Fight for Love (My Wounded Soldier #2)

by Diane Munier

  She liked my face. I had found it too prominent, wasn’t sure of it most my life, but figured it no worse than many others, but she favored it and told me I was uncommonly handsome. She said this very serious. And I said thank you. Well I did know I was in my prime. I wondered how I would know such, and I just did, and I hoped it lasted for it was a wholesome place to be. And she liked my hair. She played with it all the time, her hand was drawn there, well to all of me. I was hers. There was submission in me, I bowed the knee. Inside I did.

  I only wanted that house to have us a place. Well, her a place too…that kitchen. Johnny by that window with the good light. The lathe was going up. There would be plaster soon.

  Oh, so many thoughts, now was the time to feel, just feel her hand on me, her lips on mine, her body pressing her sweetness into me, her breasts squishing over my heart.

  I rolled her over and went kind of wild on her, and she kept up like she could, for we were matched in every way but she was up so high above me in my mind I could only worship for the rest of my days. The wife of my youth.

  And I let her go first, and her face, eyes rolling up, softening down, breath warm on my face, lips soft in a smile, me moving in her again, my hand knowing, my fingers working, rhythm rising, her bowing up and crying out, me catching that sound with my mouth against hers. The sacred knowing.

  And I did pull out before it took me over, and I got ready to spill my seed on her stomach, and she put her hand on my face and said, “No. Inside me.”

  And that alone…crazed, all that heat in her, flesh oven tight on me, a sound, a sound and I let go, flailed, shattered, broke apart and gasping from it.

  “Lass,” I said when I could. I kissed her, the power of it still taking my breath. I rolled off, my arms around her, settling her against me, and our hearts wrapped us in their strong chorus…slower…slower…we slept like that, just that way.

  Tom Tanner

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Next morning, Sunday morning, we went to church. We hooked up with my family on the way there. This was the day we would venture to the river after service to picnic with William and Lenora and their baby. With Pa down, Gaylin was riding Ma home. Addie prevailed upon Rosie to picnic with us. Well, it was a clear day and the crops looked good. Rains had been fair and things were lush and green. I liked nothing more than looking at the handiwork of others. We passed Colson’s farm now, and he had a fair amount of sons to work his place. There would be lots of field-time come harvest. We were all cutting hay now except for Sunday. Old man Colson did not cotton to keeping the Sabbath, but with their farm so near the church, whatever preacher we had on Sunday would raise such a fuss seeing him in the field he’d have to give it up and comply. There was sin and there was big sin. Churched or no a man did not work his fields on Sunday.

  Well, we stayed for the first round of preaching, cutting out on the second round of singing. We planned to meet William and Lenora somewhere around noon our side of the river. The bridge, condemned before the war it was, had been rebuilt and was in fine shape so crossing should be easy.

  The tricky part for William would be getting out of church reasonable. He and Lenora attended the Negro Baptist church outside of Greenup where Mose did most the preaching. That made me laugh some for William had said he suspected Mose aimed most the sermons straight at him. They were often on being true to your wife, confessing your sins, staying clear of hard drink. Those were the big ones for Mose.

  Once a month Mose rode circuit. He worked tirelessly finding homes for orphans coming out of slavery. Mose was adamant about the fate of these children. He had been all over the county speaking to folks about helping out. He needed clothes and money and food and home-goods and just about anything these wayfarers might use. He needed jobs for the men and women who weathered over. He needed.

  Now Mose was respected. He could get by with things another might not dare to try. Truth was, he was better read than most around. He could say things in such a way, man wasn’t sure if Mose had kept his place or not. But he rarely smiled, or frowned. He just looked at you with eyes could peal your skin off quick.

  If one was our own, regardless of color, we could be civil round here to a point. But the strangers coming in…that was another matter. We had our Negroes, but that didn’t mean we wanted a bunch of strangers coming in upping the numbers to fearful proportions.

