by RH Tucker
I’m playing my Nintendo DS, still in my boxers at two in the afternoon, when there’s a knock at my door.
“I’m not up for any parties, man.” Rich has been trying to get me to go out with him the last few days since we’ve been back.
“But you don’t even know who’ll be there.” Jackson walks in, smiling.
“What’s up, man?”
“Not much. How was the trip?”
My eyes dart to him, then back to the game, while I shake my head. “It was whatever.”
“Right. That doesn’t sound like it was whatever.”
“Yeah, well …” I shrug, ignoring his comment.
“You wanna put some pants on or something?”
I pause the game, take a look at myself, and then look back up at him. “Aw, don’t be embarrassed, Jackson. I’m well aware of how hot I am.”
He chuckles. “Anyways, let’s go to Avalon tonight.”
“How are we gonna get in?”
“Tonight’s eighteen and up.”
Avalon’s a popular a dance club in Downtown LA. Rich has gone a few times and says it’s great. The idea of going out tonight isn’t on my priority list, but I know I should if for no other reason but to get out of this funk I’ve been in for days.
Still, I lift my shoulders and resume playing my game. “Eh, I don’t know.”
“Come on,” Jackson continues, as he browses my room. I glance at him, realizing this is his first time in my room. The day he came and picked me up for the music festival he came in the house but only to talk to my mom in the kitchen.
“Nice Madden collection,” he says, perusing my video games. I’ve kept all the Madden NFL games for the last ten years. “Dude, how many sports games do you have?” He kneels down and thumbs through the others.
I have a few adventure games or first-person shooters, stuff like Destiny, Call of Duty, and Uncharted. But my favorites are sports games.
“I like sports.”
“Yeah and looks like reading, too,” he says, standing up and looking over the top of my bookcase.
I don’t have many, just a handful of graphic novels and books I’ve had to read for school. Definitely not a collection like Matt has.
“What, you don’t read?” It’s a joking shot, but he doesn’t say anything. I look up and see him staring at the books, before turning back to face me. For a moment, he seems apprehensive.
“Anyways,” he says, sitting at the end of my bed. “Seriously, dude, tonight. It’s going down.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“We’re meeting Sasha and Tara there.”
I peak an eyebrow at him. “You’re going out with Tara again? Has the player finally found a girl that came tame the beast?”
“Never,” he laughs. “For reals, though. I’ll be back in a couple hours and we’re going.”
I pause the game, throwing the device to the side. “I’m not interested in going out.”
“Dude, Sasha is hot, and she wants you.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I shake my head and get a confused stare from Jackson in return. “But it’s not about that, I’m just not feeling up for partying and stuff.”
“Well, Rich said you’re either going with me or going out with him.”
“What?”
“Yeah, he said, and I quote, ‘get his sorry ass out of that bedroom, or else he’ll be crying over his girlfriend all summer long’ end quote.”
“Asshole,” I mutter under my breath.
“So yeah, unless you want to go to a kegger my brother’s throwing, which I’m sure is where Rich is going, and be surrounded by drunk frat boys for the entire night, I’d say Avalon is a big step up. Um …” he pauses, giving me a cautious look, “who’s your girlfriend again?”
“She’s not―” My mouth snaps shut as I let out an irritated groan. “Fine, I’ll go.”
“Sweet!”
We’re only at the club for thirty minutes and I don’t like it. I really don’t understand why everyone loves these places so much. It’s not just my country music taste either, because I like other music, and a few different EDM artists, but the club is just noisy. And packed. Maybe it isn’t so packed on nights when it’s twenty-one and older and not eighteen, but I can’t take two steps without bumping into someone. I Snapchatted Carter when we got here, and he was mad I didn’t invite him. He’d love this place, but I can’t wait to leave.
