A Mommy for His Baby

by Molly Evans

  Eventually she relaxed her head against his shoulder and the tension in her back eased.

  The moment he felt it shift he lifted her by the arms and gave her a quick shake.

  “Oh!” She cried out at the sudden jerking movement, but he hadn’t hurt her—just surprised her. “Oh, wow. I feel different already.”

  “Don’t tense up. Just stay with me. Rock with me.”

  He set her feet on the floor, but didn’t release her. He kept her snuggled against his chest, taking a second or two to savor the feel of her body against his even if it was wrong.

  “It’s hard not to brace myself. I’ve been so locked up for months that feeling the release, the relief, is kind of strange at the moment.”

  One of her hands patted his arm as he held her. The gentle motion of her touch on his skin stirred him and he had to tamp down his reaction again.

  “I know. You’ll have to get used to feeling good again and then that will be your norm.”

  Slowly, reluctantly, he released her, and she took a moment to turn inward and check her body. He could see that she liked the feeling of relief.

  “Like I said, soon you’ll be swinging from the rafters in your dad’s barn.”

  “Beau...” She reached one hand out and put it on his chest. The light in her eyes, the beauty of her, was almost irresistible.

  “You’re welcome.”

  He swallowed hard, trying to resist the attraction that had swooped down to surprise him. After the wonderful relationship he’d had with Julie he’d not expected to be attracted to another woman. At least not so soon. Shaking himself mentally, he berated himself for going down that path. Now wasn’t the time. A year hadn’t passed yet and he was still mourning Julie, still in love with her—wasn’t he? Or had the time come for him to move on?

  “I don’t know how to thank you for helping me.”

  “Every day it’s going to get better and better.”

  Irritated with himself, he moved away before he was tempted to cup his hands around her face and draw her closer, to kiss those full ruby lips and breathe in her scent. Aurora was his friend, and now his employee. This wasn’t the time to take his libido out for a stroll.

  “You can pay me back by helping me get the office going and organized.”

  That was the goal. That was what he needed to be focused on—not on having thoughts about Aurora that would only get him into trouble.

  “Oh, for sure.”

  * * *

  When Beau released her she was amazed. Not only could she stand up straight for the first time in ages, but the pain was almost gone. And she had Beau to thank for it.

  “Thank you so much.”

  Cupping her hands under his arms and hugging him to her, she pressed her chest against his. He was strong, and muscled, and not as lean as he’d been in high school—but, then again, neither of them were. When his arms encircled her she had that feeling she’d always been looking for—that feeling of coming home, of belonging, of being needed and wanted, of being able to lean on someone.

  She abruptly pulled back. That was not the direction her thoughts should be taking her.

  Although it had been just a flash of emotion, the feeling was powerful, and she had to pull back before she did something she’d regret. Her future wasn’t here in Brush Valley. She wasn’t going to be in Pennsylvania for long. Just a few more weeks. Maybe a month or two, tops. Indulging in an affair with an old friend just wasn’t going to benefit either of them. Their lives were entangled, but only as friends, and she didn’t want to destroy that by giving in to a momentary flash of physical need.

  They weren’t children any longer. She had a grown woman’s needs and desires. A man like Beau would certainly have his own needs, too. Opening that pandora’s box with him would be something she could never take back. She would never be able to shut the lid on those old feelings if she let them out. Back then they’d been just kids, trying to figure out who they were. Now they were different. Grown up. The consequences were much greater—especially now that he had a child. Hurting him or being hurt wasn’t something she wanted. He was still in recovery after the loss of his wife, and losing their friendship would only end in more loss for them both.

  “You’re welcome.”

  When she looked up at him the look in his eyes was curious, as if he’d felt something too and didn’t know what to say about it. Then he looked away, cleared his throat, and the moment was gone. She breathed a sigh of relief. This was not the time to crack the lid on that box.

  “So, tomorrow I’ll start on that messy desk of yours and get it organized.”

  Distraction. Lots and lots of distraction. That was the key to keeping those feelings of hers subdued.

  “That will be great.”

  An alert beeped on his phone.

  “Oh, that’ll be Ginny. Chloe must be ready to go home.” He double-checked the message and nodded. “See you in the morning, then?”

  “You got it.”

  As he turned she wanted to say something, say anything, but she didn’t know quite how to put it into words.

  “Beau?”

  “Yeah?”

  He paused and looked at her. Really looked at her. As if he saw her, saw into her, knew what she was going to say even before the words formed in her mind. Her last boyfriend had always seemed like he was looking through her, was looking for the next woman to capture his attention. But not Beau, not now. Not in this moment.

  “I... I just remembered something my mother mentioned. Brush Valley Day is coming in a few weeks.”

  At the last second she changed her mind, not wanting to say anything that would interfere in her new job, or the dynamic of their friendship. That had to come first. No matter what.

  “I remember seeing that somewhere. You’d like that day off? No problem.”

  “No. I mean, yes. What I’m trying to get to is that it might be an opportunity to do some community outreach—set up a blood pressure clinic, give flu shots, stuff like that.”

