In Just One Day

by Helen Mcginn

  Robin was blindsided. His mind raced. How did she know? How long had she known? He looked at her, stunned.

  ‘Lost for words, Robin?’ Kate put her cup down. ‘Did you really think I didn’t know?’ Her voice was flat, the words slow and deliberate.

  ‘Kate, I’m so sorry…’ Robin looked at her, wishing he could say something to make everything different.

  ‘How long has it been going on for?’

  He opened his mouth to speak.

  ‘I said, how long, Robin? How long has it been going on for?’

  ‘Kate, please…’

  ‘Oh, for God’s sake, Robin, just tell me. I want to know how long I’ve been taken for an idiot.’

  ‘You are not… Kate, I never—’

  ‘Years? I know it’s been at least five. Please don’t tell me it’s more.’

  ‘Well, yes, it has been about that.’ Robin turned to face her. ‘But please, Kate. It’s over now.’

  ‘Damn right, it’s over.’

  ‘Oh, Kate, no. Please can we talk about it first?’

  ‘I don’t think there’s anything to talk about, Robin. You’ve been having an affair. For years. And I’ve known about it for years. I don’t know who she is and, frankly, I don’t care. I know that since Billy died you haven’t seen her, and I thought that I might be able to live with that. But as it turns out, I’m not sure I can. So, I want you to leave. And I want a divorce. Not right away but once we get the court case over and done with, I want you gone for good.’

  Robin went to reach for her hand. Before he could, Kate stood up. ‘And I’m going to see Flora tomorrow, just so you know.’

  ‘What will you say to her?’ Robin looked terrified.

  ‘I haven’t decided yet.’ Kate turned her back on the river and started walking up to the house.

  Robin watched her striding away, her dark red velvet dressing gown blowing behind her in the wind.

  After Billy had died, he knew he wouldn’t ever leave Kate. It just hadn’t occurred to him that Kate already knew about the affair. Or that, if she did, she wouldn’t want to him to stay.

  He looked back down towards the river. The thought of not living the rest of his life with Kate filled him with dread. He’d lost a son. Now he faced losing the woman he had loved for as long as he could remember. To risk it all had been the worst decision he’d ever made. Robin put his head in his hands and wept.

  25

  ‘Mummy!’ Pip squealed as Flora stood in the playground, rushing up to meet her with Tom following close behind.

  ‘I’ve missed you so much!’ Flora hugged them both. ‘Have you been good for Tilda? Did you have a nice time?’ Flora looked around, spotting her friend coming towards her. ‘Tilda, I can’t thank you enough. Were they good?’

  Tilda hugged her friend. ‘They were brilliant. We loved having them. How was it? Was Venice as heavenly as I imagine?’

  ‘It was really lovely, thank you. And honestly, it was so good to spend a bit of time together away from it all.’

  Tilda put her hand on Flora’s arm. ‘I’m glad. Will you show me pics? I’ve got to run now but I want to hear all about it. Shall we get together on Friday?’

  ‘Definitely, but you come over to me with the kids. I owe you.’

  ‘Don’t be silly, you don’t owe me anything.’ Tilda smiled.

  ‘I really do. I’ll make sure I have something nice in the fridge, promise.’

  ‘You’d better, otherwise I’m not coming.’ Tilda laughed and turned to go.

  Flora blew a kiss to her friend. ‘See you on Friday.’ She called to her children: ‘Right, let’s go home. Daddy will be back soon and he’s dying to see you, too. We missed you so much.’

  ‘Tilda let us stay up much later than you do,’ said Tom.

  ‘Not that much later, really. Only half an hour,’ Pip said, correcting him quickly.

  ‘Oh, it was much more than that.’ Tom looked at his sister, daring her to argue back.

  ‘Come on, let’s go. We’ve got to go via the supermarket, I’m afraid.’

  ‘Oh, please can we not? I hate going shopping; it’s so boring,’ Pip pleaded with her mother.

  ‘I know, I’m sorry but we’ll be really quick. What do you fancy tonight? How about I make some pasta like we had in Italy?’ She remembered the bowl of pasta on that first night in Venice, the taste and texture still fresh in her mind.

