Travis held out his hand, but his father drew him into an embrace. It was short and abrupt in the way it was for some men, and his father’s voice was thick as he sat back down.
“It was good to see you, son.”
“You too, Dad.”
“I’ll walk you out to the truck.” Wyatt got up and followed Travis down the path that led around the house.
“Tell Hudson I’ll call him later this week.”
“Will do.” Wyatt kicked the tires on his truck. “This your last stop?”
“Yeah. I want to be back in the city before dark.”
Wyatt nodded, an odd expression on his face. “What happened, Trav? You and Ruby seemed good last night. Real good.”
Travis sighed and ran his hands along the back of his head. He was too proud to tell his brother what he’d overheard and too angry at the pain her words had caused to do anything other than shrug it off.
“Easy come, easy go, bro.”
But Wyatt wasn’t fooled. “That’s lame.” He shook Travis’s hand and pulled him close to tap his shoulder. “Call me if you want to talk or have a beer.”
Travis’s eyebrow rose. “Detroit’s a long way to come for a beer.”
“I know,” Wyatt said. “But you’re my brother, so distance doesn’t matter.”
The two men stared at each other for several moments, and then Travis backed away. “I gotta go.”
“Send me a text message when you get in. The old man wants to make sure you get there safe but didn’t want to make a fuss.”
“Will do.”
Travis slid into his truck and before long was headed toward Crystal Lake. He needed to cross the bridge and catch the highway on the other side of town. Then he’d hop on the interstate, and Crystal Lake would be in his rearview.
He rolled down main street and caught a red at the downtown core. His palms drummed an aggressive rhythm on the steering wheel, and when the light turned green, his tires squealed as he accelerated. He passed familiar storefronts, the old movie house where he’d gone to second base with Melanie way back when, and the coffee shop he and Ruby would spend hours in.
He frowned darkly and hung a left, deviating from the path he should be taking and not really knowing why until he drove up a small hill and spotted the park. He pulled in behind a metallic blue Honda and stared out his windshield, face grim. He did have one more stop after all.
Travis slid from his truck and, shoulders hunched against the wind, headed for the cemetery. By the time he reached his destination, the skies opened up, and the rain that promised to fall all afternoon came down in a steady stream.
He didn’t feel any of it. He stood in front of his son’s gravestone, hands clenched at his sides, face dark and grim. He thought of everything he’d lost. Of everything he’d never have. He thought of Ruby’s words.
“I don’t love Travis. I loved the sex. I loved having someone in my bed. Someone to do the damn gardening.”
And he nearly choked on the anger.
Chapter 24
Ruby sat on the sofa, her legs curled underneath her body, a heavy blanket pulled up to her chin. A half-eaten carton of peanut-butter-chunk-chocolate ice cream was melting on the coffee table, which Tasha was asleep under. Gone was the summer sun. It had been replaced with dark, angry clouds threatening to spill rain at any moment.
Her eyes were swollen from crying. And the sad thing was, she was still trying to figure out what exactly she was crying about. There was the obvious. That she had, in fact, lied this morning. She loved Travis. She probably had never stopped. But it was more than that. It was more than A = B. That was actually the easy part to figure out. Love equates heartache. And she’d shed so many tears over that particular equation, it was a no-brainer.
She sniffled and picked at the corner of her blanket. She and Travis were over. No way were they coming back from what had happened this morning. She’d handled things badly and winced as she thought of him walking in on her conversation with her brother. He’d left without saying a word, and that made things worse. So much worse, because fighting was their thing. He’d slammed the door shut behind him, and that harsh sound spelled it out. There was nothing left for him to fight for.
One solitary tear seeped from the corner of her eye, and she wiped at it angrily. She never meant to hurt him. She never meant for things to go this far. God, this was supposed to have been strictly physical. Sex without the strings.
How dumb was that. As if she could turn off that part of her brain. She knew there was no way a future existed for them. Aside from the logistics, there was the other stuff, the history, her family ties, the things he didn’t know. But that didn’t mean she didn’t want it. Didn’t mean she didn’t think about it or dream about it.
