by Joanna Sims
“No.” Sophia didn’t like the pouty quality to her voice, so she cleared her throat and started again. “No. It’s not. But you should be using it anyway.”
Luke crossed his arms over his chest and didn’t bother to button his jeans. “I’ll keep it in mind. Anything else?”
She didn’t like his dismissive tone. “Yes, as a matter of fact, there is.”
Instead of answering her verbally, he waved his fingers at her, as if to say, “Bring it on.”
He was being rude, dismissive. She didn’t like it. Sophia pushed away from the wall and closed the door to the bathroom behind her. She stepped closer to him and said in a low, demanding tone, “I think I deserve an explanation.”
“For what?”
Now they were face-to-face. His arms were crossed over his chest; her hands were on her hips. “Are you serious?”
“You bet.” He didn’t bother to keep his voice down.
She waved her hand. “Shhhh.”
“No one can hear us.”
“You don’t know that!”
Luke pulled the conversation back on track. “What’s up, Sophia? What’s on your mind?”
“The kiss,” Sophia said bluntly.
Luke’s eyes narrowed and he moved away from her. He put some distance between them before he turned back to her. “Jesus, Sophia. You’re relentless. Once again you just can’t leave well enough alone. Why do you have to go over and over the same issue again and again? We’ve already discussed this. It’s over. Let it go.”
“Don’t put this off on me, Lucas. You tried to kiss me and you expect me to just forget about it?”
“Yeah. I do. Nothing happened.” Luke jammed his hands into his pockets. “And my name is Luke. Not Lucas.”
“I want to know why you tried to kiss me, Lucas. And don’t try to put this off on me, implying that I’m a crazy pregnant woman! You owe me an explanation. After a decade of barely tolerating me, ignoring me and avoiding me, you try to kiss me? And if you don’t want me to give you the third degree about something, then don’t do it in the first place! I’m not one of your bimbos you can use up and toss aside like garbage. Now, explain it to me as if I’m stupid, because I really don’t get it. What in the hell were you thinking?”
Chapter Eleven
Without a word, Luke stepped around her and jerked open the door to the bathroom. The look he gave let her know, in no uncertain terms, that he was finished with the conversation.
But she certainly wasn’t. She turned slowly to face him and didn’t move from her spot.
She shook her head. “Nice try. But I’m not leaving.”
Luke shrugged nonchalantly and walked over to the bed with only a slight limp. His leg was noticeably stronger.
“Suit yourself,” he said smoothly.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Sophia asked as she watched him reach for the zipper of his worn jeans.
He pinned her with his ice-blue eyes, and she could have sworn that she detected a taunting glint in them.
“What does it look like I’m doing?” His tone was unmistakably suggestive. As those words came out of his mouth, he unzipped his pants in one quick, fluid motion.
“It looks like you’re taking off your pants,” she responded robotically. She knew she should admit defeat and return to her room, but she couldn’t seem to move her feet.
“Your powers of observation are impressive.” He said this while his pants were dropping to the ground. Luke stepped out of his pants and stood before her without any sign of modesty. He was trying to get her to leave by embarrassing her, but it wasn’t going to work.
“I want an answer, Luke. Are you going to give me one?” She tried. She really did. But she couldn’t take her eyes off him. She was a woman, and he was a man to be admired; she was tempted to run her hands over his skin, just to feel the strong muscles underneath. He was rock-solid and incredibly appealing.
She forced herself to jerk her eyes away from his taut abs just as he jerked the blanket back and climbed into his bed. He stopped briefly and stared her down; unsmiling, silent, he slipped onto his back. He sighed deeply as his head sank into the pillow. She watched as he pulled the blanket up to his waist and closed his eyes. She was actually glad for his closed eyes; her face felt as if it were burning up from embarrassment and...
Desire. There was no mistaking it. Her body was tingling all over; her heart was beating hard in her chest. There went those bells and whistles again, ringing loud and clear!
The room was silent for several moments while she pulled herself together. Sophia stared at Luke sprawled out in his bed and felt completely frustrated and inept to deal with him. Daniel and Luke were nothing alike when it came to stuff like this. Daniel would never do this sort of thing, and she had to admit that when it came to handling Luke, she was failing miserably.
“Oh, my God,” Sophia finally blurted out as she moved from her spot to stand next to the bed. She could tell by his deeper breathing that he was about to fall asleep with her standing in the middle of his room! “You are unbelievable! Truly unbelievable. Why do I even bother trying to talk to you about anything?”
Luke didn’t bother to open his eyes. “If you stay in my room much longer, Sophia, I might just start to think you want me to pick up where I left off under the mistletoe....”
It took a minute for his words to sink in, but when they did, Sophia was overrun with guilt and embarrassment. The words hit too close to home. She opened her mouth and then shut it. She opened it again and then shut it again. She couldn’t think of the perfect retort fast enough, and it was really ticking her off that she was standing in the middle of Luke’s room acting like a beached guppy.
Finally she said through gritted teeth, “Go to hell, Luke.”
She turned, walked into the bathroom and firmly shut the door behind her.
