Nick’s eyes land on me for the first time and some of the anger in his voice fades. “Are you all right? I know we talked today but I wanted to make sure you were good.”
“I’m fine. I’ll talk to you later.” He backs away and I run my fingers through my hair and turn around to Matt’s angry stare. “Matt—”
“No! You talked to him today and he shows up here again uninvited?”
“Matt—”
“Are you talking to him every day? What the hell is going on, Cat, for him to feel so comfortable that he can show up at your door any time he feels like it? And I don’t see you putting up much of a protest.”
“What do you want me to say, Matt?”
“I want the truth, you can start with that.”
“I think you should step inside so we can talk.” He steps inside and I look behind me in the direction Nick went, closing the door.
We sit on the couch and I start talking and say what comes naturally without telling him about the pregnancy. I do tell him about passing out, going to the hospital, and staying at Nick’s house so he could check on me.
“Why didn’t you tell me all this?”
I shrug my shoulders not knowing what to say and not wanting to say too much.
“If you were with me in here,” he says, brushing the back of his fingers over my heart. “And in here,” he says again, brushing a strand of my hair back from my face. “You would have told me. I’m willing to try and work on this but I think we both know what’s going to happen.”
I clear my throat for real this time and it’s not because of my nausea, I don’t want to cry. “Matt, you’re a great guy, and an even better friend. You need a girl with a less complicated life. It wouldn’t be right for me to be in a relationship with you and not give you my all with all the other things I have going on. Things I wish I could tell you but I can’t, not right now anyways.”
“The timing is never right with us. Maybe one day it will be.”
“Maybe,” I say, my voice wavering.
“Can I ask you for one last thing before I leave?”
“Of course.”
“One last kiss.”
“You didn’t even have to ask.” I lean into him, opening my mouth against his, brushing my tongue across the seam of his lips. He opens his mouth and gently sucks my tongue into his mouth, making me moan when he tilts his head deepening the kiss, and I let him.
We sit with our foreheads pressed together and he says, “It always comes down to one last kiss for us, doesn’t it?”
I swipe my thumb across his lips and smile. “Yes, but I can honestly say your kisses make my toes curl.”
“But not enough to help you through your problems and to forget about Nick. Otherwise I would have been the first call you made when you needed help.”
I can’t deny it, he’s right. No need for me to hurt him by saying it out loud. So I tell him the truth. This is hard. “I appreciate the great friend you’ve been to me and not asking me about my family. Even though we both know you know the situation without all the details. You were just there for me; as a friend giving me a shoulder to cry on whenever I needed one. Thank you.”
“You’re more than welcome. Whenever you need a shoulder or two I’ll be here. All you have to do is call, better yet, I’ll call you. I’m not giving up but I know when it’s time to step back.”
Nick
Isn’t this a bitch. I’m sweating bullets, the mother of my child is going on a date with some other guy, and I’m doing a stint as a mini-stalker sitting in front of her building. I hate this. Every fucking night I’m wondering where she is and if she’s sleeping with him! I can hardly sleep at night.
For weeks I’ve been living in fucking torture wondering where she’s going and if she’s doing it with him. I’m constantly worried if she’s feeling well or if she needs anything. I know she’s not eating much; I just don’t want anything to happen to her. What if she passes out again at home? No one’s there with her and it’s not like I can call one of her friends or Ava to check on her when they don’t know she’s pregnant.
On edge, I sit back waiting for her to leave with Matt so I can see for myself she’s fine. I know what she said but she didn’t look too well, that worries me more than anything else. As I’m waiting in my car, Matt comes out by himself. Maybe she changed her mind about going out because she isn’t feeling well. Damn, I can’t call her. She wasn’t thrilled with me showing up and almost getting into it with Matt, good chance she won’t answer my call. Damn. I sit there for another thirty minutes before I say fuck it. I’d rather her be mad at me than her being sick and by herself or worse. I practically knock her door down. “Cat, Cat, open the door. I want to make sure you’re all right then I’ll leave, I promise. Cat! Cat!” The door flies open mid-knock with a pissed off Cat yelling at me.
“Stop knocking on my door like a mad man or I’m going to call the police before my neighbors get a chance to and tell them an unwanted relentless man won’t leave me the hell alone.”
“Sorry, I wanted to make sure you were fine.”
“You came back for that unannounced again? You could have called, that’s why they invented a little thing called the telephone; you should try using it.”
“I know you’re upset with me but you have to admit I held my shit together pretty good.”
“You want a fucking medal for that? You wouldn’t have had to hold it together if you didn’t show up here unannounced, which I asked you not to do!” Pissed and yelling, she stops and grips the door handle, taking a deep breath before continuing. “But you show up here doing what you want to do, as usual.”
Worried more than I was a while ago I reach for her. “Cat?” She pulls away and stumbles a little. Ignoring her protests, I rush forward wrapping my arms around her when she looks like she’s going to fall. Scooping her up in my arms, I kick the door closed and lay her down on the couch. “Cat?”