Her thoughts swirled faster and faster, and her head hurt because she was so confused. Was she crazy? Had she just thrown away the only relationship she was ever going to have? Because what she shared with Chance or the few who’d come before him had been biding time. She’d been waiting. Waiting for Travis to come back, to her.
“What does it matter,” she whispered to the voice in her head. It was too late. She’d screwed things up. And Travis didn’t even know why.
You should tell him.
Tell him what?
The truth.
Okay. She was going crazy. She was sitting on her sofa, having a conversation inside her head. Trying to convince herself to go and see Travis. He wouldn’t want to see her. Not now. Not after the things she’d said this morning.
How do you know that?
Frustrated, she rolled off the sofa and staggered to her feet, taking the blanket with her. Shivering, she stood by the garden doors and looked out over the steel-gray lake. Whitecaps crashed against the beach as the wind picked up speed. It washed an air of desolation over the place, and the ache in her heart grew bigger.
She’d never felt so damn alone in her entire life. Not even after Nathan. She rested her cheek against the cool glass, drinking in the silence of her home, and jumped when Tasha barked. She ignored it. But the dog barked again, and she turned around to find the small animal sitting at the front door, tail wagging like a windmill. Tasha jumped up and scratched the front door, which was weird. The little thing went into the backyard to do her duties.
“Hold on,” Ruby said, shedding the blanket. She grabbed a small plastic bag from the kitchen and headed for the front door. She let Tasha out, but the dog didn’t run onto the grass. The dog stood and waited.
Ruby knelt down and scratched behind her ears. “What do you want?” Of course, the dog couldn’t answer. All Tasha could do was wag a tail and bark. Slowly, Ruby straightened and walked over to one of the large Adirondack chairs on her porch. She scooped up a faded Yankees ball cap. Travis must have tossed it there the day before and forgotten about it.
She fingered the frayed brim and turned the cap over. It was his favorite. Just the week before, she’d told him she would buy him a new one, but he’d given her that sexy, lopsided grin and shaken his head. The hat had sentimental value, and he’d wear it until it fell apart. A drop of rain hit her square in the forehead, and she swiped at it absently, still holding on to the ball cap. She glanced at her car and then over to Tasha, who still stood on the porch, wagging her tail crazily as if she were going somewhere.
Another drop of rain fell, and she turned, running back into the house for her purse. Maybe there was still time to at least make Travis understand. Time for her to apologize. He could accept it or not. But at least she could give back his hat.
Like that’s not the lamest excuse ever.
She told off the voice inside her head, scooped her keys from the counter, and, with Tasha hot on her heels, headed for the car. Her cell phone was dead, though she doubted Travis would answer anyway. Ruby tossed it onto the seat and sped down River Road. It didn’t take long to reach Travis’s brother’s resort, and she whipped around several tradesmen’s vehicles and headed for the cabin. She spied Zac
h out front on his cell phone and skidded to a halt, her heart dropping because Travis’s truck wasn’t there.
Heart pounding, she gripped the steering wheel and tried to calm down. Shit. Where was he? Eyes on the porch, she reached for the gear shift. She should leave. This was a dumb idea. Zach pocket his cell and jumped off the small porch, his long legs eating up the distance to her car in no time.
Not really sure what she was going to say, she hit a button, and her window slid down. He leaned on her car and bent down so their faces were level. His eyes seemed curious, and she glanced down, embarrassed to realize she was still in the clothes she’d thrown on after her shower. The loose cotton shorts, the tight tank top that clearly showed anyone with an eyeball in their head, she wasn’t wearing a bra.
Tasha growled and barked, and that jumpstarted Ruby’s heart again. She exhaled and offered a wan smile, though she couldn’t quite meet his gaze.
“Hi, Zach.”
“Ruby.”
“I don’t suppose you know where Travis is?”
“I might.”
