“You’re going to Doctor School?” Milo asked, Ashley laughed whilst covering his face.
“Yes he is! He did an entrance exam and he aced it.” Jesse said, Ashley shook his head.
“Don’t get excited, I’m just doing a diploma, I’ll go to university in two years then we can be excited.” He said, Jesse shook his head.
“Nope! I’m being excited now.” Jesse stated, so we all raised our glasses.
“That reminds me, actually.” Luke said, we all looked at him, “you.” He said to Milo, who frowned, “do you need anyone to be arty?” He asked, Milo laughed.
“Do you want to get into makeup?” He replied, Luke shrugged.
“No but I can draw and I paint and I want to do something, anything before Mum realises I’ve finished college.” He said, Milo hummed.
“I don’t think I can use you.”
“What do you do?” I asked, Milo smiled.
“I’m a makeup artist. I mostly do headshots, dancers, actors.”
“Drag Queens.” Kaiden said, Milo nodded.
“That’s quite awesome.” I said, he smiled. “You two are in college?” I asked, Kieran and Riley nodded back.
“For now.” Kieran said laughing.
“What do you do?” I asked Kaiden, he shrugged.
“Extremely little.” He said, “I work in a shop currently, which sucks.” He said, “There are jobs going though.”
“I would rather take up makeup than stack shelves.” Luke replied, Milo laughed beside me.
“Don’t mock it, it’s very therapeutic.” He said.
“What got you into it?”
“I liked art, like Luke. I studied art and I loved it, but to me it wasn’t enough. I bought loads of those makeup heads, and just kept doing makeup, I drew it, I painted it onto the faces, I just started to create and I enjoyed it.” He said, “I just figured it out in the end, I mean, I’m twenty-two, I didn’t start doing it until I was eighteen maybe.” He said, I nodded to him.
“I just like art.” Luke murmured.
“I could use you.” Riley said, Luke frowned at him, “for my end of year project I have to create a simulation game.” He said, Luke sat up, “I’m okay at the art bit, I’m okay like not brilliant. I can do all the coding, all the computer side, everything but the bloody art.”
“I’m so up for that like you don’t even understand.” Luke said, Riley laughed.
“We’ll figure it out.” He said, Luke nodded back.
“You’re nineteen?” I asked, Luke nodded to me, “okay, Kaiden you’re twenty?”
“Yeah, I’m older than him, he doesn’t let me forget it.” he said amused, I smiled.
“You’re twenty-two.” I nodded towards Milo, who nodded back, “and Riley you’re twenty-one?” I asked, Riley nodded, “You two are sixteen.” I said, Jesse and Ashley nodded back, “how old are you Kieran?”
“Nineteen.” He said amused.
“Well that makes me feel a little better.” I said, they all frowned back at me, “Mum says life goes on after surgery, it’s university or a job, so I started having a mini crisis because I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I’ve never, ever thought about what I could possibly want to do.”
“It’ll come to you.” Ashley said, I looked at him, “I was having a crisis because I’ve always wanted to be a nurse. But I thought I’m trans I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I just didn’t know if I could. I was nervous and stupid.” He said thoughtfully, “but it’ll come to you.” He said, they all sort of agreed, so I also did, taking a sip out of my pint.
Milo and Kaiden went to the bathroom with me when I finally admitted I needed to go, they didn’t make me feel as if I was acting silly, they simply stated they also needed to go and walked with me to them. We hadn’t found the disabled toilet in this bar but as we walked they said since it was a gay bar we should be okay.
I didn’t believe them but I didn’t say that because I did trust them. It was a normal toilet when we got into it, stalls and urinals, I stalled, making Kaiden walk into me, he held both of my arms and squeezed them.
“You’re alright,” He whispered in my ear, I didn’t look at them, I looked at Milo, who’d carried on walking only figuring out I’d stopped when he got to the first urinal. “Honest. We’re the only people in here for a start.” He said, I nodded, I could see that.
