I’ve been watching Dashawn follow Noah with his eyes since my brothers arrived. I think the kid is both fascinated and scared of the big giant. He has been getting up the nerve to talk to him all day.
It makes me think of how long it’s been since he’s been around my cousins. I make a mental note to have him around the guys more. They’ve taken to him like I knew they would. It’s hard not to fall for the kid.
“Look at you, playing the family man,” Wyatt teases.
“Yeah, I guess I am,” I say, flipping the burgers on the grill in front of me.
Kaye is out taking some time for herself. I invited my brothers over to the house to hang out with me and Dae-Dae. After all, they’ve been asking after him.
“He’s a cute kid,” John adds.
“He’s amazing.”
“So what’s the plan?” Wyatt asks.
“I want to propose. I was going to but shit happened,” I say.
“Okay, well, what about now?”
“Everyone doesn’t have to get married just because you are,” John mutters.
“In what language did I say they did?” Wyatt tosses back.
“Whatever,” John replies.
“You want to tell me what’s going on with you?” Wyatt narrows his eyes at him.
“Nope,” John responds.
“How’s Roni?” Wyatt asks, his golden eyes honing in on John.
John’s head whips in Wyatt’s direction. They stare each other down for a few beats before John curses under his breath. He runs a hand over the front of his hair.
“You can ask her yourself,” John mumbles.
“What does that mean?” Wyatt grunts.
“She’ll be here later. You can ask her yourself.”
“Why is she in LA?” Wyatt and I say in unison.
“Wait, you know about her?” Wyatt turns to me and asks.
“Duh,” I deadpan. “I’ve been working with Briggs and some of the trainees.”
“She’s not one of his trainees,” John grates out.
“No, because she’s yours. What the fuck have you been up to?” I narrow my eyes at John as I speak the words.
“Wait…hold on. So you’re not fucking her?” Wyatt asks in confusion.
“No, she’s a friend,” John grits out.
“I’m totally lost,” Wyatt huffs, placing his hands on his hips.
“Don’t bust your brain. New York and the compound have been a hard sell. She doesn’t trust easily. This…what’s going on works. I’m not talking about it,” John says in frustration.
“How’d you get this shit by me?” Wyatt pushes.
“Don’t. Just leave it for now,” John says releasing a heavy sigh.
“I think I’m going to propose soon,” I change the subject as I see both of my brothers getting annoyed.
“Just tell me the time and place and I’m there,” John says.
“Yeah, you know I’m always here for you,” Wyatt says pointedly, as he stares at John.
“Never a question,” John replies to the words meant for him.
“Daddy,” Dae-Dae squeals as he runs over to me.
My head snaps in his direction. He stops in his track as if catching his own words too late. He looks down at the ground in front of him with a long face.
I put down the spatula and go to lift him in my arms. Kissing his cheek, I put my forehead to his. It may have been a slip, but I felt it in my heart.
“Yes, son,” I whisper to him.
He looks at me, his eyes lighting up. His little arms go around my neck, squeezing the breath out of me. I hold him back just as tightly.
“I love you, Lix,” he says.
“Yeah, I’ll be getting on that,” I say to my brothers as they watch us.
“Sounds about right,” John says.
Chapter 36
Life Changing
Kaye
One month later...
I think I’m going to be sick. I might faint. I honestly don’t know what to do with myself. This is insane. Just when I thought life couldn’t be any more of a dream come true this happens.
A week ago, I became a New York Times bestseller. Today, I’ve been offered an opportunity to make a movie out of one of my books. I’ll be helping with the adaption of the book and everything.
This is all happening so fast. At least it seems that way. I feel like in the blink of an eye, all of my dreams have come true. I’ve been sitting here for about an hour thanking God repeatedly.
However, all of this will be happening overseas in Ireland of all places. This is so unexpected. I don’t even know how I’m sitting here with this opportunity.
I’m waiting to wake up from this dream, but there is a voice on the inside of me that keeps telling me this is real. This is so big for my career. I want to ride this wave, but Dae-Dae is turning four soon.
I can’t just uproot his life yet again and drag him around the world. He’ll be in preschool. Dae-Dae loves my parents and grandparents. I couldn’t possibly pull him away from them.
Yet, this is a chance of a lifetime. An entire year away, that’s a lot. I think of Felix and my heart sinks. I’ll be leaving him behind. I know he can’t come with me. Both Dae-Dae and I will miss him like crazy.
I don’t know what to do. I need to decide soon though. The agent that called me to make the offer explained that I have to get back to them sooner than later.
My head is still spinning. I don’t know how my work ended up on her desk in the first place. I think my head is going to explode any second now. I’m totally awed.
My stomach rolls again. I force myself to breathe. I try to think of all of the pros and cons to this.
Going means I’ll take my career to the next level. I’ll have a movie on my resume. This could mean a traditional deal or more exposure as an indie author. I mean, the possibilities are endless.
Dae-Dae could experience a different culture. I’d need someone to watch him. Dean has been wanting to get away. She could always come along. My head is spinning at the thought of this actually happening.
