”