by Lipa Nandes
I started loosening his pants and pulling both his pants and the boxers down, I wanted him inside me. Pat got to his knees on the bed, and between my legs to look at me. His pants unbuttoned and almost pulled to the knees.
"I want to try something different with you," he told me, getting up from the bed and pulling his pants up to his waist.
Oh shit, what is he thinking...
He started loosening the laces of my sneakers, pulled them of off my feet, and threw them onto the floor. Then he took his hands up to my waist and started to take off my pants.
I could see in his eyes that he was delighted to do this to me, as I continued to be desperate to have him between my legs.
After the pants were onto the floor, Pat just stared at me.
"You're so beautiful, Clark," I didn’t know what to say or how to react to his words, but for a moment, I think I could feel pleased with those words.
My desire for him continued to increase as well as my anxiety, he was making me wait for him, and I understood why he was doing it.
Then he finally took off his pants just being boxers, came forward in my direction and lay down on top of me again.
He brushed my hair from my face and began to kiss me. His tongue massaged mine, and my heart began to race.
What was he doing to me? I don't like it this way.
His left hand went through my chest, then down to my stomach and then came to my panties. He ran his fingers along the edge of my waistline.
"Please," I beg him with a groan. I could feel him smiling.
"Calm down, babe, I'm almost there," he told me, starting kissing me around my underwear.
"Oh Pat what are you doing, I want you so much inside of me," I could not control the fact that this was exciting me, but the wait, that slowness was driving me insane.
He pulled my panties up to my feet and then tossed them onto the floor, then he began kissing mine leg from my knee to close to my lower part, the other hand went up to the other leg and then...
Oh shit! I could feel his long fingers inside me moving in and out with such a slow pace. It caught me entirely by surprise and made me moan louder than I was expecting.
I am sure that if Miles was downstairs, he could hear me.
Without taking his fingers inside me, Pat brought his mouth to mine, and I looked at him with despair in my eyes, I put my hand on his shoulder, pulling him up on me. He followed my cue and placed himself between my legs, taking his fingers out of me.
I was utterly gasping for him, no one has ever done that to me before. I just fucked it up, no feelings, no fingers to enter me, without having to wait.
Before I felt him inside me, Pat looked past my eyes, kissed me slowly, then I felt him inside me. At an equally slow pace, I could feel every inch of erection up and down, in and out.
Christ, this is so much better than I thought.
Then he started to rotate his waist and made me moan again! I had never felt that kind of pleasure before, I wanted more, but he...
Fuck! He liked the feeling of dominating me!
I tried, even in vain, to flip the two of us so that I was on top to show him how I really like to fuck with him!
"Oh babe," - He smirks - "Not this time!"
That slow pace was killing me, but it was also so fucking good to feel like this, wanted!
Pat paused for a moment, looked at me with those almost black eyes; "Control your breathing," What?
What did he mean by that?
Then I felt his hand on my neck squeezing it slightly, then the movement of his hips resumed at a faster pace this time. I opened my mouth to try to breathe more air between his thrusts, but he continues to squeeze my neck more and more...
Does he want to kill me? Shit!
I started to feel some difficulties to breath, and his rhythm was faster and faster, and the faster he goes, the less I breathed.
To the point where my thoughts disappeared, my mind shut off, and I just focused on his movements.
I lifted my hips against him, but he pulled her down again!
"Come to me, babe!" He instructed me!
"No—You know the rules,” I told him, wasting the little air I still have in my lungs!
"Oh shit, Clark, you're so wet right now."
Fuck, since when does he do this kind of thing? He's never talked like this to me before, what's changed?
But again, my line of reasoning was cut short by the lack of air in my brain.
"Come with me," He says.
Then he pressed closer and closer to my neck, I almost faint, but when he released it—The burst of air entering my brain fired anything inside of me, making me come with more intensity, with more pleasure. I could still feel the urges of Pat inside me and feel so damn good!
Where has he learned this?
We are both breathless when Patrick lie to my side, my mind keeps asking me too many questions, which I throw them against the wall. I need to go to the bathroom, I need some space to think about all of this.
"You should think of moving here, you know." He says with a big, fat smile on his lips.
I look at him through the corner of my eyes, without even know what to say to him. That shit caught me out off guard, and at this point, I'm not in good shape to think about anything.
"Where are you going?" He asked me when I got up to bed!
"The bathroom."
"Okay," he said, shrugging me.
I left the room and entered the bathroom I looked in the mirror, and I knew at that precise moment I was fucked! Not literally, because it happened minutes before, but because I let it happen this shit to me again.
Damn Pat's trap!
I refresh my face with some cold water but, shiiiit! I hate myself so fucking much!
What the hell my life is taking me this time? To the fucking grave?