  Folks worried about that. Still many gave because Mose had asked and his appeal came through the churches. Well, Christianity was the thing we were all stuck with. We had that in common. Though it was not a unity like you might expect. Too often Jesus looked more like us, a white-skinned German Irish farmer, arms folded across his chest, than we did him.

  But somewhere in there it did say to love others, and if the preacher wasn’t a cuss and had some conscience about what that book they was always wagging did say, then giving was a matter hard to ignore. There was no way to feel too good about any of it.

  I only had this misery because of William. He made me see it human. I didn’t want to. I was who I was. I didn’t want it all in my mind. It wasn’t mine to solve. I had my own family, my own problems. But William made me see it. He always did, and not because he talked much about it. But because I knew he was like a brother. I had loved him that way and it got in me and sometimes I looked at things the way they might look to him and the shine went away and I got mad all over again.

  Well, it was a crushing burden. It was hardship and hunger. And here I was in the midst of it building a house some called folly. Truth be told, Addie and the children were my first thought. These two I had had needed saved and I was signed up.

  Time William and Lenora arrived, he had him a two-seater and it looked full to bursting. Well, Rosie was on her feet, course Johnny was on his, for we’d all been lying on the blankets we’d brought.

  When they stopped, Rosie was there helping the children out, while William went to Lenora and the baby. Well out jumped three little boys and Johnny was dancing foot to foot. These three were cuter than pups and backward as they could be. They hung around William and Lenora like little ducklings might, but they grinned at Johnny’s lusty greeting.

  “I know it ain’t been that long,” I said getting on my feet. I had seen William three weeks before in town, I’d seen him pretty regular, and I know he wasn’t papa but to the one Lenora held.

  “This is Elijah, Zebidiah, and Jehosaphat,” he said to us.

  “How many are you?” Johnny asked them.

  Lenora spoke, “Elijah is six, Zebidiah and Jehosaphat are four.”

  “You got to be…you got more than me!” I said shaking William’s hand.

  He grinned and looked to Lenora.

  “Missus,” I said.

  She nodded, holding the baby for me to see. I touched her little hand. I could see William more all the time in this one.

  Then he went to the seat and lifted another. A boy older than Janey, but still not by too much. He was just waking. Rosie just appeared then and took that one right out of his arms.

  I heard her whisper, “Oh.”

  “These your boys?” I asked William, for surely they weren’t, but I couldn’t keep the smile off me. But I knew that house in Greenup wasn’t that big.

  He nodded looking them over with the hint of a grin and a shake of his head, the way one might say, “Lord, I reckon.”

  “Wash your hands in the river boys,” Lenora said, “I have cookies. Mind your shoes,” she said to them and Rosie, still carrying that young one led the boys to the water.

  Lenora resettled Susan on her hip but William went and took her. We walked closer to the water. Addie was on our blanket nursing Jane, but Janey was eager to scramble about. Addie spoke to Lenora as she laid her blanket and went back and forth to spread her food.

  We watched Rosie with that baby and the boys. They were talking shyly with her, answering her questions, smiling at what she said. Then she took them over to help Lenora. Johnny was already doing that.


  “William…is this Mose or you?” I said.

  William smiled. “There ain’t that much difference anymore. I got to say…I respect him. He don’t quit. And he’s right. There’s a home in Richmond coming together. Home for children from slavery and a school. He’s sent some children there…but more has come. Lenora and me…I ain’t no pitier and I don’t like pity. But these are the first ones to know freedom here. I been…privileged.”

  I looked sharp at him.

  “I been free. All my life. I got something in my mind from it many of these coming through don’t have. What it is…I aim to give it to some of these. Somehow. Mose said that. He’s right.”

  We stood there, the water moving past, gray and strong.

  “Well, tell me some about these boys,” I said.

