Falling for Finn

by Jackie Ashenden

  Instantly he stopped, his hands falling away.

  And she was left standing there, a cold wind at her back, the warm shelter of his arms gone. Trembling.

  He’d never hated the sound of his middle name more. But safe words were safe words, and he’d never break her trust like that.

  She stood with her back to him, short haircut exposing the vulnerable nape of her neck. Small and delicate. Pale and perfectly formed. She hugged herself as if cold.

  He wanted to take her in his arms again, but clearly that was going to be a bad idea. Already he’d gone too fast for her.

  “Do you want to stop?” He had to force himself to speak, so close to the edge he could barely manage it. “Because we can.”

  Christ, he was so hard. His cock ached. Everything ached. He could still feel her skin beneath his fingers, like the memory of it had soaked into his hands. So silky and soft and warm. The weight of her small, perfect breasts. Hard little nipples pressing into his palms. Better than any of his fantasies.

  He curled his fingers into fists, as if to keep the memory of the feel of her inside.

  “I don’t know.” She kept her back to him. “I thought I was ready. I thought I could do it.”

  “You can do it.” Because she could. He knew how strong she was. When she set her mind to something, she could do anything. “What was it that scared you?”

  “I’m…I’m not sure. It was just too much.”

  He stared at her back, wanting to trace the bones of her spine with his fingers, run them along the silky warmth of her skin. All his instincts were telling him to touch, to push, and he had to take a long, slow breath to get them straight in his head. Taking his time the way he had to do when reading his scripts.

  He didn’t want to scare her or push that fear purely to gratify himself. But sometimes fear had to be challenged. Sometimes it was a blind, instinctive response, a barrier that had to be pushed through.

  Finn took a step toward her, moving closer. Close but not touching. Letting her feel his heat. Tension stiffened her posture as she sensed him, her head lifting like a deer sensing the presence of a predator.

  “It’s me, Anna,” he said softly, grounding her in reality, not what was going on in her head. “You know that, right? You know I would never hurt you.”

  “I know.” Her voice sounded subdued.

  “So don’t think about anything else. Don’t think about anyone else. Think only about me.”

  And he lifted his hands again, pressing his thumbs into the tight muscles of her shoulders, massaging lightly. He felt her shiver under his hands, the stiffness relaxing a little as he began the familiar touch.

  He didn’t do anything else, kept massaging her shoulders, her neck, stroking down her back. She let out a little sigh, and he felt her muscles begin to loosen, settling under the touch of his fingers.

  Finn kept it up for a couple more moments, until her breathing sounded more regular. Then he let his hands stop on her hips, resting lightly, trying to get his own breathing under control. God, she smelled so good. Of everything important to him. The softness of her hair so close, all he needed to do was bend his head and he could have all those silky strands against his face. The familiar scent of her shampoo filling him.

  “Anna…” He said her name helplessly. The need inside him becoming too much. Too great to control. “Turn around.”

  She didn’t do anything for a long second, and he had to resist the urge to turn her himself. But then, slowly, almost reluctantly, she began to turn. And then there she was, right in front of him, her green eyes huge as she looked up at him.

  He couldn’t speak for the feeling that sat in his chest. A feeling that seemed to expand right through him, sinking into every part of him. He just stood there, looking down into her familiar, lovely face. Her pupils were dilated, leaving only a thin rim of green around the edges. A flush crept through her skin as he watched her.

  So beautiful.

  He wanted to hold this moment forever. The first time he held her nearly naked in his arms.

  Anna blushed deeper, but he couldn’t stop his gaze from going lower, down over the pale length of her throat, down to the soft curves of her bare breasts. Creamy white, the soft pink color of her nipples. Like the inside of a shell.

  His breath caught.

  “Finn.” The breathy way she said his name. Just like in all his fantasies. “Finn, I’m not sure this is a good idea after all.”

  He lifted his hands to her hair, pushing back the soft, dark wings, tucking them behind her ears the way she’d been doing since she’d got here. A tender, familiar gesture. She stared at him, her mouth opening slightly. Then he cupped her face between his palms, let his thumbs brush along her jaw, along the curve of her lower lip.

