“That was good.” He said as he spread his fingers to look at me, “like that was very good, yeah you blackmailed me.”
“Yes, I most certainly did.” I said nodding, “and you will attend my sister’s birthday party this afternoon, and you will smile.”
“Will there be jelly?” He asked, I grinned as I felt him run his hand through my hair. “You don’t even move in your sleep; how does your hair still manage to be wild of a morning.” Mickey said as his finger ruffled my hair into what I’m sure was an even wilder state.
“I don’t move in my sleep?”
“Not at all.” He said, “you’re surprisingly still, every time I wanted to move, I feared you’d wake up.” He said, “it was a stressful night.” He said, I laughed as I reached over him to pick up my phone to read the time.
“It’s half four.” I said, “that is ridiculous, I used to have to go back to bed until a morning hour.” I said, as I heard movement on the stairs. “Sleep?”
“Let’s go back to sleep.” He agreed, “but, lets change position because my arm is dead.” He said as he flexed his muscle underneath me, I rolled off him letting him move his arm before resting my head on his shoulder and curling myself up against him, it didn’t actually take me too long to fall back asleep.
We were woken up by the sun the second time which I deemed acceptable because if the sun was up at least it was morning. Mickey quite obviously didn’t agree, so I left him sleeping and went to find Abi with my overly wrapped present.
I found her sat on the floor in the living room, a big fluffy baby pink dressing gown on over her nightie as she knelt surrounded by wrapping paper, a big pink dollhouse stood before her, completely built and furnished, she seemed to be talking about it very excitedly as Mum and Dad drank coffee and laughed. They both looked extremely tired, they’d probably been up most of the night building the doll house to then be woke up moments after going to bed.
There were other presents, DVDs, books, some costume makeup and jewellery scattered around the floor, but her eighth birthday will forever, now, be the birthday she got the doll house.
“Casey!” She squeaked once she clocked me, I smiled at her. “Look!” She added, so I went and knelt beside her and listened to the room by room tour of the house – which had real working lights, by the way – she clocked the present when we got to the attic and got very excited again. “Oh! Is that for me?”
“Is what for you?” I asked quite over animatedly, “I can’t see anything Abi.” I said, she squeaked at me but knew better than to reach over me to get the present, “I do have a present for a very special little girl who turned…”
“Eight!” She stated.
“Oh! How funny yes, eight today.”
“What does she look like?” She asked, kneeling closer to me.
“Like me a bit…” I said, everyone told my parents Abi was the image of me when I was born, “…Black hair but far longer, far prettier.” I said, she grinned, “and hazel eyes.”
“Is she wearing a fluffy pink dressing gown?”
“She is!” I replied, she laughed.
“And is her name Abigail?”
“Well,” I said, lifting up the present and showing her the card that was attached, “it says Abi on here.” I said, “do you know anyone called Abi?” I asked, she gasped at me.
“I do, I do.” She replied, I smiled.
“And is she eight today?”
“Yes.” She almost stressed, I laughed and finally handed it over.
“Happy birthday Abi.” I said and accepted the cuddle she gave me before tearing apart the paper, she squeaked quite happily when she got through the layers then nodded to Dad as he asked if she was hungry.
I got sent back upstairs with four toasted breakfast muffins that had pieces of bacon on them. Mickey was still asleep when I got back to my room.
“Hey.” I whispered, that seemed to wake him up, it turned out he was an extremely light sleeper.
“Casey.”
“Food.” I replied, he smiled and sat up.
“Classy place this, bacon muffins.” He said I smiled and sat beside him, placing the plate between us. We ate in silence, I could hear Abi run back up the stairs, it must’ve been to get dressed as the bathroom door slammed shut a few times then she ran back down the stairs, my Mum shouted something up to me which sounded like a mumble then I heard the front door shut.
“Going to pick Grandma up from the train station.” I decided, Mickey frowned.
“The transphobic one?”
“No, no Mum’s mum, she worships me. Dad’s Step mum doesn’t go to any family affair but her own.” I said then I frowned, “did that sound bitter?”
