by Lipa Nandes
"Honey," I looked at my mother, who was once again going overboard, I saw red in front of me, the air coming out of my nostrils was like a brave bull!
With or without police around; "You lied to me, all of you!" I yell! I started to walk back and forth; I didn't want to lose my patience here; I didn't want to scream or argue with anyone else. I just wanted to getaway. "You all choose the easy way, you all hide the fact that Patrick was looking for me, for example, or when he went to my school and hit Mr. Lewis and you, Marcus!" I say looking at him with a furious gaze. "Yeah, I fucking know everything..."
They all look turned to the ground as if they wanted to hide or disappear. In that case, if they tried to hide from me; it didn't make much difference because I was going to find them and then turns them into ashes.
"But the worst of all this is the fact that Kyle… Never mind! " I let out a heavy sigh, the policemen looked at me as if I were a threat to them, the tension and silence between us all were heavy, and it was also my cue to leave!
I'm exhausted; I'm tired of all this, I want to go, that's all.
I passed between Kyle and Marcus, went into the house, up to the stairs, and went straight to my room!
I walked into my walking closet and grabbed my backpack and put some clothes in it, most of it was underwear, I opened the bottom drawer and opened a box inside and took all the money I had there, with hope to buy some more comfortable clothes and not these pathetic girly looking outfits!
When I left the walking closet, Kyle was sitting on my bed.
"What the fuck are you doing here? Don't you have a house where to stay or something else to do!?" I told him with all the anger and frustration inside me!
"Can we talk, please?" I don't know what annoys me the most, the calm way he talks to me or the fact that he has come all this way to dissuade me!
"No, we could not! You lost that right the moment you lied to me,"
He didn't lie to me; he hid things from me. He betrayed the little confidence I had in him!
How am I supposed to handle it all? Forget and move on as if they had me a favor?
Hell no!
"I didn't lie to you," he rose from the bed, ran his hand over his hair to the back of his head "I was trying to protect you."
"Liar!" I yell even louder this time. "Protect me? I don't need your fucking protection; I just needed you to tell me the truth about everything that happened when I was not here!"
My arms flew right in front of his face; I was so angry and red with this whole situation! I want so bad to snap him, but I couldn't. I didn't want to show him my darker side.
"You have no idea how it was for me the day I saw Patrick at the mall. I was so nervous that day! I didn't want him near you, and I asked you more than once what was going on with you, and you didn't dare to tell me the truth! If there was someone here, who lied it was you, not me!" He told me so soft and calm. His expression is smooth, clean, and full of worry, but still, it wasn't enough for me to stay with him.
He is to polish for me.
But on the other hand, he was right. I lied to him, but that was to protect him honestly, and not just from Patrick but to protecting from me. I didn't want him to know anything about Patrick! I didn't want anything bad happens to Kyle!
Shit! What do I do?
I cross my arms in front of my chest; "I was trying to protect you from me, or Patrick," I did not finish my sentence, I could not hesitate, I could not go back with what I had decided! Patrick is the only person who told me everything!
Even though he told me late, he still told me.
"Fuck you, Kyle. I'm done with you, with all of you," - I tell him as am I putting the backpack on my shoulders - "I'm going to leave anyway!" I add. I turn my back to him and start walking. To get rid of this house, this family.
"Where are you going?" he asked me with his voice filled with concern. I had to ignore it and get out of there as fast as I could!
"Away from you!" - I shouted behind my back - "You lied to me, you should have told me!" I add.
I felt genuinely betrayed by what they all did to me; they hurt me and hide too many things that could make me made other choices! Better choices for me. But as they preferred to hide me the whole truth, they only managed to push me further into Pat's arms!
I'm fed up, tired of knowing things for the people I least expected to know!
Why did they do this? Why didn't Marcus tell me about what happened to him in the school parking lot?
Fuck! Fuck all this! I'm so fucking done.
As I get outside the house, my parents were talking, and the cops were not there anymore. Marcus was sitting on the stairs on the main entrance, with is head down and completely disoriented!
Kyle is still chasing me, but I don't give a shit about what he is saying to me.
When my father saw me leaving with a backpack on my shoulder, he ran towards me, leaving my mother behind.
"Where are you going?" His eyes begged that whatever I intended to do, to consider! But I was not going to give up. I didn't want to deal with any of them right now! I need space and stay away from them, all of them without exception!
"Away from you, I am no longer your problem or for any of you," I said out loud with a voice filled with a grudge of hurt!
I got in the car, and I put the backpack in the back seat, I turned it on and got off at full speed!
As I go down the road between Rolling Hills and Carson I could only think;
"Fuck, I'm on my way to my past, again. I'm going back to my mistakes, to my demons and lie down with my devil in person. But maybe I am too like that, a devil I've been hiding during these years. Besides, he loves me, and I know that if he really loves me, he will not hurt me, and because of that, I will not suffer anymore, I no longer will feel sad, and above all else, I'll find peace!"
When I got to Patrick's house, his car isn't there.
Where did he go?