  ‘Fish fingers!’ It was Tom’s turn to plead.

  ‘But I hate fish fingers,’ wailed Pip.

  ‘No, we’ll have those on Friday. Pasta tonight.’ As she clambered into the car, her children still fighting over what they wanted to eat, Flora closed her eyes and took herself back to the gondola in Venice. The peace and stillness of the memory soothed her.

  ‘Mama, are you OK?’

  Flora opened her eyes to see Pip looking up, a worried expression on her face.

  ‘Yes, I’m fine. I’m just a bit tired. It’s been a long day.’ She looked at them both, staring back at her expectantly, and smiled. ‘But I am very happy to be home.’

  The phone was ringing as she came back through the door. It had to be her mother on the landline. Flora dropped the bags on the floor in the hall and went to the kitchen to answer it.

  ‘Mum, hi!’

  ‘Flora! You’re back. Did you have a wonderful time?’

  Her mother sounded perky – too perky. ‘We got back late this morning and I made it to school to pick the kids up just in time. We had a great time, thanks.’ Flora thought of the last time they’d spoken. She’d assumed her mother would still be holding a grudge so Kate’s jolliness was disconcerting.

  ‘So, come on, tell me all about it. Where did you stay?’

  Flora looked down the hall to see the children rummaging through the bags of shopping. ‘Can you just wait until it’s unpacked, please?’ The children didn’t even look up. ‘Sorry, Mum, can I call you back? I’ve literally just walked through the door. I just need to get stuff sorted, then I’ll call you right back.’

  ‘Actually, I was calling to ask if you’d mind if I came over to see you tomorrow. There’s something I need to talk to you about.’

  ‘Is it about our last conversation, Mum? If so, I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to be unkind. If it’s any consolation I’ve been feeling awful about it ever since.’

  ‘No, it’s not that, Flora. We’ll talk properly when I see you. If I come for about ten o’clock, how does that sound?’

  Flora had hoped to go to the shop but knew now wasn’t the time to refuse her mother.

  ‘Yes, that’s great. I’ll be here. We can go for a walk on the beach, if you like, if it’s not raining.’

  ‘That sounds perfect. I’ll see you in the morning. I’m dying to hear all about your little holiday. Bye, darling.’

  Before Flora could even ask another question, her mother was gone. It was not the conversation she’d been bracing herself for, to say the least, and for that she was grateful. She went to pick up the bags, collecting various escaped items of shopping along the way.

  Later that evening, Flora filled Johnny in. ‘Maybe,’ she twisted her fork around the spaghetti on her plate, ‘she’s coming to talk to me about the court case.’

  ‘Do you think you’ll go?’ Johnny poured some white wine into their glasses. It was a subject Flora had largely managed to avoid until now.

  ‘I really don’t want to. I’m worried I’ll learn things in the courtroom I don’t want to know.’

  ‘I can understand that. Then don’t go.’

  ‘But if Mum wants me to, and I think she might, then I should go.’

  ‘Well, see what she says. You don’t have to give an answer there and then. You can always say you’ll think about it.’

  ‘True. Maybe I’m just burying my head in the sand. Which is basically what I think Mum was trying to say to me before.’

  ‘Flo, just wait and see. You don’t know she’s going to say that. This is lovely, by the way.’ Johnny
took another mouthful of pasta.

  ‘Thanks, Venice clearly inspired me.’ She smiled at him, deciding not to mention the anchovies in the sauce.

  Tilda plonked herself down on the sofa, glass of red wine within reach. Pete was putting the children to bed so she picked up her mobile and called Susie.

  ‘Hi, love.’

  ‘Is this a good time?’

  ‘Yes, great actually.’ Susie sounded bright. ‘Julian’s away tonight so I’ve got the house to myself.’ Tilda could hear shouting from the children in the background. ‘Well, apart from that lot, but they’re only arguing about what to watch on TV. Everything all right?’

  ‘I’m fine, but, well, I am a bit worried about Flora. I mean, obviously she’s still going to be feeling down, given everything that’s happened, and honestly, I think we just need to really keep an eye on her. Just without telling her. She’d hate to think we’re having this conversation about her.’

