by Joanna Sims
“I don’t want any.”
“Of course you do.” Barb stood in front of her cabinets. “Now, where did I move the tea bags?”
“Second cabinet on the left. Behind the spices.” Even to Sophia’s own ears, her voice sounded robotic. She felt numb all over, as if her limbs had turned to lead. In one moment her reality had been altered; the sky was green, the grass was blue.
Sophia watched as Barb put on the kettle. She sat perfectly still, but her mind was racing. Her previous encounters with Luke were rolling through her mind like a motion picture. She tried to remember every look, everything he had ever said to her. As hard as she tried to conjure up a memory that would have given her some inkling that Luke was in love with her, all she could remember was his surly attitude, and his constant disapproval of her.
Barb placed a steaming cup of tea in front of her. “Lemon?”
Sophia shook her head.
“Honey?” Barb asked.
Another quick shake of her head. “No. Thank you.”
Barb rejoined her at the table with her own cup of tea.
“I can’t seem to make any sense of this, Barb.” Sophia ignored the tea. “Luke has always disliked me. Always.”
“No. He has never disliked you. He could never dislike you. He’s pushed you away. For a good reason. For his own sanity. For his relationship with his brother. What better reason is there? Can you think of one?”
“Are you saying that Luke has been giving me a hard time for a decade because he’s in love with me?”
“Yes,” Barb said simply. “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
Sophia and Barb stared at each other and for several moments neither said a word. In that brief moment of silence Sophia was able to read the sincerity in Barb’s eyes. This wasn’t a joke. Barb had just confirmed the content of the letter.
Sophia shrugged her shoulders with a sense of helplessness. Her entire insides were shaking, her armpits were sweating and she felt as if she wanted to scream, but instead she asked, “What am I supposed to do with all of this?”
“That depends.”
“On what?”
Barb pinned her with those bright blue eyes of hers. “On how you feel about Luke.”
How did she feel about Luke? At this point, she had absolutely no idea!
“I’m in love with Daniel, Barb. That hasn’t changed.” This was a dodge and she didn’t care.
“I have a theory about being in love,” Barb said after she took a small sip of tea. “Being in love is a dynamic experience. One that requires interaction between people. A living thing, if you will. I know how much you love Daniel. I know how much you will always love Daniel. But my dear boy is gone, God rest his soul. And you—” Barb looked at her with steady, wise eyes “—are here. Among the living. You have a heart. You have needs. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that! It takes two people to be in love. You love Daniel, yes. But you are ‘in love’ with Luke.”
“I’m not in love with Luke,” Sophia denied quickly.
“Oh, my dear. I beg to differ. I’ve been watching the two of you ever since I returned home. I believe that you return Luke’s feelings. Perhaps you don’t want to. Perhaps you think it’s inappropriate....”
“To say the least!”
“But you love him nonetheless.”
Instead of denying it again, Sophia took a different approach. “And you approve? Is that what you’re saying? I’m pregnant with Daniel’s baby and you are giving me the green light to date your other son? Don’t you think that’s a little...”
“Modern?” Barb asked with a mischievous smile.
“Bizarre is more the word I was searching for.”
Barb’s demeanor took on a more serious affect. “I don’t think it’s bizarre at all. If you ask me, it’s the best thing that could happen to my family. Yes, I’ve lost one of my boys, and I will miss him for the rest of my life, but Luke is still here. He’s alive. And he deserves to find happiness with the woman he has always loved.” Barb’s hand was on her arm again. “Daniel would approve. Daniel would want Luke to raise his son. How could that be wrong, or bizarre, as you put it? How could it be anything but wonderful, if God wills it?”
“And you don’t think the rest of the family would object? Hank? He wouldn’t object?” Sophia asked, and then added quickly, “Not that I’m saying anything is going to happen between Luke and me...I’m just curious.”
“Everyone loves you. Everyone loves Luke. It’s a match the entire family would get behind.”
