How To Steal A Highlander

by Olivia Norem

  “We don’t have a moment to waste. Help me up.”

  Simeon slid his arm around Ian’s back and pulled him to stand. Testing his weight on his injured foot, Ian stifled a cry of pain.

  “Give me the reins.”

  “Ye cannae ride, ye Rambo. Ye cannae e’en walk.”

  Ian blew out a frustrated breath and looked at his shaking horse. “This is what I get for screwing with fate. Go on. I’m right behind you.”

  “Nae. We’ll gae together.”

  “I’ll only slow you down. Here. Take this.” Ian pulled the Glock from his waistband and handed the butt end to Simeon. “Just flip this safety first, then point and squeeze. Here. Take this too.” Ian unsheathed Caledfwlch. The blade hummed pleasantly as it slipped from the scabbard and glinted bluish-green in the dawn’s light.

  Simeon swallowed hard. “Nae, Ian Goldman. I cannae.”

  “If you’re going in solo, you’re going to need all the help you can get.”

  “’Tis nae me blade, and ‘twill nae work for me. Fate decides the master’s hand, nae necessity.”

  “I lied to you, Simeon.” Ian grabbed the Highlander’s shirt once more in his fist to stress his point. “I never could send Kat back. This was a one-way journey. For all of us. There’s no second chances. Now go save your woman and your sister.”

  “Bloody hell, man. Ye tell me this now?” Simeon roared. Simeon grabbed Ian’s shirt with both fists and pulled him close. “By all that’s holy if me wife and sister are already lost tae me, I’ll come back and kill ye myself.”

  “I know.” Ian nodded in solemn agreement. Simeon released his hold, and Ian leaned back against his horse to save from falling.

  Simeon grabbed Fergus’ mane and swung up easily onto his back. He guided the horse in a circle around Ian, his face dark and menacing. “And if dinnae need tae kill ye, Ian Goldman, when we return everyone home safe, I vow more than yer foot will pain ye a’fore I’m done with yer hide.”

  “I’ll gladly take that beating.” Ian scrubbed his jaw and winced. “Simeon?”

  “Aye?”

  “Don’t fail.”

  “I willnae.” Simeon turned Fergus’ head sharply and raced up the hill.

  Ian stabbed the sword into the ground. Between leaning on his horse and using the legendary sword of power as a walking stick, he’d ascend the hill to assist Simeon in this rescue even if it killed him. There was no way he was going down in history as the worst side-kick ever.

  ###

  “If we were in a movie right now, you’d be the worst side-kick ever.”

  “I cannae kick anythin’, sister, let alone tae me sides,” Sofia wailed in cramped discomfort.

  Kat took a deep breath of patience and squeezed her eyes tight. She cracked her neck to each side in an effort to ease the soreness in her shoulders. Nothing, absolutely nothing in the Goldman rules, accounted for being stuffed into an iron-banded cage suspended twenty feet above what had now transformed into fiery pools of lava-like liquid beneath their swinging feet. And, Kat was further convinced, nothing in the Goldman rules could prepare, help, or even begin to explain the sequence of bad events she’d been subject to over the past several days.

  “Damn it, Sofia! If you had just stayed asleep we wouldn’t be in this predicament,” Kat shouted.

  “’Tis nae me fault,” Sofia shouted back.

  “Well I sure as hell didn’t want you here.”

  Kat instantly regretted her snappish tone. Sofia did nothing to deserve her anger. The woman was young and inexperienced and simply caught up in the wrong time and place. She was probably scared as hell right now, and there was nothing Kat could do or say to comfort her.

  Their situation, in all reality, was bleak at best.

  She looked down at the stirring flows of molten, roiling fire. If she was being truthful with herself, she had approached this quest as a one-way journey from the beginning. She’d shunned Ian’s advice, vehemently argued with Simeon, and then abandoned him. What had she proved other than she was a fool for thinking her twenty-first century skills would be superior to combat ancient evil?

  Wait a second. Kat straightened as far as the confines of the cage would allow. Hope wasn’t lost. She’d simply been approaching this entire mission from the wrong angle. It was time to add a new rule to the Goldman manifesto. Rule ten: If the enemy doesn’t play by the rules, neither should you.

  “Katherine?” Sofia’s question overflowed with hopelessness across the breadth of the cave.

  “Yes?”