  “Eli and Zeb are brothers. Some traveling through had them. Their parents got sold off and these were brought up like so many. They are four like Lenora said, but she had taught them to use the outhouse. And they did not know they could have all the food they wanted. They eat so fast and Lenora is teaching them they can eat slow and we will not take it away. They still wet the bed and Eli wakes crying most nights. Zeb does not talk. We think he can…but he does not yet do so.

  “Jehosaphat came with another group. He has on his back…burns we think. And on his thigh a vicious bite, a dog mayhap. He had worms so bad, the doc treated him, but he gets a lot of stomach aches.

  “Lenora an’ me…we got up three days ago and this little one was left on our porch.” He gestured to the one Rosie held. “Someone had tied him there, ankle to the post and a note pinned on his shirt said, “Josiah.” Well he sat there in his mess crying, but it is not a regular cry…very soft and strange so we did not hear ‘til I pulled the door. No one saw, but here he is. Josiah.”

  I put my arm around William then for he had choked on that name.

  “I know they tied him for safety…but….” I heard him swallow.

  “Will they come back for them once they’re settled or….”

  “No,” he said. “I reckon they are mine.”

  I shared it with him then. Just stood by him. “What does Jimmy say?” I asked.

  “At first he was laughing. Now…he’s quiet,” William said. “He and Allie…well Allie has wore herself out and must stay abed until the baby comes.”

  “I did not know this.”

  “Yes. He sees she is cared for. He pretty well adores every hair on her head.”

  “He better.”

  We stood in some silence. I had taken my arm away. But still we stood.

  “Reckon you’ll be getting a second job then?” I said.

  He laughed. “Jimmy makes mayor…I don’t want to go further. He wants me to…and assures me he gets mayor I will keep my job, but it won’t be under him. But that battle…I want to take care of what I got. Lawman…less I can move around…I need to put in some roots with this uncertain brood.”

  “You going back to farming?”

  “Ain’t been a farmer,” he said.

  “But you know it. Pa has that bottom forty like he told you.”

  “He rented that to Colson.”

  “He’s got everything rented ain’t being used that’s cleared for crop. That contract is one year at a time,” I said.

  “There ain’t a house…and Lenora…,” he sighed big.

  “She don’t want to farm?” I said. “You said you wanted a cabin someday.”

  “We can hear you, Tom,” Addie said from behind. They were all gathered, the food uncovered. We men went to them then and sat. Lenora asked William to say the grace and I had to wipe off my smile. Day was he couldn’t string enough words, so this had my attention.

  “Thank you, Lord,” he said, and that was it. Well, he never liked it windy.

  “I am not against farming,” Lenora said as she filled plates for those boys. Rosie seemed to take over with Josiah. “But there is need for a school for our children and the others coming in,” she said.

  “Last I looked William ain’t a schoolteacher,” I said scooping my sweetheart’s potatoes into my mouth.

  “William can do anything he sets his mind to,” she said, her chin coming up a notch. Yes, she was Mose’s daughter.

  William laughed a little, “Except that…teaching…no,” he said, and Lenora’s shoulders fell a little but I saw his hand on her leg.

  “Won’t the children be able to attend the school we already have?” Rosie asked, feeding the young one on her lap a scoop of beans.

  “You go to school with colored children, Missus?” Lenora asked her.

  She shook her head. “Me? Not me.”

  “They need schooling and training for making a living,” William said.

  Well, he could do some of that, but I could scarce believe my ears. “Mose?” I said looking around, “That you?”

  William laughed, but Lenora did not. Addie did not. Those two women were looking at me like I was the devil.

  “What?” said I tearing into my chicken.

  William laughed more.

  “What?” I asked him, talking with food in my mouth as womenfolk had always told me not to. I was not laughing at the troubles. I was laughing over the changes in my pard. He was willing to take on these boys. I was proud. He could opine in a way I’d never heard. I was a little flummoxed truth be told. He was growing in dog time. Mayhap he’d passed me by. Were a thing possible.

