When You Make It Home

by Claire Ashby

  “It’ll be okay, Dad. She is who she is.” Dazed, I shook my head. “I think you should go back.”

  “Family has always meant more to me than work. I worked hard to provide for my family. Now I’m going to be a grandpa, and I don’t want anything to get in the way of that. Nina can’t take her eyes off work. She’s married to the real estate business, not me.” Pain flickered in his eyes. He looked away. “It’s okay. We’ll figure it out one way or another. You get dressed, and I’ll take you out for breakfast.”

  “I have to work today.”

  “I’m spending the day with you, honey. Let’s eat, and then we’ll go to the bookstore. I’m on your time now.”

  “Sure, Dad.” I eased myself off the sofa to go get dressed, but turned back. “Um, Dad, I’ve had a guy—well, he’s a friend, staying here helping me out.”

  “Sounds like a good friend.” His smile gave away that he knew more than I was telling. Still, I couldn’t help but be relieved he didn’t ask questions. Then I thought of something else. “Hey, are you really going to stay around for a while?”

  “You bet. I’m bunking with Steve. I came in last night and shocked him and that girl of his.”

  “What girl?” Steve never brought anyone home. That would be against his code of conduct.

  “Oh, I can’t remember her name. We’ve met before.”

  “That can’t be possible. He definitely hasn’t dated anyone that long.”

  “You should have seen his face when I showed up. I’d have called first, but this visit is somewhat spur of the moment. Steve tried to give me the master bedroom back, but I insisted on taking his old room. I’m planning to help him fix the house up. Looking forward to it, actually.”

  “Wow, Dad, back at the old house. Nina’s not going to be happy.”

  “Well, Nina can get over herself.” He spoke casually enough, but then I saw his fists balled tight at his sides, the taut skin of his knuckles white, and the tension around his mouth. That was the closest he’d ever come to sounding angry with her.

  But my dad was home, so I wasn’t about to complain.

  After breakfast, I reverted to little-girl status, sitting in the passenger seat of my dad’s Lexus. It’d been years since the two of us had hung out alone. Sometime in the morning, he’d quit resisting, and after that, his eyes continued to drift to my belly, and he would smile with anticipation. I’d had no idea how happy the idea of becoming a grandfather would make him.

  Having kids wasn’t something I’d considered much before my unexpected pregnancy. Even though Bradley and I had been engaged, we’d never even spoken of starting a family. So much had changed in the past few months. I didn’t care to dwell on my own mother, but as I grew accustomed to the changes with my body, questions about her continued to steal into my thoughts. Did she come to hate Steve and me before she made her escape? She couldn’t possibly have left if she’d loved us.

  When Dad pulled into traffic and his focus shifted to driving, I seized the moment. “Dad, why did she leave?”

  He didn’t speak for a while, but I knew he was thinking of her, thinking of the right way to explain. “Your mother was young.”

  Although he had a hard time talking about her, I pushed for more. “I’m young, Dad.”

  “She was younger. Things were different back then.”

  “She was my age when she left us. Did you even see it coming?”

  “No, but I didn’t want to believe she could leave. I thought everything was fine.” I wasn’t sure if he was defending himself or her as he explained. “I was naive in my happiness. All I wanted was a family. But for Candace, nothing was that simple.”

  “Do I remind you of her?”

  “You’ll do fine.” He dodged my question. “You’ll learn as you go—that’s what I did. You know how to find your way around. You can navigate a kid. I’m sure of it.” He looked at me and gave me the proud-dad smile, with a reassuring pat on the knee similar to when I was a teenager about to be dropped off at the mall. Honey, I know you’ll make good choices. I’ll be back for you later. He always said it that way, and I’d have to push away the memory that my mother never came back.

  True to his word, Dad spent the day at The Book Stack. He walked the aisles, read the paper, mingled with the staff, and ate lunch in the café with Hazel, of all people. Just after noon, Steve strolled in, and once I got him out of Dad’s line of vision, I cornered him in his office and shut the door. His office mirrored mine, but the walls were covered with Magma and anime posters, and the room smelled of coffee and stale pizza.

  “Ding dong, the witch is dead.” I grinned.

  Steve grimaced. “Meg, you’re awful.”

  “Oh come on, she bullies Dad.”

  “Dad always does what he wants.” Steve sat at his desk and sipped his cup of coffee. “This is the first time he’s ever gone against her.”

  “Whatever. Hey, you look tired. Late night? Who’s the chick at your house?”

  He blew into his steaming cup and yawned. “None of your business.” He swiveled his chair, turning his back to me.

  “No fair. Tell me. You can’t shut me out.” His game was getting old. “I kept one secret from you, and now you won’t talk to me about anything.”

  “You have no room to speak, and I’m still not going to tell you.”

  I went for a different tactic. “Chicken.”

  “Ha! You’re the one about to hatch an egg,” he shot over his shoulder. “Confess your love to Theo yet?”

  I mentally kicked myself for talking about love with Steve. “You cool with Dad staying with you?”

  “Sure. We’ll have fun until Nina comes and gets him.”

  “What if she doesn’t?” I took a seat and slipped off my shoes.