  “I’m frightened. Are ye frightened as well?”

  “Yes. A little.” Kat confessed, running her fingertips along the iron hinges. An overlong space of time stretched before Sofia spoke once more.

  “Katherine?”

  “Yes, Sofia?”

  “Are we gaun to die?”

  “Look at me, Sofia. Look at me,” Kat commanded. Despite the distance between them, Kat bore a steely gaze across the cavern and trapped Sofia’s troubled eyes. Her heart tore a little seeing Simeon’s beautiful sister, her sister’s face shimmering with tears. Kat pointed a dictatorial finger in her direction. “We are not going to die. You’re a Campbell, aren’t you?”

  “Aye,” Sofia smiled weakly and wiped her tears.

  “Good. We have enough to worry about without defeating ourselves first.”

  “Katherine?”

  “Yes, Sofia.”

  “Why is the witch nae here? Do ye think she’s abandoned us tae simply die o’ hunger and thirst?”

  Kat laughed. “Not a chance. Everyone knows evil goes off to do self-important evil-y things and wait for its cue. We’re bait, Sofia. You heard the witch say it yourself. I’m only hoping your brother doesn’t show up before I can figure a way out of this cage.”

  Kat studied the door of the iron contraption. Every smithy and artisan through the ages put all their skills into crafting locks, and Kat surmised this cage was no different. Truth be told, every inventor of every artful lock and key spent so much time on catches, locking pins, and internal key wards, they never focused on the most vulnerable components. The hinges.

  “Simeon? Ye think he’ll come?” Sofia chirped hopefully.

  Kat blew out a frustrated breath. “Yes. I just hope we make it to the outside by the time he arrives, but I’m fairly certain that sleeping potion you concocted wasn’t all that… sleepy.”

  Kat wiggled the hinge with determination. It was a longshot, she knew, yet she managed to slide the top pin free. Her bigger concern was that when she managed to open the door, she’d still have to scale up the chain that held the cage. While climbing the iron links wasn’t an insurmountable endeavor, from what she could see in her limited line of sight, she’d simply end up at the ceiling.

  There was at least a twenty-foot circumference of boiling, bubbling fire beneath her, and Kat couldn’t jump far enough to clear it. There weren’t any additional fastenings or footings to be had once she reached the top… still. One problem at a time.

  Kat employed the useless top pin as leverage to work on the lower. The makeshift tool was a little easier and she continued to nudge and dig. The hinge-pin popped free. The weight of the door, no longer held in balance, tipped the cage precariously as the door swung wide.

  Kat tumbled through the opening. By sheer reflex, her fists clutched the bars at the last split-second. Her legs swung free. The cage swayed in groaning protest on the chain as Kat dangled off the bottom edge.

  Sofia’s shrill squeal of fear echoed around the cavern, accompanied by a deep baritone shriek of anguish.

  Kat flexed her strained arm muscles and pulled herself up far enough to secure a toe-hold between the bars. She scrambled upward and clung to the side of the cage. Her heart sank. Halfway down the bridge, with sword drawn and hair tumbling in a wild disarray about his shoulders, stood Simeon. His mouth gaped open in horror.

  “Haud on, lass!” Simeon rushed forward.

  “Sim, gae back!” Sofia cried.
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  “It’s a trap, Simeon!” Kat shouted at the same time.

  But it was too late. A blinding flash of hot, blue light exploded from the stone alcove. Simeon stumbled. His forearm raised to shield his eyes against the blast.

  “I told you, Sofia. She’s right on cue,” Kat yelled across the cave.

  A cruel voice reverberated around the cavern, and there, in front of the stone altar, stood Isobel, wearing a very self-satisfied grin. “I ken ye could no’ stay away from me overlong, Campbell.”

  The witch threw her head back and laughed.

  “Och, Isobel,” Simeon snarled low and dangerous as he stalked forward. The edge of his razor-sharp blade circled in calculated arcs, glinting hungrily in the hellish light. “I’ve missed ye, witch. Come. Let me give ye a proper welcome.”

  Blood-red rage jarred him to his toes, yet Simeon wisely tempered his rash instincts. To fly at this sorceress with nothing but a sword and his will would bring certain defeat. The women were hanging too far apart and too distant to reach at the same time. On his right hand hung his wee, precious sister, twisted within those iron bonds. And on his left… Och, on his left, clinging to those cold iron bars in desperation, hung his heart. Isobel had confronted him with the cruelest of choices, but Simeon would not, he could not, fail them.