  ‘I know. It must be so hard. The shock of it all was awful. But I agree with you, she seems – how can I put it? – just quietly sad.’

  Tilda picked up her glass. ‘I think that’s exactly it. And I don’t think she wants to talk about it particularly either. I mean, I know she loves talking about Billy, but she told me she can’t bring herself to actually think about what happened with the accident. And the court case will be coming up soon. There was something in the paper about it, apparently. Pete saw it on the train. And I’m just worried that until she goes through it, dealing with his death… she won’t be able to move forward. Does that make sense?’

  ‘I think we just need to make sure she knows we’re here. If she wants to talk or not talk, whatever. I’m not sure we can force her to face up to the accident itself if she’s not ready.’ Susie sighed. ‘Do you think we should mention the court thing to Flora, so she knows we’re aware?’

  ‘No, I don’t think so. Unless she brings it up, of course. Maybe when the trial starts, we should let her know we can do whatever she needs to help. Poor thing.’ Tilda closed her eyes, shaking her head. ‘She obviously had a lovely time in Venice but the sadness in her eyes when I saw her today, Susie – it’s heartbreaking.’

  ‘That’s exactly what it is.’

  ‘We’ve just got to be there for her.’

  ‘And we will be. I was thinking, shall we all go to the cinema next week? I’ll see if I can find something uplifting for us to watch.’

  ‘That’s a brilliant idea. And let’s do another walk soon too, when we can.’ Tilda sighed again. ‘You know, I wish I’d known Billy better. I met him a few times and he really was larger than life. I know that sounds like a cliché but it’s the only way to describe him. Flora absolutely adored him. I think they’d always been close, probably because it was just the two of them. Fuck, it’s such a bloody waste.’ She wiped her eyes.

  Susie sat on one of the uncomfortable bar stools Julian had insisted upon, her wine glass clattering gently on the spotless marble counter on the kitchen island as she put it down. ‘I wish I’d known him too. Sounds like he knew how to live life properly.’

  ‘Here’s to doing that.’ Tilda raised her glass.

  Susie did the same. ‘Speak tomorrow?’

  ‘Speak tomorrow.’

  The noise of the television woke Denise with a start. She sat up in her chair, realised she must have fallen asleep where she was. Slowly, she reached forward to pick up the remote control from the low table in front of her. Her body felt heavy, her mind a muddle. She turned the television off and the flat fell silent. Glancing at her watch, she saw it was well after midnight.

  She made her way to the kitchen, spotting a strip of yellow light seeping out from the bottom of Stephen’s bedroom door. She listened for a moment, trying to hear if he was still awake. She knocked softly. ‘Stephen?’

  There was no answer. She waited a few seconds before knocking again, this time a little louder. His voice came back, muffled.

  ‘Can I come in, love?’

  ‘If you want.’

  Denise opened the door. Stephen sat on his bed, staring at his phone in his hand. He didn’t even look up at her. He was pale and drawn, his eyes dark. Denise had tried everything she could think of to try to encourage him out of his room but he’d refused to see or speak to any of his friends since he’d been charged. Whenever she tried to talk to him about the accident, or about what might happen at court, he shut the conversation down.

  He’d pleaded not guilty to the charge of death by careless driving as instructed by his lawyer, but Stephen was so ashamed of what he’d done, he wished he’d pleaded guilty. In his darkest moments, he wished he’d been the one that had been killed.

  ‘Come on, it’s late. You need to try and get some sleep.’ Denise smiled at him, trying not to show the fear in her eyes. She was scared of what lay ahead for him, knowing there was nothing she could do to change it. His fate was in the hands of others now. ‘Maybe tomorrow we can go for a walk, get some air in those lungs of yours.’

  ‘I’m not leaving here, Mum.’ Stephen turned away from her onto his side, facing the wall. ‘Not until I have to.’

  She stared at his back for a moment, his shoulders hunched. She saw them shake but there was no sound.

  Denise searched for something to say.

  ‘Please leave me alone, Mum.’ His voice trembled.

  ‘But—’

  ‘I said, GO!’

  Denise closed the door as softly as she could, then held her hands to her mouth so he wouldn’t hear her sob. Slowly, she walked away, resolving to try again in the morning.