She rolls her head to the side and says, “I’m fine, I was a little dizzy. I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. What if I wasn’t here? You could have hit your head and got another concussion or worse.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“I’m concerned for the mother of my child, I have a right to be,” I manage to say with an easy tone not to upset her more. “I think it would be best if you came to stay with me.”
“What? No!” she says, sitting up against the arm of the couch resting her head on a pillow. “I’m not going to stay with you, that’s ridiculous. I can take care of myself.”
“I know you can, but Ava’s not here and this is the second time you’ve fainted. What if I wasn’t here? Then what?”
“I would get off the floor and call myself an ambulance.”
“Not funny. Look at me; I don’t want to receive another call telling me you’re in the hospital.”
“I won’t call you.”
“You’d better call me. Listen to me, stay with me until Ava comes back in a few short weeks.” I hold her chin in my hands for her to look at me. “If not for you, for the baby, please. If you don’t I’m going to have to call Chris or someone in your family. Not because I’m trying to be a prick to get what I want, but because I’m genuinely worried about you and the baby.”
She moves my hand off her face and says, “Fine.”
I spend the night at her house and the next day after work I pick her up and bring her things over to my house.
Cat
April
Today, Nick and I went to my second prenatal visit together and he was like a different person. He sat by me the entire time not saying a word while my doctor did the exam. But I could tell it was killing him to ask a million and one questions. I couldn’t help cracking a smile when the doctor was finished and I said to him, “Go ahead, ask away.” He really does care, he’s trying to respect my wishes the best he can. He hasn’t asked me about Matt at all and what happened between us the last night we were at my apartment and he left w
ithout me.
He’s being the perfect gentleman but something has changed from the last time I was here. He doesn’t touch me, and he hasn’t touched me once since I’ve been here. He’s going out of his way to stay away from me. The morning before the sonogram, we ate breakfast together and had the usual what we were going to be doing for the day conversation. Immediately we finished and he made sure I ate a small portion of food, he just left the room.
He goes out of his way not to touch me—accidentally or on purpose. I tried to touch his arm in the doctor’s office and he backed up against the station like he couldn’t get away from my touch fast enough. He turned away, turned back around, and gave me a strained smile. He said, “I can’t have you touch me. If you want me to keep respecting your wishes this is the only way I know how to control myself around you.” He really listened to me; it felt good he valued what I wanted and took it to heart.
I never said he couldn’t touch me, but I guess it’s better he doesn’t because I’m hornier now than the last time I was here. I wasn’t this sexually frustrated when I was with Matt. Being around Nick throws my hormones out of whack. I’m constantly thinking about him at nights then I find myself wondering if he’s been with someone or if he’s seeing someone. I was dating Matt and he’s free to be with whomever he wants to have sex…dammit, I don’t want to think about it.
Tonight, he and Gage are going over to Shawn’s house to watch the basketball game. I’m sitting on the couch flipping through channels and my phone rings. I pick it up and stare at the screen not knowing what to think. Waiting for it to go to voice mail, I seriously debate whether I should answer his call. It stops ringing and I’m questioning if I should listen to it because I don’t know what the hell he’s going to say to me this time. Nick comes out of the room a minute later and sees me in the same position still debating with myself. He sits on the other end of the couch.
“Cat, are you okay?”
“Yes.”
“Why are you staring at a blank phone screen?”
“Voice mail, I don’t know if I want to listen to it.”
“Is it from the doctor’s office? It can’t be, we were there this morning, and he said everything was fine.”
“No, no, it’s Jay. He left me a voice mail, I wasn’t sure if I should answer. I don’t know what he’s going to say. The last time he left me a message, let’s just say it wasn’t anything a sister would want to hear from the brother who has taken care of her and looked out for her since she was a little girl.”
“What did he say?”
“It’s not important, it was right after Kate lost the baby and tensions were high between everyone. I haven’t spoken to him since and he hasn’t called till now, while I’m here sitting on your couch pregnant with your child. God, that would be the nail in the coffin if he knew.” No way I’m telling Nick Jay left me a message basically calling me a whore whoring myself out to Nick while betraying my sister. He’s showing me a different side of himself and that side is going to go flying out the window if I tell him anything like that. Chris is the only one I told and that’s the way it’s going to stay.
“You should listen to it, see what he has to say.”
I turn and look at him like he has two heads. Jay and he can’t stand each other after the fight in the hospital. “I didn’t expect you to say that.”
“Me either but it might be good for you if he wants to work things out. Especially considering the news you’re going to drop on him soon. Can’t ignore a baby or a very pregnant you, it might make things easier when you drop the news you’re having this baby with me.”
For the first time since I’ve been here, he touches me by reaching across the cushion and touching my hand, almost stroking it. We smile at each other warmly and that familiar current that’s always between us runs through me. I know the exact moment he feels it too because he pulls away and averts his eyes to the phone in my other hand before he says, “Go ahead, listen to it.”
I press the button, tap the screen, and put the phone to my ear and get ready to hear whatever he has to say.
“Hey, sis, it’s been a while. I think it’s time we cleared some things up. You talk to Chris and Vanessa on a regular basis, so I know you’re doing as well as can be. Please give me a call when you get this message. It’s time we talked.”