She glanced up sharply, a spark of anger lighting a fire in her chest. “Might as in, I have no idea? Or might as in, I do, but I don’t want to share the info?”
“He’s not in a very good mood.”
“I’m not surprised.”
“Maybe you should give him some time to cool off. Go see him in Detroit.”
Her eyes widened in alarm. She was too late. “He’s left town?” She slammed her palms against the steering wheel and felt the hot prick of tears. She couldn’t lose it here. She’d wait until she was alone.
Zach straightened and nodded toward the road. “He was swinging by his dad’s first. You might be able to catch him there. He left maybe twenty minutes ago.”
His dad’s. She looked at the clock. She could do this. She put the car in Reverse and sped back the way she’d come. By the time she reached the Blackwell home, rain was pelting the windshield, but she ignored it as she hopped from her car and ran up the steps. She rang the doorbell, shivering as she waited, and was about to ring it one more time when the door opened.
Darlene didn’t seem surprised to see her there, but the expression on her face wasn’t reassuring. She looked sad.
“He’s already gone.”
“Oh. I…” Ruby whipped around. She’d been so focused on getting here. On ringing the damn doorbell and falling into Travis’s arms to beg for his forgiveness that she’d not noticed his truck wasn’t there.
“I’m sorry, Ruby.”
Miserable, she could only nod and whisper. “Me too.”
“Don’t give up on him,” Darlene said softly.
“I don’t think that’s the problem this time,” she replied. She stepped out into the rain and walked back to her car. There was no reason to hurry considering this had been a fool’s errand from the start.
“He’s not here, Tash.” The dog stared at her from her perch on the seat and whimpered, butting her head against Ruby’s hand. With sluggish movements, she maneuvered the car out of the driveway and once more found herself driving along River Road.
She drove aimlessly. Not in any real hurry to go home. A home that, while exquisite and large, thoroughly new and modern, was empty. Who was she kidding? It wasn’t a home. Not really. At least it didn’t feel that way right now, if it ever did.
Ruby found herself driving through downtown Crystal Lake. It was Saturday, so the place was busy, but the rain had put a damper on things. Families and couples ran down the sidewalks, seeking shelter. She watched a young couple, the male cradling a young child as they laughingly ran into the Ice Cream Shoppe. It broke her heart. Another time and place, a past that hadn’t imploded, and that could have been her and Travis.
And Nathan.
She sat at the traffic light, lost in thought, staring at the doorway in which the young family had disappeared. She didn’t move until a blaring horn sounded behind her. And by this time, her eyes were so blurred with tears, she couldn’t see. Ruby drove to the next intersection and hung a right. She blinked to clear her eyes and pulled over when she realized where she was. When she realized Travis’s truck was there as well.
By now, the rain was falling steady and, because of the wind, had some force behind it. Large drops slammed against her windshield. They splashed against the road, bouncing up an inch or so. Ruby let herself out of her car and ran down a path she’d traversed many times. Tasha ran beside her, and both of them were panting by the time she reached the gravesite.
The dog ran past her, barking madly when she spied Travis, and the small animal didn’t stop until she sat beside him. He didn’t acknowledge the dog. He didn’t turn around to face Ruby. He just stared down at the small granite marker, hands fisted at his side.
She shoved long tendrils of hair from her face—she must have lost the hairclip at some point—and took a few steps closer.
“Travis.” She barely whispered his name, but his body jerked at the sound of her voice.
“Why are you here, Ruby?” He angled his head to the side and listened.
She studied his profile. The strong jaw, a nose that had been broken more than once, and the ache inside her grew. His voice was cold. Devoid of emotion. She closed the distance between them and stood a few inches to his left.
“I wanted to apologize.”
He looked at her then, and her insides quaked at the anger in his eyes. Hurt didn’t begin to cover the host of things she saw.
“For this morning,” she blurted. The rain let up a bit, and she wiped moisture from her eyes. “I didn’t mean for you to hear that. It’s not what I…” Her voice caught, and she had to work hard to push out the rest of the words. “I was going to tell you some things and try to explain.”