I went to the glove compartment, picked up my cell phone that was full of messages and missed calls! Part of my family and the rest of Kyle and Marcus!
I send Patrick a text, and I went inside to see if anyone was home. I went to the living room, and it's empty, then I went to the kitchen where the door to the back yard was open!
I peeked to the outside and saw Miles sat on a white plastic chair and had beside him a blue bucket full of ice and beers. I put my backpack on the kitchen floor and went outside.
I sat in the chair next to him; "What are you doing out here? Where's Patrick?" I asked him!
He looked at me with some surprise in his eyes, but then with an awkward smile; "Corona?" He asked me with a bottle still unopened in his hand.
"Sure."
He opened the bottle, gave it to me, and I took a little sip.
"So, you and Patrick hun?"
"Yup, it seems so, why?"
"Nothing Clark, I just didn't expect you to come back here after what you did him last night, that's all!"
"Oh, that! Well, I talk to him, and we solve our problems, and besides, I think I should stay here, you know?" I said with uncertainty in my voice that disappeared as I took another sip of my beer.
"I will not say that I'm happy for both of you, you know, but it's your life, and you do what you want to do." He says to me with some worry in his voice.
What the hell he knows that I don't?
But then, he's raising his bottle to make a toast! I slammed my bottle into his and with a big fake and fat smile;
"Welcome home Clark!"
chapter seventeen
A few minutes after the silence, he breaks it.
"Are you okay?" Well, now there's a good question; I don't even know how I should feel right now. Relieved maybe that I left that house, or regretted it?
I don't have a way to know; only time will tell me the answer and who knows if I can go on with my life, with Patrick!
For thinking of him, where did he go? It's almost five in the
afternoon, and he has not t
old me anything yet, and he has not come home, yet!
"Well—" I sighed, shrugging my shoulders. "I don't quite know how I feel about everything, you know! Since that damn party. Fuck! My life is turned upside down again!" I looked at him as I took the last sip of my beer, and well, I think I should go to the kitchen to do something for me to eat or for both of us to eat.
Since two-thirty in the afternoon I'm with Miles and already drank four beers and have not eaten anything. I feel completely numb right now, and weak, so weak.
Body, mind, and soul, completely weak and drunk!
"Hey, you want to eat something? I'll go to the kitchen making a sandwich for me."
He looked at me with a half-smile; "Sure, but don't forget to bring the chips too."
"Okay," I told him as I rose from the chair to go to the kitchen.
When I got inside I put my hand into my pocket to reach my phone to see if Pat had said something to me, but no!
Surprisingly, nobody in my family tries to contact me.
I go to the fridge, and I got out of there the cheese, the ham, and the bread, I took from the plastic bag four slices of bread, and I placed them on the counter. Then I put a slice of cheese, one of ham and another of cheese and a slice of bread over and voilá!
Two sandwiches are made and ready to be eaten.
I looked through the cabinets for the chips, and when I found them, I got them in my free hand and went outside.
I gave one to Miles and put the package of chips on the floor between the two chairs. Miles gave me another Corona, and I sipped before I started eating.
I don't know if it was because I was hungry and drank, but without a doubt, that sandwich was the best.
"It'll be good to have you around Clark," He says.
"Why?"
"Because Patrick is a lot different when you're around, you know! Well, I thought he was completely crazy for staying a whole month sleeping in the car in front of the rehab center where you were to see if he could see you; something that your parents made sure that did not happen. He even tries to get you out of there!" What the fuck? Patrick didn't tell me any of this. I'm in shock, or happy, or angry at him. I don't know how to react to this. "Jezz Clark, you have no idea how he was at the time."
"What are you talking about? He tells me that he doesn't know where I was. What the fuck, Miles! Why he hide this for me?"
This is the moment I have to take advantage to find out all the answers to my questions because Miles is transparent with me when he drinks.
"He chased your mother for a whole week to find the rehab center where you were." He says with concern in his voice. "And when he finds it, he stays there for a full month to try to talk to you—" I think he must have continued to talk about it a few more minutes, but I left to hear him when he told me Patrick spent a month sleeping in his car in front of the rehab center. Although it's a good thing for me to know, why did not he tell me? Why did he hide it from me? Is there anything else I need to know?
"Hey Clark, can you hear me?" He calls me from my most profound thoughts, snapping his fingers in front of my eyes. I could wake up from my deepest dreams at the sound of the snap of his fingers, but the fact that I didn't respond made him regret what he had told me.
"He stayed there a whole month? Why the hell did he not tell me?"
"Sorry, Clark I thought you knew..." He told me with deep concern in his voice, "But hey, he did what he did because he cares about you, you know."
"No, he loves me!" I add.
Miles gasped with his beer as I told him the big news, he looked at me with wide eyes trying to study my face.
"He what?" He asked me, confused.
What does the fuck happened in Miles' head?
"It's true, Miles, I love her," I heard Patrick's voice in the background answering to his question. Then he walked towards me and gave me a brief kiss on my lips.
"Neva, can you please come to our room?" He asks me looking to Miles with warning eyes.
