by Renna Peak
He lifts a brow. “I really don’t.” He frowns. “At least come upstairs with me. At least allow me to show you how much I love you.” His eyes are almost pleading with me. “We haven’t been together for so long. I need to hold you in my arms tonight, Justine.”
“I…” The last thing I want to do is hurt him, especially after he’s gone to so much trouble. And I know if I so much as take a step toward his hotel suite, I’ll not be returning to my dormitory—or to my class—perhaps ever.
I lift my hand to his cheek. “I don’t want you to think I don’t love you, William. It isn’t that—”
“Then come to the suite with me. Let us share a proper wedding night.”
I ponder his statement for a few moments. “I want to. I do. But I can’t—”
“If you truly wanted to, you would.”
My shoulders sag, and I pull out of his arms. “William, I’m not doing very well in my class.”
He gives me a small smile. “All the more reason for you to come with me tonight. And come away with me tomorrow.”
“You don’t understand. And I suppose I can’t expect you to…” I shake my head, frowning at him. “I need to finish this class.”
“If you’re failing, though, what point is there to finishing—?”
“That is the point. I need to find out what I’m made of. For myself. I need to do this—finish this one thing—for myself.”
“Justine, you’ve finished college. You’re a published poet—”
“I was published under…questionable circumstances. I think now that James may have pitied me, and that was the only reason that book was published—”
He interrupts with a shake of his head. “I’ve read that book. Many times now. I don’t know much about poetry, but what you wrote moved me. I think…I think it deserved to be published.”
“I don’t mean this to sound condescending, William. Please understand that. But you don’t know if it deserved to be published. And neither do I. I have something to prove to myself.”
He pauses, considering my words. “At least let me hold you tonight. After you’ve finished your assignments.”
I smile. “I would love that.”
William
It’s well into the night before Justine finishes. She asked me to wait in the hotel suite while she returned to her dormitory to do her assignment, and though I initially protested, in the end, I couldn’t deny her request. I might not understand her need to attend an American university, but I do understand her need to prove herself, to accomplish something for herself outside of her family and her country. I can respect that.
While I’m waiting for her, I sprawl out on the massive bed and turn on the television. I order room service for dinner, and then eat right on the bed, flipping between bad American reality shows as I do. It’s a relaxing, enjoyable evening as far as these things go, but the entire time, I feel the absence of Justine. I want her by my side, wrapped in my arms, properly enjoying our first night as newlyweds again.
I smile to myself. I still can’t quite believe we’re husband and wife again—in spirit, anyway, if not legally. The joy of it warms me from head to heel, and I’m tempted to throw open the window and shout it to the entire city. Once again, happiness is within my grasp, and I have no intention of fucking it up this time. This time, I don’t care what my father, my brothers, or King Maximilian says—Justine is my wife, and we’re going to spend our lives together.
When she finally arrives, I pull her right into my arms. I never want to let her go.
She laughs. “You’re smothering me!”
“Exactly my plan.” I grin, then release her just enough to pull her toward the bed. “Shall I order some champagne to celebrate? Or perhaps some cake? Or both?”
She laughs again, shaking her head. “I don’t care about any of that right now.”
My grin widens. “Nor do I.”
I pull her back into my arms, kissing her fiercely. If I doubted her desire for me when she insisted on going back her dormitory, those fears are quickly dispelled. She loops her arms around my neck and kisses me back passionately.
“I love you,” I murmur against her lips.
“I love you, too.”
I could survive on the sweetness of those words alone. But now that she’s here again, I have other plans for us.
And she seems to be just as eager. I’m not sure which of us moves toward the bed first, but in moments, we’re on top of the bed sheets, pulling at each other’s clothes. In record time, we’re naked in each other’s arms, but rather than dive right into the main event, I pause, looking down at her.
It feels like an eternity since the last time I saw her with nothing between us. I didn’t have time before our annulment to memorize her body, to create a perfect image to keep always in my mind, so in some ways I feel as if I’m seeing her for the first time.
And in some ways, I am. The last time I saw her like this, she wasn’t carrying my child.
I let my fingers drift down her body, starting at the base of her throat and then moving downward, softly grazing her skin. When they reach her belly, they linger there, brushing against her softness. It’s still early enough in her pregnancy that her body looks no different, but I’d swear it feels different beneath my touch. There’s a life inside her now, a life we created together. Our child.
“You’re going to make a wonderful mother,” I murmur.
She shifts slightly, and for a moment, I think I’ve gone too far, pushed her too much. I haven’t forgotten what she told me about the horrific thing her father did and about how hard this was going to be for her, but in the wave of our happiness, I allowed it to be pushed to the back of my mind. Now, I wonder if I should have kept my mouth shut.
But she shifts again, relaxing once more.
“I hope so,” she whispers, her hand moving to her belly.
I close my fingers over hers. If I ever see her father again, I intend to make him pay for what he did to her. But now isn’t the time to plot revenge. Now is the time to celebrate what’s right here in front of me. As I squeeze her hand, her eyes turn to me.