As soon as the girls arrive, they want to dance. Just like Jackson said, Sasha is indeed hot. She’s got light brown hair, dark eyes, is light skinned, and tonight she’s wearing this vibrant, red lipstick. She’s wearing a short black dress that hugs to her skin. Her frame is similar to Jen’s, which doesn’t help my mind from just wandering back to Jen and how I feel when I’m around her. How it felt to hold her when she fell asleep. How she tasted when we kissed in the lake. I try to push the thoughts away. Again.
“You good?” Sasha calls out. We’re right in front of each other and her lips graze my ear, but she has to shout because of how loud the music is.
“Yeah.” I nod.
The DJ mixes a song and then Usher’s “Love in This Club” hits the speakers.
Sasha already has her arms over my shoulders, but now she clamps her hands together behind my head and draws closer to me. I keep my hands on her sides as she sways closer, pressing into my hips. As beautiful as she is, I can’t stay in the moment. Her head nudges forward, and I can feel her breath along my chin as she looks up. This is the moment. The moment I know I’m supposed to lean in closer and kiss her. And it’s not like I don’t want to, because any guy would be crazy to not want to kiss her. However, as I glance down at her lips, I know those aren’t the ones I keep thinking about.
But I’m a guy. Yeah, that sounds bad, but it is what it is. She leans just a touch closer and I lean down and kiss her. She’s a good kisser. We’re surrounded by loads of people on the dance floor, who as far as I know might be making out to the song, too, but I block them out. I’m delicate, only taking what she’ll give me and not really pressing for more. Her tongue slides across my lips and I take that as well. After a moment, our lips break apart and she looks back up at me and smiles. I return the gesture, but I feel like shit. She likes me and here I am, making out with her but thinking about a different girl.
“Uh oh.” She nods behind my shoulder and I turn to look.
Tara is ripping into Jackson, yelling at him and waving her arms around. He’s not protesting to whatever she’s yelling at him about. Instead, he’s just standing there, taking it, gaze cast down at the ground. Not apologetic, more like he’s just waiting for it to end so he can leave.
“We better get over there,” I tell Sasha.
We’re away from most of the crowd and the music is still loud but not to the point where we have to yell to hear each other. That’s not stopping Tara from screaming at Jackson.
“Un-fucking-believable!” She shoves a finger into his chest. “What kind of asshole does that, huh? A dickhead, that’s the kind. A dickhead-asshole.”
I cringe and look over at Sasha, who has a surprised expression on her face. Jackson’s still staring down at the ground.
“Tara, what happened?” Sasha asks.
“What happened?” she screams at her friend, before turning to me. “What happened? I’ll tell you what happened. I had to use the bathroom, but by the time I got back I found this douchebag making out with some slut!”
“What?” I stare at Jackson, not really believing it. Sure, he’s come off as kind of a player, but I wouldn’t think he’d pull a d-bag move like that.
“Oh, you didn’t know your friend here was some manwhore, who makes out with anything that walks?”
“Tara,” Sasha says in a sympathetic but warning tone, probably because Tara is really tearing Jackson a new one.
“Don’t Tara me!” she yells at her, before turning back to Jackson. “You’re a piece of shit, Jackson. I wasn’t asking you to marry me or anything, but what kind of dirt bag
macks on some random girl while he’s out with another one?”
Her tone softens, and I can see her eyes starting to turn red. The anger’s dying down and now the hurt is setting in. Suddenly I’m transported back to eighth grade. This is basically what I did to Jen. I don’t think Jackson did it out of nervousness, but it still reminds me of that day. And I still remember the hurt look on her face.
“Let’s go!” Tara snaps at Sasha as she wipes her eyes.
Without waiting for a reply, Tara takes off toward the exit. Sasha turns to me with an apologetic look, and I shrug my shoulders and nod. She gives me a smile and a quick kiss on the cheek before hurrying after her friend.
“Come on,” Jackson mutters out after a moment and heads to the exit as well.