“A little.” He said softly, “but rightly so.” He added thoughtfully, I moved the plate to my bedside cabinet.
“It’s a bit daunting that you will be meeting the majority of my family this afternoon.”
“Who?” He asked as he crossed his legs, sitting looking at me, I smiled back.
“Mum’s mum, Grandma and Grandad.” I said nodding. “They’re nice though, there’ll be a few mandatory cousins because they’re all Abi’s age, but Elliot might come, he’s twenty-one.” I said, “Aunt Cassie said she’d try and come, the last time I saw her was my eighteenth and I love my Aunt Cassie, she started calling me Casey and using male pronouns before anyone else.” I said.
“Where did she go?” He asked.
“Australia, to start a new life.” I said then shrugged. “Obviously flying half way across the world isn’t always the easiest thing to do, so I get it if she can’t come.”
“But you want her too.”
“I’d like her to.” I agreed, “you’re coming though, that’s good.”
“That is good, I need to pee quite badly.” He said, I laughed.
“You could’ve shut me up ages ago.” I replied, he shrugged.
“You were smiling.” He replied, I looked down, “come with then.” He added, putting his hand out to me.
“To the bathroom?”
“Yeah.” He said shrugging, “or is that bad?” He asked, I frowned back at him, “could you make a decision quickly, like I said, need to pee quite badly.” He said, so I laughed and took his hand, letting him take me to the bathroom.
I went into the cupboard getting my toothbrush and toothpaste out then I watched him in the mirror, he caught onto that quite quickly, looking at me over his shoulder, I blushed but didn’t look away. “Talk to me.” He said softly.
“Is that a kink?”
“No.” He replied laughing then looked back to ensure his aim didn’t waver.
“I tried to train myself to do it.” I said, he almost frowned as I sat on the bath, looking at my toothbrush, “I figured it’d make me happy. It didn’t, it just ended up with me having to go and see my Head of Year in Year Ten and ask for a new pair of pants because I’d covered myself.” I said as he flushed and washed his hands. “But that’s not why I don’t like the boy’s bathroom.” I added, he came to sit beside me. “I feel like I don’t belong in there, it feels as if I’m a sheep wearing a fox’s clothing.” I said, Mickey smiled.
“Because you want to be able to use a urinal?” He asked, I nodded.
“Going in the men’s toilets evokes penis envy.” I said. “Outrageous penis envy, which then kicks off my dysphoria and it’s just this endless circle, so…”
“It’s easier not to go in there.” He said, I nodded. “Did I just give you penis envy?”
“Slightly.” I said then shook my head, “but not completely.” I added then began to brush my teeth, I watched as he frowned, “three weeks.” I whispered, he smiled.
“Three weeks.” He repeated back, I nodded then nudged his arm.
“Now get out, because I need to pee and I’m not nearly as brave as you.” I said, he laughed as he stood and left the bathroom.
Abi’s birthday was a bouncy castle and BBQ affair, Mum had obviously planned everything to the last detail
, including the apple shaped cake that had a worm coming out of it, it apparently went with the theme. I decided not to question, but instead went to find Mickey, who appeared to have found the jelly, which were being served in cauldrons.
“I miss when birthday parties used to be good.” He said, I frowned, “like there was structure, now there’s just pressure, I mean when do you bring out a cake at a house party, when do you do it Casey?” He said, I nodded, “Mum was like you should have an eighteenth.” He said, “I don’t think I know enough people but then I think a function party might be fun.” He said, I just looked back at him, “what?” he said laughing.
“When is your actual birthday?” I asked, he smiled.
“Tenth.” He said nodding, “I might have a function room party.” He said, as I turned.
“Oh! Casey you’ve grown again.” My Grandma said, I laughed and hugged her.
“I like Grandma, she lies to make me feel better.” I said, Mickey shook his head although amused. “Grandma, this is my boyfriend Mickey.” I said, she shook his hand.
“Mickey.” She repeated narrowing her eyes at him, I prepared myself to save him, “Michael?” She asked, he nodded.
“Wait, your name is Michael?” I said, Mickey smiled.
