Tinder Ella: A Modern Day Single Dad Fairy-Tale

by Eddie Cleveland

  “Hey, man, do you have a black marker?” Ryan shifts his gaze to me and stands up.

  “Uh, let me check.” I walk into the kitchen and shuffle through the drawer that ends up being a magnet for all my junk. Sure enough, there’s a sharpie crammed in amongst the pile of stuff.

  I go back into the living room and hand it off to Ryan like a mini-baton in a relay race. He pops the cap and turns his back on us for a second, hunching his shoulders to obstruct our view.

  “No peeking!” he calls out, but neither of us would dream of it. Chloe is very interested in what the trick is going to be. I have to admit, he’s got my interest too.

  “Okay, all ready.” Ryan caps the marker and shoves it in his pocket. I can see he’s drawn a little circle around the tips of each of his middle fingers. “Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls of all ages. Please take a seat here and be prepared to enjoy the magic,” Ryan directs us to the couch as Chloe giggles.

  “He’s silly.” She grins.

  “He sure is,” I agree, taking a seat beside her.

  Ryan stands before us with both of his hands behind his back and dramatically pauses. “Tonight’s show is called Two Little Blackbirds,” he announces and holds out the middle fingers on each hand with the black drawn onto them.

  “Ohhh.” Chloe is already impressed.

  “Two little blackbirds are sitting on a wall.” Ryan holds up his closed fists to us. “One named Peter and one named Paul.” Up go his middle fingers. “Fly away, Peter.” He taps his fists together and drops his one middle finger, lifting his unmarked ring finger up instead. “Fly away, Paul.” He quickly does the same thing on the other hand.

  Chloe watches intently, but I don’t think she caught the sleight of hand. Her mouth opens a little as she sees true magic through her child eyes.

  “Come back, Peter.” Ryan smacks his fists together again and switches back to his marked middle finger. “And come back Paul.” He brings back his other marked finger while hiding his ring finger.

  “Wow.” Chloe gapes at me with wide eyes. “Did you see that?”

  “I did.”

  “That was so cool! Can you do it again, Ryan? Pleeeease?” She twists her hands together in excitement.

  “Tomorrow night I’ll have another magic show, but that’s it for tonight.” He smiles.

  “Now you know you promised to go to bed after, right? So let’s go get your butt to bed.” I hold my hand on her back, urging her to move without any more stalling.

  “Oh, okay. But I can have another magic show tomorrow, right? Promise?”

  “I promise.” He nods solemnly.

  I lead Chloe down to the bathroom and we get her teeth brushed. Getting her to bed is still a journey even when she’s not being uncooperative. I tuck her into bed, read her Goodnight Moon, and give her a kiss on the forehead.

  “Sweet dreams, Daddy,” she calls out before tugging her blankets up to her chin and snuggling in for the night.

  “Sweet dreams, sweetheart.” I smile and turn off the light.

  Back in the living room, I can see that Ryan has started helping himself to the liquor. It’s not like I mind. I don’t even keep any in the house anymore. I only bought some rum because I knew he was coming to see us.

  “Thanks for that. You cut at least twenty minutes off the normal routine,” I admit and sink down into the chair next to the sofa.

  “No worries. My grandfather used to do that trick for us as kids. I really liked it. I’m just glad I didn’t mess it up.” He takes a long drink. “Speaking of magic, where did all the single ladies in Denver disappear to? I’ve got a, uh, magic wand I’d like to introduce them to.” He chuckles at his own joke and then empties his glass in one long gulp.

  “Honestly, I’m not going to be much help on that one,” I admit. “I haven’t been out since I left the SEALs. Well, since they discharged me.” I taste the bitterness on my tongue still, even after all this time.

  “No.” He looks at me from the corner of his blue eyes. “No fucking way.” He shakes his head in disbelief.

  “It’s true.”

  “What? Why are you living like a monk, man? You gotta get out there, have some fun! Spread your wild oats and all that shit.” He gets up and makes himself another drink.

  “I dunno. I think I’m just done with that part of my life now. I’ve got Chloe and responsibilities now. Not all of us can just drive across the country, partying it up and chasing pussy in every state.” I laugh.