It took several minutes for Barb’s words to sink in, but when they did, Sophia felt more confused than ever. She rubbed her temples with her fingertips. “My head aches.”
Barb reached out. “Here. Let me have your hand.”
Sophia stopped rubbing her head and extended her hand to her mother-in-law. Barb gave her fingers a reassuring squeeze. “Dear Sophia. I have loved you since the day Daniel first brought you home. You know that, don’t you?”
Sophia nodded.
“You trust me not to lead you astray, don’t you?”
Again Sophia nodded.
“Good! Then listen to me now. You’re so young! You have so much living to do. Don’t throw away happiness with both hands just because you think the timing is wrong. Life isn’t like that. You have to go for it when you can! Grab the brass ring and don’t let go. Luke loves you. He’s a one-woman man, and you are that woman. You have always been that woman. And whether you believe it or not, Luke is the romantic one out of my twin boys. Not Daniel. Once he gives his heart away, there’s no turning back. Why do you think he’s been single all of these years?” Barb gave her fingers another squeeze. “His heart belongs to you, Sophia. And if I’m correct and you have given your heart to him, the only advice I can give you is go for it. Go for it, Sophia, and never look back!”
Chapter Twelve
The conversation with Barb had sent Sophia reeling. She retreated back to her bedroom to get her head screwed on straight. She tried everything to calm herself down, to make sense of what had just happened to her. Nothing worked. She paced, she tried to meditate and she took a hot bath. None of it helped; she felt as if a sinkhole had just opened and swallowed up her life. She couldn’t seem to wrap her head around what had just happened to her.
Luke loved her.
“And Daniel knew.”
All she could do was sit in the window seat, stare out at the driveway, and wait for Luke to return home from the airport. The minute he got home, they were going to have it out. Her shock had long since turned to anger.
How could she have been so blind?
How could she have been so naive?
All those years of fighting and bickering and Luke treating her like a second-class citizen had been a facade to protect himself. He had tortured her for years with his surly attitude and his “not so quiet” disapproval of her. It had all been a lie to cover his tracks!
She didn’t know how long she waited impatiently on the window seat for Luke to return, but it was long enough that her backside was numb.
Finally, finally she saw the truck turn up the drive. She sprang into action and headed downstairs.
She poked her head into the kitchen. “They’re here.”
Startled, Barb turned quickly, her face bright with anticipation. “They’re here?”
Sophia nodded as she pulled on her coat. She could barely get the thing buttoned over her bulging belly, but after a minute of struggle and cursing under her breath, the button hooked.
Barb knocked on her husband’s study door. “Henry! Come on. They’re here!”
Sophia opened the door, ignored the sharp, cold air that blasted in her face, and stood at the edge of the porch stairs. As the truck pulled up, she could see Luke in the front seat. His eyes were on her with that same intense look he always gave her. Armed with her new information, that look made perfect sense. He was looking at the woman he loved: her.
Hank and Barb emerged from
the house, and they all walked down the drive together. Tyler, Luke and Jordan piled out of the truck.
“Where’s Josephine?” Barb asked.
“Hi, Mom.” Jordan threw her arms around her mother.
Barb hugged her daughter tightly. “Hi, my beauty!” Barb kissed her on the cheek and then asked again, “Where’s Josephine? Don’t tell me she missed her flight!”
Jordan was hugging her father now.
Tyler spoke up. “She isn’t coming, Mom.”
“What do you mean, she isn’t coming? Why not?”
Jordan had her head buried against Hank’s chest. She turned her head slightly and said, “She’s protesting the war.”
“Protesting the war?” Each word was enunciated precisely. “What does that mean exactly?”
Jordan untangled herself from her father and made her way to Sophia. “She’s not coming because Luke is a warmongering imperialist and her antiwar, peace-loving convictions won’t allow her to stay in the same house with him.”
Tyler raised his eyebrow at Jordan. “Is that a direct quote?”