He stepped toward her, so close now that she could see the drops of rain on his eyelashes. “Things? Go on. Tell me.”
This wasn’t the place. But then would there ever be the perfect time? Perfect place? Her teeth started to chatter, and she wrapped her arms around herself, looking for comfort. Looking for strength.
“I didn’t use you for sex, Travis. You have to believe me.”
His mouth tightened, and he didn’t say a thing. Thoughts jumbled, she struggled for a way to make him see.
“You’re like this pothole.”
“What?” His frown darkened.
“A big pothole that I’m not sure I can climb out of.”
“You’re not making any sense.”
“I know.” Frustrated, she swore and shook her head, long wet strands of hair slapping her in the face as a reward. Why was this so hard for her?
“You’ve had me running in circles for weeks now, and I’m done, Ruby. I’m not doing this anymore. I can’t take the hot and cold. The long silences when I don’t know what the hell is going on inside that head or yours. I told you I’m sorry for the past. Told you I’ve changed. I want to be a family again. I want that with you.”
Pain bloomed in her chest, and she forced herself to speak the words she’d been holding back for days. “I can’t give that to you. We had our chance, and…” Her gaze dropped to Nathan’s headstone. “It’s gone,” she whispered.
He grabbed her. Put his hands on her shoulders and dragged her close. “You don’t mean that. I know you feel the same, Ruby. I know it.”
She blinked rapidly, trying to sweep the tears from her eyes. “Watching you last night, holding your nephew, broke my heart.” She looked up at him. “And not for the reason you think. I saw how awkward you were at first. How you didn’t want Hudson to hand over his son. But then you took him. And your heart was in your eyes, Travis. I saw what you lost. And I saw what you want. A family. And I can’t give that to you.” She was now crying, but unable to stop the deluge of tears. Throat tight, she whispered hoarsely. “I can’t have any more children. Nathan was my miracle, and I’m all out.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
She shuddered. “After he was born, I
found out I had endometriosis. The doctor said it was a one in a million shot that I’d conceived when I did.” She could tell he had no idea what she was talking about.
“I have one ovary left, and it’s not in good shape. If it was a miracle for me to get pregnant with Nathan, it would a hundred times more so if I tried again. It’s not going to happen.”
“I don’t care about that.”
She shook her head, eyes sad as she looked up at him. “But you do. I saw your face last night.” She exhaled shakily. “You do.”
He looked into her eyes for so long, Ruby’s knees started to wobble. She was cold and wet and miserable. She wanted nothing more than for Travis to grab her close and tell her everything was going to be okay.
“This is just another one of your excuses. A reason to cover up the real problem.”
“And what’s that?” she asked, breath held.
“Your fear of commitment. Your fear of letting people in. Letting yourself be loved.” He let go, and she nearly fell when her knees buckled. Recovering, she staggered a bit, eyes never leaving his.
“I meant what I said earlier. I’m not doing this anymore. I love you. I never stopped loving you even when I’d convinced myself I had. I want us to be together. But you have to be all in. You need to own your shit and deal with it. You need to stop using your brother and the past to hide behind. I can’t promise I won’t let you down again. I’m human. But I’ll do everything in my power not to. I know you think I won’t be there for you if you need me, but I will. I promise I will. But you have to meet me halfway. I can’t do this alone.”
Her breath caught at the words. She wanted to run to him. To hold him tight and never let go. But something stopped her. Something always stopped her.
Fear of commitment.
When the silence grew so big it, pressed down on them, he broke it. His voice was resigned. His eyes shuttered.
“I’m going back to the city. I’ve got to start working with my trainer. I’ve got to get ready for the upcoming season. I’ve got a game in two weeks. Labor Day Saturday. A charity game for our inner-city foundation. There will be a ticket for you at the door. If you don’t use it, then you won’t hear from me again.”
You Rock My World (The Blackwells of Crystal Lake Book 3) Page 20