R.E.solve (Rain Experience Book 2)
Page 31
She releases my hand and I set the pencil down. I move over to the mentioned shelf and locate the book. When I reach up my hand quivers. My arm doesn’t seem to want to grab the book. I force myself to take it and bring it back to the desk. Opening it, I flip through the pages until I reach nine hundred and fifty-two. For a moment I stare blankly straight ahead rather than at the text. I build up my courage and look at the page and begin to read. As I do, I am saddened.
The text is forthcoming with information about a kingdom which once flourished, but came under the control of a conniving, brutal young king. This king had conquered lands far and wide only to increase his name and wealth. Though he had never outright murdered anyone or invaded, he was feared by other kingdoms because of a dark assassin rumored to be under his control.
Drake.
Kings and dukes turned up dead, murdered, when they would not pledge allegiance to the king’s cause. The clever king would step in after the deed was done, offering the people a ruler under the guise of keeping the peace. This king’s name was Tiberius of the Kingdom of Astid. Tiberius was harsh to the people of his lands. He was a greedy ruler. People were taxed so heavily they had difficulty providing for themselves. Many starved to death all over his kingdom, including in the streets of his own city. He lived a lavish life off stockpiles of food and gold, but despite all of his depravity no one dared to question him for fear they might end up imprisoned or dead.
One fall day, Tiberius mysteriously vanished and his older brother Drake succeeded him with an announcement the king had been slain. Rumors spread of Drake besting Tiberius in battle; however no body was ever recovered. The kingdom fell into disarray under Drake’s inability to hold together what Tiberius had built. The people became rebellious and war was waged for their freedom. Drake led his troops into battle against many of the rebellious cities, however their collective spirit was never broken.
The cities amassed against Asta and the castle was overtaken. Drake was slain and after his death the cities became independent again. The great city of Asta, of the Kingdom of Astid, was abandoned for a thousand years, left desolate for nature to reclaim. Overrun by the world reclaiming the land, the area became known as the ‘Forest of Hunger’ for its history of the two kings with greedy souls.
Finished with the dozen pages on my own life, I am distraught. I close the book and sit with my forehead rested on the edge of the desk, staring blankly at the floor.
After all this time of trying to help people, I was the cause of so much despair. My name is Tiberius, and I caused so much pain to so many people. How could I have been like that? I am a monster!
Standing up, I move away from the desk, leaving things as they are and exit the room. The door squeaks shut behind me, and I shuffle heavily to my own room. Inside, I close the door and fall face first on my bed. Pulling my pillow over my head, I try to block everything out but I am still here. My mind plagues me with destructive thoughts.
How can I live with myself, knowing who I really am? This is where my violent nature comes from. This is why I thrive in conflict. I am a bad person. I don’t deserve to live. I don’t deserve the second chance I was given, and I don’t deserve this life.
I’ve already put these people through so much just because I lived. Maybe I should die.
I try to clear my mind, thinking of nothing but a black curtain within my mind and avoiding the horrors I inflicted upon people. I focus on going to sleep and eventually, after struggling with a restless mind and body, I make it there.
But my rest is not peaceful. Instead I dream of horrific things.
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My memory floods back, and I remember it all. Dreams of my evil conquests haunt me, only drawn out of them by knocks on my door.
Depression chokes me, and I ignore them to try and drown my sorrows with sleep. Grumbling, I toss and turn in my bed, finding it difficult to become comfortable as my skin crawls, disgusted with myself. The two sides of me rage against each other and I am torn between who I am now, and who I was not so long ago. It angers me to be awake, but I find my way back to sleep.
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“Sire, a message,” a herald speaks, holding a piece of folded parchment out to me. It’s sealed with red wax, the letter D impressed into it.
On my seat of power I look down over my throne room. I anticipate the message inside the parchment. I slide my finger underneath the seal and break it. Flipping it open slowly, the words ‘It is done’ are scrawled. I grin maliciously, pleased with myself.
It seems the city of Yaris will need a new king. I wonder how Drake accomplished it this time. A whole lineage must be difficult to kill off. Perhaps poison?
I will need to have a stagecoach prepared for my trip to save their city from anarchy.
I laugh to myself while the herald stands, waiting.
“What are you still standing there for?” I bark at him. “Leave me.”
He runs away, nearly toppling my chef who is carrying my lunch platter. I scowl and stroke my chin.
Lucky for him he is not worth Drake’s effort.
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Waking, I am deeply disturbed by this lingering dream of the past.
Each of the girls call outside my door, trying to coax me out, but I don’t want to face them. I’m angry at myself, mortified by my past actions. My heart aches. I have no desire to move, or be more comfortable. The pillow lies on my face and my breath reflects off of it. My eyes water, and I cry silently.
Is it fair of me to not respond? They’re worried. But I can’t face them. They cling to me now, but when they find out, I’ll lose them. Even Eve’s previous actions aren’t as cruel as mine. How can I go on living? How can I–
Stop your sniveling.
My mind is silenced for a moment in confusion. He is here. Tiberius. Not just who I was before I lost my memory, but a separate voice within.