“Yes, my name is Michael. Lovely to meet you.” He said, grinning at my Grandma, she smiled right back.
“You seem like a lovely lad.” She said simply, “if you can put up with our Casey, you must be patient too.” She said.
“Thanks Grandma.” I said, she winked at me before turning to find Grandad, he appeared carrying a glittery pink gift bag.
“Where is the birthday girl?” He asked, I shrugged quite dramatically.
“I haven’t seen Abi for a long time, I must admit.” I said.
“There are a lot of screaming children in that direction though.”
“Good shout Case.” Grandad replied and walked in that direction, I turned to look at Mickey.
“Michael.” I said, he put his head back as he laughed.
“Michael James Cassidy.” He said lowering his head to look back at me, “Mickey since I was, what? Four?” He said, I nodded.
“Beer?” Dad asked, I turned to him as he passed the second beer to Mickey who raised it as a thanks and took a sip. “Come take a seat, I’m not doing the BBQ for a while yet.” He said, I took the second bottle of beer.
“He’s just seventeen you know.” I said.
“Snitch.” Mickey said behind my back, I smiled at Dad who smiled back at me obviously amused.
Mickey acted as if he’d known my family for years, we shared the two-seater that was under the parasol, he sat to my right, so I leant on him, my back against his arm, my legs over the side of the seat, nesting my beer on my stomach. Elliot was on the deck chair next to me, he’d spent a lot of the earlier conversations seeing how far the back went, now he was sat upright, his boyfriend sat on a kneeling mat at Elliot’s feet.
Elliot keep messing with his hair. My parents had their chairs, the two fancy wicker chairs with extra padded cushions, Grandma and Grandad had two of the dining room chairs, as did most of Abi’s friend’s parents.
“Why were you allowed to bring your boyfriend to this party?” I asked Elliot, once all the adults had turned to look affectionately at the bouncy castle when all the kids screamed with laughter.
“Two reasons.” Elliot said, “the first was that I drove myself here to be a good cousin.” He said, Mickey laughed behind me.
“Second?”
“God Mum, Casey’s boyfriend will be there.” He almost whined.
“He’s the best twenty-one-year-old I’ve ever met.” Karl, his boyfriend said whilst taking a sip of beer, he almost choked on it when Elliot knocked his head with his knee. “I came for the jelly.”
“Yes.” Mickey said, I smiled at him, he grinned right back at me, “and the beer, although I didn’t know there would be beer.” He said, Karl nodded quite dramatically back. Dad did the BBQ, with Grandad almost glued to his side for the entire time, the whole garden fell silent once the burgers were done and given out.
“Now, now is the time you get the birthday cake out.” Mickey whispered to me as he wiped ketchup off the side of his mouth.
“Now?” I replied.
“Right this second.” He said simply then nodded, I nodded back.
“Good job my Mum’s on it then, isn’t it?” I said, he turned as my Mum stepped out the kitchen and started the singing of Happy Birthday, which of course everyone instantly joined in with, although Mickey laughed which made me grin.
“How likely is it we’ll get a slice of cake?” Karl whispered.
“I like you.” I decided on, he winked at me.
“How did you guys meet?” Mickey asked, Elliot shrugged.
“Dating app.” Karl replied, Elliot blushed.
“Oh! Really?” I said, Elliot nodded.
“He was a hook up.” Elliot said, “but I couldn’t leave it as just a hook up because he was amazing.”
“In bed or...?” Mickey asked, I almost choked on my beer.
“All-rounder.” Karl replied.
“I like him too.” Mickey said.
“Mum was of course horrified, even though I had a decency to not bring him home for the hook-up.” Elliot declared.
“He was classy.” Karl almost whispered, “where did you guys meet?”
“School.” I replied, he almost instantly cooed.
“Was it an eyes meet at age eleven and there was no going back?” He asked.
“We’ve known each other for five weeks.” Mickey replied, Karl almost squeaked.
“That’s actually cuter.” Karl said, “definitely cuter. You guys seem like you’ve known each other for years.”