* * *
It was easy to avoid Luke for the next couple of days, and Sophia was glad, for the most part, that they could take a break from each other. There was so much to do in preparation for the holidays, and most of it required her to fill her time helping Barbara. Luke spent most of his time in the barn with his brother and father, which made keeping him at a distance an easy thing to do. There seemed to be a silent agreement of avoidance between them at this point, and even though she had zero desire to speak to him after his rude behavior, it irked her no end that Luke had decided to avoid her, as well.
And, truth be told, she missed his insufferable company. She actually felt a sense of loss without him near. She didn’t understand how she could have allowed herself to get attached to him so quickly. But it made her believe that this sudden break was a good idea. After all, he was going back to active duty as soon as he was healed. He was a military man and nothing was going to change that fact. Certainly not her and her baby, no matter how much he cared for her son. Luke was Luke, and the Marines always came first.
But she couldn’t stop herself from missing the jerk no matter how hard she tried, and it was that feeling of missing him that drove her to cross the threshold into his bedroom on the third morning of their unspoken pact to give each other space. He was long gone; she had heard him leave near the crack of dawn to go into town with his brother to pick up Jordan and Josephine. She walked over to the bed, picked up his pillow, and brought it up to her nose. She breathed in deeply. It smelled like Luke. She couldn’t remember why his scent had ever reminded her of Daniel. He had his own very distinctive scent that seemed to drive her senses crazy.
Sophia hugged the pillow to her chest and walked over to the uniform hung on the outside of the closet. She ran her hand over the stripes on the sleeves and the rows of medals pinned to the breast. As her fingers touched each individual medal, a very disturbing thought passed through her mind: Am I falling for Luke?
“Am I?” Sophia asked softly, out loud. She hugged the pillow tighter to her chest for a minute, stared at the uniform for several seconds, before she threw the pillow back onto th
e bed.
“I could be falling for Luke,” she said to herself as she returned to her room. When you stand in a man’s room smelling his pillow and touching his clothing, you’re either falling in love or you are a stalker.
How in the world could this have happened? Was she that weak? That hard up? That susceptible? The last thing she should be doing is developing feelings for Luke.
“Pathetic,” Sophia said to herself as she slumped into her rocking chair. It took a full hour, but Sophia tired of her own self-pity and headed downstairs. Barb was busy in the kitchen preparing for her daughters’ arrival home, and Hank was in his study with Ranger, his new faithful companion.
“I was wondering when you were going to show up,” Barb greeted her. “Here, have some juice.”
Sophia sat down at the table and gratefully accepted a tall glass of orange juice. “What time do you expect them back?”
Barb popped some bread into the toaster. “Two more hours. It’s going to seem like twenty.” Barb smiled at Sophia as she opened the fridge. “What kind of jam? Grape, strawberry...?”
“Do we have raspberry in there? I can’t remember.”
Barb pulled out a jar. “Raspberry it is.”
Sophia slowly ate the toast and polished off her juice while Barb peeled a bowl of potatoes. “Can I help you with something?”
“I can always use an extra set of hands,” Barb said with a smile. She put down her peeler and wiped off her hands with a dish towel. “But first, I found something you may be interested in.”
“What’s that?”
“Follow me and I’ll show you.”
They moved into the family room and Barb pointed to a book box on the coffee table. “I found this last night in the attic. I couldn’t believe I had overlooked it.”
“What is it?”
“Some things Daniel saved from college.”
Sophia’s eyes widened. “You’re kidding?”
Sophia sat down and pulled the box toward her.
“I’ll give you some time to go through it.”
“Thanks,” Sophia said off-handedly as Barb disappeared. Her focus was completely on the box. It was like finding a hidden treasure.
Sophia slowly opened each flap of the box, pushed them down and ran her hand over the rough cardboard. She had no idea what was in the box, or how it would make her feel to explore the objects treasured enough by her husband to save them.
Carefully, and with reverence, Sophia pulled the items out of the box. Most of the items were standard and expected: his trophy from his favorite swim meet, an A paper from a political science class, an unframed picture of the two of them at their first college dance, and plastic gold beads from their trip to New Orleans Mardi Gras. He also had items in the box that didn’t make any sense at all. There was a large gold paper clip, a broken fountain pen and a black marble.
Sophia spread the items out on the table and looked them over. It was strange to see her husband’s college years reduced to a few random items. She would give anything to ask him what in the world possessed him to save a paper clip and a black marble. After a while, Sophia pulled the box toward her and tipped it on its side so she could load the items back into the box. At the very bottom of the box, Sophia noticed a weathered white envelope. She reached in and grabbed it. She pushed the box back to the middle of the table as she looked at the return address on the envelope.
“Second Lieutenant Lucas Brand,” Sophia read aloud. The postmark was dated the year of her engagement to Daniel.
Why would Daniel hold on to this letter for so long?
Sophia peeked inside the envelope and eyed the single handwritten note. She carefully pulled the letter from the envelope and unfolded it slowly. After she read the first couple of words, her heart began to thud harder in her chest, and she felt chilled all over her body.