  Her breathing stuttered. Her gaze dropping to his mouth.

  He didn’t hesitate. He did what he’d been longing to do for years. So many years. He bent his head and covered her mouth with his.

  Anna’s body went rigid and she made a soft, desperate sound.

  Finn softened his hold, touched his tongue to her mouth, tracing the curve of her lower lip, coaxing. God, he’d been wanting to do this for so long. Kiss her, taste her. Expunge the memory of the kiss he’d given her at her twenty-first. When he’d been drunk and consumed with longing for her. But not now.

  Now he wasn’t drunk. Now she was nearly naked in his arms.

  Finn didn’t make any demands with the kiss, let it be gentle. A taste.

  “Finn…” she murmured against his mouth. “Don’t…”

  He could feel her palms pressed against his bare chest, holding him away from her. Heat seemed to radiate from her hands, pulsing through him, a direct line to his cock.

  Jesus. Anna.

  “See past the fear, Anna.” He let his mouth explore the line of her jaw, tasting the softness of her skin. “It’s just fear. It can’t hurt you.”

  “I know. But…but…” Her breath hitched as he let his hands drift down her neck, stroking the elegant line of it, fingers trailing the dips and hollows of her collarbones, the hollow of her throat. “I can’t…”

  “Breathe. See past it. Nothing will happen to you. Nothing will hurt you.”

  “I don’t…” She stopped as he moved his hands lower, stroking the curves of her breasts, feeling her shudder. Slowly he opened his fingers, fanning them out, brushing lightly over her nipples. Then, as she gasped, he kissed her again, taking the soft cry into his mouth.

  Her breasts pressed against his palms as she inhaled in what sounded like shock, the hard buds of her nipples like little beads. The taste of her flooded through him, the Scotch adding an intoxicating flavor. He couldn’t stop kissing her, exploring her mouth, trying to be gentle. Trying to take things slow.

  Anna was trembling in his hands, tension vibrating through her. She wasn’t kissing him back.

  She was pushing. Pushing him away.

  He took his mouth from hers, looked down into her eyes. Blind fear.

  Shit. Had he pushed too far?

  “Anna,” he whispered. “It’s me. It’s Finn.”

  Chapter Six

  She couldn’t breathe. Sensations rocketing through her. Skin so hot. So tight. His hands on her breasts, the heat of his palms, the heat of his mouth on hers. It felt like she was burning up. A pressure building inside of her.

  Terrifying.

  Fear pushed her over into the black hole where her memory should be, her mind spinning without gaining purchase.

  Did he do this to her? Did he touch her like this? And, oh God, had it felt like this? Had she responded? Why couldn’t she remember? Why?

  She’d woken up in an alley full of trash, blouse open, skirt rucked up. Shocked, shaking, wondering what had happened to her, and nothing but blackness where memory should be…

  “It’s Finn, Green Eyes. It’s me. “

  Finn’s voice whispered along her skin. A lifeline.

  Anna blinked and looked up into his face. A
familiar, beloved face.

  Except he didn’t look quite like that familiar friend anymore. The flush to the broad lines of his cheekbones, the flame in his dark eyes, weren’t part of the Finn she knew. They belonged to another man, a hungry man.

  “Don’t be scared.” His hands left her breasts, cupping her face again. The concern in his gaze took the breath from her. “I won’t hurt you, Anna.”

  “I know you won’t. That’s not what I’m scared of.”

  His brows drew together. “Then what? Are you getting flashbacks of the attack? Are you remembering stuff?”

  “No. It’s kind of the opposite. I can’t remember and yet my mind keeps trying to.” She took a ragged breath. “I want to know what…h-he did to me. Because now I don’t even know what I should be scared of and what I shouldn’t.”

  Something moved in Finn’s gaze. “Don’t try to remember, Green Eyes. Don’t think about what happened then. Concentrate only on me. Think only of what’s happening now. Can you do that?”