  Mayhap they did not know how it was for him. He told me once he was everything and nothing. Well, he said this on top of me, his hands digging into my shoulders, talking through his teeth, spitting in my face, looking ready to kill me. I knew he was fixing to take off again and I didn’t like it. So sometimes he’d get so mad at me just to get rid of me. Then he’d disappear for a couple of weeks and about the time he reappeared I’d have convinced myself he wasn’t coming again or mayhap he was even dead. That’s how it could be with him.

  He existed alongside, but I never really felt him drop in anywhere for good. Well, everything had its dark side. Whatever he picked there would be struggle and he had courage. When he married Lenora, his choice seemed made. And way he was doing and talking, it was good to see him settled.

  Rosie was fawning over that baby this light in her face, oh God. “He’s such a dear boy,” she said to Lenora. “Well, they all are. Was it hard traveling boys? I’ll bet you’ve never been so far from home,” she said.

  Well, they had no idea how to answer such things. I wasn’t sure myself. Did she want them crying all over their chicken? I pictured William with them, four of them and Susan. Didn’t seem that long ago, a year, us going our ways. Time…so fast.

  Well, the afternoon waned and we packed quick. We didn’t have but a couple of hours for chores were upon us and it was a fair ride home for all of us. Come time to leave Rosie was hugging those boys, especially the littlest one.

  “Miss Lenora,” I head her say as we packed up, “is Josiah spoken for? I mean…I know he just came to you and William. Are you taking him as your son then?”

  Lenora’s forehead creased. I stood still waiting to hear this. “Miss Rosie…,” she said. “William and I are taking the three of them. We have not had a chance to determine Josiah’s future.”

  Rosie nodded but you could see the hope, and I did not want to see it. Surely she had not attached herself so quickly? “Could you consider me? I’d have to talk to Gaylin. Could I take him home for a spell? I would treat him so carefully.”

  “No,” Lenora said. Rosie just stood there her grip seeming to tighten on Josiah who took a notion at that moment to lay his head on her shoulder.

  “Missus,” Lenora said, “you know he will grow into a man someday. He needs to be with his own.”

  “I know William…,” Rosie started to say.

  “That was different. He was older. That could be done without hurting him or hurting the Tanners. But a white woman…don’t you know that’s too close to what they came from? Think of how it would be
for them, not even counting what it would mean for you. If the world was like that where families could help one another and not worry about all of these matters…but that’s not so. These boys need a place in this world where they can learn and grow and be prepared for life. They need what all boys need and more. They will have Goliath himself in their paths. They are not pets.”

  Now that word, “pets,” did stop us all. We had not moved much past it.

  Lenora groaned and shook her head. “Forgive me. I didn’t mean to say that.”

  “Yes you did,” Rosie said, “but I don’t blame you. You’re protecting. I understand. I must look…strange.” While she’d been speaking her hand had been running frantically over the child as if she examined him for broken bones.

  Lenora shook her head. “I don’t mean to be cruel. There’s been enough of that. I…you’re a good woman I’m sure.”

  “Is it because I’m white or because I worked the stage?”

  I looked to Addie for help. This was taking a turn now.

  “Rosie,” Addie said handing me Janey and stepping to her to gently pry Josiah from her. Then it got worse. Josiah clung to Rosie. He wouldn’t let go. And he started to cry. It was quiet and strange, but somehow more intense for it. Now they clung to each other and they were both crying.

  I went to Addie and tapped her shoulder and handed her Janey, getting ready to pry Josiah off.

  “Leave her,” William said.

  We all looked at him. Lenora especially. Well, none of us knew what to do on this and he seemed to.

  “I’ll come by tomorrow and speak with Gaylin,” William said to Rosie. “That all right Missus?”

  “Yes,” she said and you could feel the relief in her.

  Lenora was staring hard at William. “It’s alright,” he said to her. “Little help won’t hurt us,” he said. Lenora seemed to be in great turmoil, unable to look at us. She let William hold the baby while he helped her in and handed her Susan. It was at the last minute she waved.