  Isobel expelled a loud breath as she regarded her thumb rubbing against her fingers in complete boredom.

  Kat wasn’t fooled for a second. This bitch was so full of calculating attitude, she could give a pop-star diva lessons in arrogance. As the sorceress descended the steps with slow precision, the folds of her cloak pooled around her. Her eyes glittered with animosity, and Kat secretly admired the level of operatic drama the creature employed. She was a showman, and showman shared a universal trait – enormous egos. This was exactly the opening Kat needed — a tiny smile of hope tilted her lips.

  “Still so proud, Campbell? E’en after spending a little time by yoursel? But you do hae one trait that continues tae fascinate me. Ye’re so… soft-hearted. Tell me, Laird, which one will ye save?”

  Twin bolts of blue light and flame shot from Isobel’s wrists. The chains holding Sofia and Kat’s cages rocked with sparks, plummeted sharply five feet, and then jerked to a halt.

  The women screamed.

  “NAE!” Simeon roared in utter torment as he rushed the bridge.

  “Simeon! Look out,” Kat screamed from her perch.

  A long, black tentacle of something once human snaked from the pool. It encircled Simeon’s calf and seared his flesh. He flinched in pain and with a mighty sweep of his blade, cleaved the thing from his leg. Another erupted from the left; Simeon sliced it away.

  Sofia and Kat both cried out in warning. His pace toward Isobel quickened.

  Blackened limbs unfurled and stretched as they lashed out across the bridge. They hissed and sizzled as they cut and branded the stone path where they missed their target. Grotesque shapes of contorted bodies formed and gurgled, rising through the bubbling lava. The hot, bitter stench of misery wafted higher, searing Kat’s nostrils and watering her eyes. She did a double-take through her swarming vision. Was that Ian?

  Sure enough, her brother hovered in a darkened corner at the far end of the cave with Clootie at his side. The pair wasn’t much for backup, but at this point, Kat would take it. She furtively blinked three times, a secret Goldman signal telling him to stay put. She almost sighed in relief when Ian, thankfully, blinked in agreement.

  Kat was almost paralyzed with horror as Simeon cut and leapt. He spun and hacked everything in his wake. Just as her hand reached into her neckline to extract the stone, the Highlander did the unthinkable. In one swift movement, Simeon tossed his sword to his left hand; his right whipped out an-all-too familiar gun from the folds of his plaid.

  Shot after shot fired in rapid succession, aimed straight at the witch, as Simeon advanced with resilient strides. Isobel countered each bullet with swipes of her magic, and then flung a bolt of light at his wrist.

  The gun jerked from his hand in a wide arc and sailed into the molten pool beyond. The last of the bullets detonated with a pow-pow-pow of heat.

  “Arrogant man,” the witch cried. “Do ye think ye hae a weapon tae destroy me?”

  Dozens upon dozens of those horrible appendages snaked out all at once, overwhelming Simeon before he could strike them down. The coils seized him, scoring his chest and searing his limbs with blazing pain. His face contorted in agony, and he felt his hilt begin to slip from his fist.

  Kat balanced precariously on the top of the rocking cage and hooked a leg around the chain for support.

  “Release him! Right now, or I drop it.” She held the glittering diamond in one hand and extended it over the boiling lava. The witch’s full attention was on her now, which was exactly where she wanted it.

  “’Tis no’ possible.” Isobel’s voice cracked.

  “You should never turn your back on a thief, bitch. Now let him go.”

  “Ye think tae bargain with me?” she spat.

  “I don’t negotiate,” Kat replied saucily. “Release him.”

  Ian, she knew, had maneuvered closer.

  Isobel’s magic gave her the advantage, but one miscalculation and all her powers would be lost in the fiery pools before she could freeze them solid. It was not a risk she was willing to take. She waved her hand and the tentacles that trapped Simeon retreated and slithered away.

  “Shite, Katherine. Take me and yer stone, Isobel. But let the women gae.”

  The sorceress kept her deadly glare trained on Kat, yet she couldn’t resist another flex of power. “Quiet, Highlander. This lass is highly entertaining.” She shoved a second hand in Simeon’s direction. The towering Laird blew backward, tumbling painfully on his hands and knees from the sheer force.

