You Are Here

by S. M. Lumetta

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  Grey

  Phoenix

  I don’t remember much of any conversations with Lucie or anyone else after waking up in the ICU. Apparently, it was quite entertaining for all of them. I would later find out that I called Drew “pretty” and Nash “sad face,” as well as a load of unintelligible nonsense.

  A day or two later and a downgrade to a regular room, I woke more lucid to find Lucie curled up, asleep on a cot. It was pushed directly next to my bed, her hand firmly on my arm and her leg crossing onto my mattress so that it was flush with mine. In fact, she was practically in my bed.

  How she convinced the staff to let her stay, I’m not sure, but I was thankful to find her with me. Thankful and confused.

  I looked around the room and found Drew asleep precariously across an uncomfortable-looking chair. The clock on the wall above him said 5:48, so I assumed it was morning. The sun was a no-show while rain and strong winds kept the windows dark and blurry. Thunder cracked and rumbled as I listened.

  I tried to shift positions, but pain shot through my ribs and shoulder. I hissed and closed my eyes, trying not to move too much. Lucie stirred and looked at my face. She grinned wildly and crawled upward to attack my face with soft kisses before hunkering down to be as close as she could physically get.

  “Hi,” she whispered as we stared at each other.

  She looked so tired, though I’m sure I looked infinitely worse. “I thought I was dead for sure.”

  “I knew you’d be all right,” she said before adding, “Well, I had doubts, but then I realized I didn’t have to because I believe in myself.”

  “I kind of hoped I would, though I thought I’d be able to protect you,” I said, strained. “I’m sorry, my Lu. I failed. I—”

  She cut me off. “Reese is gone. I,” she looked around, craning to see the door before whispering, “I found him. I … he’s dead.”

  My mouth hung open as I felt a strange round of shock barrel through me faster than the meds. But then, I felt relieved, even perversely proud. “I guess I shouldn’t underestimate you, Lucie Gideon.”

  “No, you shouldn’t.” She smiled crookedly. “Ever.”

  “I get that now,” I said with a weak smile. “But … why were you there? At Tilden?”

  “I love you, Grey,” she said as if it were the most ridiculous question. “I’m seriously pissed you didn’t tell me everything you knew, but even with your past, I still want our future. I think you do, too.”

  “Even my past?”

  She looked intense while she considered. “I don’t like thinking about it. You really scared me, but I think a lot of that comes from what happened to me.”

  I nodded, still ready for another fallout. “I wouldn’t blame you if you couldn’t get past that.”

  “I want to try, baby,” she said. Her hand settled over my heart in a silent lecture with which I was quite familiar. “There is so much more to you than what you had to do.”

  “I don’t deserve you.”

  “I believe that’s true,” she said with a wink. “But the thing is, I deserve to be happy. I’ve never been happier than when I’m with you. You are my home, Grey. And I’m determined to give us a shot.”

  I was silent under the weight of her words.

  “Do you understand that you have saved me in more ways than I thought possible?” I asked in the same reverent hush used for prayer.

  “Um, hello? EMT training?” Drew interjected.

  “Shit, I forgot you were here,” Lucie claimed with a hushed giggle.

  “I woke up a minute ago, but I felt weird interrupting. I couldn’t wait anymore,” he said. “Are you in your right mind again? Or are you going to ask me about my sparkly magic wand?”

  I paled. More. “I didn’t.”

  “You know, like a unicorn horn,” he continued, mocking me with air quotes, to boot.

  “Christ.”

  “Nash will never let you forget.”

  “No shit,” I groaned. “Well, regardless of whatever I said under the influence, thank you. Both.”

  I looked at Drew first, who nodded tersely, avoiding the praise even though I knew his joke about not getting credit was not quite all joke.

  Drew walked around the left side of my bed, leaning his hip against the frame. He stared at the floor for a minute.

  “This is the second time you’ve died on me. You try for a third,” he said quietly, but seriously, “I’ll kill you myself.”

  “I’ll help,” Nash added as he waltzed in.