The car drive home is silent. He turns on the radio and we just drive, listening to random songs. I’m not exactly sure what to say because even though we’re friends, I’ve only really known him for a couple months. If it was Matt or Carter, I’d have no problem asking them what was going on. Then again, neither of them probably would’ve done something like that. It just doesn’t add up because Jackson seems like a nice guy.
When he takes a turn toward my street, I look over at him. He doesn’t look sad. He’s not happy either. Instead, he’s just there. Like what happened happened and now he has to move on.
“Okay, seriously,” I finally let out, as I turn down the radio. “What the hell, dude?”
“What?”
“What?” I hit back. “What do you mean ‘what’? Dude, you’re not an asshole.”
“Weren’t you listening back there?” He shakes his head. “It’s pretty clear that I am.”
“Nah. You’ve had this player thing going on, but you’re a good guy. Decent. So, why’d you do that?”
“Just forget it.”
“Why?” I press on as he stops in front of my house.
“She just …” He lets out a breath, his eyes scanning the steering wheel. “I think she liked me.”
“So, you thought you’d just make out with some random chick?”
“No, it’s just …” He shakes his head, letting out a grunt. “If she did, you know, like me, then she would’ve probably just ended it later.”
My eyes squint, trying to understand. “I’m not following?”
“I’m not smart,” he blurts out.
I’m still shaking my head. “What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?”
“I never told you what happened with Tim back in school.”
“No. I just figured it was your business. Probably something you didn’t want to talk about.”
He grips the steering wheel. “Yeah, well, I don’t, but … he hooked up with a girl he knew I was talking to.”
“Seriously?”
He nods. “I mean, he was a douche as it was because he was dating this girl named Veronica at the time, but he did it.”
“Okay, well, I’m not seeing how this applies to―”
“It took me forever to work up the courage to actually want to go out with a girl and be honest with her. Let her know I’m …” He trails off.
“Dude, what?”
My voice comes out a little harsher than I intend, because I don’t understand where this low self-esteem is coming from, after hanging out with him and seeing him act like a Mack Daddy. Yes, I said Mack Daddy, because he’s called himself that on more than one occasion.
“I’m dyslexic,” he spits out, staring out of the windshield. “Okay? So, yeah, I’m stupid, whatever. And I told that girl and then she went and hooked up with Tim. That was the first time in a long time I told a girl that and then that happened. So now, I just end things before I have to tell them. It’s only a matter of time before they’ll find someone smarter.”
“Jackson, being dyslexic doesn’t mean you’re stupid, man.” Again, it comes out harsh, but I can’t help it. I understand this is hard for him, but he’s not dumb.
“Whatever,” he says, lifting his shoulders. “Anyways, so yeah, Tara seemed to be in to me. But I didn’t want to wait and have her break up with me when she found out. So, I decided to act first.”
“Wow.” I shake my head. “First of all, I don’t think Tara would be that shallow. But secondly, and probably more importantly, you didn’t want her to dump you, so you embarrassed her tonight and made her feel like shit?”
For the first time, he looks at me and scowls. “I didn’t want her to feel like that, but I panicked. I just wanted to get it over with.”
“Still, man.”
“Forget it, Luc. You wouldn’t understand.”
“Excuse me?”
“You wouldn’t get it, okay? Girls fall over themselves to get to you … well, at least they did in school. You’re going to UCI. I’m not even going to a community college.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Just what I said, I’m not going.”
“Because of the dyslexia?”
He nods. “It’s why I missed so much school. My mom doesn’t know, but my dad signed my absence papers and covered for me. He’s got it, but not as bad as me, so I just worked at his deli. I can’t do school, so I’m not going.”
“So … what? You’re just gonna do nothing for the rest of your life?”
“I’ll work at his deli. He owns it, and it’ll give me a living.”
“What the hell, man? You don’t have to do that. You can work through it.”
He shakes his head. “I’m not working through shit, this is my life.”