The girls are relentless at the door. I pull the pillow from my face. Hanging in my view nearby is my sword, the heirloom of Asta, and it’s a visual reminder: I am evil. I war against myself.
The anger deepens, and I’m compelled by my urges. Acting on impulse, I snatch the sword from its hook and remove it from its scabbard. It gleams in the sunlight beaming in from the window.
Use it now! Claim this house as yours! Dominate them with your strength!
No! I won’t. I’m not Tiberius! I’m not you!
Weak!
Infuriated, I move to the door and fling it open to find Ami, Eve and Emma. Concern is apparent on their faces but they have become silent.
“I need you to move…please,” I mumble, nearly forgetting niceties.
Ami speaks up, “Rain, we’re worried.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” I avoid eye contact and my grip on the handle tightens. “I just need you to stand aside.”
“Rain? Tell us what’s wrong.” Emma pleads.
Looking up, a rage builds in my soul and I know it’s Tiberius. He pushes for me to swing the sword into the doorframe to incite fear, but I fight his impulses back and grit my teeth. I close my eyes and turn my head to focus on fighting him, but his will pushes harder. I grab my head and scream.
“No! This is my body now. You can’t have it back!”
I shove past the girls, my eyes watering. I nearly fall down the stairs taking them three at a time. Storming through the kitchen, I throw the door open to head outside. It slams against the wall but I ignore it. In a sprint I head directly for the ledge of the plateau.
Do not do it! It is Asta’s legacy! It was destined to be mine!
I don’t want it! I don’t want anything to do with you or Asta!
Swinging my arms behind me, both hands on the handle, I prepare to hurl the sword. The ledge comes up quick and, as I reach it, I swing my arms forward and release. I yell in rage as it spins and falls toward the ground. On the precipice of the plateau I look out over the land below.
I lean forward and the edge of the grass caves under my feet. I begin to fall. But I’m halted, hands and arms grabbing hold of me, gripping tightly to my chest. I’m pulled back from falling over. I struggle against them. I’m overpowered, the ability to end my life stripped from me.
I stare at it. Only feet away lies the answer to my problems but I’m being pinned down. I succumb and sit in the grass. Bodies encase me.
“I don’t want to be Tiberius! I’m Rain!” I push through hiccupping to plead.
“Shh,” Ami consoles me and strokes my hair.
Can I go on living as Rain? Can I ignore everything I am as Tiberius? All this time trying to do some good in the world. All this time wanting to know who I am. It’s clear that fate is making me atone for my evils.
It is who you are. I was struck down in my prime as king, but I can have it all again. I have power unimagined previously. The world can be mine now. Give me the body!
No! I don’t want it! I just want to be who I have been for the past months. I want to be me.
You are nobody! Nothing! I am Tiberius!
I sob for what may be hours until my body can’t produce any more tears. We sit there in the grass while the sun makes its way to the other side of the sky. My mind goes blank as Ami holds me and Eve and Emma rub my arms and back.
“I don’t deserve any of you. I don’t deserve to be alive,” I whisper, my voice hoarse from the physical exertion of sobbing.
“Rain, it’s okay,” Emma says.
Looking up and staring off into the sky, I avoid eye contact. “It’s not okay. You don’t know who I am or the terrible things I’ve done.”
“You’ve regained all of your memories?” Ami asks.
“I have…and I wish I hadn’t.”
“It will be okay.” Eve caresses my arm.
“With my memory returned, I am struggling to stay me – Rain. My real name is Tiberius, King of Asta. I’ve done evil things. I am evil.”
They’re silent for a few minutes while I watch cloud formations pass overhead.
“Rain,” Ami speaks up soothingly. “When you lost your memory you stopped being the person you were and became who you are now. Tiberius and Rain are not the same person, though the body is the same. Tiberius is dead.”
She lies! You are more like me than you want to admit! Can you discount the similarities?
Silence!
Her words linger in the air and I want to believe there’s truth in it despite Tiberius’s intrusions. With his dark memories and feelings boiling to the surface, I feel my fight is only beginning to stay in control of this body, to stay who I am.
“We are here for you Rain,” Emma says while leaning over and kissing me on the forehead.
Ami smacks Emma lightly on the head. “Rules.”
“They don’t apply to me. I’m not in love with him.”
Ami smiles, and Eve lets out a small laugh.
Desperate to get my mind away from Tiberius and the past for a while, I focus on the women instead. “What rules? Is that what you’ve been so secretive about?”
They all look away from me quickly and I know if I push, I might just make them slip up.
“I know I’ve heard something about rules. What are they?”
“We have no idea what you’re talking about, Rain,” Ami puts emphasis on my name, as if to reassure me.
“Emma will tell me.” I sit up and face them.
My mood shifts. Tiberius is pushed further into the recesses of my mind, offering reprieve from the dark depression. Their comforting is beginning to work.
“It’s not for me to say.” Emma leaps up and stares away from me.
“I don’t think so.” I grab at Emma’s hand. “I know there’s something going on, and you want to tell me all about it.”
“I can’t keep anything from you my beloved. If you really want to know…” Eve trails off while caressing my chest. She’s immediately tackled and silenced by Ami, her hand over Eve’s mouth.