“There’s something you should know,” she says. “I didn’t have a chance to tell you before.”
My stomach tightens. Has she been hiding something else from me?
But her lips turn up into a smile. “Don’t look so frightened. It’s a good thing. At least…I think it is.” Her fingers squeeze mine back. “We’re not just having one baby, William, we’re having two. We’re having twins.”
“Twins?”
She nods, her smile widening still. “That’s what they told me. So I hope you’re ready to—”
Her words are cut off by my kiss. She laughs against my mouth, but returns my affection with a kiss of her own. I sit up, still dazed by this new bit of news.
“Twins,” I repeat again. “You’re sure?”
“As sure as I can be.”
“I… Two babies! I can’t even…” I laugh. “Twins!”
“It’s going to be a challenge,” she says.
“A fun challenge,” I counter. “An absolutely delightful—”
This time I am cut off by her kiss as she drags me back down to her mouth. If I thought I was happy before, it’s nothing compared to the joy I feel now. This woman—and the children she carries—mean everything to me. I’d lay down my life for them.
By the time she releases me, my head is light, and I prop myself on my elbow above her, staring dazedly down at her. My hand pushes her hair out of her face then gently strokes her cheek. Her eyes mirror my joy, but beneath that, I still see the remnants of her fear and sorrow.
“Don’t worry,” I promise her again. “I won’t let anything happen to you or our babies. You’re safe now. And you’ll always be safe, from this point forward.”
She smiles. “I know. It’s just…I keep having to remind myself of that.”
“I’ll remind you every single day,” I tell her. “I never want you to ha
ve any reason to fear, ever again.”
“Even if you could promise me that, I don’t want you to. Just promise that I can trust you. That you’ll never leave me.”
“I promise,” I murmur, lifting a bit of her hair to my lips and kissing it. “On everything that I am.”
She nods, apparently placated for the moment. “Then let’s not talk about fear anymore tonight. It’s our wedding night, and I want to celebrate it properly.”
“That, dear Princess, is something we can both agree on.”
Her smile is so bright I’m almost hesitant to hide it beneath a kiss, but she doesn’t give me any choice. She pulls me down to her again, and I go gladly, ready and eager to give my entire self to my beloved wife.
Justine
It’s going to be a difficult journey ahead of us, I know, but somehow it all seems possible with the man smiling down at me.
He kisses me again, his hands sliding down my body until they reach my belly. He seems fascinated by my abdomen, though there’s nothing there yet to feel.
I suppose I should allow him time to process, too. It isn’t as though I’ve had much time to process the notion of twins myself.
He pulls away from our kiss, staring down again at my stomach. “Twins.”
“Yes.” I can’t help but smile at the wonder in his eyes, his voice.
William is almost giddy with joy, and I couldn’t be happier. I lace his fingers through mine, lifting them to my lips. I kiss each of his hands before I lie onto my back, lifting my arms over my head so that he has no choice but to stretch out over me.
He kisses me—briefly—before releasing my hands, bringing them again to my abdomen.
Perhaps he needs this, needs some way to connect with my pregnancy.
Our children.
But even though I’ve been fairly nauseous the past few weeks, in between those times, something else is happening to my body—something far more enjoyable. And today while I was finishing my assignments, I could think of little else.
I want him. I need him.
It seems almost cruel that my body would betray me this way, but since William returned yesterday, I’ve thought of little else. I want him inside of me. Now.
And though he seems fascinated with my body, he doesn’t seem particularly interested in anything but rubbing my currently flat belly—there isn’t even anything to feel at the moment.
I suppose I need to take matters into my own hands—show him exactly what it is I want.
Him.
I sit up and throw my leg over his body, straddling him before I lift my hands to his chest, pushing him onto his back.
His lips turn up into a slow grin, this time with no sign of his enchantment with my stomach.
I grab his hands, raising them so that they’re on either side of his face as I look down into his eyes.
He licks his lips as he looks up at me. “Justine…”
I lift a brow before I sink onto him, moaning as I take his entire length.
My sounds are covered by his, though, something between a sigh and a groan. He releases my hands, moving them to my hips.
I could stay like this forever, I think, just having him inside me is so much more than enough…
His gaze never leaves mine as I ride him, and it isn’t long at all before I’m at the edge of my bliss, nearly screaming his name as I orgasm. William shifts under me, and I’m not sure exactly what happens, but I reach the height of my ecstasy again and then a third time.
I’m drenched in sweat, completely spent and unable to keep myself upright any longer. As I collapse on top of him, he rolls me onto my back, somehow never leaving me.
He shifts over me again, looping his arms under my legs, grabbing my hands and holding them on either side of my shoulders as he drives into me as hard as he ever has.
But then he stops, his mouth falling open. “Am I hurting you?”
I give him a small shake of my head. “No.” I can barely get the word out, I’m still so breathless.