Jordan shrugged nonchalantly. “I may have taken some creative liberties, but you guys got the gist, right?”
Barb was temporarily stunned speechless; Sophia had never actually seen that happen before. Then she snapped out of it. “Tyler, Henry, bring Jordan’s bags, will you? I’m going to attend to this.”
Without another word, Barb turned and disappeared through the front door. Sophia shook her head as she watched Barb disappear into the house. This was the last thing she would have expected from Josephine. It was the last thing that the Brand family needed at a time like this. What was normally levelheaded Josephine thinking?
“Wow, Soph! You’re huge!” Jordan threw her arms around her and squeezed her tightly. Jordan leaned back and smiled broadly at her with straight, even, white teeth. “Still gorgeous, but huge!”
“Jesus, Jordan... Don’t tell her that!” Tyler poked his head around the back of the truck.
“It’s okay. I am huge.” Sophia hugged her sister-in-law. Ever-blunt Jordan. A trait inherited directly from Barb.
Jordan put her hand on Sophia’s belly. “So, when do you pop this little guy out?”
“Not soon enough.” Sophia laughed. Jordan and she had always gotten along. Jordan was so much like Daniel: quick to smile, quick to laugh and always full of things to say.
Jordan dropped a quick kiss on Sophia’s cheek before she headed into the house. “I’m freezing my butt off! Thank God I go to school in California!”
Tyler and Hank started to move toward the house, as well. “You coming?” Tyler asked her over his shoulder.
“Not yet,” she said. Luke had headed to the barn soon after they had arrived. She couldn’t have planned a more perfect opportunity. The two of them would be alone and the rest of the family would be occupied with Josephine.
Sophia found Luke at the other end of the barn chopping wood. His cane was propped up against the barn and he was hitting the wood in a way that let her know that he wasn’t pleased with his sister’s decision to stay in California.
Luke stopped his work for a minute and watched as she approached. His expression was neutral; no doubt he was wondering about her sudden appearance back in his life after days of avoiding him. When she looked back, her campaign to avoid him had been a childish thing to do.
“You shouldn’t be out in the cold,” he said as he wiped the sweat from his brow.
“You shouldn’t try to boss me around.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and stared him down through slightly narrowed eyes. Could this man really love her? It still didn’t seem possible. It didn’t seem likely or probable. She wouldn’t believe it until she heard it from his lips, and his lips alone.
Luke straightened to his full height and gave her an expression she could describe only as “fed up.” “Is there something you want, Sophia? Or did you just come out here to pick another fight with me?”
Sophia closed the distance between them, but stood off to the side as Luke swung the ax down and slammed it into the wood.
“We need to talk,” she said bluntly.
Luke swung the ax again. “So talk.”
Suddenly all the words that had been throbbing in her brain jammed up behind her lips and she couldn’t say a word. She stood there and watched him swing the ax again and again while she tried to figure out how to begin.
Where was her righteous indignation? Where was her moral outrage?
Both had abandoned her, right at the very moment she needed them the most!
Finally, she pulled the letter out of her pocket and held it out to him. “I found this today.”
“What is it?” He didn’t bother to look at her.
“A letter you wrote to Daniel. About our engagement.”
That got his attention. Luke jammed the ax into the wood and took a step toward her. His face was stony. “What did you find again?”
“You heard me,” she said firmly as she waved the letter in the air. “This letter says that you love me. Is that true?”
Luke looked around to see who might be within earshot before he walked over to her. He took the letter, glanced at it quickly before he stuffed it into his coat pocket. Then he wrapped his fingers around her wrist and began to walk toward the interior of the barn.
“Where are we going?” she asked and tugged at her arm. It didn’t hurt; she just didn’t like him leading her around like a pet. He immediately let go and they both stopped.
“It’s too cold out here for you. Your lips are blue.”
“What does that have to do with whether or not you love me?”