  “Now wee mortal, I’ll hae me stone. But a’fore I remove ye both from that perch, ye’ll watch as I dismember the Campbell piece by piece.”

  “What stone?” Kat made a show with her hands and snapped her fingers. The stone disappeared. Isobel’s charge forward faltered half a step and faltered.

  “Ye think tae fool me with a simple charlatan’s trick?” The witch seethed with anger as sparks crackled from her fingertips. “I’m going to enjoy every tortured scream from your lips, little thief.”

  Kat anchored herself tighter around the chain and threw her head back and laughed. What she was about to do was a million to one shot. Another taunting dance of her fingers and Kat produced the diamond. She took an exaggerated look at the stone. “That’s a big threat considering I’m holding the prize. You know, you’re awfully well-preserved considering your age. I wonder… does this stone have anything to do that?” She tossed the stone in the air lightly and caught it one hand.

  Simeon rolled and sprung to his feet. He needed to distract the sorceress away from Katherine. She had no clue the power Isobel possessed. But before he could open his mouth to hurl a taunt, his lass did the unthinkable.

  “Ian! Go long!” Kat hurled the stone as hard as she could, and the witch shrieked in horror.

  What happened next unfolded in slow motion.

  Ian charged forward with Clootie loping by his side. Powerful streams of light emanated from Isobel’s palms, cutting a wide swath across the cave, intent on capturing the stone. Ian gasped in horror; he’d never make it in time. Without thinking, he hurled the sword skyward. The blade sailed end over end, yet it appeared it would fall short.

  Simeon followed the arc of the weapon. The Highlander raced and jumped with one flying leap, catching the hilt in his fist. Before he landed, he flung the blade mid-air with a side swipe of his arm.

  Just as a ray from Isobel’s hands ensnared the stone, the blue beam caught the surface of the mirror Clootie had clenched between his teeth. Isobel raised her hand against the blinding reflection.

  The blade struck true and sliced the gem clean. Bright, hot light exploded like a flash bomb. The entire cavern lit like ground zero at a nucle
ar blast. Kat squeezed her eyes shut against the force, clinging on for her life as the cage rocked into a careening spin.

  What sounded like hail rained down on them. Millions of glittering shards plummeted to the ground, crystallizing the pools of lava into spreading webs of ice. The angry, molten lakes now lay frozen, hardened to a cool diamond-like sheen.

  Simeon roared to his feet. He raised Caledfwlch, the ultimate sword of power, above his head with two hands. He surged forward and everything he was, the essence of his being, flooded the impetus of his motion. As he drove the blade straight through Isobel’s heart, four centuries of vengeance was his at last.

  Simeon slowly unfolded and stood upright, his forearms bunched and streaked with sweat. He panted hard from the exertion. His eyes strayed up and locked with Kat’s. Her face glowed with pure love from across the cavern.

  “And you thought that sword’s destiny lay solely with my brother.” Kat broke into a dazzling smile.

  “Lass. I’ve ne’r been more thankful tae be wrong in me life.” Simeon’s face split into a wide grin, and then he burst into hearty laughter. Kat and Sofia’s giggles joined his. Ian could no longer contain his guffaws as he darted away from Clootie’s pink tongue, eager to lick his face.

  “The mist,” Sofia called out as her cage door gently swung open.

  Of their own accord, both cages began to lower gingerly to the frozen ground. The burns on Simeon’s arms and legs began to lift, leaving not a hint of a scar, as the mists curled and thickened along the stone floor.

  Simeon ran to Kat. She didn’t wait for the final descent; Kat leapt off the iron coop and sprinted toward him. She jumped straight into his arms and wrapped her legs tightly around his waist.

  “Yer daft and maddening — and I love ye, lass.” He smothered her face with kiss, after kiss, after kiss thinking a thousand more would never be enough. He twirled her in his embrace, and together they shared joyful tears behind the wild tangle of his hair. Clootie darted in circles around the pair, bouncing with exuberant yips, unconcerned with how hard his wiry tail whipped against his Laird and his Lady.

  Ian dashed to Sofia’s side, his foot surprisingly healed as she rushed to join him. He crushed her to him and kissed her deeply. When he pulled back to gauge her response, Sofia’s eyes sparkled with pleasure. “I love ye as well, Ian Goldman.”