When I returned to the bedroom, he was sitting on the bed with his back against the head of the bed, he looked at me with a smile as I approached him.
I lay down beside him putting my head on his chest, I was starting to feel weird because, well, he loves me and I do not know what the hell I'm going to do with it!
"You are okay?"
"Mm..." I murmured! But then a strange question arose right in front of me and before I even pondered; "Why do you love me?"
He sighed and with his left hand trailed my arm;
"You are my sun, you are my moon. You are my brightest day and my darkest night.
You are my heaven and my hell, my dream, and my nightmare!
You are all the pieces of my heart that were broken.
You are my biggest fear, my rage, my anger!
You are the right and wrong in me.
You are my pain, my laugh, my perfect illusion...
But in spite of all the pain, all of the tears and sorrow, I still love you;
My beautiful beast! "
Oh, double shit! Fuck! Are you fucking serious?
I swallowed hard, how he dare... to... Fuck!
Did he just quote my words? Where the hell he got my manuscript?
"The Beautiful Beast" is the most profound and weird book I ever write. I write it when I start to spend my days with Patrick and, fuuuuck I hate that piece of crap!
"Where did you get that?" I asked him even when I already knew the answer!
"You know very well where it came from!" He said, trying to make eye contact with me.
But what he doesn't know is; those words are not for him, or Kyle or anyone on earth. Those words are for my obsessive writing, because write, is very painful to me!
"Well, why didn't you even read it? It's not good enough," I replied with a shrug, but then I realized that if he read the whole book, it means that his "experience" from a few minutes ago...
How he dare use my fantasies against me?
chapter fifteen
The next morning when I woke up, I was completely wrapped in Pat's arms.
I looked at him to try to process everything and in ever
ything that had happened, everything that was said. I can't get out of this little dilemma that hangs over my head; if I'm a lucky girl to have Patrick's love, or if all of this is just a big mistake!
Because if the second option were the one most likely to happen I didn't know how I would live with it knowing I'd hurt him.
I tried to take his arms off my body, but without success, because he eventually pulled me even closer. I didn't want to wake him, but I really needed to go to the bathroom.
"Good morning, beautiful," I hear him say in a sleepy voice.
"Morning," I replied, a little distant from me, I needed to sort this all out in my head and move on with it.
"Are you okay?" He asked me, opening his eyes.
"Mm, I just need to go to the bathroom," he released me from his arms, and when I got up, I put my underwear on, then my t-shirt and my shorts as well.
I get out of the room without looking at him.
While I was in the bathroom, I kept thinking about what I had done, I came to Miles to forget some things that had happened yesterday, to try to clean them from my memory. And then I ended up knowing others things that had happened while I was in that damn place, and then hit Pat and to make matters worse I ended up with him in bed, and I spent the night with him and now we are, boyfriends?
I feel so angry at me right now.
I washed my face before getting out of the bathroom, and the cold water brought me back to my sick reality.
I had to go back home, I had to face my family, but at the same time, I wanted so much to stay here! Where I have no problems, and no conflicts.
I have peace here, and I feel free too.
I open the bathroom door to find Pat on the other side, waiting for me.
"You forgot something before you left the room," what the hell he is saying?
He stepped in my direction to eliminate any space between us, leaned over and with one hand on my waist and the other on the back of my neck kissed me, and I kissed him back.
Amazing how he can make me short of breathless in the morning!
After breaking our kiss; "Do you want to go to lunch somewhere? I'm off today," he said to me radiantly, he looked like an eight-year-old on Christmas Eve who opened his presents!
I ran my hand through my long hair; "Mm, I need to go home," - I sighed - "to get some things I want to bring here," He looked at me in disbelief and surprised, and with a notorious enthusiasm in his voice.
"Does that mean you're willing to live here, with me?" I shrugged my shoulders, and before I even regretted my hasty decision, I finally answered.
"Yes, I come here to live with you, I think it's the best for me," Is it, Neva?
My mind wanted to start arguing over the question of what would be best for me or not, but I shook my head to get it out of my mind that this change was the best for me. I could not stay in a house where people put me aside and hide things that might not have brought me back into Pat's arms.
"Do you need me to go with you?" He asked me, pulling me out of my thoughts.
"It's probably better for me to go alone, I don't want to..." I shut up at that very moment so that I would not regret it after what I could say. But even so, he knew very well what I was going to say;
"Let your family know that you are with me," He finished my thought aloud and let down on that idea. He turned his back and went to the bedroom, I followed him straight away to clarify that it was not quite what I wanted to say, or was it?
"That's not it," - fuck I hate to have to explain myself to someone, it's because of these shit that I don’t want to date, it seems that everything has to be said carefully! What the fuck - "I just want nothing to happen to you, and for this, I think you'd better stay here, I will not long, I promise!" I told him looking directly at him, putting me on tiptoe to give him a little kiss on the lips but instead, he gave me a kiss full of love!?
