It wasn’t long before Kai’s name came up. Neal, the man who knew my grandmother, brought up the issue.
“You know, most of these problems, like the Destroyers touching their victims, Minor Guardians being attacked, and children being recruited before they can make a rational decision, could be solved if Kai just did his job.”
My head buzzed with annoyance. I was sure Kai was doing the best he could. Puck intervened before anyone else could say anything.
“It’s only been a few months, we need to give him time to undo all the damage the previous Master did. We do need someone to keep on eye on him though and make sure he stays the course.”
A man spoke up, his face hidden in the dark. “What about Jason? I thought he was over there doing just that.”
I spoke before Puck could.
“Jason is not a Guardian. He is a Destroyer. The worst kind. I don’t think he’d provide reliable information.”
The whole group was quiet for a moment. I’m not sure what they’d expected of me but apparently it wasn’t for me to voice my opinion.
“We were under the impression that he was still on our side. What did he do?” asked Neal.
“He knowingly left me in the hands of a man who wanted to rape and kill me and when that failed, he turned me over to my mother who also wanted me dead.”
The circle went silent. Puck shifted next to me, cracked his knuckles and waited for me to continue, but I’d already said everything I wanted. After a few more seconds of awkward silence, Puck spoke.
“Who will go? It has to be one of us. Not Neal or Alejandro though. Kai knows them.”
“But Jason knows all of us. Perhaps we ought to add one to the council and send him. Or maybe it would be better to send someone who doesn’t know the whole council,” said a man with slicked back black hair.
Arguments exploded around the circle. In spite of the contention, the whole thing still felt comfortable. That was the beauty of being a Guardian, you never had to feel crappy. I ached to have that energy with me all the time. As soon as this meeting was over, I planned to make Puck turn me into a Guardian.
“Won’t Kai be expecting this?” I asked Puck.
“Probably. The most ideal situation would be to send someone who could infiltrate his inner circle quickly. Someone he trusts.”
“That’s going to be nearly impossible.”
“Maybe. Let’s listen and see what they come up with.”
Puck took my hand and fiddled with my rings. He only ever did that when he was nervous, which was not very often. The last time was when he wondered whether I would choose him or Kai. He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed my knuckles. His knee bounced. This was annoying. Puck was a rock. He was still scared I was going to go running back to Kai. I sniffed. Fat chance of that happening.
The fire crackled and popped. The conversations around us began to die. No one thought of a suitable solution. The Guardians all looked at Puck. “We got nothing,” said one of the younger ones with a shrug.
“But you have an idea, don’t you Puck?” Alejandro asked. He leaned forward and narrowed his eyes at Puck. They must’ve talked about this before the meeting. Why had I been left out of that conversation?
Puck’s grip on my hand tightened. Then, he let go and stood up. “Yes, I do. But it was meant to be an absolute last resort option.”
“I think we’ve hit last resort,” said Neal. “This is not something that can wait for a couple of weeks.”
“Why not?” I asked. Kai’s been in Arkansas for a couple of months without a spy. A couple more weeks wouldn’t make much of a difference.
The circle went silent once again. How long would it be before they accepted me?
Finally, Neal answered. “Because things aren’t going well with the Destroyers. It’s chaotic and no one knows what’s happening. We need to know if Kai is doing his job or if we need to do it for him.”
In spite of listening to all their problems, I didn’t realize it was that bad. When I didn’t argue, Neal spoke again. “Puck, who do you suggest we send?”
Puck hesitated, and then forged on. “What about Naomi?”
I closed my eyes and leaned forward, trying to push down the feeling of panic that formed in my stomach. After everything I’d been through with Puck, he wanted me to go back to Kai.
Puck knew I’d do anything he asked of me. Of course I would go. But it was more than that. I was the perfect solution. I could keep Kai on the path that would lead him home, especially since I wasn’t officially a Guardian yet. I could easily do it as a Shade. After everything that happened with my mother I felt like I owed the Guardians that much.
