It was that part of her that wouldn’t let her fall back asleep. When Travis’s breathing was even and she knew he’d given in, Ruby slipped from his embrace. She slid off the bed and, without looking back, headed to the shower. She needed to think, and she needed to be alone.
She wasn’t long in the shower, just enough time to let the water run over her, and to lather up and wash her hair. She used a clip and pinned the wet length loosely on top of her head. Then dressed quickly in an old pair of white cotton shorts and a plain blue tank top, and shoved her feet into a pair of fluffy slippers.
Travis was still sleeping, laid out on his back, one hand flung over his head, the other across his abdomen. He looked darkly handsome, incredibly male, and just taking those few seconds to study him had her body responding in a way she couldn’t deal with. It only reinforced to Ruby how close she’d come to letting go. To opening herself up to the kind of hurt only Travis could rain down on her.
Quietly, she slipped from the room and headed to the kitchen. The sun was up, spilling an early morning glow over the black stainless-steel appliances and shiny white granite countertops. The smell of coffee hit her at about the same time she spied someone hunched over the island.
Ryder.
He glanced up, sporting rumpled hair, five-o’clock shadow, and a lopsided grin. There were circles under his eyes, and his features were pinched. She didn’t want to think about what that meant. At the moment, Ruby didn’t have the mental energy to deal with anyone’s problems but her own.
“You look tired, Ryder.”
He ignored her comment. “You ever going to change your code?”
She breezed past him and grabbed a mug for herself. “What’s the point?”
“So people like me can’t let themselves into your home?”
“Other than Sidney, you’re the only one with my code. So unless you’re planning on stealing everything that I own, it will stay the same.”
“I’m just saying you can’t be too careful.”
“I have Tasha.”
“That thing?” They both looked at the dog. Ryder had obviously fed her, and she sat like a queen, ignoring her humans completely. “She never barked once when I walked in from the garage.”
“How long have you been here?” she asked lightly, thinking that only twenty minutes ago, she and Travis had made enough noise to wake the neighborhood.
“Ten minutes? I heard the shower, so I thought I’d make a pot of coffee.” He nodded toward her bedroom. “I take it Blackwell’s still in there?”
“He’s asleep.” She threaded her fingers through the handle on her mug and sipped the hot brew. “Do you remember when Mom left?” The question came from nowhere, and she saw the surprise on her brother’s face.
He set down his mug. “It was raining.”
Ruby thought hard and slowly nodded. “Yes. Thanksgiving weekend. I got up early that morning to help make the pies.” Her throat tightened, and she slowly exhaled. “I loved making pies with her.”
“Remember she’d roll out the leftover dough and sprinkle it with brown sugar and bake it? Damn, I loved that stuff better than the pie.”
“We made three that morning. One pumpkin. One apple. And one strawberry because that’s what Daddy liked.” Daddy. She’d never outgrown the endearment. Not even when he was piss drunk and passed out on the front porch.
They’d had a traditional meal with all the fixings. Just the four of them. Both sets of grandparents had passed.
“She smelled like pumpkin spice. I remember when she hugged me.” Ruby’s eyes closed as the memory washed over her. “She held me tight. Really tight. And there were tears in her eyes. I should have known something was wrong. But she hugged me, and I ran into the living room to watch football with you and Daddy.”
“When it was over, she was gone.”
“And she took Daddy with her. She broke his heart, and he never recovered.” She looked at her brother. “Do you ever wonder about her? Like, is she still alive, and if she is, where does she live?”
“Nope.” Ryder finished his coffee. It was a lie, and they both knew it. “What’s this all about? Why are you bringing Mom up?” His eyes narrowed. “This has to do with him, doesn’t it? Travis?”
“No. I mean, probably not.” She sighed. “I don’t know.” Her bottom lip trembled, and she pushed her cup away. Suddenly, the smell of it made her nauseous. She knew what she had to do to protect herself, but didn’t know if she had the strength to go through with it.