  She hoped he’d like the idea. Even though it was off the top of her head, it was pretty good.

  “You’re brilliant—do you know that?” He took three steps toward her, clutched her by the shoulders and planted a hard kiss on her cheek. “That’s a perfect idea, and I never even thought about it.”

  “Fall is festival time. Might as well take advantage of it when it’s in our backyard, right?” The heat of a blush bubbled up inside her—pride at having an idea that hadn’t immediately been shot down by someone who thought it was stupid or outrageous. “I think it could work nicely.”

  “Absolutely. We can have a sign-up sheet that will offer follow-up appointments and get people in to see the office. Really show off what we offer here.”

  Excitement glowed in his eyes.

  “We can hand out fliers or appointment cards for people to take home with them—or magnets for their refrigerators with first aid information on them.”

  The energy pulsing around him was contagious.

  “Are you sure you’re a nurse? ’Cause those sound like excellent marketing ideas.” Beau shook his head and looked at her in admiration.

  “I do like marketing. Not like for used cars, though. Just finding ways to get services to people who need them.”

  “Well, you’re hired.”

  “I think you already did that.”

  “Right.”

  He snapped his fingers and pointed at her with a grin. The joy that had been bubbling in her system now gushed over.

  “Tomorrow at lunch we’ll order something in and make a plan. Write up your ideas tonight, and we’ll go from there.”

  “Great. See you in the morning.”

  He walked over to the door and Aurora followed him.

  When he turne
d back, he paused with his hand on the doorknob. “It’s great to see you again, and I can’t tell you how happy I am to be working with you.”

  “Me too, Beau. Me too.”

  “Goodnight.”

  As Aurora closed the door she listened as his footsteps echoed down the wooden stairs. A grin split her face, and she felt like she’d just walked a date to the door.

  “Oh, dear. I may be in serious trouble.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  BEAU PICKED UP Chloe and drove home, but his thoughts were still in that apartment over his office. Aurora had really gotten him thinking about so many things—like how to promote his office, his services, how he could be a better and long-term part of the community.

  Things he’d never thought about before. Things he probably shouldn’t be thinking about now. Like how good it had felt to hold her in his arms, to laugh with her, to feel whole and human again after losing his wife.

  He’d been in survival mode after Julie’s death. Learning how to raise a baby alone as well as opening a business had taken up all of his available brain cells. Those had been dark, dark days, but now he was able to see the possibilities for his future as a father, as a doctor. Maybe someday as a partner in a relationship again.

  He glanced in the rearview mirror at his sleeping daughter. “She’s right, baby girl. We have to be part of the community—not just live here like we don’t belong in it.”

  That meant changes were on the way. Big changes. And he was finally ready for them. At least in the office and his business life. His personal life was still something that was going to get left behind for a while. Looking at the curly-haired replica of Julie sitting in the back seat, he felt his chest burn, emotion pulsing.

  Was he ready to open himself up to anything outside of the little world he’d built with just him and Chloe? Could he ever have another relationship like he’d had with Julie? Was he even ready to consider dipping into the dating pool again? With a child, it was so much harder, with so many more things to consider.

  He sighed, not knowing the answer to any of those questions. He wasn’t sure he was ready, but then again, was anyone ever totally sure they were ready? For anything?

  A noise from the baby in the back drew his attention. Didn’t Chloe deserve to have a mother in her life? Not just a daddy who ran in too many directions? This little angel, the love of his life, deserved everything, and it was up to him to provide it. Somehow.

  The empty house offered no warm greeting, no glowing lights to let him know someone was there waiting for him. He gathered Chloe and headed into the quiet, solemn house as a cloud of heaviness lay over his shoulders and pressed down on him. He hung his backpack on a peg beside the door, placed Chloe in her basinet, and opened the fridge out of habit, even though he’d already eaten with Aurora.

  He noticed the meager supplies inside. Hadn’t he started a list of groceries? He’d so not appreciated how well Julie had kept their life organized until he’d had to do it all himself.

  This wasn’t the life he’d imagined for himself just a few years ago. Not at all.

  He’d expected to come home to his happy wife and snuggly baby, for them to go on outings together, to get bundled up and play in the snow, to have picnics at the lake and relax in the shade of a willow tree. That had been his dream, what he’d envisioned having with Julie, but it had all come crashing down around his shoulders late in her pregnancy, when she’d collapsed in his arms.

  Beau sighed, not wanting to go back and visit that horrible memory tonight. Tonight all he wanted to do was relax and put his feet up, but his emotions, his memories, had other plans.

  He grabbed a beer and twisted the top off, but there was laundry and dishes to do, and the dog needed to be let out for a run.

  Fortunately his property sat on five acres of mostly wooded land, and Daisy could take a run without the neighbors being bothered by her roaming. He never feared that she wouldn’t come back. She was the other constant in his life. The loyalty of this wonderful animal had gotten him through some terrible days. Knowing she needed him too, mattered.