I was too confused in the middle of all of it, probably the fault is the beer, but knowing what Patrick did, plus the reaction from Miles when I told him that Patrick loves me, and now he wants me to go to his; to our room?
What the hell is going on? And why, with each passing hour, I know something else that I did not know about during my time in rehab?
"Okay," that's all I could say, nothing more.
Patrick picked up my beer from my hands, set it down, and then with his hand, grabbed my wrist, pulling me up from the chair.
I followed him into our room. When we got to the bedroom door, from our bedroom, he stopped.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you nothing all day, but I wanted to surprise you." He told me as he opened the door for me. How gentle!
Once inside the room he took me to the walking closet, I walked into the closet, and he was behind me, then he turned on the little light, and it was when I saw what he had been doing all day.
The walking closet was split with my side and his side, and on my side, I have a lot of black t-shirts, some pairs of black trousers, and three black pairs of black Vans on the floor.
Holy shit!
"You did this for me?" I asked him, turning to him completely surprised and in shock by this sweet gesture.
Oh my God, I want so much to learn to love him the same way he loves me, but am I able to feel this for someone else? Even if that someone is me too?
"I knew you didn't have your clothes in your house; I knew the night I saw you in that freaking dress." His hands reach my face, cupping it. I feel so much love in his touch.
But he was right in both cases, I didn't have my clothes in my house, and that dress was horrible indeed.
I could do nothing but kiss him hard; he keeps held my face in his hands and kept my balance as possible.
When he broke the kiss and looked at me as if he were examining me, then he asked me;
"You want to have dinner with me at the restaurant down the street? The food there is delicious, and I think you also need to eat, you must be hungry."
His words are the melody of concern, making that song my favorite of all the lives I can live.
Fuck, beer makes me think about silly things.
"Of course, but," - My words feel so dizzy they can't even get out!
Wait! No. I knock inside my head. It's me that's dizzy, and it's my mouth who cannot speak.
"I just need to take a shower!" I said it with my voice slightly erased.
"Okay, what do you need?"
"You." I gave him my most honest answer possible.
"No you dork, what do you need for your bath time." He let out a big laugh, and I was a bit embarrassed by my answer.
"Oh! That-" I took my hand to my forehead trying to think what I needed. - I have to stop drinking, my brain it is so slow when I drink. - "Well, I need shampoo! Oh, and I need towels and clothes."
He laughed a little more of me; I was not sure if he was laughing at me or the fact that I'm not sure what I need.
"How many beers do you drink?" He asked me with a half-smile on his face.
"A few." I shrugged. He took a t-shirt, a pair of pants, underwear and a pair of Vans from the walking closet.
"I can see that! Let's go; let me take you to the bathroom." He told me with my clothes in his arms.
Oh my God, I never thought Patrick and I would be in this situation. Me and him live together, and he to take care of me at this level! It's something unique and weird as well.
What the hell did he do to old Patrick?
Locked him in a trunk and threw him into the river?
Or rather, did he immerse the old Patrick into cement, let it dry, and then throw him into the river as HH Holmes did?
Because this is not the Patrick, I know.
He grabbed my wrist and led me to the bathroom.
When we entered the small space, Patrick turned on the hot water for me. The bathroom was covered with steam in seconds from the hot water, and he was right there,
inches from me.
For a moment, the idea that what I was doing with Patrick was completely wrong went through my head. I immediately put that thought against the wall because if being happy is this, having someone to take care of me in my most fragile moments, so this is what I need.
Patrick took his hands up to my waist; his touch took me from my thoughts and made me focus on him, just him.
Then he started to pull off my shirt, tossed it onto the floor, then he bent and kissed me. His lips looked velvet on mine, so soft and so addictive. Then he unclasped my bra, leaving my chest exposed.
Patrick's lips went down to my neck, then up to my shoulders, his hands coming down even closer to the line waist.
He unstrapped my shorts, and in one fell swoop he took off my shorts and my panties.
"What are you doing?" I asked him through sighs. That game was making me boil.
Oh my God, what is he doing to me?
"I'm getting you ready for your shower." He said in a voice almost inaudible and yet so soft. I almost melted at that very moment.
chapter eighteen
"Go shower with me," I begged him, I needed to feel him close to me, I needed him more than he could ever need me.
Patrick took my order and began undressing. His body was so set, all muscles were exposed, his skin it's just flawless, and he is so fucking sexy with his dark and short hair, his brown eyes, his lips, I love to feel his lips on mine.
How could I have forgotten how sexy his body is, and how he can get me completely of off tracks, wanting for more and more?
Sometimes I have an enormous desire to melt into him and never let him go.
We got into the tub, and Patrick carefully pushed me under the hot water. Instantly my body reacted to the temperature of the water, causing me to move away from the water stream for some moments and getting even closer to Patrick.
He gathered his hand up to the tap water, adjusting the temperature. Once it was bearable, Patrick put me back under the stream of water; then he started putting my hair back. Our eyes never missed a minute.
His touch was something spectacular and made me feel like I was the only person in the world.