She cleared her throat, aware that Ryder was watching her closely.
“What’s going on with you and Sidney anyway?” Her attempt to change the subject was greeted with a raised eyebrow and a quick shake of the head.
“Not gonna work, kiddo. What’s up with you? Why are you looking so stressed?”
Her brother knew her better than anyone. Maybe it was a twin thing, or maybe it was just good intuition. She couldn’t lie to him any more than he could with her. It was why he’d avoided her observation earlier. He knew he looked like shit. He knew the why of it, and he didn’t want to share.
“I can’t do this anymore,” she whispered, more to herself than anything. Which was why she jumped when her brother spoke.
“This thing with Travis?”
She nodded, pushing back the lump at the back of her throat. “I have to end it. He’s not going to be happy, and I should have done it last night. I meant to.” The misery in her heart spilled over, and she felt her eyes water. She swiped at the corners and looked away.
“Why?” Ryder’s question was simple. Straightforward. But, man, the answer was complicated. “And don’t tell me it’s complicated, because that’s bull. Relationships are not complicated. They’re either good or bad. They either make sense or they don’t. They’re either worth fighting for or they’re not.”
“That’s a pretty simplistic way to look at things.”
“You muddy the waters when you start adding noise. Do you love him?”
“I…” Ruby looked down at her hands. At a ring finger that had been bare for so long, she couldn’t remember what it looked like wearing gold. “I don’t think that’s a relevant question.”
“It’s probably the most important question, don’t you think?”
“No.” She shook her head. “It’s not. Because love doesn’t always mean happy ever after.”
“Okay, but humor me. Do you love him?”
Images crowded her brain. Travis smiling up at her. His eyes flashing when he laughed. The way he held her tenderly while they made love. The wicked smile before he threw her in the lake. The glint in his eye when he was up to something.
“There are things he doesn’t know, Ryder.”
“Do you love him?”
“Things I didn’t think mattered until last night.”
“Do you love him?”
“Then there’s my trust issues. My daddy issues. Hell, I have so many issues, a man would have to be insane to want me.”
“But do you love him?” Ryder wasn’t giving up.
Did she?
Yes. The word was a whisper in her head. But it was a secret she needed to hold tight. Love was a complication she couldn’t afford, because she knew there was no future for her and Travis.
She looked her brother in the eye. Could she carry this off? Would he believe her? “No, Ryder. I don’t love Travis. I loved the sex. I loved having someone in my bed. Someone to do the damn gardening.”
Travis cleared his throat, and she froze. Her blood turned to ice, and for a moment, she thought she was going to be sick. She heard the jingle of keys. The slow, steady slap of his shoes against the tile floor. Tasha barked once and then settled back in her bed when Travis walked by her without a word. He opened the front door, and then he was gone.
She was numb. Or maybe paralyzed.
Ryder sat back in his chair. “You are hands down the worst liar. Ever.”
“Do you think he believed me?” she whispered.
/>
A long silence fell, and then Ryder spoke.
“Yeah, Rubes. He believed you.” Another pause. “You going after him?”
I want to.
“No,” she whispered. “It’s probably for the best if I stay put.”
Ryder gave her a look. And if that look was to speak, it would say, bullshit. He got up and hugged her. He kissed the top of her head. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”
The sad thing was, Ruby had no clue. She was floundering, and if she wasn’t careful she would drown.
Chapter 23
Throughout his life, Travis Blackwell had had his ass handed to him many times. Which wasn’t to say he was unlike most people he knew. Everyone had stuff to deal with. Tragedies. Setbacks. Disappointments. The past shaped a person’s future, there was no getting around that. It bled into your psyche and affected how you looked at life. Even if you didn’t know it.