  After a futile hour of household chores and dealing with a fussy infant Beau tried to feed Chloe what she normally ate. But tonight nothing was working. The little miss was not happy.

  Maybe she was teething. Maybe she had an upset stomach. Maybe she needed something he hadn’t even thought of.

  Babies were generally pretty easy to diagnose. Food. Sleep. Diapers. After those were checked off, then it was anyone’s guess. Perhaps tonight she was missing her mother the way he was. Could she even have a memory of her mother?

  The heat and weight of Daisy’s head resting on his leg attracted his attention.

  “What can I do for you, girl?”

  He spoke gently to the chocolate Labrador who had seen him through the thick and thin of the last year. She adjusted her head to a more comfortable position and cast golden eyes filled with adoring patience and eternal understanding up at him. She didn’t give him any real answers, but an idea did come to him as he stared at her.

  “Let’s go for a ride. Maybe Chloe will fall asleep in the car.”

  At the mention of the word car and the jangle of keys Daisy whipped her tail around in eager anticipation. She even drooled on his leg. Obviously she needed more attention than he was giving her, too.

  “Come on, girl. Let’s get out of here for a while.”

  Within minutes he’d gathered his daughter and stowed her in her car seat. Daisy, a wagging mess of excitement, stood on the other side of the back seat, sticking her head out the window, sniffing the early evening air to her heart’s content.

  They drove for an hour, until the sun sank below the horizon. Beau didn’t know where he was going, but on these narrow highways and back roads he didn’t care. He could drive all over this township and never get lost. He’d delivered newspapers as a kid on his bike, then in a beat-up SUV. He knew every rutted lane and pothole-filled road.

  Memories of those easy days filled him with nostalgia, and some of the tension in his shoulders eased. Now that Aurora was back a little bit more of his life was complete. He’d missed her and their friendship. Their lives had gone in different directions after school, but she’d been the kind of friend he’d been able to count on when he’d needed one—and, man, did he need one now.

  Absentmindedly, he drove past the clinic on his way back home. It was just force of habit, he told himself, to check on his business one last time before the end of the day and make sure nothing was amiss, that he’d locked everything up tight. It wasn’t an excuse to see Aurora again.

  As he slowed the vehicle, tires crunching in the gravel parking lot, he looked at the apartment window overhead. A dim light glowed behind the curtains.

  Was Aurora still up? Was she reading before bed the way he knew she always had? In high school she’d always had a book in her hand, so it wouldn’t surprise him if she was reading one now.

  So many feelings swirled around in him, confused him. He didn’t know what to do. Looking in the rearview mirror at Chloe’s sleeping face, he blew out a sigh of relief. Finally.

  Having such a tiny person depend on him so completely was something he was still getting used to. Though she was only nine months old, she was changing every day. Some new issue, new problem or new growth-related thing he had to learn about raising a baby came up constantly. Although he was a physician, trained in pediatrics, being a father brought a completely different perspective. When it was your own kid that was sick, or hurt, or troubled, the game changed.

  His phone rang and he jumped, then answered it even though it was an unfamiliar out-of-state number. “Dr. Gutterman.”

  “What are you doing out there?”

  Aurora’s soft voice posed the question, and he grinned, then looked up through the windshield as she looked down at h
im.

  “I’m not stalking you, if that’s what you think.” He waved.

  “Well, why not?” She waved back.

  That made him laugh. She’d always made him laugh, and it felt good inside his chest now. Some of the heaviness that had been following him tonight lifted. After months of grieving over the unexpected death of his wife, this lighthearted feeling was foreign, but he welcomed it. Needed it.

  “I guess I could start...since I know where you live.”

  “And work. Don’t forget that.”

  “I won’t.”

  Having her beside him in the office was going to be so amazing.

  “Seriously, what are you doing down there?”

  Looking up at the window, Beau could see her there, with the curtain pulled back. She looked like a widow of old, standing in her window watching for her man to return from the sea. But he was no sailor, she was no widow, and there was no sea.

  “I took Chloe for a drive because she was so fussy. We ended up here to check on the building, because I didn’t remember locking up, and I didn’t know where to go from here.”

  “Don’t you want to go home yet?”

  He paused. Was he that transparent? Then he sighed. “No. Not really. So here we are.”

  “Why don’t you bring her up? We can fix a bed for her here and see if she’ll rest.”

  “It’s late. I don’t want to bother you.”

  Though he said the right words, to give her a way out, he didn’t really want to go home. It wasn’t home any longer—just a place he lived. He wanted her company. Was it wrong?

  “It’s not that late, and if I didn’t want to do it I wouldn’t offer.”

  “I have a dog, too.” He cringed.

  Her soft laugh flitted into his ear and the tightness in his chest eased some more. “Well, bring the whole family and we’ll be just fine.”

  “You’re awesome.”

  Carefully he collected Chloe, who still slept and cuddled against his shoulder, then let Daisy out. When he turned toward the outside staircase Aurora stood there, bathed in the light from the kitchen. Surrounded by a golden halo, she looked like an angel. Maybe right now she was.