  “What the hell?” I asked. “It’s barely six in the morning! What is wrong with you guys?”

  Nash shrugged. “We have a couple of hotel rooms close by. You know, to make sure you wake up before we have to kill you.”

  I nodded slowly. “I sense a theme here.”

  “Don’t think I’m being left out here,” Lucie snapped, playfully. “I hadn’t realized, but I’m like a goddamn ninja. I could kill him all by myself!”

  My answering smile was no-holds-barred, holding back laughter for fear of the physical repercussions. “You kill me with your smile, angel. You don’t even need to touch me.”

  “Gross.” Nash rolled his eyes.

  “Says the perpetual over sharer,” Drew said, punctuating it with a snort.

  “You look like shit, bro,” Nash announced, a too-perfect smile on his face as he redirected the flow of conversation.

  “No kidding, huh? ’Cause I feel fucking fantastic.”

  “Cool, you want to arm wrestle?” He held up an arm in mock challenge.

  “I could beat you with my pinky,” I said, holding it up and winking.

  “I would destroy you, then what would you hold in the air when you drink tea?”

  We all laughed, though the consequence was a punch to the ribs for me. Conversation was stilted and no one quite knew what to say sometimes, but I wouldn’t change it. Eventually, I convinced them to check out and go home. I would be in here for a little while, to be sure, so there was no sense in them hanging out any longer.

  Drew paused like a deer in headlights. “Are you … coming home?”

  I looked at Lucie, whose eyes seemed to ask the same question. In disbelief and gratitude, I smiled. “I think I’d like to stick around.”

  As she scanned my face, her eyes flashed with surprise. The tips of her fingers delicately plucked strands of hair stuck to my forehead and smoothed them back with the rest.

  Her voice was tiny, but bright. “Damn right, you will.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  I sighed tightly. “I love you, my Lu.”

  Her responding smile was warmer than sunlight. “I know,” she whispered and pressed her lips to mine.

  Nash cleared his throat. “Yeah, yeah. I love you guys, too, but I am going to go home and shower in my fuckawesome bathroom,” he declared. “Fuck that. I’m going to take a goddamn bath. With jets.”

  “You mean, bubbles? Lavender or summer berry scented?” I teased.

  “Fuck you, man,” he said, but his grin was too wide to believe he meant it. “Asshole.”

  He straightened and looked at Drew. “Are you coming, princess? Or are you walking back to Soho?”

  My eyes met Drew’s, and he looked simultaneously hopeful and terrified. “Yeah, I’m coming. So, I’ll see you soon?”

  I nodded. “You will.”

  “Okay.” He put a hand on my arm for a moment, my opposite hand covering his.

  “Thank you,” I told him.

  He fought a small smile and shook his head. “Later, brother.”

  I never thought I’d have to confront the people I hurt, let alone try to rebuild those relationships, but here I was. Although it was really fucking overwhelming, I felt eager. Within the constructs of an actual life, I wasn’t sure who I was supposed to be, but for the first time I was looking forward to figuring it out.

  “You still owe me lunch, ya know,” Nash q
uipped as he was leaving. “But considering your condition, I’ll let it slide. For a couple days, anyway.”

  Soon after my brothers left, a nurse came to change the bags on my IV, check vitals, and bring me some mostly inedible breakfast. I didn’t touch it, choosing to pass out again. When I woke, the day was brighter with the sun at its heels. Lucie wasn’t next to me, but peering in the door from the hallway.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, amused.

  “I want you to meet someone,” she said and ushered a man inside.

  He was tall with a rugged face and dark silver hair.

  “Grey, this is my father, Peter—”

  “Novikov,” I finished. Despite never having met the man, I did know who he was. His name was whispered a lot in certain underground circles.

  “May I speak with you?” he asked, formally.

  “Of course.”

  He stepped closer to the edge of the bed. He spoke in Russian while a tight smile parted the rugged skin of his face. “I am in your debt.”

  I bunched my eyebrows together and shook my head in respectful disagreement.

