Chasing Desire

by Joya Ryan

  “Then say it. I’m a big girl. You want to break up? Guess what, you have to be together first. So don’t think you’re doing me any favors.”

  Huck saw red. How could she think such a thing? But when he watched a small tear escape her eye, he realized that he’d hurt her. Badly.

  This was a fight. But not the frustrating, kind of fun, witty banter they normally spat back and forth. This was the damage causing kind. The kind of fight that left scars and bruises on souls.

  She’d put faith in him, and he’d let her down. He should have gone to her first instead of setting up all this shit and getting his head right in case she turned him down. He was busy putting up armor around himself, prepping for the worst-case scenario, and all the while Autumn was in a freefall on her own. Now he stared at a woman he was hurting—the last woman he ever wanted to hurt.

  “I don’t need you, you know,” she said with a trembling voice. Another tear fell. “I knew what this was from the beginning.”

  He took another step, then another, until they were face to face.

  Damn it, a blade to the liver would be better than this. She was trying so hard to push him away, but she was telling him the truth through her pain. Reading Autumn was like deciphering an encrypted message. She was here, upset, and telling him what she wasn’t feeling, all while actually feeling it. It was opposite day, and Autumn was the champion of misdirection.

  She did need him. And he wouldn’t let her down again.

  “It’s not like I fell in love with you,” she whispered.

  His heart stopped. She loved him.

  Time for him to put all the maybes aside and tell her the truth.

  “That’s a shame, honey,” he said, cupping her face, “Because I fell in love with you.” He kissed her hard, and the wetness from her cheeks hit his, and he wanted to kick his own ass for hurting her. She was strong. So damn strong that he felt it in everything she did. Right down to the way she was pushing him away.

  But he held onto the simple fact that she loved him.

  “I came to say goodbye,” she said.

  It was then that Huck knew she was really different. She hadn’t left him. Wouldn’t stoop to that no matter how much easier it would have been. She’d showed up, despite how much it was obviously hurting her, just because she knew it meant not walking away from him.

  God, he’d fucked up. It was time he showed her just what she meant to him.

  “Come inside.”

  “No.”

  “There’s something I need to do, that I want to show you. After you see it, if you still want to leave, you can.”

  She rolled those beautiful stormy eyes. “I know what you want to show me.” She glanced at his belt.

  “Damn it, woman. Not that. Just trust me.” He opened the door, took her hand, and led her to his bedroom. “There.” He pointed inside. She stood at the doorway and looked.

  “It’s your room. You want one last fuck or something? Are you trying to hurt me even more? Because this is cruel—”

  “No.” Huck stomped over to his dresser and pulled it open. He grabbed up his socks and kicked the bottom drawer open and dropped them in. Then he opened the second drawer, scooped up all his T-shirts, and put them in a different drawer.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “Come here and see for yourself.”

  She frowned, took a few more steps, and looked. “It’s empty.”

  “No shit,” he said with a smirk. “Just like over here…” He walked to the closet and flung it open. With one arm, he scooted the hanging clothes to the left side in a single swoop. Effectively and instantly clearing half of it out.

  Her eyes went wide.

  “Half yours, half mine. Together it’s whole…we’re whole.”

  He faced her, waited, hoping the space he offered her this time could be his saving grace.

  …

  Autumn’s chest felt like it would explode, and her eyes burned. She’d come here to tell him goodbye. But now he had more to tell her in return.

  “I want you, Autumn.” He looked at her face and for the first time ever, she felt truly seen. “I’m choosing you. Over the past, over my own issues, all of it. I want you. Right now, and forever.”

  Could she believe him? Her first instinct was to run before he could hurt her even more deeply, but something in his eyes made her pause. A spark of what had drawn her to him the night they met.

  In the end, she couldn’t leave without a word. Couldn’t be that woman.

  Because she loved him. No matter how he felt about her.

  But now, staring down a half empty closet and dresser, she didn’t know what to say. The last time she’d been there, everything had been his. Felt like his. But now he was making space for her. And for the first time, Autumn and her small bag felt like they fit.

  “You’re a pain in the ass, honey,” he said. “And I love you. I want to be with you all the time. I want to be a place you can count on. A place you can unpack and stay a while. A place you can call home.”

  Her chin trembled. “I was never meant to stay here. We both know that. And you’re temporary. You said you don’t do long-term. You don’t even have a roommate, much less a woman around, and if we don’t last—”

  “Honey, we work so well that it’s scary. Meant to stay or not doesn’t matter. You’re here now, and this is where you belong.” He glanced down. “But if you really hate it, if you want to go to LA, I won’t stop you. But you can bet your ass I’ll chase you.”