  “I don’t know if I can.”

  His fingers stroked along her jaw. “You trust me, right?”

  She didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

  “And you want something good to remember?”

  “Yes.” It was why she was here after all.

  “Then let me give you something good, Anna. Let me help you.”

  Oh, God, she wanted him to. Wanted more than this black hole of memory she kept falling into. Wanted more than the fear that had been dogging her the past six months.

  “Okay,” she said hoarsely. “So help me.”

  The only warning she got was the tightening of his fingers on her, and then he was kissing her, a totally different kiss to the one before. This one was desperate. Feverish. At the same time his hand moved, cupping one achingly sensitive breast, his thumb brushing her nipple. Sensation like an arrow speared her. Pinning her to the spot.

  A groan escaped her, turning into a cry as his fingers pinched her nipple gently. No pain. Only that white-hot shard of pleasure. Another hand in her hair, gripping her, tilting her head back, angling her mouth so he could kiss her deeper.

  Finn was pushing her. Pushing her off the ledge.

  And she let herself fall.

  Her mind, transfixed by sensation, stopped spinning, stopped trying to find memories it would never locate. The feeling of his mouth on hers and his fingers on her breast obliterated everything else. No room for fear. No room for uncertainty.

  Something snapped inside her like a dam breaking, water rushing through it. Flooding everywhere. A desire she’d kept hidden for years.

  Anna began to kiss him back, the taste of him Scotch and chocolate and spice all at the same time. A taste she never thought she’d missed. A taste she never thought she’d even wanted. But not now. Now, she couldn’t get enough of it.

  She started to explore his mouth as he was exploring hers, sliding her tongue against his, nipping the curve of his lower lip. Tentative and hesitant. Not really sure what she was doing and afraid of it because even now, something inside her was telling her this was Finn. This was her friend.

  But he knew what she was doing. His hand in her hair tightened. “Oh Jesus, Anna.” The words were raw, groaned against her mouth. “I don’t think…when you do that…”

  A weird sense of feminine satisfaction swept through her at the ragged sound of his voice.

  She was making him sound like that. Like he couldn’t even think. She was doing that to him. Her touch. And she’d never known she would like it until now.

  Responding to an urge she was barely even conscious of, she ran her hands down the taut plane of his stomach, wanting to touch him. Craving the feel of the smooth, oiled silk of his skin, the hard contour of muscle beneath it. He felt so good. How could she never have thought of doing this? Her hands moved lower, down to the cotton of his boxers. Tracing the outline of his erection through the material.

  She heard him curse as she touched him, a low, desperate sound.

  Oh God. He was big. Another new discovery. Something else she hadn’t known about him, though Lily had implied it before Anna had put her fingers in her ears, not wanting to hear. Now, though, she didn’t need to hear. She could feel exactly how big he was. And how hard. Very, very hard.

  His hand covered hers, pressing it against him as the hand in her hair slid around to cradle her head, his mouth moving over her jaw, her neck, kissing her throat. And then licking her.

  She went hot all over, her heart thumping.

  “Touch me, beautiful.” A hoarse demand against her skin.

  Yes. She wanted to. Wanted to so much. And this want, this desire, was infinitely better than fear, better than the uncertainty and nervousness.

  Embracing the moment totally, Anna pushed her hand beneath the waistband of his boxers, curling her fingers around the length of him, loving the feel. Smooth and soft yet hard as rock. Velvet and steel.

  He shook as she brushed her thumb gently over the slick tip, his fingers tightening painfully in her hair. “Christ…Anna…”

  Abruptly his hands settled on her hips, and she was being walked backward until the edge of the couch pressed against her knees. Finn pushed her so she went down onto it, and then came the heat of his skin against hers, his knees between her thighs as he braced one hand behind her head, holding himself over her.

  Looking down at her.

  A sense of dislocation gripped her as she met his eyes. A momentary sense that this wasn’t Finn. Not the Finn she knew at least. Because Finn had never looked at her like this, like he was starving and she was his first meal. His skin seemed tight against the extraordinary bone structure of his face, a hungry, intent look.