  “Not every state,” he answers as he walks back in the room with two drinks this time, handing one over to me.

  I take a tiny sip but have no real interest in getting drunk tonight. I don’t want to be out of it in case Chloe needs me for anything. It’s something I can never really explain to a wild man like Ryan, but children change you. Or at least, they should. And I have no regrets or lingering longing for my old life. Especially not when I remember where my old life led me to.

  “Look, buddy, while I’m here, let me babysit the little rugrat and get out and have some fun. Just go on a date. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Give me your phone.” He holds out his hand expectantly and for some reason I hand it over to him.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Looking for your Tinder app.” He sinks back down into the sofa and swipes my screen, searching.

  “I’m not on Tinder,” I answer flatly.

  Ryan sighs dramatically and rolls his eyes. “Okay then, step one: get on Tinder.” He messes around with my phone and pushes some buttons. “Done.”

  “Hey, I don’t think I want to be on there. It’s not my style, man.” I try to reach for my phone, but Ryan pulls it in tight to his chest.

  “Step two: swipe right for a match. Done.”

  “What the fuck are you doing?” I wrench the phone from his hand.

  “Whatever, just swipe right on every chick on there, got it? Then, eventually you’ll get a match. Talk to her, arrange a date, and voila, you’re back in the game,” he announces.

  I don’t think I want to be back in the game. At least not like he means. Just trying to get laid as much as possible with no strings attached. If I did go out on a date, I’d be looking for something more. Something meaningful. Someone who was ready to take on Chloe and me. Not just a lay.

  An orange dot next to the woman Ryan randomly swiped right on draws my attention to the screen. She’s stunning. I know he didn’t even check her face when he selected her, but she’s breathtakingly beautiful. I can’t stop staring at her picture.

  At her.

  “What’s up?” Ryan juts out his jaw at me.

  “Nothing. It says ‘matched’ and I’m just looking at the woman. She’s… wow,” I answer.

  “Wait, it says you matched up? Really? What are the fucking chances of that, man? Guess what? You’re going on a date.” He grins.

  “Uh, well.” I don’t really want to argue. After perusing the woman, her gorgeous honey skin and brown eyes, she looks like a real person. A wholesome girl I would genuinely like to get to know, and not just the way Ryan was thinking.

  “Do it, man. I’ll babysit the kid. Go out and have a night of fun for once!” He holds up his glass like he’s expecting me to clink mine against it and then shrugs, gulping it down.

  “Okay, I’ll talk to her and see how it goes,” I agree. “But one thing is one hundred percent not happening.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You are definitely not babysitting Chloe. If”—I squint at the screen and read the woman’s name—“Ella and I go out, I’ll have my mom over.” I laugh.

  “Sure, sure, whatever. So, what are you waiting for? Talk to her!”

  6

  Ella

  “Annnnd, I think you’re just about all set. Ella, you’re so beautiful in all these pics.” Julianna admires her work. When she told me we would have a girl’s night, I never imagined we would be setting me up for a date on Tinder. If I’m honest, I didn’t know what to imagine at all.
It’s been a long time since I’ve had real friends in my life.

  Empty bottles of wine litter the floor and I wobble on my shaky legs like a newborn colt, giggling foolishly at the pile of laundry with every single piece of clothing that hasn’t fit Sylvia over the years strewn across the bed. All her designer dresses, shoes, sweaters, and pants are lying there, finally being worn for the first time since they were bought.

  Julianna did a little fashion shoot on my phone to make it appear like I have normal profile pictures on Facebook. Of course, it would look really weird to have a bunch of shots of me wearing the exact same clothes, so she had me try on variations of everything in my drawers and pose around the house like she’s trying to get a cover shot for Vogue.

  It was fun, even if the images aren’t really real. Obviously the backgrounds in the photos aren’t really my house. The clothes aren’t mine either. But it was a fun way to spend a night, playing dress up and imagining the potential prince charming I’ll meet on my secret night out. That is, if I even go. It’s one thing to play pretend in here, with Julianna, but it’s another thing entirely to throw caution to the wind and actually go out on a real date.