“You’re certain? I’m not…I’m not going to hurt the babies, am I?”
I shake my head as a small, breathless laugh escapes me. “No. You’re not going to hurt anything. I’m just not sure I can do much more than lie here now…”
He doesn’t hesitate after the reassurance, thrusting into me again and again and again until somehow, I’m at the edge once more.
And he seems to realize it, releasing one of my hands so that his might slip between my legs. His thumb finds my most sensitive area, stroking it over and over, until he brings me—impossibly—to the pinnacle of bliss for a fourth time.
My climax seems to drive his own, and he thrusts into me—hard—as his lips cover mine. He collapses onto me a second later, his muscles quivering from his release.
“I love you,” he whispers against my lips,
I wrap my arms around him, stroking his back as we both try to catch our breath. “I love you, too, William. So much more than you could ever know.”
He rolls to my side, still holding me in his arms. He pulls me close to him, kissing me softly. “I’ll never leave you again.”
My heart skips a few beats at his words. I suppose I hadn’t realized that I needed him so much. I’ve been so focused on proving to myself that I can be independent, that I can be successful on my own, that I hadn’t seen how much I need him in my life.
I stroke his hair as he falls asleep in my arms. I want to memorize him, every line of his face, every angle of his body. I can’t believe I convinced myself that I didn’t need him in my life.
I’ll never let him go again.
I awaken early the next morning. William is still sleeping—if he feels anything like I do, every emotion I’d pent up for the past few months came out last night as we made love. I’d like nothing more than to stay here in this hotel room, lying in his arms all day, but I have to go to class. As I told him yesterday, finishing this course—as short as it might be—is about much more than a grade. It’s about proving myself to…myself.
I’ve been doing a little better the past few days—at least the criticism I’ve been getting for my poetry hasn’t been like it was at the beginning. My peers have all been encouraging me to open a vein. I suppose I wasn’t completely certain what that meant until last night, but I’m so motivated to go and write this morning, that I can’t possibly wait for William to wake up. I’ll go and write at the library for a little while before my class—the words are forming in my head so quickly I’m not sure I’m going to be able to get them all down on paper, anyway.
Had I known that joy could bring creativity out in me as much as sorrow, my life to this point might have been very different. I have so much to live for now—so much to give—that tears fill my eyes. I’ve heard that people cry from happiness, but before this moment, I couldn’t understand it. But now, I can’t imagine not feeling this way. Living my life like this…everything seems possible.
I watch William sleep as I dress, going over to place a kiss on his cheek before I go. He doesn’t even stir, and I don’t have the heart to wake him. I scribble a note on the hotel stationery, placing it on the pillow beside him before I grab my bag and leave.
The hotel is only a few blocks from campus, and I hurry out, eager to get to the library before I forget any of the words that are clamoring to get out of my head.
I’m only just through the sliding glass door at the entrance, though, when I sense someone behind me. He grabs me roughly by the shoulder, pulling me onto the sidewalk.
My heart seems to stop beating, and I can’t breathe. I’m not skilled in self-defense, though I suppose I should be. I turn, twisting out of the man’s grasp. It feels as though there’s a knife in my chest, and someone has turned it when I see the man sneering down at me.
“Hello, Sister.” Reginald glares at me. “When were you going to tell your family the happy news?”
William
When I wake, I’m alone.
My stomach sinks when I r
ealize Justine isn’t next to me in bed—Did she run again?—but then I roll over and see the note on the pillow next to my head.
* * *
You looked too peaceful to wake. I’ve gone to the library to write before class.
I love you.
* * *
Yours forever, Justine.
* * *
In spite of my disappointment at not being able to celebrate our first morning as newlyweds together, I find myself smiling, especially at the last bit. She’s mine forever.
I climb out of bed and quickly dress. I have no intention of distracting her from her studies—if this is important to her, then it’s important to me, too—but I’d still like to at least kiss her good morning. Maybe I’ll swing by a cafe and grab her some coffee and a pastry—knowing her, she probably forgot to have breakfast before diving into work. I’ll sneak her breakfast into the library, give her a kiss she won’t forget all day, and then leave her to her writing.
In no time at all, I’m marching cheerily down the street. I spot a cafe almost immediately, and once I’ve acquired her breakfast—and a few extra pastries for myself—I set out in search of the university library. A couple of passing students are kind enough to point me in the right direction.
As I approach the stately building, I consider how best to hide a steaming cup of coffee beneath my jacket without looking suspicious, but before I even reach the steps, a harsh voice reaches my ear. I stop short, my body recognizing that voice before my head does.
Reginald.
When I look up, I see him standing at the top of the steps, just to the side of the door. And he has Justine by the arm. She’s struggling to break free from his grip.
The cup of coffee falls out of my hand, but I hardly even notice when the liquid splatters all over my pants. I run up the steps two at a time, and I grab Reginald by the back of the collar, yanking him away from Justine. He drops her arm as I pull him back.