  Steve shifted to face me. “She will.”

  “She’s really upset I’m pregnant.”

  “No, she’s not.” He shook his head. “She doesn’t know how to be there for you, and you didn’t invite her in anyhow. She wants to be happy for you, but she’s hurt that you left her out.”

  “Oh, poor thing.” I rolled my eyes. “This must be so hard for her.”

  “Well, she’s also pissed Dad isn’t trying to appease her. She’s not comfortable having no control, but she’ll figure it out. Will you?”

  “I don’t want to deal with Nina, but I don’t want Dad to be alone.”

  “He’s not alone. He’s with me.” Steve’s long fingers drummed on his desk.

  “It’s all my fault.”

  “Get over it. They needed to have it out.” He moved his mouse, pulling his computer out of sleep mode.

  “How do you know?” Had I been so caught up in my world that I had no clue what transpired with the rest of my family? Even though Nina and I kept a cool distance, we still managed to have a relatively normal family, the four of us. But everything had changed, and I realized I was drifting away from the others. I didn’t know what upset me more—that I was cast off, or that they were anchored to each other.

  “Dad’s been wanting to retire for some time, and she keeps pushing him out another year.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because he talks to me.” Steve looked at me with raised eyebrows. “He knows I won’t take the blame for what’s wrong in his life.”

  “I asked him about Mom today,” I said hesitantly.

  He swiveled around in his chair. “Has he talked to her yet?”

  “Not Nina… our mom.”

  “Oh, the lady who gave birth to us.” He expression made it clear he didn’t want to continue our conversation.

  “She’s our real mother.”

  “No, she’s not,” he snapped. “Our real mother married Dad when we were five. You were a flower girl and I was the ring bearer
, remember? That other woman is simply a genetic component in our make-up.”

  “But she’s still our mom. Don’t you ever want to know, like really know, why she left?”

  The muscles of his jaw flexed. “Nope. It doesn’t matter. She could’ve stayed, but she didn’t. That’s all I need to know.” He frowned at me, saw the wheels spinning. “Let it go, Meg. She wants no part of you. She’s made that clear.”

  A plan formed in my mind. “But maybe she thinks we don’t want to see her.”

  “I don’t want to see her.”

  “Aren’t you a little curious?” My words came out as a plea.

  “No, not at all,” he said. “Nina’s the only mother we’ve ever had. Why don’t you try and invest in your relationship with her?”

  “Nina might have married Dad, but she’s not a mother.”

  “She did the best she could. You didn’t exactly make it easy for her.”

  “Hey, how did we end up on different sides?”

  “We’re not on different sides, Meg. Nina’s on your side, too.”

  “Whatever. She dealt with us because we came with Dad, and that’s the only reason why.”

  “That’s more than the lady who gave birth to us ever did.” His face was hard. “Look, I understand that you are under stress right now, but please do everyone a favor, and don’t dredge up this shit from the past.”

  My brother’s words wounded me. We’d been a team for so long; how could he not understand I needed a mom—a real mom?

  “If you do, you’re only going to hurt yourself and everyone who loves you. That includes Nina, whether you accept it or not.” He spun back to his computer and tapped away at the keys, done with our conversation.

  My brother, my twin. Opposite sides of the same coin and, no matter how we tried, unable to see the same view.

  “I can’t make that promise,” I mumbled, slipping my swollen feet back in my shoes.

  “Then you’ll be alone with the consequences.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  I thought I was dreaming when I opened my eyes and Theo was standing at the foot of my bed. He watched me with a smile that reached his sparkling eyes. He looked recharged and animated, healthier than I’d seen him in many, many days.

  “Are you ready?” He squeezed my ankle through the sheets.

  I rolled onto my back and stretched.

  He fell into bed next to me, pulled the covers back, and lifted my nightgown to expose my belly. His hands warm, his voice soft. “And are you ready, little baby? Today you will give us your secrets.”

  His joy proved too irresistible to ignore, and I laughed. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “I told you I would be. Today’s our day.”

  I was drawn to the warmth of his body, so close to mine. Leaning into him, I placed my hand on his chest, feeling his heart race beneath my fingers.

  His hand slid up to hold my cheek, his thumb brushing my lips. “I’ve missed this.”

  “I’ve been here,” I whispered.

  “I’m sorry I haven’t.” I looked into his clear, lively eyes. Maybe we’d turned a corner. He was truly present for the first time in weeks.

  I wanted to ask if he was okay, but I also feared the answer. “Hey, don’t be sorry,” I told him. “It’s okay. Everything is okay.”

  He rolled away from me. “Well then, get in gear, woman. Let’s hit the road.”

  I showered and dressed for the appointment and found Theo in the kitchen with fruit salad, scrambled eggs, and biscuits. The fridge and pantry were stocked with so much food we wouldn’t have to swing by the store for weeks.

  “Why’d you get so much stuff?”

  “I don’t want to find you crying in your cereal again.”

  “Hmmm…” I checked the shelves of the pantry. “Cookies, donuts, potato chips. I think you’re trying to make me fat!”

  “Jake said that comfort food would pacify moody pregnant woman. He’s bummed he’s not allowed to give Ellie chocolate.”