I put the phone down not knowing what to say or think.
“What did he say?”
“He thinks it’s time we talked and cleared things up between us.”
“And what do you think, are you ready?”
“Before I found out about the baby I would have said yes, now I’m not so sure. I think I should wait and tell him and my family about the baby instead of patching things up and having it fall apart again when he finds out you’re the father. I don’t want to do the up and down, it’s all too much.”
“When you’re ready I’ll be right there with you. You don’t need to do this alone, I’m here for you.”
I tilt my head to the side and look at him reaching over needing to feel the warmth of his hand for saying what I needed to hear without hostility for my family. I’m not sure if he truly means it but that’s what I need: support and understanding. “Thank you.”
He squeezes my hand then takes a minute and I know he understands when he turns those soul-bearing eyes of pale blue-gray on me. “All I’m asking is you give me a chance, a second chance. I know who I am and I don’t make excuses for being me except when it comes to you. You make me second-guess myself, my decisions, and my choices. Two things I believe you know, and I’m going to call myself out here—I’m a bastard at times and I believe we both know there is no denying I love you, I’ve loved you for many years, that will never change.”
With the sensory overload of his hands and eyes trained on me, and emotions welling up inside me, I’m about to say something I’m not entirely sure I’m ready to say to him. He watches me intently as I open my mouth and the words I’m about to say are cut short by the front door opening. I turn around with a start to see a welcomed face I wasn’t expecting, Gage. Thank goodness, he saved me from pouring out my heart in the midst of overflowing emotions I’m not certain I’m ready to voice yet.
Jumping off the couch I pull away from Nick, who’s scowling, in more ways than one, to wrap my arms around Gage almost knocking him over. He flashes a bemused smile, wrapping me in his arms.
“Hey, hey, now, what’s this? I know it’s been a while since we saw each other but don’t attack me for all my sexiness, my brother might get jealous,” he says, chuckling. “But hell, any time a beautiful woman wants to grab me I’m not going to put up a fight. I finally have you where I’ve wanted you since I was eight.”
I pull back smiling up at him as Nick says, “I thought I told you to call me and I’d meet you outside?”
“Yeah, about that, I didn’t listen to you. I thought I’d pop in and give you a little impromptu visit. I usually find the best things when you’re not expecting me. And lookie here, I’m not disappointed at all. You keep hiding her away from me but I keep finding her.”
Nick gets up and starts walking to his room. “I’ll be right back, I’m going to get my wallet.”
Still holding on to Gage I say with a smile, “It really is good to see you. Is it me or do you keep getting better-looking every time I see you?” He looks like Nick but the laid back and relaxed version with the same amazing eyes but an unusual shade of green and a killer smile.
“It’s not you, I think the same thing every time I pass a mirror.”
“Oh really!” I laugh. “As adorable as you are all those girls crushing on you need to start clipping your wings because your head is way up in the clouds. Or you need to stop puffing on the I’m-so-full-of-myself trees ’cause you’re hallucinating.”
He laughs with me saying, “I’m too adorable and persuasive for the first part to happen but the second part you might be right about, but I have that well under control.” Then he turns serio
us. “Seriously though, I heard about what happened, are you okay?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“Are you sure? Because I’ll kick his ass for you. He’s my brother and he might have a few pounds of muscle on me but I’m pretty sure I can take him. We’ll double team him, it’ll be like old times.”
Smiling I tell him, “Thanks, I don’t think that’ll be necessary today but the next time he messes up you’re at the top of my list.”
“Gage, get your hands off her and back away,” Nick says, walking toward us.
“Don’t worry, I won’t steal her away from you this time.”
“Right, I’m sweating bullets. Come on, let’s go. By the way, didn’t I take my keys back?”
“Yeah about that, I thought it was best I make a second set to do a sweep of the place when you’re away. Can’t be too safe; you never know when an unwanted intruder might turn up.”
I press my lips together to keep from laughing at the look Nick gives him with his hand opening the door. “I’m taking back my keys again. Don’t make a third set. Or I’ll be forced to give our father a rundown of all the things you’ve been up to.”
“See how he treats me, Cat. This is why I won’t feel guilty when we run off together and I make you one of my concubines. Doing your best Miley impression twerking around the clock for me.”
I cover my face with my hands shaking my head, picturing myself twerking. I hear a loud clap, Gage’s laughter, then Nick’s voice, “Let’s go, get your ass out of my house.”
God, I love those two. I have a lot to think about. I need to admit some things to myself and stop avoiding them, mainly Nick. I head to the shower to try and clear my head of all the thoughts and feelings I can’t run from anymore or resist, for what? Him being who he is and being totally honest about it, the bastard that he sometimes is. That’s not all he is; he’s a man with many sides and he’s never tried to hide them from me or pretend he’s something he’s not. He’s trying, trying for me. I see it in everything he’s done these past weeks by not questioning my choice, giving me space to breathe, and the biggest is not going toe to toe with Matt. I know that wasn’t easy for him but he respected what I needed to do. I respect that and appreciate it.
Imperfections Come To Light (The Imperfection Series Book 2) Page 6