  “You have a life here,” she whispered.

  “Yeah, but my life is better with you in it. You call me on my shit, and I remind you how amazingly hot and stubborn you are. I want you. I’ve said that from night one, and I meant it. I just need to know if you want me back.”

  Autumn let go of all the ugly hurt that had been holding her back. Let go of everyone that had never come through for her. Let go of every time she was ditched, left, and alone.

  Huck Galvin was her home now. Wanted to be. Because he wanted her. Had chosen her.

  “I want you so much,” she said. “So much that it’s terrifying.”

  He nodded and cupped her face. “I know, honey. But I’m not letting you get away. Understand?”

  She nodded. “Promise?”

  He smiled. “Promise.”

  “Huck,” she whispered, her mouth hovering over his. “I kind of love you.”

  He smiled and took her lips. “Stubborn woman.”

  She melted into his kiss as he wrapped her up in his strong arms. “Okay, I really love you,” she admitted.

  “That’s better,” he said with a smile. With that, she kissed him and clung tight to the one man that was her world. Her home. Her everything.

  Epilogue

  “Honey, I’m home,” Huck called and tossed his keys on the little decorative table by the door. His two-bedroom home that had once looked like a bachelor pad now had color and life. Though Autumn liked her leather, she also loved the color green. She said it was his fault for having the most amazing eyes. By the time she was done, she’d repainted the house in warm tones with green accents throughout.

  She was the color in his life. And he couldn’t be happier.

  It had been three months since he’d kept her from leaving and she’d moved in.

  He’d planned on waiting at least a month, just to give her a chance to get settled in, but the first night she’d slept with him in his home—in their home—he’d caved, shown her the ring, and asked her to be his wife.

  Being the stubborn woman she was, she kept saying, “Maybe.” But all that did was get his blood going, and after hours of sex with her screaming yes, he realized she was playing the best game he could ever want. A game of forever.

  “Hey,” she said as she walked out of the bedroom to meet him.

  “You all right?” he asked. “You didn’t go into the shop today, did you?” She’d been sick, throwing up at the most random times, and even though he told h
er a thousand times to stay in bed and rest, he knew she wouldn’t listen. Something he’d get to spank her for later.

  “I worked just a couple hours but then took off early to see the doctor.”

  He cupped her face and kissed her softly. “I wish you would have told me, I would have gone with you. What did the doctor say? Flu bug?”

  The most unexpected thing happened. His strong, fierce woman burst into tears.

  “Whoa, whoa, honey, what’s wrong?”

  She ran a hand through her hair, crying.

  And, Huck realized, also smiling.

  “Okay, you’re worrying me now,” he said.

  “I’m just…” She looked at the celling and shook her head. “I’m really, really happy.”

  When he frowned, she took his hand and trailed it from her face to her stomach. He stilled. Every damn thing in his body stilled. When he looked from her teary eyes to her stomach, he couldn’t hope that…

  “I’m pregnant,” she whispered.

  Every single ounce of joy, shock, and love spread through his veins at rapid speed.

  “And you’re…happy?” he asked. He’d always wanted kids, made no secret of it. But his bride to be? He wanted to be sure.

  She wove her fingers in his hair. “I’m so happy. You made us a family.”

  A sting hit his eyes. She was his. The woman of his dreams, and she was pregnant with his child. She was his everything. Had given him everything.

  “We made us a family,” he said, and he kissed her. “Forever.”

  She smiled against his mouth. “Forever.”

  It was the single best thing he’d ever heard, and he couldn’t wait for that forever to start. But he realized that his true forever had started the moment he’d met the beautiful woman in his arms. And throughout all the seasons, Autumn would be the one that held his heart.

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  Acknowledgments

  Thank you to my editor Stephen. Thank you Heather, Katie, Curtis and the entire Entangled Brazen team. Thank you Jill for being an incredible agent. Thank you to my amazing critique partner.

  About the Author

  National and international bestselling author Joya Ryan is the author of the Shattered series, which includes Break Me Slowly, Possess Me Slowly, and Capture Me Slowly. She has also written the Sweet Torment series , which includes Breathe You In and Only You. Passionate about both cooking and dancing (despite not being too skilled at the latter), she loves spending time at home. Along with her husband and her two sons, she resides in California.

  www.joyaryan.com

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