I wasn’t good at making decisions. It took me forty-five minutes just to pick an outfit that morning. But this was different. This was Kai.
“Yes. I’ll go.”
Puck exhaled. “Okay, then.”
Neal spoke up. “What makes you so sure he’ll trust her?”
I didn’t let Puck answer that one. “Because he loves me.”
Neal raised his eyebrows. “Then how do we know you’ll be a reliable source?”
“Because I’m in love with Puck.”
After the council meeting Puck and I snuggled by the fire.
He held me close and whispered in my ear, “I’m sorry you have to do this.”
“Me too.”
He was quiet for a few seconds. “There is more to this than I talked about at the council meeting.”
I pulled out of his arms and turned to face him. “What are you talking about?”
“The council thinks this is a spy mission, but it’s not. We actually have plenty of spies.”
“It’s not?” I asked, confused.
“No. Your sole mission is to make sure he comes back to the Guardians, no matter what.”
I crossed my arms. No matter what. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that I’m scared we are going to lose Kai to the Destroyers and we can’t afford that. He’s my brother.”
“What do you want me to do?” I asked, not sure I wanted the answer.
“Whatever it takes.”
What is a home, anyway? Is it like the yellow flowered Back Home, which gives a lot of love, but only a few times per season? Or is it like the sweet pink Harvest Home, which only loves once? Or perhaps it’s like the sunrise-colored Homecoming, which loves always.
“I WASN’T EXPECTING TO COME BACK HERE””
I didn’t think to ask Kai where we were going. I had assumed we were going to his house, wherever that was. Instead, we ended up at my old house. A shiny new greenhouse sat in the exact spot as the old one, which my father had torched. It should have made me happy, but instead I was filled with trepidation.
Somehow, Kai must have known I was coming. How was that possible?
Kai shrugged and shoved his hands into his pockets. “It made the most sense.”
I rubbed the back of my neck and leaned against the hood of the car. The air was balmy, still warm even though fall should be well on its way. Kai stood beside me, his arm resting against my back, his power bleeding into me. He was supposed to be a Destroyer, but his power clearly screamed Guardian, full of warmth and sunshine.
I looked up at him. His dark curly hair had grown out a little. It matched the color of mine. I frowned. It would’ve been nice to have added some blue to my own before I left.
Kai had a five o’clock shadow. The dark lines underneath his eyes told me he wasn’t sleeping well. He smelled of clove and cinnamon, as he always had.
He was still Kai. I expected my heart to flutter like it used to, but it didn’t. My heart ached to comfort him, but not in a romantic way.
“Why are we here?” I asked.
Before Kai could answer, the door to the house opened and I froze. Standing on the threshold was my father, wearing a dark green shirt.
No way, this couldn’t be happening. My father. The last person on earth I wanted to see. Okay, so there were
others that would’ve been worse: my mother, who was thankfully locked up in a mental institution, Jason, the asshole who betrayed me, and Dwayne. But Father was definitely number four on the list.
My shoulders tensed and I debated climbing back into the car.
“What’s he doing here?” I hissed.
Kai raised his eyebrows at me. “No one knows I’m the Master Destroyer. We want everyone to think it is your dad.”
“I can’t stay here. Not with him around. Do you have any idea what he put me through?”
“I thought you’d be okay with this. I know he put you through a lot, but he said you called him on occasion. You know the abuse wasn’t his fault, right?” Kai rubbed his chin.
“It’s one thing to talk to him, and it’s quite another to see him face to face. It’s going to take time for me to adjust. He tortured me for eight years.”
My dad still hadn’t moved. The humidity was heavy. I wiped sweat from my forehead. This was a disaster.
“But that was your mother’s fault.”
Yeah, my evil Master Destroyer mother influenced a heck of a lot more than my father. The damage inflicted by her had spread way beyond our little house. I wanted to rebuild my relationship with dad, but this was not the time or the place. Especially since I would have to pretend with Kai. I couldn’t pretend with them both.