Eve shoves Ami over and tries to speak again. Before she can speak though, Emma leaps on her and covers her mouth with two hands. Eve rolls, escaping her grasp and turns to face me.
“We established ‘Rain rules’ for how we’re supposed to act around you. Like you can only kiss me.” Eve laughs maniacally.
“Liar!” Ami yells.
Ami tackles her and the three of them wrestle around in the grass. Their rivalry and horsing around causes me to chuckle. I can no longer hear Tiberius’s voice in my head. Eve springs to her feet and begins sprinting toward the house and the other girls pursue her.
“I’ll tell you all about it later, lover!” Eve yells at me while disappearing into the living room door.
I begin to stand up and follow everyone, but Ami turns back and points at me to indicate I should stay here. She smiles sheepishly and disappears inside. Playful screaming and stomping can be heard from inside.
With their antics, the weight on my heart and mind has been lifted a little, despite the memories still being present. I turn my attention to our slice of paradise up on the plateau, walking over to the stable where the horse is lying. I make some clicking noises to gain his attention, and pat on the wooden structure.
“Up!” I coax him while I retrieve his brush.
He climbs to his hooves and I open the stable door to let him out. He moseys out in his own time and I stop him with a soft pat on his cheek. I use the act of grooming him as a way of keeping my mind off the nightmares rattling around inside my head. Putting my full attention into taking care of him I become lost in it. The work satisfying.
When he is clean, I put his harness on and tie him up outside the stable. Moving trampled hay, dirt and waste to the compost bin I am reminded that the bin needs earthworms in the near future to aid the composting process.
Finished with the horse’s stall, I lay fresh hay down from the bales stacked against the house. I refresh his food bin. His water trough is still somewhat full. With his area clean I remove the harness and lead him back in his stall. Standing there I stare at him while he starts eating.
“We need to think of a name for you. Charles maybe?” I look at him for approval, but he offers none. “How about Valen? Does ‘Valen the Horse’ sound good?”
My steed’s name was Buster. He was a great horse.
He’s silent. Leaving him to eat in peace, I walk to the edge of the plateau nearest me and look out. Left to my memories, both mine and Tiberius’s, I remember a number of things from my life before this one.
I vividly recall being a child. The chancellor came into my room to break the news that my parents had been killed, and Drake was gone. It was years later before I discovered Drake was responsible, trying to usurp the throne early. Instead, he was banished by my father’s advisors.
Being indulged my entire life until I was of age to take charge of the kingdom, it’s no wonder I became a narcissistic madman. I was thirteen! A teenager shouldn’t be entrusted to rule! Even now I wouldn’t want that responsibility back!
No, you were given the throne. It was my right to lead as I saw fit! Drake only helped accomplish that goal. To think, he had the nerve to attack me when I was about to make him Grand Chancellor. I deserve reverence!
Silence Tiberius! I am in control of this body! This is mine now and I won’t let you have it back! Asta is no more!
He does as I command and is silent within me. I breathe a sigh of relief. I curse the day I was born, and it occurs to me that I know when that was now.
It doesn’t matter. A celebration of the day I was born seems hollow knowing that for the first portion of my life I was spoiled and did terrible things. We may never see that date again, and I would be okay with that.
I head inside to the living room, and find Ami and Eve on the couch facing Emma who is sitting on the table. They had been speaking before, but as I enter they fall silent. Before
pushing through to the kitchen, I look over my shoulder to see them expectantly waiting for me to disappear.
The air is cool from the refrigerator when I open the door. I stand there staring at a number of different items I could eat, but leftover waffles entice me.
Despite our group having grown to five mouths to feed, there always seems to be leftovers.
I devour one, nearly choking myself. I guzzle a glass of water and recover. Even by the sink I can hear the girls’ voices, just barely. Craning my neck, I try to make out what’s being said, but I fail. Rather than eavesdropping and risking invoking their wrath, I join Agatha out in the garden.
“Need any help?” I offer.
Smiling sympathetically, she nods. She hands me a half full watering can while she moves through and picks off dead leaves and bad food.
“I need some earthworms for the compost bin.”
“We can search for some when we move the garden. This will be the last harvest. We’re going to till the land back next to the apple tree for our next spot.”
“Okay.”
Agatha looks over at me with a playful gleam in her eyes. “It’s a good thing I have a strong young man and a big horse residing at the house now. The tilling will be done in no time.”
“I’ll be happy to. I’m going to need everything I can to keep my mind away from…”
“It’s okay. We will make sure you don’t focus on the past. We’ll keep you centered in the present.” She reaches over to comfort me. Her hand rests on my shoulder.
“You know?” I’m struck with an epiphany the moment the words have escaped my lips. “Of course you know.”
“I hope you’re not too mad. She discovered it while possessing me. I wasn’t sure you would want to know and Evalyn was just as hesitant.”
“No, I’m not mad at you or Evalyn. She warned me and I looked in the book anyway. I already had an inkling I wasn’t a saint.”
There is a moment of silence between us and the wind atop our plateau fills the gap. I blurt to break the silence.