“Does it genuinely get easier?” I asked, Milo nodded to me, whilst proving it to me. I had a weird feeling about that as it almost evoked penis envy, which made sense but at the same time I knew Milo was trans so I didn’t think it was fair that it evoked envy, Kaiden walked me forward letting going of my arms and walking around me, standing the urinal away from Milo.
“Urinal edict still applies though.” Kaiden said amused then nodded to the cubicles so I went into it, because I figured the longer I stood the more likely it would be that someone would come in.
I figured I needed to go before I really needed to go. They’d both waited for me as I washed my hands.
“What’s urinal edict?” I asked, Kaiden laughed.
“One shall not stand in the urinal next to another.” Kaiden said, I smiled at him as Milo nodded.
“It’s taken very seriously.” He said then tilted his head, “unless it’s your boyfriend, Avory doesn’t seem to mind.” He said, Kaiden hummed lightly.
“You also mustn’t look that’s bad.” Kaiden said pointing at me, I smiled back at him.
“Come on.” Milo said nodding his head out the door, “I’ll get us another round, but I think I’ll get you a soft drink, Doctor Knight is always unimpressed if there’s alcohol in the blood stream.” He said amused, I followed them. Milo going to the bar as I walked with Kaiden to the circle of seats.
“Oh!” Kaiden said,
“Save me.” Luke whispered; I began laughing childishly.
“Weird.” Kaiden said, I nodded covering my mouth as we watched Kieran and Riley enjoying each other’s company, as Jesse and Ashley did.
“I looked down at my phone, looked back up and they were necking.” Luke stated.
“Necking?” I repeated, he nodded.
“Snogging.” Kaiden said, I smirked at him, “I couldn’t look at them like, they’re sixteen, that’s weird.” He said, nodding his head to Jesse and Ashley, “and them, although hot, weird.” He said, Kaiden squeezed Luke’s shoulder before taking a seat as Milo returned, although seemed quite immune to the make out session that had started.
“Drink, it’ll make you feel better.” Kaiden said, Luke nodded back before gulping at his pint.
“Slow down you’ll be sick otherwise.” Milo said, “and I’m not dealing with that.”
“Nor am I,” I said, Kaiden shook his head.
“He’s going back to Amber’s she can deal with that.” Kaiden said, Luke rolled his eyes,
“Now that I’ve not got Kieran to tell me off. Aoife”
“I just helped you pee, don’t be a dick.” Kaiden said, I grinned as Milo almost choked on his pint.
“Aoife?” Milo asked, I nodded, “she was beautiful, I want to do her makeup so bad.” He said, I laughed.
“I don’t think you’ve ever said something quite so homosexual Milo.” Luke said.
“And proud.” Milo replied, “you like Aoife?” He asked, Kaiden blushed as he shrugged, “dude go for it, I’m not even taking the piss, she was beautiful and liked you, obviously but also she’s trans which to you I think is perfect.”
“I’m not becoming like them.” He said nodding towards the couples.
“That’s different.” Milo said, “they’re transitioning together, they’ve transitioned together, but you guys would just get each other, you wouldn’t need to tip toe around certain things. You’d just get it.”
“Can you walk around with me and deliver motivational speeches everywhere I go?” I asked, Milo took a sip out of his pint.
“Sure.” He said, Kaiden groaned.
�
�Just say yes or no.” Luke said, Kaiden looked at him, “you like her?”
“Yes.” He said.
“Epic.” I whispered, Kaiden punched my arm.
⚫⚫⚫
The suitcase we usually take on holidays was on my bed when I got home, my business revision was piled very neatly next to the suitcase, even though it had been recklessly covering my bed this morning.
"Revising late?" Dad asked, so I turned to look at him.
"Last minute cramming." I said, "I don't think it actually helped." I added, he smiled.
"Your mother has insisted she helps you pack." He said, I'm not surprised in the slightest. "I told her you could have had the small suitcase, she told me she knew what she was doing, so I shut up." He said, I laughed.
"What's Abi being told?" I asked.
"We're going to talk about that tonight."
"Great." I said, he almost smiled at me, then turned as Mum came up the stairs.
"Ready to pack Casey?" She asked, I nodded although I so wasn't, but I don't think I ever will be.