Father was probably waiting for me to approach him first. I lowered my eyes so I didn’t have to look at him. Kai nudged my toe.
“He’s not the man you remember. The greenhouse was his idea. I helped, but it was mostly him. He’s trying very hard to make up for what he did.”
How in the world did they know I was coming?
I closed my eyes for a second and took a deep breath of fresh air wishing I were back in Vegas or Santa Barbara. With Puck. Those places were my safe harbors from the horrors of my childhood home. There was no way I’d pull this off. I hated this house. But if I were going to make sure Kai made it back to the Guardians, then I’d have to stay here. This was my mission.
I handed Kai my backpack.
“I’m going to check out the greenhouse.” I waved to my dad. That was the best I could do at the moment. He waved back, but his smile fell when he saw that I was moving away from him.
Kai set my bag down. “I’ll come with you.”
“I’d like to be by myself for a few minutes. I really wasn’t prepared for this.”
He looked at me for a second. “You mean this place? Or your dad?”
“Both.” I turned so I didn’t have to look at him anymore. I just wanted to get away from everything.
The grass tickled my feet. The well-worn path that I’d taken from the door of the house to my greenhouse was still there. Though now I wore flip-flops instead of ugly tennis shoes. It felt like I lived here eons ago, when really I’d only left a few months earlier.
I opened the door. Instantly, I could feel Kai. It was like he was right there in the room with me. It smelled of cloves and when I licked my lips I tasted the faintest bit of cinnamon. Somehow he’d managed to imbue the greenhouse with that energy. I could bleed power into roses, but I’d never tried it with anything else.
He was so genuinely good. I was still having a hard time accepting that he was the Master Destroyer. I wondered how he was doing it, if he was always a Guardian. Maybe he could turn both Guardian and Destroyer energy on and off. Most Guardians couldn’t do that. A few tried, but they rarely made it back to the Guardians after playing Destroyer. Jason, for example.
Being a Destroyer must be killing Kai. Destroyers were evil to the core and Kai was the leader of all of them. Judging by the energy in the greenhouse, he hadn’t been spending much time as a Destroyer. Maybe Puck was worried for nothing. If that was the case, then I could go home.
Heck, I was more of a Destroyer than he was, with my mother and Dwayne’s energy still inside me. The darkness wore on me. Puck’s Guardian energy was the only thing that kept the darkness at bay. Sometimes I even forgot it was there. When I was alone, however, it simmered right underneath the surface, threatening to spill over in anger or sadness.
The plants were neatly arranged on the shelves, tables, and on the floor. There was no mess, no dirt, no chaos. I smiled. That would change. I sat on the floor and allowed myself to relax for the first time since I walked away with Kai at Ginny’s wedding. He showed up at the wedding unexpectedly and asked me to dance. If I were going to convince Kai that I was on his side, I had no choice but to go. I still wasn’t sure why he came for me.
I closed my eyes and inhaled, smelling old rose. I waited for the familiar feel of my greenhouse to come to me. It didn’t. My grandmother’s influence was nearly gone, though the roses did help tamp down my mother and Dwayne. I listened to myself for a moment.
I didn’t trust Kai the way I trusted Puck. Puck had always been up front with me. I knew exactly where I stood with him and he never once tried to use my love for something other than what it was. I appreciated that. I was sure I’d been in love with Puck since the moment I kissed him at that stupid kissing party. It just took me awhile to notice.
Which was why it was stupid that I was here with Kai. But really, it was all for Puck.
The door opened and Kai walked in and settled himself on the floor next to me. He had a calming effect on me. I smelled lavender and knew he was trying to influence me. I didn’t mind. I opened my eyes and found him staring at me intently.
He pushed a strand of hair out of my face and my skin tingled where he touched it. “I like your hair, it suits you.”
I smiled. “Thank you. But it’s a little bland for me. You never saw the green.”
He raised his eyebrows. “That must’ve been something.”