I want to argue but he just sits there, hands plastered to the steering wheel, as he stares out the front window. There’s nothing I can say, at least not tonight, so I don’t even try. I just get out of his car and head inside.
Chapter 16
Jen
Emma’s gushing on and on about the movie we just saw as we walk into a coffee shop, which is next door to the theatre. For the past couple years, I would pick her up before school and always bring her a drink. She orders her favorite, a caramel Frappuccino, while I get an iced caramel macchiato.
“Ryan Gosling is so cute!” Emma squeaks, still going on about the movie.
“I’d call him lickable.” I grin when she blushes. “Emma, you have a boyfriend. You can’t blush every time we talk about someone being hot. Especially an actor we’ll never meet.”
“I know,” she says, abashed.
Getting back from the camping trip was rough. I can still feel Lucas’ hands on me and the taste of his lips. I’ve struggled to try and forget it all because that’s the safest thing to do. I know he was telling me the truth, but I don’t want to risk it. I’m not going to take a chance with my heart again, especially after I thought I was over everything and tried with Franco.
“I call guys hot,” Emma defends herself, breaking my thoughts.
“Oh really?”
“Yes, really.” Her confidence grows as she tries to stare me down.
“Good for you, girl. You can work up to going to third base.” Emma breaks eye contact again, staring at her drink as her cheeks flush. There’s a small grin slipping across her lips. “Emma? Have you and Carter gone to third base?”
She doesn’t answer but glances up at me for just a second.
“Oh my God!” I shout, drawing eyes toward us. She grills me with her vision, as I try to contain my excitement and lower my voice. “Have you guys had,” I look around, lowering my voice, “sex?”
“Jen!” she scolds me through clenched teeth.
“Emma, I can’t believe this! Why didn’t you tell me?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know, you were out of it for a little bit there. I mean, you still kind of are.”
Now it’s my turn to go sheepish and avert my gaze. “Yeah.”
I’m not sure if it’s because she actually wants to tell me or just feels a little sorry for me when she starts up. “It was going to be after prom night,” she says softly. “But I got nervous. Carter was totall
y sweet though.”
“He turned out to be a really good guy.” I smile at her. “I’m happy for you two.”
“Thanks. But, yeah … grad night we left early and we, um … yeah.” She giggles to herself.
“Aw.” I reach over and grab her hand. “My BFF’s all grown up.”
“Be quiet.” She slaps my hand, laughing.
A quietness falls over us as I take another drink. It feels good to finally get things somewhat back to normal with Emma.
“I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but …” She pauses and I’m not sure if she’s debating with herself or just waiting for me to look up at her. I finally do. “Prom night? You and Franco?”
I look back down at the table, unable to answer her. Of course I wanted to tell her, but when everything happened at school, I wanted to try and forget about it as fast as I could. That was easier said than done since I finally decided to trust someone, and he let me down. At least, that’s what I like to tell myself. In reality, I tried trusting my heart for the first time in years, and I let it get broken again.
I want to answer her and come clean. Even if it sucks, I feel bad not talking to Emma about it. But as soon as I look up, I see Franco walk into the store with Jeremy.
“Oh, God,” I whisper.
Reaching over, Emma grabs my hand. “Jen, it’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it.”
“No.” I shake my head, and stare back down at the table. “Franco just walked in here with Jeremy.”
“Really?” She turns around and scans the entrance.
“Don’t―” I start, but it’s too late. She tries to recover quickly, but out of the corner of my eye I can see him walking over to us. Thankfully, Jeremy walks over to the counter to order a drink.
“Hey, what’s up Jen? Emma?”
“Hey.” Emma gives him a polite smile. I quickly glance up at him and offer him the same.
“We just saw Wrecking Crew,” he says, motioning next door.
“Cool,” Emma replies. She looks at me, as if to say ‘I don’t know what else to do’.
“Hey, Franco, what do you want?” Jeremy calls over to us.