  “Wow, I think this is the winner.” She turns the phone toward me to see what she’s talking about. “This should totally be your profile picture.” She taps the screen. I take in the picture of me in the dress Sylvia threw over my head the other day and a smile twists up over my lips. I want her to use that picture more than anything. I want to look like the woman Sylvia wishes she could be, wearing her dress, a dress she’ll never fit into and find a date that would make Raymond look like the sad, pathetic boy he is.

  “Use it.” My voice is eerily calm after how slurry my words have been all night.

  “Done and done.” Julianna flicks her fingers across the phone and sets everything up. “Now, to use Tinder, you just open the app,” she instructs me as she does it, “connect the profile, and, there you go. You’re all set up. Now, you go through the profiles of the guys and if you’re not interested, left swipe the screen.” She moves over to me on the bed and shows me what she means, flicking an elderly man off to the left.

  A new picture of a heavyset, balding man with glasses and a leering smile is up next. “Left swipe.” I giggle. Julianna flicks her wrist.

  “Ugh, why are you getting all the weirdos? Left swipe!” She flicks the next guy off the screen before I really have a chance to see him. However, the guy who pops up next makes me sit up tall and I grab the phone out of her hand before she has a chance to send him off into the ether.

  “Right swipe! Is that what I do? I want to meet him.” My voice is breathy as my heartbeat quickens. On my phone is a man with brown hair and gray eyes. His smile is natural and his body is so perfectly sculpted it’s making my own body react in ways I’ve only ever felt when I’ve been alone late at night and let my fingers slip under the edge of my panties, down between my legs.

  “Yes.” Julianna laughs at how frantic I am and I flick my twitchy finger across the screen, holding my breath.

  “Now what?” I raise my eyebrows as I wait for something, anything, to happen.

  “Now you keep going through the profiles and if he wants to meet up with you, you’ll get a match,” she answers matter-of-factly.

  Well, not exactly exciting or magical. Way to kill the buzz. I check the screen, disappointed that there isn’t some way to make him find me faster.

  “Uh, what’s the orange circle for? Oh”—I take a closer look—“wait a sec, I think he right swiped me too.” Excitement bubbles up inside as I bounce on the bed.

  “Really? Talk to him, set up a date.”

  Reality brings this fantasy to a grinding halt. “I can’t meet up with him. When am I going to go? Where would I even see him? My boss is back in two days.” I start making excuses.

  “Go to the fair, see if he can meet you there tomorrow. It’s just one night of magic, right? Just so you can experience some of this romance.” She pats the Harlequin on my nightstand. “The fair is close to here and it’s super fun. Come on,” she pleads with me, “I didn’t set you all up so you could get cold feet at the last second. Just give it a shot.” She nudges me in the ribs.

  I look at Julianna and then back at the screen. I would like to see what it’s like to go out and have some fun for once. And he is easy on the eyes. I let my thumbs hover over the screen for a second and then start typing. “Okay, I’ll give it a shot,” I answer her and Julianna cheers like her team just won the championship.

  Then I realize I have nothing to wear to go out. I don’t have fancy clothes. I don’t have anything. Self-doubt creeps up inside me. I stop texting and my shoulders slump over.

  “What’s wrong now?” Julianna frowns at me.

  “I don’t have any proper clothes,” I protest.

  “You’re kidding me, right?” She nods to the pile of designer labels on the bed.

  My eyes grow wide. “Oh no, I couldn’t…”

  “Why not? You said yourself your boss is out of town. She’ll never know. It’s just one night. Pick an outfit and go. Put it back when you’re done. She’ll never have a clue.” Julianna puts her hand on my shoulder.

  “Well, it is just one night.” I let myself get persuaded. “And she is in San Diego right now.” I build up on Julianna’s logic.

  “Exactly. No more excuses. Set it up and have some fun for once.” She smiles.

  “You’re right.” I nod and go back to texting the man I swiped right on: Jackson. “It’s about time I had a night of my own.”