"Is there a list?" I asked, she revealed a folded piece of paper.
"There is a 'here's what we recommend list'." She said, then revealed a bag. "I brought you more underwear." She added, I could hear Dad's laugh, it stopped when we both looked at him.
"Love, he's eighteen." He said, "he will be fine. I also think he has the most underwear than the rest of the house." He said.
"I agree."
"But these are soft cotton, like recommended." She said, I laughed but took the bag regardless. "It also recommends loose t-shirts, and loose pants, or pyjama pants." She said, I nodded. "So, I brought you some pyjama shorts." She said, then looked at Dad, he grinned. "It's going to be hot." She stated.
"It is your right. I'll go start tea; you get packing." He said then left swiftly, I looked at Mum, who looked at the suitcase then at me.
I felt emotion coming on.
We packed quickly, really I didn't need that many clothes and we figured I didn't need to pack for my post operation accommodation, the suitcase was soon degraded to a backpack.
We as a whole, were a bit stumped at what to tell Abi. We didn't want to worry her so we were trying to avoid telling her I was going into hospital, but we also couldn't really tell her the actual truth, that would most likely confuse her. We decided to talk it over, all sat in our living room, with a bottle of wine between us.
"Could you go on holiday?" Dad said, we both looked at Mum.
"For a month." She replied.
"I could go and visit Grandma." I said, they both hummed, "then she could kidnap me, and keep me for the month."
"It's not even unlikely that, that could happen." Dad said, Mum laughed then nodded.
"You're right." She said, "we will, of course come and visit you, but you might need to buy Abi a gift." Mum said,
"I'll buy her some chocolate." I said, they both approved.
"How are you feeling?" Mum asked, I shrugged and drank out my glass.
"Anxious about my exams, anxious about the meeting with the consultant, rather relaxed about the meeting with George, sickly excited about the operation." I said, "so, to wrap it up, I feel rather sick about the whole situation." I said, Dad laughed.
"That's good." He said, I frowned, "well you're nervous, that means that it means a lot to you." He said, "I'd be worried if you weren't anything towards it."
"That's a good point." Mum said, I smiled.
"It's like I'm about to start puberty again, that impending change. You know it's coming and it's going to be big." I said then laughed, I could just hear the joke Mickey would have made.
"Do you want someone with you tomorrow?"
"I'd like Mickey to stay the night." I said, Dad looked at Mum, she rolled her eyes.
"Come off it. They're not going to do anything." She said, "if anything, they'll probably be better behaved." She said, I almost agreed.
"We really will, not that we misbehave in any way. We're very reliable." I said, Mum scoffed.
"I've noticed you've been cleaning your bedsheets more often."
"For hygiene reasons." I stated, Dad almost choked on his sip of wine.
"That's a new one." He said, "but can I weigh in? I didn't think you'd be, shall we say, 'comfortable' doing these things." He said, I shrugged because I didn't have a response.
"I talk about this stuff with George." I decided on.
"Can I ask you a question, and can you reply maturely?" Mum asked, I nodded. I think we began having mature conversations when I was about twelve. "Do you plan on, when you are able to, having sex with Mickey?" She asked, I nodded almost without hesitation.
"I love him, I think. And I also think that he respects me enough, we'd be able to do that, go that far." I said, "I trust him." I finished, they both nodded. Dad looked almost confused; Mum looked as if she was going to give me a hug.
"We'll order takeout tomorrow." Mum said, "is Mickey coming after your exam?"
"I think he's coming around five, he hasn't got an exam tomorrow, he refuses to set foot in school." I said, they laughed.
"I don't blame him." Dad said, "are you seeing George tomorrow?"
"Not tomorrow, but he'll be with me in the hospital.” I said, they both nodded.
⚧
0 Weeks to Go
Mr Elliot was the sit-in teacher for the Business Exam, and he looked extremely bored as he sat at the front of the hall with forty-five minutes left.