  Did he look that way at all his lovers? Did he look at them the way he looked at her?

  The thought twisted inside her, an unfamiliar pain.

  But then his hand touched her throat, her collarbone, trailing down over her breasts, fingers brushing over her nipples, making her gasp. The trailing fingers reached the plain black cotton of her knickers, and his mouth curved. “Ah. Seems we both like black cotton undies.”

  A flash of the teasing Finn she knew. The familiar with the unfamiliar.

  It confused her. All the blinding heat of their kiss had vanished, leaving room for thought. Leaving room for doubt.

  His fingers slipped beneath the elastic, drawing down her knickers. She swallowed, her mouth dry, fighting the urge to stop him.

  Had he done this to her? Touched her like this? Her knickers had been still on but she’d been so out of it she would have let him done anything. Anything he wanted…

  Her skin crawled, her breath coming fast. Her heart hammering. Finn’s knuckles brushed her thighs as he pulled the material from her body, and she had to bite her tongue against the protest that lingered in her mouth. Had to curl her hands into fists so they wouldn’t pull his fingers from her. And yet the touch sent electricity through her, fizzing and sparking. The conflicting sensations confused her even more.

  “Finn.”

  He eased the underwear off her, dropping them on the floor, before straightening and leaning over her, looking down at her. Looking all the way down.

  “Finn.”

  “Oh, Green Eyes,” he whispered. “You are perfect.”

  “Finn!”

  His gaze returned to her face, and then he frowned, clearly seeing her growing fear. Concern filled his eyes. “What is it?”

  Anna’s throat felt thick, tight. She wanted to cry. Her stupid brain betraying her, ambushing her with its fears again. Just when she thought she could lose herself…

  “I don’t want to think,” she murmured in a cracked voice. “I don’t want to even try to remember. But I keep trying…”

  Gently, Finn cupped her face. “Look at me, Anna. Keep your eyes on me, okay? Don’t look away. Stay with me.”

  Wordlessly, she nodded. She’d done this before with him, just before doing something that had scared her: bungee jumping, skiing a stee
p hill, a stupid parachute jump. Taking strength from him because he had so much of it to spare.

  “I’m going to touch you,” he murmured, leaning down to press his forehead against hers. “Let me, Anna. Concentrate only on my touch. On how good it feels. Can you do that?”

  She sucked in a breath, inhaling the scent of him. And this time the familiarity of it grounded her. “Okay.”

  His hand on her stomach, just resting there. Allowing her to get used to it. Then slowly moving lower, lightly stroking.

  Anna tried another breath, everything tightening inside her, agonizingly sensitive to his touch. Battling the horrible sense of panic that clogged her throat.

  “Eyes on me, beautiful.”

  She looked into his face, into the darkness of his gaze. So familiar. Reassuring.

  And then a light, stroking touch through the curls between her thighs. The soft pressure of his thumb brushing her clit. Lightning flashed the length of her body, a small scream tearing from her throat. So intense. What was he doing to her?

  Desperately, she kept her eyes on his, seeing a flame burn in the depths.

  “Open your legs, Anna.”

  She didn’t want to. She did want to. “Finn…God…”

  “God,” he repeated, husky and soft. “Yes, I get that a lot.”

  Strangely, in the middle of all of this, a laugh caught in her throat. The panic eased again. “You’re so arrogant,” she managed hoarsely.

  His mouth curved, a familiar, heart-stopping smile. “I know. It’s a gift.”

  And this time the tightness in her throat had nothing to do with panic or fear, and everything to do with him. Making it okay for her.

  “Finn…” she began, then stopped, not even sure what she wanted to say.

  “What is it?”

  “Thanks for being patient.”

  Another flickering smile. “Anything for you, Green Eyes.” His hand moved, stroking her curls, tugging gently, an almost playful movement. “And now, if you could just spread your legs for me a little more…”

  It seemed only fair.

  Anna relaxed and let her thighs fall open.