“It was.” I didn’t know what to say to him. I wiped my palms on my shorts. It was roasting in here.
After a minute of awkward silence, he finally spoke. “Why did you come with me? You didn’t say a word on the airplane and now you are hiding out in here.”
“Why did you come?”
“I came to the wedding to apologize. I didn’t actually expect you would accept the offer to come with me. I had hopes, but no expectations. Now you are acting like you don’t want to be with me. So why are you here?”
“I’m hiding in here because of my dad. I’m with you because you need me.”
He pursed his lips. Because I love you, that’s what he wanted to hear. But that wouldn’t be believable or true. But did he need me? Absolutely. Puck said Kai wouldn’t make it back to the Guardians without me. For him to trust me, I had to convince him that I wanted to be here. Puck’s words resonated with me. Whatever it takes.
“I barely know you.” I hesitated, wanting to make sure I sounded genuine. “In some ways, I’m here because I want to fall in love with you. With my eyes open this time.”
He smiled. I sighed in relief. He believed me. What I said was entirely untrue; my heart belonged to Puck. But this is what it would take to make sure Kai came back to the Guardians. He would probably hate Puck and me after this, but that was better than him spending the rest of his life with Destroyers.
Kai pulled out a stack of pictures and flipped through them. “What about Puck?” he asked.
I sat up straighter and my heart beat faster. It was one thing to convince him that I wanted to love him; it was quite another to convince him that I didn’t love Puck. He would see right through me. Instead of looking him in the eye, I looked over his head to the Nostalgia rose sitting on the table.
“What about him?” I asked.
“I have spies among the Guardians too, and they’ve been keeping an eye on you.”
I scowled. I suppose I should’ve expected it, but it still made me angry. Anger came quickly now. Stupid Destroyer energy.
He handed me the pictures and I flipped through them. They’d all been taken in the last few weeks, and in every single one Puck and I were kissing. The hair on my arms stood up and I shivered. My eyes pricked with tears. I missed him
so much. This would be impossible.
I cleared my throat to stop the tears and think of an excuse. My hand trembled a little when I handed the pictures back to him. I couldn’t let him see that I wanted to hang onto them.
“He’s a good kisser. So what? I didn’t think you were coming back.”
He stood up and set the pictures on a table. “What’s he going to think about you being here with me?”
“Do you think I care?” I flipped my hair over my shoulder, trying to be casual. But my hands still shook.
“Yes, I do.”
I held his gaze. “It shouldn’t matter, I’m here now.”
He scowled at the pictures and turned toward the door.
“Dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes. Come on in when you are ready.”
I didn’t want to go back into that house. I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to go back to Vegas and to Puck.
I inventoried the roses. Kai had found some unique varieties: A leaping Salmon, Korresia, Cinderella, and Fox Trot. I could easily blend a few of them with the ones in the garden and get some interesting blooms. Eventually, I made way to the table by the door. The one with the pictures. Sorrow settled in my stomach. Out of the fifteen pictures he had, I remembered every single kiss.
I cut a few blooms off of a Dark Night and put them in a vase. They were a deep velvety red with a golden undertone. They no longer had the influence of my Grandmother, but I could put my own energy into them. The roses used to be the only thing that protected me. They were the reason my mother couldn’t get to me. But now, I could protect myself better than the roses could. I grabbed the pictures Kai left and the vase, hurried into the house and escaped to my room before either of them saw me.
I set the vase down on my dresser. My room had been cleaned, but not fixed. There was a hole in the wall and the floor was still gouged from when I barricaded the door. All so I could hide from the man that was now making me dinner.
I had called dad weekly while he was in the hospital. I always kept the conversation light. On the phone, I could pretend that he was not the man who beat me on a regular basis, kept me locked up, nearly put a knife in my stomach, and killed my only friend, Ruth. But would I ever be able to look him in the eye?
The Thorn Chronicles-Books 1-4: Kissed, Destroyed, Secrets, and Lies Page 25