Yet, at what cost? Leaving everything behind just doesn’t seem right. My heart literally aches with the thought of sacrificing one for the other.
Remembering how hard it was to be away from Felix when I lived in New York, I let out a shuddered breath. Heck, I pout when he can’t come spend the night here at the house. He refuses to let me take the long drive in when he knows he can’t make it.
I’ve been to his apartment once to sleep over. He prefers to be at the house with Dae-Dae. Another nod to the importance of stability.
I’ve talked about us moving closer to Felix and my family. My grandparents moved out of the guesthouse last month. Most of their friends live around my mother and father’s neighborhood.
Felix agreed that it would be a great idea for me to move, but I get the sense that Felix has been waiting for something. I guess that’s for the best. I would have hated for him to purchase yet another home for me if I do decide to up and leave.
My phone rings and hope blooms in my chest that it’s my girls calling. We are due for a writer’s chat. When I look up at the clock, my hope deflates. It’s too early for either of them.
I look at the phone and groan. It’s Bonnie. I’m not in the mood today. To be honest, if I take this offer, I’ll have to cancel the signing with her group.
Not that I believe I’m going anyway. Something about her hasn’t been sitting right with me. I’ve been avoiding conversations with her more and more. I’ve actually been annoyed by the fact that she wants me to do so much of the promoting of her event. I mean it’s way more than others have wanted.
I don’t see the other authors she’s mentioned doing much. In fact, I don’t see many readers buzzing about it either, which is odd. Then again, I’ve had my head down working on my books and plotting my next move.
When the phone stops ringing, I pick it up to call Felix. I think we need to talk. Before I can swipe to dial his numbe
r, Bonnie’s number comes up again.
“She can’t be serious,” I mutter.
Her partner Lisa emailed me once. It was short, sweet, and to the point. This chick is working a damn nerve. What the heck could she possibly want that she’s calling me back to back?
I let it ring out again. I’m not in the mood to get caught in her rambling. She keeps going and going and going. I’ve told her many times I’ve had to go and she’ll just roll right into the next conversation that she carries on her own.
I toss the phone down, too annoyed now to call Felix. I need to clear my head. I get up and go into the bedroom to put on the new yoga pants and top I purchased the other day.
I’m starting to feel like my weight is becoming a problem. I was running after Dae-Dae in the back yard the other day and I was so winded I thought I’d pass out. Not to mention, my knees and back have been hurting from sitting and typing so much.
Maybe a little yoga will help whip me back in shape. It’s sure to help me clear my mind. I change and make my way back out to grab a bottle of water.
When I pass my phone it’s lit up. Reaching for it, I tap the screen and see five more missed calls from Bonnie and a voicemail. Starting to get concerned that something might actually be wrong, I listen to the voicemail.
“Hey, girl. It’s me. I had some questions about those chapters you sent me. Oh and you won’t believe what’s going on in Diane Spark’s group—”
I cut the message off right there, baring my teeth at the phone. I don’t have time for this bull crap. Why would you blow up my phone just to tell me some gossip I don’t give a crap about? This isn’t high school. I have real things going on in my life.
Not to mention, I haven’t sent her chapters in, I don’t know how long. I stopped asking for BETA readers after the last book. Dean and Kia give real feedback and professional critiques. I found Bonnie and the few other readers I tried didn’t give any useful feedback, if any at all.
I was starting to feel like they were taking advantage of me, which wasn’t fair to me or the readers that get the end result. I always want to give my best work. Every useful critique helps.
I breathe through my frustration and storm out to the backyard. Yeah, I need to do this yoga session before I lose all of my marbles. As for that bus tour—I’m not going even if I don’t go to Ireland.
Enough is enough. I’ll email Lisa once I’ve calmed the heck down. I’m over Bonnie. I don’t even know who Diane Sparks is.
Lord, give me strength.
Chapter 37
Will You—
Felix
This is it. I’m going to propose this weekend. I’ve been getting everything together for weeks to do this right. It’s all set.
I’ve been avoiding calling Kaye all day. I’m scared shitless I’m going to fuck this up before Saturday. I shouldn’t be going out to the house for just that reason, but something was off when I talked to Kaye briefly about two hours ago.
My heart is racing as I pull into the driveway. I just don’t have a good feeling. Throwing the car into park, I get out and make my way to the house.
It’s like I’m moving in slow motion. I hear every sound around me as if it’s amplified. Pushing my key into the lock, I walk into the house.
All of the lights in the front of the house are out. However, I can see that the master bedroom light is still on. Drawing a hand down my face, I move towards my fate.
When I step into the bedroom, our eyes lock. I know I’m right. Something is wrong. Kaye’s face is covered in worry and anxiety.
Stepping out of my shoes, I move to the bed to climb in beside her. I gather her in my arms and shift her into my lap. She places her head on my shoulder.
“Talk to me,” I murmur. “What’s going on?”
She blows out a shaky breath, reaching to toy with the buttons on my shirt. I start to rub her back. At this point, I don’t know which one of us I’m trying to soothe. On the outside, I’m showing my patience. Inside, I’m falling apart and I don’t know why yet.