  “If anyone owes someone, it’s me,” I replied in kind. I looked at Lucie before she stepped outside.

  “You may owe her a lot of things,” he agreed. “But I hired you to—”

  “You hired me?” I stared at him in awe and shame. “I’m sorry, sir. I failed.”

  He smiled and shook his head. “I trust he would have bled out if Lucie hadn’t finished what you started. So you see, you did not fail. And there is more to protecting someone than dispatching their enemies.”

  Confused, my mouth hung open, unsure how to respond.

  “You are a good man,” he said. “I trust her judgment. Plus, I’ve seen it.” He tapped his temple and my eyes grew wide. He chuckled. “She is definitely my daughter.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Swear to me you are done with that life,” he said, frighteningly calm. His face was placid, but a seasoned contractor such as myself knew better. “Your assignment is complete. I’ve confirmed that. All you need to do now is sweep. Yes?”

  I nodded, my expression gravely serious. Sweep was industry term for resigning, more or less—taking one’s name off the roster. I had chosen a code word years ago under the assumption I would never need it. I thought I would burn the world to the ground around me before I would use it.

  Never say never.

  “Yes, sir. As soon as I get another phone, I will. I—”

  “Love her. Yes, I know.” He smiled, genuinely, continuing in even quieter English. “I must go. I have to stay moving for a while, but I will be in touch.”

  Lucie walked directly into his arms. He leaned back from the embrace and took her face gently.

  “I will never be far, Milishka,” he told her. “Never again, I promise.”

  After he left, she got into bed with me again, settling into the crook of my neck. Her contentment was contagious. She began humming a tune I didn’t recognize, soft and low. It soon lulled me into a perfect sleep.

  When I woke with a start in the middle of the night, Lucie was lightly snoring next to me. I had no idea whether it’d been a few days in the hospital or a few months. My muscles felt stiff and sore, and I needed a bath or something, stat.

  I turned to the side table to get a drink of water and as I reached, I noticed a cell phone. It wasn’t Lucie’s and I was fairly sure it hadn’t been there before. In my hand, I swiped to unlock it.

  A text was on its screen.

  Keep your promises. Love her with abandon.

  Her father gave me a phone. To quit. I smiled. I swept my eyes over Lucie, and a crush of worry raced through me. What if I couldn’t do this? I hated to think I might just fuck this up after everything I’d put her through.

  As I agonized over hypotheticals, I watched her. Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled before falling immediately back to sleep. A virtually unconscious reaction was enough to bring the answer into focus.

  The only one expecting miracles was me.

  With that in mind, I opened up a text message, grinning like a fool as I heard Lucie singsong “do-over” in my head. She was right—she was always right. This was our second chance but more than that, it was a rebirth. We had come out of the blaze not unscathed, but completely renewed, raw, and terrified. In the best way.

  With hope on my fingertips and redemption in my arms, I fired off my resignation.

  Phoenix.

  Epilogue

  Grey

  She wiggled against my chest, her skin warm and soft. I smiled half asleep, thinking of my girl as I woke.

  My girl. I’d never believed it was possible to love someone this much … it’s almost too much.

  She produced a tiny howl and my eyes shot open. Her face scrunched in annoyance but it made me smile. Feeling a shadow, I looked up.

  My wife stood in the doorway. “Are you going to just let her cry like that?” Lucie faked shock.

  “She just woke up,” I argued. “And don’t think I couldn’t feel you watching us for the past five minutes. I’m surprised you haven’t pinched her just to wake her.”

  “It’s been almost an hour!” Her voice got a little loud.

  I snorted. “My Lu, don’t be jealous of your own daughter. You could nap with us if you wanted,” I said, reminding her. I sat up with the warm bundle against my chest, her wails softening into sad little coos. By the time I stood and walked over to Lucie, Edie was already asleep again.

  Lucie sidled up to me, wrapping her arms around my waist and settling her cheek on my chest opposite our baby girl. I still couldn’t believe this little family was mine. These girls, they were my salvation, my heart. I didn’t deserve them, but I treasured them more than my own life.