  26

  Kate arrived the next morning on the dot of ten o’clock. Since returning from the school run Flora had spent the next hour clearing up, or in other words hiding piles of washing and picking up stuff off the floor. It wasn’t that she was particularly house-proud, but her mother had a way of scanning a room that always made Flora feel like she lived in complete chaos.

  She’d managed to get the coffee on and was two cups in when Kate walked through the door.

  ‘Hel-lo-oh!’ Kate called as she came through the door.

  ‘Hi, Mum.’ Flora came to greet her, kissing her briefly on both cheeks. Flora was immediately struck by how together her mother looked, hair up and with perfectly applied make-up. The last time she’d seen her mother, she’d looked quite different, tired and drawn. Flora winced a little as she looked down at her own attire, which consisted of tracksuit bottoms and an old wool jumper of Johnny’s with holes in both elbows.

  ‘Oh, I’m sorry, you obviously haven’t had a chance to get properly dressed yet.’ Kate gently brushed Flora’s hair away from her face with her fingertips.

  ‘Yes, I just threw this on for the school run, and I’ve just not had a chance.’ Flora hoped this excuse would fly.

  ‘Don’t you worry. I know how busy you are.’ Kate moved through to the kitchen. ‘So, how is everyone?’

  Flora followed. ‘We’re all good, Mum. Everyone’s happy and healthy. The kids are doing great at school…’

  ‘And Johnny, how’s he?’ Her mother took a seat at the kitchen table, hanging her coat on the back of the chair.

  Flora sat opposite and poured Kate a mug of coffee. ‘He’s good, too. Things are really picking up now at the shop. You know, with Christmas coming.’

  ‘Oh, that is good to hear. I always knew you were on to something there.’

  Flora bristled but managed to stop herself from commenting. Come on, Flora. She can’t help herself. ‘How are you both? How’s Dad?’

  Her mother waved her question away. ‘I’ll come on to that in a minute. First, I want to hear all about Venice. Did you have a wonderful time? So sweet of Johnny to think of taking you there. Did you remember it at all?’

  Flora smiled. ‘Bits of it, yes. We barely had two days, but we walked a lot, ate a lot.’ Flora laughed. ‘And when we went to St Mark’s I had such a vivid memory of Billy chasing pigeons, do you remember that?’

  Kate
nodded, staring at her coffee mug, clearly lost in a memory at the very mention of it. ‘Yes, I really do.’ Her eyes were sad. She closed them and shook her head, then looked back at Flora, a smile back on her face. ‘Did you go on a gondola ride?’ Kate picked up her mug, blowing gently.

  ‘Of course. It had to be done. But we went at night. It was a bit cold but, honestly, Mum, it was gorgeous. So quiet. And the splendour of the place! Well, a kind of faded glamour. I don’t really remember that. It was more about the ice cream when I was little.’

  Kate laughed. ‘Yes, it was mostly about the ice cream for you two back then. Anyway, it sounds like you had a wonderful time. I hope to go back there one day.’ Kate put down her mug.

  Flora waited for her mother to speak. It still felt strange to be talking about anything when their world had been so utterly shifted. She knew they had to talk about it at some point so, before she changed her mind, she took a breath and spoke.

  ‘So, Mum, is this about the court case, because I’ve been thinking, if you want me to go—’

  ‘No, Flora. It’s not about that.’

  Flora couldn’t hide her surprise. ‘Oh, but I thought—’

  ‘Darling, whether you come or not is up to you. I’m not going to force you to do something you don’t want to do.’

  Flora was confused. ‘So, what is it, then?’

  Kate put both her hands on the table, looking at them. Flora shifted in her chair. She sensed she wasn’t going to like what her mother was about to say.

  Kate took a deep breath. ‘I’m afraid it’s about your father and me.’

  Flora gasped. ‘Oh God, Mum, please don’t…’ She put her hand to her mouth. She thought back to seeing him as he’d – they’d – walked up the steps at the station, the way they’d kissed and smiled at each other. She’d tried so hard to forget that image but now, sitting opposite her mother, she saw it more clearly than ever.

  ‘I’m sorry, Flora, I know we’ve all been through so much, but I’ve asked your father to leave.’