I’d finished, when I looked across to Morgan it appeared he’d also finished, he winked at me. I tried to resist laughing out loud then I sat just watching Mr Elliot. He clocked me about fifteen minutes later, tilting his head at me, so I tilted mine back then he stood, he walked down all the rows smiling at Morgan, who smiled back up at him then continued on. Appearing behind me and almost making me jump.
“How are you feeling?” He whispered in my ear, I smiled.
“I did well I think.” I replied, he laughed very quietly into my ear. “And I’m doing okay.” I added before looking at him, he squeezed my shoulder then carried on down the row, being stopped by a girl a few seats in front of me.
We were evacuated line by line, my name, beginning with an A meant I got evacuated first. So I stood, walked to the back to pick up my backpack then around the desks to leave, Mr Elliot stopped me on the other side of the doors to leave.
“Good luck.” He said, I smiled at him and took the envelope he passed me before going down the stairs and waiting for Morgan at the bottom, he appeared not too long after.
“Food?” He asked, I nodded.
“Food sounds really good about now.” I said, he laughed and began to walk with me out the building as I opened the envelope. It was a card with a little giraffe on, he had balloons and a little party hat on. Above it, in clouds it read Good Luck:
Casey,
Hope all goes well in the hospital tomorrow, make sure you come and visit when you can!
Will.
“Casey chooses.” Dad said, Abi pouted right back at him, as I stood arms folded leaning on the kitchen door. “You chose last time misses.” He added, she shook her head.
“But it was my birthday.” She said.
“Yes! So, it is only fair that Casey chooses today, as he is going to visit Grandma tomorrow isn’t he.”
“I don’t see why I can’t go too.” She moped; Dad laughed.
“It’s a hard life isn’t it Abs.” He said, as he cuddled her. “What have you chosen?” He asked, I pushed myself off the kitchen door.
“Chinese.” I said, Abi looked at me, “with of course a big portion of chips.” I added, she grinned at me, I smiled back as Dad shook his head.
“Wrapped around her little finger aren’t you.” He said, Abi giggled as the doorbell went. “That’ll be for you.” Dad said, so I went to answer it, finding Mickey stood on the other side, circling his earphones around his hand, he looked up as I opened the door.
“Hello.” I said, he nodd
ed back.
“Hello.” He said as he took a step into my house, he looked over my head then he kissed me.
I left the ordering to Dad who felt a banquet was appropriate, with a side order of chips, we lay it out on the kitchen table and I got the first pick.
I sat silently on my bed as Mickey went the bathroom, I sat just looking at my backpack as it leant again the wardrobe because there really wasn’t much in there, my shoes were sat alongside it and a folded-up pair of jogging bottoms on top.
Mum hadn’t thought it wise me going to the hospital in jeans, I didn’t argue, it was easier. I didn’t hear Mickey come back into my room, I just felt him as he sat behind me, his arms over my shoulders.
“You scared?”
“Terrified.” I replied, he kissed my neck, “but happy, can’t forget the happy.” I said, he cuddled my shoulders a little tighter.
“You know it’ll be fine right?”
“No.” I whispered, “what if there’s complications?”
“What if there isn’t.” He replied, I exhaled, “you don’t have to look at the bad outcomes of everything you know, some things can just be good.” He said, I looked over my shoulder at him, “you said two of your friends had it.”
“Yes, and that allegedly went perfectly.” I replied, he nodded so I swallowed. “Will you still like me afterwards?” I asked, he frowned.
“What?” He asked, so I looked back at my backpack.
“After surgery, will you still like me?” I repeated, he kissed my ear.
“Of course I will Casey.” He said into my ear, “of course, and you know what…” He added, I sniffed, “…maybe even more so, because I like penis.” He whispered, I began laughing feeling as his cuddle got just that little bit tighter then relaxed, so I turned to him, sitting between his legs that he’d circled around me. I ran my hands from his knees up his thighs and back down again.
“I don’t want to fool around tonight.” I whispered, he nodded.
“Figures.” He replied, I smiled, “I touched myself last night, we’re all good.”
“Mickey!” I said, hitting his knees as he grinned childishly. “We could kiss a little.” I said, “or a lot. Whatever.”
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