  “Someone has to do the laundry,” she mumbled, not a hint of real anger in her voice.

  “And someone has to say ‘fuck laundry’ and cuddle up with her family,” I whispered as if I were telling a bedtime story. I swallowed a yelp of surprise when Lucie pinched my ass. Hard.

  “Greyson Robert Sawyer, language!” she hissed, the baby stirring only slightly this time. “It may be Father’s Day, sweet lips, but I will kick your ass.”

  “Intense! Full name and everything.” I chuckled. She blushed. “You got the mom voice down.”

  “I figured I should practice.”

  It was still a little strange, even after a few years. I couldn’t bear the label of Ellicott anymore. My mother’s maiden name of Sawyer was the only name to which I felt any connection. Drew had initially been hurt that our last names would be different, but after he took the time to think about it, he understood.

  “Sugar, she can’t understand words yet. Plus, she’s asleep … ish.”

  I looked down at my daughter’s round, pink face, her cheeks demanding to be pinched and kissed. The moment she was born, the girl had me wrapped around her tiny finger.

  “Yeah, but you and Nash are like sailors in a swearing contest most of the time. I’m trying to make an effort to clean up our language so we’re not the parents getting the ‘your daughter called the teacher a fucking cocksucker again’ call, you know?” Her expression was serious.

  But I couldn’t stop laughing and Edie woke making the sweetest giggle.

  Lucie was easily infected. “You suck.”

  I pulled her back into my side, leaning my face close to her ear so I could whisper, “And lick and nibble and f—”

  “Stop!”

  I froze as I felt her fingers take one hell of a firm grip on my balls. You’d think that would discourage me, but then she had to go and amp up her bossy voice. She knew what that did to me.

  “I am super horny right now,” she said, “and Edie is now wide awake. In fact, she’s probably logging this in her subconscious for inevitable therapy sessions.”

  I was about to argue and, more likely, laugh, but the phone rang. Lucie sighed, releasing my balls only to slap my ass as she walked
behind us to grab the phone.

  Thankfully, Nash and Vivi were babysitting the next night. Wait. Scratch that. Thankfully, Vivi was babysitting Edie and Nash the next night. Better.

  With my baby girl in my arms, I walked out of the bedroom to find Lucie out on the patio, still on the phone. As much as we loved her flat in the village, when we found out Edie was joining us, we knew we needed more space. We’d found this single-family brownstone in Brooklyn walking distance from a couple different parks and blocks from the river. It was well over a century old with fantastic hardwood floors and a quaint back garden.

  I sat down across from Lucie just in time for her to hang up the phone. “Who was that?”

  “Papa,” she said simply. “I called earlier to wish him a happy Father’s Day, but his phone had been off.”

  “Too bad he’s in London right now. It would have been nice if he could have joined us at the barbecue.”

  “He’ll be back in Montreal next month, and he wants us to come stay for a couple weeks,” she said, making faces at Edie before grabbing her off my lap.

  Jealous.

  “Sounds great,” I said, leaning forward to stand. “I’m going to hop in the shower. We don’t have to be to Andrea and Charlies’ ’til three, right?”

  She cocked her head at me. “Why do you have to perpetuate that stupid joke? Even if Nash insists Charlotte loves it, she doesn’t. And you know it pisses Drew off.”

  “Okay, Mom.” I winked, and a strange look passed over her face. My stomach flipped. I watched her expression cloud and clear. “What?”

  “Huh? Nothing.” She shrugged, smoothing Edie’s one, crazy curly lock down, only for it to pop right back up. “Yeah, three. Go on. I got her.”

  I was sure she’d had a preview, but quite honestly, I didn’t want to get into it since we had to get going. I brushed the odd feeling off as I made my way back through the house to the master bathroom to turn on the shower. Perhaps I didn’t pay attention to how far I twisted the knob, because when I stepped in, the water could cook a lobster on contact. I jumped back out of the steaming hot spray and hit the tile.

  “Fucking hot!” I yelled, grabbing at the nozzles until it cooled down.