“He’s easy.” Mickey said, I looked at him, presuming he didn’t mean I was a slut. “Everything with him is just easy, telling him I liked him, asking him to be my boyfriend, being his boyfriend.”
“Is that because Casey is hopelessly in love with you?”
“Yes.” I replied, “he was genuinely the first person I spoke to when I started school, it was as if he went, I want that one and well…”
“Got him.” Mickey said as Abi appeared, standing in front of me and talking at one hundred miles an hour all about her party, her friends, the big bouncy castle and did you see her cake.
“Abs?” Elliot said, her head whipped around to look at him, before jumping on him cuddling him tightly, “You enjoying your party?” He asked, she nodded, “who was that boy I saw you talking to?” He asked, tickling her sides so she screamed whilst kicking her legs which I caught before she kicked me.
Mum had dressed her in a purple princess dress, a very light purple with a glittered top and a tutu like material skirt, she currently just had socks on, turned over with a little purple bow although the feet were green after running around the grass. She’d matched me, as she’d purposely ironed my purple short sleeved shirt, I couldn’t tell she’d matched us until I spotted Abi on the bouncy castle.
“What are you screaming about?” Dad said, lifting Abi off Elliot’s knee and holding her on his hip, she almost instantly began laughing, “Come on kids. Your Mum wants a picture of you two together, she didn’t plan your outfits for nothing.” He said, I sighed quite dramatically at him but stood all the same, taking my beer with me and taking a swig out of it as Dad stood Abi in front of me.
I hugged her into my chest, we posed nicely for the first picture, she went after my beer for the second, the picture had me holding it above my head and her reaching for it, once Dad had lowered his phone I gave her the bottle, she took a sip then pulled her tongue at me.
All the kids went home by half seven, as they all along with Abi were starting to fall asleep, she was sat on Dad’s knee her head resting on his chest as we spoke quietly around her, it was still light out as we were going into summer so we were enjoying it. Mum had made a pitcher of Pimms, filling it with strawberries and setting it between us.
Mickey seemed quite pleased when he got a plastic beaker full of it. Dad had taken Grandma and Grandad back to the train station at their request so was now sat happily drinking, after telling Elliot he could spend the night.
It took us all two beakers of Pimms before Elliot and I decided it’d be a fantastic idea to play on the bouncy castle, it didn’t really take much persuading on Mickey and Karl’s part come to think of it.
“Shoes.” Mum called after us, so I turned to her seeing her quite amused as Abi seemed to wake up to watch us, giggling into Dad’s chest. I turned back smiling at Mickey and taking his hand, grabbing tighter as we began to bounce because balance was not a strong skill of mine.
“Can’t you bouncy castle?”
“No, I can’t bouncy castle.” I replied, he pulled me closer, putting his arm around my waist to keep me upright, it didn’t last long. Once I’d fallen over and they’d stopped laughing, Elliot went to get more beer then came and sat inside the bouncy castle. Karl beside him, their legs tangled with each other as I sat beside Mickey, my head resting on his shoulder.
“I remember your tenth.” Elliot said, I frowned at him. “Bowling.” He said, I laughed.
“Yes!” I said, “those slushies were the best.”
“I remember you said, that I could be on your team because I was older so I could obviously bowl.”
“You failed.” I almost whispered.
“You got a strike though.” Elliot said pointing his beer at me, I nodded.
“I did.” I said nodding, “I did that.” I said.
“Well done.” Mickey stated, I grinned at him.
“Now…” Karl said, “five weeks, tell me all the gossip.”
“Bouncy castles are not sound proof.” I replied, Karl scoffed at me.
“Gossip!” He declared, “now.” He added Elliot began laughing as I looked at Mickey who grinned into his beer.
⚧
2 Weeks to Go
Aoife found me before I found her. I’d gotten the bus to the train station, obviously too early, so I sat on the metal seat and looked longingly at the fast food restaurant, having an inner debate about whether I really wanted chips at eleven am. Aoife saved me by jumping on my shoulders, I took my earphones out and stood to hug her then held her hands, taking a step backwards to look at her.
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