Some people survived multiple attacks, while others withered and died. He supposed it was how a person learned to cope. Travis had always been a fighter. From a young age, he’d learned to rally. To compartmentalize the negative and focus on the positive. It was what allowed him the mental strength to make it to the NHL, and to keep his job between the pipes. It was what allowed him to go on after his marriage to Ruby imploded. After Nathan. He’d tucked that shit away and deemed it a waste of his time to wallow or think about. What was the point? The marriage was dead in the water, crushed beneath a boatload of hurt, lies, and immaturity.
He’d gone on with his life, foolishly convinced that Ruby Montgomery was in the past. That she was his first love, which implied there would be a second. Maybe a third. Wasn’t that what growing up meant? Finding yourself and your path and the person you were meant to spend your life with?
It was a bitter disappointment for him to realize there was no one else. Ruby was it. The love of his life. The yin to his yang. The calm to his storm.
What was even worse, she didn’t love him anymore. Maybe she never did.
He carried his bags out of his room and set them by the front door before taking a look around to make sure he hadn’t missed anything. He spied an old white picture frame near the table under the front window, and slowly walked over. It was the picture he’d taken from Ruby’s bedroom all those weeks ago. He’d forgotten about it.
His hands gripped the frame, and he gazed down at a guy he barely recognized, and a girl who’d haunted his dreams forever, it seemed. It was candid shot taken at a bonfire. Ruby was gazing up at him, smiling at something he was saying to her.
God, they were just kids and already so in love. Carefully, he set the picture down and took a step back.
“What’s all this?” Zach asked, walking into the cabin and nearly tripping over Travis’s things. It was Saturday afternoon, and Travis had thought his buddy was gone for the day. He’d left a note on the kitchen table because he didn’t want to deal with the questions.
From the look on Zach’s face, there would be questions.
“Are you leaving?”
“Yep.” He moved toward the door.
Zach didn’t bother to hide his surprise. “Are you coming back?”
“Nope.”
“You wanna talk about it?”
“Not really.”
Zach headed for the fridge and grabbed the milk carton. “Okay.” He took a good long chug and then turned, leaning against the counter as he wiped milk from the corner of his mouth. “When you say leaving…”
“I’m headed back to Detroit.”
“Huh.” Zach rubbed the impressive beard he’d accumulated over the last week or so. “Training camp doesn’t start for four weeks.
“Four and a half weeks.” At Zach’s look, Travis shrugged. “I counted.”
“There’s the charity game for your foundation. So, if you want to get technical, we have two weeks until we hit the ice.”
Crap. Travis had forgotten all about fundraiser for the foundation he’d help organize with a few other guys on the team, including Zach. It was geared toward sport for inner-city kids. Helping underprivileged children with funding so their families could afford to enroll them in sports like hockey, something they wouldn’t otherwise be able to do.
“Right.” Travis rooted around the mess of things on the counter, looking for his keys. “Make sure you’re back by then.” He tossed a few magazines out of the way, but they slid to the floor and scattered. With a curse, he grabbed them and shoved them in the garbage.
“You sure you’re okay?”
“I never said I was okay.” Travis glanced at Zach, his anger barely in check. He was so far from okay, he wouldn’t recognize okay if it tapped him on the shoulder and said hello.
Zach was quiet for a few moments. “Sorry it didn’t work out with Ruby.”
Travis found his keys and shoved them in his pocket. “Yeah, me too.” He grabbed his bags. “Stay as long as you like. I’ll see you back in Detroit.”
“You sure you don’t have time for a beer?”
“No.” Travis opened the door. “I’m headed to my dad’s place and then I’m gone.” He didn’t wait for a response. Travis walked outside and climbed into his truck. The engine roared to life. He put the machine in gear. And just like that, his summer was over.
The sky was overcast, and big fat drops of rain splashed against his windshield. Not many, but it was a promise of what was to come. The wind had picked up, and a storm was definitely moving in, brought on by the billowing dark clouds overhead. He scowled as he accelerated down the road. It was as if the universe was throwing down a big fuck you.