  7

  Jackson

  “Oh, you look so handsome!” Mom brushes her hands over my shoulders and smiles proudly. The lines etched into her skin fold deep as she picks a tiny speck of fluff free from my arm.

  “You don’t think it’s too dressy?” I take stock of the navy blue, button-down shirt uncertainly. It’s been a long time since I’ve gone on a date. It’s been an even longer time since I’ve gone to the county fair. I’ve been second-guessing my decisions about every aspect of this date all day. You’d think I was nervous or something.

  “Not at all, you’re handsome. Doesn’t Daddy look wonderful, Chloe?” Mom calls over to my daughter, who is in the middle of kicking Ryan’s ass at a game of Candyland.

  “You’re okay,” she answers slowly, giving me a squinty, critical eye. “Oh, Daddy, don’t go yet. I have just the perfect thing for you to look bee-you-tiful!”

  Before I have a chance to answer, she leaps from the chair and thumps down the hall, disappearing into her room. Seconds later, she’s rushing back up toward me, grinning so wide her smile takes up the entire lower half of her face while she holds one hand behind her back.

  “Here you go, Daddy.” She thrusts out her hand at me, confident that she has the secret ingredient that will make this night magic in her palm.

  I can’t help but laugh. Mom and Ryan look over and burst out into a fit of loud laughter. Chloe’s holding out her favorite princess tiara for me in all of its sparkly, pink glory.

  “Now that is exactly what you need. Trust me, man, I’ve seen this in action and no woman can resist Princess Jackson.” He laughs.

  “No, he’s Princess Sophia.” Chloe pouts a little at the laughter and keeps holding out the gift insistently. “Take it, Daddy.” She grins.

  When a four-year-old hands you her favorite tiara for your date night, you take it. I gently place it on top of my neatly combed hair and my heart almost bursts when I see the sparkle of pride and happiness in my daughter’s eyes.

  “See”—she points her chunky finger up at my head—“now you’re ready to go.”

  “I’ve gotta get a picture of this.” Ryan whips out his cell phone and grabs a quick shot before I have a chance to react. I shrug it off. I don’t care if I look silly. Obviously I’ll take it off in the car, but right now the joy it brings Chloe is worth a dumb picture.

  “Okay, I’m all set now. Thanks, Chloe.” I lift her from the ground an
d swing her around in a hug as she squeals happily. “Now, I want you to be a good girl for Nana and Ryan, okay? Go to bed properly and I’ll see you in the morning.” I give her a quick kiss on the cheek.

  “I will,” she answers solemnly, “as long as Ryan does his magic trick again.”

  “You strike a hard bargain, kid.” Ryan smirks. “I think we can work that out, though.”

  I put Chloe back down and she runs over to finish the Candyland game.

  “Bye Daddy.” She doesn’t even look over her shoulder as she dismisses me for the night. It’s not like this is the first time she’s been babysat by my mother. With my job in security, she’s had many evenings where Mom has been the one to tuck her into bed. However, I thought she might be a bit nervous about having Ryan here too. As I gaze over at their rousing board game, I know I have nothing to worry about.

  Who knows, maybe this will all work out and I’ll have a great night.

  “Okay, get going. I don’t want you to leave the young lady waiting.” Mom urges me to get moving.

  “I’m going, don’t worry.” I give her a half hug with one arm as I wave goodbye with the other. “See you later, Chloe. And be good.”

  “She will be,” Ryan answers, waving me off.

  “I wasn’t talking to her. You behave yourself too.” I give Ryan a pointed stare and then nod down at my mom, making it perfectly clear that she’s off-limits. He shakes his head, smiling.

  “I will.” He laughs.

  I take one last look at what could be a Norman Rockwell painting of my family. My mother, a man I chose to be my brother, and the daughter who found me. It’s just perfect. I head out to the car, taking a quick glimpse in the rear-view mirror as I turn the key in the ignition. The tiara is still resting on my head. Tugging it off, I toss it over onto the passenger seat and chuckle. That could’ve been an interesting icebreaker. Now I’m ready to find out if this is the perfect beginning to a perfect night, or if this is the beginning of a perfect disaster.