Dan,
Mom tells me you’re engaged. Congratulations. I wish you had told me yourself, but I guess you were waiting for the right time. I want you to know that I’m really happy for you. You know me well enough to know that if I say it, I mean it. The last thing I want is for this to come between us. Nothing has ever come between us; I’m not going to let anything start now. You’re my twin brother and that comes first with me. The fact that I’m in love with Sophia doesn’t change the fact that I want my brother to be happy. She makes you happy, and I’m happy for you. I can’t help how I feel about her any more than you can. It is what it is. I love her, but if I can’t have her, then I’m at least glad that she’s with a man who will take good care of her. You want me at the wedding as your best man, and I’ll be there if I can get leave. I’d do anything for you, brother...even marry you off to the woman I’m in love with. I have one stipulation as your best man: never tell Sophia how I feel about her. Take it to your grave. I’ll have your word on this. I love you and I’ll see you soon if I can....
The letter continued, but Sophia stopped reading. She sat in stunned silence and tried to make sense of what she had just read. In his own handwriting, in his own words, Luke had written that he was in love with her. Suddenly everything she had been feeling from him over the past couple of weeks became crystal clear: the attempted kiss, the smoldering look in his eyes when he looked at her and the very fact that he came home early out of concern for her. As it turned out, Allie and her instincts had been dead-on accurate. Luke loved her. For all of these years, since they were in college, he had loved her. And Daniel had kept his secret. How could he have kept that from her for their entire marriage? Twin or not, he wasn’t supposed to keep secrets like that from her! What else didn’t she know?
With the letter in hand, Sophia went to the kitchen.
“Anything interesting in that box?” Barb asked over her shoulder. “My boy was such a pack rat. No telling what junk he thought was essential to save.”
Sophia held up the letter. “I found this.”
“What is it, darling?”
“A letter that Luke wrote to Daniel.”
“Really? Anything sordid I should know about?” Barb joked, but when she turned her attention from the stove to Sophia, her expression changed from humor to concern. “What’s wrong, honey? You look pale. Here, sit down.”
“I don’t want to sit down, Barb. I want you to read this.”
Barb took the letter with a furrowed brow. Barb quickly scanned the letter, but her face lacked the surprise that Sophia expected.
Without a word Barb refolded the letter, put it back in the envelope and handed it to Sophia.
“Well?” Sophia prompted.
“Come here, darling. Let’s sit down. There’s no sense in you getting yourself all upset. It’s not healthy for the baby.”
Sophia’s mouth dropped open. “Don’t get upset? Are you kidding? You did read it, didn’t you?”
“Yes.” Barb slid a chair back and patted it. “Here, honey. Sit down and we’ll sort this out.”
Reluctantly Sophia sat down at the table. Once Barb was seated, Sophia said, “Why do I get the feeling that you aren’t surprised by what’s in that letter?”
“Here, have a cookie. It will make you feel better.” Barb offered her a plate of chocolate chip cookies that had just come out of the oven.
“No. Thank you.” Sophia couldn’t imagine ever feeling hungry again. Her stomach was tied up tightly into knots. A cookie certainly wasn’t going to make anything better.
“To answer your question, no, I’m not surprised by the content of that letter.”
“You’re not?”
“No.”
Sophia took a minute to digest the response. Then she asked, “So you’re telling me that you knew that Luke is in love with me? Or, at least he was in love with me back in college?”
“Yes.” This simple response sliced through Sophia’s chest.
“How do you know?”
“Luke told me,” Barb said simply, as if she were reading off a recipe.
“Luke told you,” Sophia repeated dumbly. Afte
r a second anger bubbled up inside her and was reflected in her voice. “Who else in the family knows about this?”
“There just isn’t any need to get so upset....”
“Barb, I don’t want to be rude to you, but please don’t tell me how to feel right now. I already had my fair share of emotional minutiae to work through when Daniel was killed and I found out I was pregnant. I honestly don’t need this on top of everything else. Could you please just tell me, who else knows about Luke being in love with me when we were in college?”
“I don’t believe that the past tense is appropriate. I believe that he is still very much in love with you.”
Sophia could feel her skin flush bright red on her cheeks. She ignored Barb’s last comment and stuck to the original question. “Who else knows?”
“Directly?”
“Directly, indirectly, through osmosis...”
“Hank knows, of course.
“Because you told him...”
“Because I told him.”
“Who else?” Sophia demanded. Her stomach started to ache.
After a few long seconds, Barb said, “I suppose everyone knows in their own way. We’re a tight-knit family.” This was said with pride. “Secrets have a way of working their way out into the open. But none of the siblings have been told directly, to answer your question.” She paused for a second before she added, “Not that anyone would need to be told. When Luke looks at you, it’s there in his eyes for anyone to see.”
“So what you’re telling me is that I’m the only one in the entire family who didn’t know that Luke was in love with me?” Sophia quieted her voice and shook her head. “How is that possible?”
“You didn’t know because you didn’t want to know, dear, which is perfectly understandable. You were in love with Daniel....”
“Still am,” Sophia broke in.
Barb gave a quick nod as she continued. “But in your heart, if you look back, you’ve always known on some level. You’re a smart cookie.” She reached out and gave Sophia’s arm a pat. “I’m going to make some tea.”