“Right back atcha,” he muttered. Twenty minutes later, he pulled into the driveway of the house he’d grown up in. Wyatt’s Range Rover was there, so he parked beside it and hopped out. No sense in putting this off. He’d say his goodbyes and be in his condo by nightfall.
He strode inside the house and spied Darlene at the kitchen table, leopard-print reading glasses on her nose as she perused the weekly flyers. Dressed in a pale pink velvet track suit, silver hair perfectly coiffed, she looked like any other rich suburban housewife in Crystal Lake.
She didn’t seem surprised to see him, and Travis was going to guess Wyatt had spilled the beans.
“Your father is in the boathouse with Wyatt. I think they’re organizing the fishing gear,” she said, setting her glasses down with a smile. It didn’t quite reach her eyes, and he saw the disappointment. Another reason to feel like a shit.
“I came to say goodbye.”
“I heard.” Darlene got to her feet. She barely reached the top of his shoulders. Her arms wrapped around him, and Travis hugged her back fiercely. He’d not always been good to this woman. Lord knows she’d put up with a lot of attitude from him when he was younger. But she was the closest thing to a mother he had, and her genuine love for the Blackwell boys had never been questioned.
Slowly, she stood back. “I wish you would stay a bit longer. At least until Labor Day. You know how your father loves that weekend.”
“I know. But I have a thing in the city. For the foundation…” He sighed. “And I need to get my head screwed on right before training camp. I’m not getting any younger, and I’ve got a hot rookie nipping at my heels.”
“Bah,” Darlene said. “Your goals against average is the best in the league. I don’t see that changing anytime soon.” Her eyes softened at the look of surprise on his face. “Just because we don’t go to the games doesn’t mean your father and I don’t watch every single game here at home. It’s why he bought that massive flat screen.” She paused. “It’s hard for him to admit to his mistakes. His pride is unparalleled. Something I think you boys share with him.”
Pride? Hell, Travis seemed to have lost his over the last several weeks. “We’ll see what this season brings.”
“We will,” she said, stepping back, her eyes serious as she studied him. “I just want you to be happy.”
“I know.”
“I wish…” She
paused and then shook her head. “Never mind what I wish. I’m just a silly old woman with romantic ideals.” She reached up onto her tiptoes and cupped his face between her hands. “You will be happy one day, Travis. It takes time is all.” She kissed his cheek and let him go.
He headed for the boathouse and glanced up at the sky. The rain was still holding off, the skies teasing an occasional drop. He smiled to himself as the familiar strains of Hank Williams rolled across the deck. His father was sitting just inside the boathouse, his old fishing hat askew, dark socks pulled up to his knees, and a cigar dangling from his mouth. Wyatt sat on a toolbox, sporting a near identical look—save for the socks.
“Darlene thinks you boys are organizing your tackle boxes.” Travis leaned against the doorframe and looked around. The tackle boxes were nowhere in sight.
“We could be,” his father said with a chuckle. He held up his hand and pointed to the cigar. “You have time for one?”
“Nah. I’ve got to take off.”
John slowly nodded. “Darlene and I might try to get up to the city depending on how good this old heart of mine is in the fall. Do you think you could get us some tickets to a game?”
Travis couldn’t remember the last time his father had come to watch him play. There was always some excuse in the early days, and after a while, he’d stopped asking.
“Jesus, Dad. He’s the starting goalie for the Red Wings. I think the man can get tickets whenever he wants.”
Travis shrugged. “It won’t be a problem. Just let me know when you’re up to it.”
John blew out a long plume of smoke. He sat back in his chair, unfazed by the loud creaking the movement created, and stared up at his son.
“That girl is going to regret letting you go a second time.”
“Dad, I don’t want to talk about it.”
John Blackwell struggled to his feet, and in that moment, Travis was shocked at how small he appeared. He’d lost inches in height, and his longtime illness had left him frail. His collarbone looked sharp, his cheeks gaunt, and his eyes weren’t nearly as bright as they used to be.
You Rock My World (The Blackwells of Crystal Lake Book 3) Page 19