His eyes swept her face, and rested on her trembling lips. “You figure it out.”
Luke continued to walk, but she refused to budge.
He stopped and turned. “Are you coming?”
She didn’t like the authoritative tone he was using. So she snapped back, “Are you going to answer my question?”
Luke swept his hand toward the office. “Get out of the cold and I’ll answer any damn question you have, Soph. Okay?”
“Fine.” Grudgingly Sophia followed him to the heated office. In all honesty, although she didn’t want to let on to Luke, she was actually grateful to get out of the cold. Boston was cold during the winter, but this was a different kind of cold. This was the type of cold that chilled your bones until they felt as if they were about to crack.
Luke held the door open for her. “You always have to have the last word, don’t you?”
Sophia eyed him as she walked through the door. “I could say the exact same thing about you, Brand.” The warm air from the heater blasted her face and, almost instantly, the winter wear she was bundled up in seemed oppressive. “In fact, I will say the same about you!”
Luke shut the door firmly behind him. He yanked off his gloves and tossed them onto the desk. “I don’t remember you giving Dan this much of a hard time.”
“Daniel didn’t spend every single one of his waking moments trying to think up reasons to antagonize me,” Sophia snapped. She stood in one spot and didn’t remove her outerwear, even though she was starting to sweat profusely under her arms.
“Dan was a saint,” Luke said easily.
“Compared to you,” she retorted.
Luke shrugged out of his coat and pulled the cap off his head before he closed the short distance between them. As he approached, her heart started to thud in her chest; deeper, harder, longer beats.
“You’ve got that straight, sweetheart,” he said in that gravelly, suggestive voice of his. “Dan was the good twin.”
Her stomach clenched when he reached out and unwrapped the scarf from her neck. It was a possessive move that she should have stopped, and yet...she didn’t.
Her scarf joined his gloves on the desk. He reached out and began to unbutton her coat, his eyes locked with hers. He was giving her that hungry, restless, possessive look she had seen in his eyes before; she
couldn’t look away. She didn’t want to look away.
One after another, Luke popped the buttons loose on her coat. When he reached the last one, he circled behind her and slipped it off her shoulders. When he pulled her wool hat off her head, the trance was broken and her temper flared.
“Hey! You don’t have the right to manhandle me, Brand!”
Luke dumped the rest of her stuff on the desk. “Jesus, woman! Why are you so dramatic? You haven’t seen manhandling.”
Sophia cocked a brow at him. She had the distinct feeling that Luke could show her a thing or two about manhandling should she ever ask. A pleasurable kind of manhandling.
She shook her head at him. “You’re stalling.”
Luke leaned back against the desk and crossed his arms over his chest. The Marine mask was firmly in place. “What is it you want to know?”
A blush of embarrassment and anger stained her neck. She could feel the heat rush into her cheeks as she put her hands on her hips. “Do...you...love...me!”
“Friends love each other, don’t they? And that’s all we are to each other, right? Just friends?”
“That’s not an answer, and you know it!”
“Perhaps it’s not the answer you wanted, but it’s the answer you got.”
“It’s not good enough.”
“I don’t know what to tell you,” Luke said with a shrug. “It’s the only one you’re gonna get.”
This time Sophia stepped closer. “Barb said that you’re in love with me. She says that you’ve always been in love with me. Is. That. True?”
Luke’s jaw clenched. A small crack in the mask. “Mom needs to learn to mind her own damned business.”
“Be that as it may. Is it true? Is it?” Sophia threw up her hands. “Well? Is it? God, Luke, just answer the question! Do you love me?”
Luke looked off to the side for a minute while she waited. She waited to the count of ten rapid heartbeats in her own chest before he looked back at her and simply said, “Yes.”
He said it so bluntly, so starkly, without any fanfare or emotion, that it caught her completely off guard. “Yes?” she repeated for no reason at all. Her heart slammed into overdrive and she felt the blood drain from her face.