“This should be one of the best times in my life,” she murmurs. “I’m doing things I used to only dream of. I just don’t know what to do.”
“Hold on, I feel like I’m missing something,” I say, trying to put the pieces together.
Kaye releases a deep, long breath. Lifting her head, she looks into my eyes. I can see the conflict and war within her pretty orbs.
It’s like she’s slipping through my fingers. I sense it. I want to stop it, but I can’t.
“I…I got a call today. It was from an agent. I’m being offered a movie deal—”
“Baby, that’s totally fucking awesome,” I croon, cupping her face.
“Yeah, it is. They want me to help adapt the script and everything. I’d be involved in the project for a year,” she says with a weak smile.
My brows draw in. I’m not understanding why this is a problem. We should be celebrating and jumping off the walls.
“I don’t understand, what’s the problem. Do you need me to look into things and make sure it’s all above board?” I offer, trying to grasp what I’m still missing.
Her eyes lower to her lap, where her hands are now fidgeting. I swallow hard. I see the wrecking ball coming.
“I’d have to live in Ireland for a year. Maybe a bit longer. It’s where they’re going to film the movie,” she says just above a whisper.
It’s like I’m watching all my plans for the weekend crumble. I know I can’t ask her to marry me now. If I do, she won’t take this opportunity. I know Kaye too well.
My throat is clogged with so many emotions. I want to be selfish and tell her everything. I want to tell her that we can still get married before she leaves or at least get engaged until she comes back. Yet, I know, if I utter a single word about an engagement, marriage, or anything remotely close to where I want to take our future—she’s not going to go.
“It’s only a year,” I manage to push out.
I surprise myself with how strong my voice comes out. Within, I’ve died a thousand times already. Being away from Kaye always leaves me looking for my next breath.
“But that’s a year without you and what about Dae-Dae. I’m going to be dragging him away from everyone. I mean, do they have preschool at his age in Ireland? Will they take him as a student? I could homeschool I guess,” she rattles off.
It slays me, but my brain starts working out the details. I know we can make this work because it’s all a part of her dream. Once I look into this and make sure it’s legit, I’m going to do everything in my power to make this happen for her.
“Your parents would take him,” I say, feeling the ping that tears through my chest.
Dashawn is Kaye’s son. She may not have given him birth but she’s the only mother he has ever known and she loves him as if she did carry him for nine months herself. I know leaving him behind will be the hardest thing Kaye has ever had to do.
Just as I thought, she stiffens in my lap. I see the stubborn look that comes over her face. I’m ready for the fight. She deserves to have this.
“I’m not leaving him behind. I’m his mother. My parents raised their children. I’m not going to saddle them with a four year old,” she grunts, folding her arms across her chest.
“You’re not saddling them with anything. They want to help out. Besides, I’ll be here. I can help out,” I offer.
“You don’t have time for that,” she mutters.
“I always have time for him. How much time do we have before you have to leave? We can move you guys closer to everyone. Get him settled into the new place and I’ll move in with him when you leave,” I muse. “That way I can drop him off in the mornings and pick him up at night, but he’s in a familiar place.”
Her face softens. She leans in to place a tender kiss against my lips. Her hand caresses my cheek.
“I love you. I love you so much more for always trying to make my dreams come true, but I can’t ask you to do that,” she says.
“You’re not asking,” I reply.
“Don’t,” she shakes her head. “Don’t do that. I’m no fool, Felix. Your job is demanding and at times dangerous. You don’t have time to play daddy for my responsibility.”
I look away from her. Her words cut deeper than she knows. Dashawn is as much my son as he is hers. They are my family. Shit just keeps getting in the way of me making it official.
“I’ll make it work,” I mutter.
Kaye tips my face towards her with her fingertips. When I look in her eyes, I see it. She’s made her decision. I think I’m going to bleed out.
“You’ve done so much for us. I won’t ask you for a thing more. Everything I’ve worked for has led up to this. I want this, but I’m not going to burden anyone to have it,” she says.
“Kaye, you’re not burdening anyone. If anything, you’ve been the one carrying the burden,” I know I’ve said the wrong thing the moment the words are out of my mouth.
Kaye climbs out of my lap and off the bed. She’s pulling away from me and I’m at a loss to stop it. I’m too stunned that she might be moving over five thousand miles away from me.
“Dae-Dae has never been a burden to me. I probably never would have been bold enough to do any of this if it weren’t for him. This is the least I can do for Danny,” she sobs. “I thought you of all people would understand how important it is to me that I give that little boy the life I know my brother would have wanted for him—”
“Kaye, don’t blow this out of proportion. You know that’s not what I meant,” I interject.
She swipes at her tears shaking her head at me. I get up, moving toward her. I just want to hold her in my arms. Kaye lifts her hands to halt me.
“Maybe this is what we need. We should probably take a break. You’ve done enough taking care of us,” she chokes out.
“I’m glad your choking on that bullshit. I love you. You have no idea how much I love you. I see what you think you’re about to do. Not with me, baby,” I growl.
Brothers Black 5: Felix the Watch Page 24