  “If I get any more comfortable, I’m going to need bigger clothes again.”

  He came up behind me, slipping his arm around me. “You’re getting more delicious,” he growled lustfully in my ear. “But if you’re worried, I can help you burn off extra calories.”

  Theo’s enthusiasm continued to grow on the way to the doctor’s office, until we arrived and he became quiet. Seven other pregnant women waited in the office, three of them with men by their sides. I did a quick ring check, discovering every woman in the room had one on their left ring finger, except me. A flash of guilt hit me, and I pushed it aside.

  As people entered and left the waiting room, their stares would drift from me to Theo, to his missing limb, and away. I was amazed by the irony of people looking at what wasn’t there. I took his hand in mine and wondered if he knew how protective I was of him.

  He squeezed my hand and leaned in. “Are you nervous?”

  I nodded, but my nerves had nothing to do with the ultrasound and everything to do with Theo. I couldn’t wait to see my baby again. With all the other doubts floating around in my life, my love for my child kept me grounded.

  A nurse called for me, and as Theo and I stood, the whole room fell silent. Everyone watched Theo; even the nurse took an exaggerated step back, holding the door extra wide to accommodate Theo and his crutches. His eyes watched only me.

  “Here we go.” He winked.

  I kept my focus on the nurse’s shoes as we followed her to a room in the back.

  “Hop up here.” She waved to the table, and then she lugged a chair over for Theo. He thanked her.

  “The technician will be in momentarily.” She pulled the door shut.

  I sat on the edge of the table and Theo stood between my knees. He framed my face with his hands and kissed me.

  “I want to tell you what an honor it is for me to share this with you.” He tucked a stray curl behind my ear.

  “Theo—”

  “I went from patrolling the streets of Baghdad to being a stranger in my own country. I returned to combat because if I didn’t go to Afghanistan, I would’ve felt like I was shirking responsibility. Everything here seemed pointless. Over there I could do something and make a difference. The day we got blown up, I didn’t just lose my leg. I lost the life I knew. The life I thought I wanted. But when I came home I found you. You make me want to be more.”

  “Theo, I love you,” I blurted. I needed to say it. I needed him to hear it.

  “I love you too, Meg.”

  The door opened and a woman in a lab coat walked in. She barely glanced at us as she moved around the table.

  She got straight to business. “So we’re here to see if the baby is going to cooperate with us today. Lie down for me.” I did as I was told, never taking my eyes off of Theo, as she raised my shirt, tucked a small towel along the waist of my pants, and squeezed a glob of ultrasound jelly on me. While she tapped away at her machine, Theo stroked my hair away from my face. He tilted down to kiss me on my forehead.

  “Thank you,” he whispered. His tenderness moved me. I turned my head to kiss his palm. Oh my sweet, sweet Theo.

  And then the magic started.

  The technician put the device against my belly. “So today we’re only doing a gender check?”

  “Yes.” Come on, come on; let’s go!

  Theo took my hand in both of his. “Hello, baby,” he said to the screen.

  “What is it?” I asked, looking from the woman to the screen.

  The technician beamed. “There we go. You’re having a girl. Congratulations.”

  Theo looked from the screen to me, his smile fierce. “A daughter.”

  “Oh,” I inhaled with a sharp intake of breath. “Oh, b
aby girl.” Tears slipped from my eyes, and Theo laughed as he wiped them away.

  “She’s beautiful,” he murmured, his face close to mine.

  “She’s waving at us.” I pointed to the screen. “Hi, baby.”

  “Look at her, look at her.” Theo laced his fingers with mine.

  My little girl took her foot with her hands and pulled it to her mouth. She spun around and wiggled and danced. I could feel her move as I watched. She was everything I never knew I wanted, and it was the best moment of my life. The whole world opened up before me.

  The tech wiped my belly off and stood. While I sat up and fixed my shirt, she handed Theo a photo from the ultrasound. “Congratulations, Papa,” she said, and his grin didn’t even falter.

  The door shut and he handed the photo to me. The image was of my daughter waving, and off to the side of her arm the tech had typed, “Hi, Mom & Dad.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  “Who would’ve guessed that this would become one of my favorite places to go?” Theo pulled into the parking lot of The Super Baby Depot.

  “Why are we stopping here?”

  “Because I want to do something I’ve never done before.”

  “And what is that?”

  “I want to buy a doll.” He got out of the car, slammed the door with too much force and came around to my side. He opened my door. “And a purse. A little girl needs a purse.”

  His enthusiasm was infectious, and I giggled. “She won’t need one for quite some time, you know.”

  “Nonsense.” He swept me to my feet and practically galloped across the parking lot on his crutches. He came back to me. “Come on woman, you can move faster than that.” Theo circled around me and then walked alongside me to the door. He grabbed a cart, tossed one of his crutches in it, and took off down an aisle. He knew the layout of the store better than I did.

  He led me to the baby toys and pulled a little doll with a pink dress and yellow hair off the shelf. He set it in the cart, looked at me funny, and then took an identical doll with brown hair off the shelf and placed it next to the first doll.