"Don't take too long then. I don't want to lose you again!"
Those words cut my heart into pieces. I could feel all that pain he was feeling. But even I didn't know what could happen when I left this house, I didn't know if I could change my mind until I got there!
"You won't gonna lose me!" I lied to him blatantly, I don't know why I did it, but when he heard my answer, his face brightened with some hope of my return.
Pat took me to the front door gave me another kiss, we say goodbye to each other, and then I went to my car.
As I started driving toward my parents' house, I could not help but feel nervous, it was like there was already a war without even before I got there.
It is quite distressing to me to know of the possibility that they fool me, they lied to me! It's their fault, me being with Pat again!
If only they had told me everything? How can I trust them after this? I cannot, they deliberately betrayed me and thought that I would never have found out.
I don't know what hurts me the most, the fact that they did it or that I was at the same point in my life when my mother took me to the rehab.
Fifty minutes after I left Pat's house. I finally see mine, it still remains my home, right?
In front of the gate is a police car parked, and I begin to think of everything that can happen from the moment I enter the house.
As I enter through the gates, my stomach turns inside out, I start to feel nervous, the temperature of my body went up and the anger...
Oh shit, I'm going to freak out with them I know I will!
Out and alongside the two cops are my parents, my brothers and so is Kyle and Marcus.
What a beautiful family reunion, I thought before getting out of the car!
I felt the looks of them all on me as if I had committed a crime or something.
I get out of the car, close the door, and tried with every single fiber in my body control myself to the maximum not to
explode. I even bite my cheeks, not to say what I shouldn’t.
When I was going through them, to come into the house;
"Where the hell have you been? We've been looking for you all night!" My brother Tom told me trying to control his frustration or his anger, I don't know!
Well, they could have just called my cell phone, which was not going to make much difference because A) my cell phone stayed in the car all night and so far it's still there and B) because if I left the house last night, it was not to have who deal with any of them! But that doesn't matter at all because they lied to me!
Calm down, calm down! I repeat over and over again inside my head.
"Well, I'm already here so..." I replied roughly! I turn my back on him, and ahead to the house.
"You have no idea how worried we were with you, did you?" What the fuck did he tell me? Worried? Is this some kind of twisted joke?
I stop for a few seconds to try to think about what I should do now, but then, I feel my whole body turn to him again, and my eyes are burning.
"Oh, I'm sorry if you were worried about me and if I hurt your feelings!" I yell at him, my irony could not be higher. But facing my brother Tom like this is hard for me, but like him, my whole family has a lesson to learn here.
I started to walk again, to do what I need to do. Go to my room, get some things I need, and then walk away from here for good! But a hand gripped my arm, not letting me follow my plan! I looked at the hand, then my gaze crashed into my brother's eyes!
"Hey! Don't turn your back on us, you will not get rid of it!"
I swear, I swear with all my strength that I have fucking tried hard to stay calm, but this family has a severe problem with not knowing when to stop talking!
I pulled my arm out of his hand and then confronted him!
"I'm not going to get rid of what?" I told him aggressively with the hope that he would understand that it was the moment he walked away from me and let me go!
"Miss, I think it's best to stay calm!" One of the cops said, creating an ample space between Tom and me!
How does he dare to do that? But even before the thought settles
; "You're a long way from dunkin' donuts, aren't you?" I told him with a sinister smile on my lips.
The policeman put a hand on a pair of handcuffs, and I just prayed he would not touch me with a single finger! But once again I didn't know how to keep silent;
"You don't even dare touch me, puffy man,"
Fuck! This family does not even know to be quiet, and I am no exception to the rule.
"Enough!" A voice shouting behind one of the cops.
The image of my father appeared and approached me.
"What are you doing, Neva?" He asked me. The look in his eyes was so dark and sad that for a moment, I could touch in his sadness.
It caught me entirely off guard, despite the ridiculous figure he was making, I could not help but feel surprised by that. Because when my mother has the fucking idea to send me to the fucking rehab, he doesn't say a word about that.
"Well, well, well, look who's got a voice!" I say to him crossing my arms.
I had fire in my eyes, and if there were anyone else wanting to fuck me, I would burn him to death.
chapter sixteen
"What do you think you're doing Neva?" He asked me too close to me, and I could feel the waves of the tension of all in me.
I didn't want anything that my father got involved; he's a good man.
He doesn't deserve my anger, but unfortunately for him, I was already blinded with fury when I saw them all together when I arrived!
"What am I doing? Is this some kind of joke, father?" - I said, emphasizing the last word. - "I could ask you exactly the same, by the way, it's not just you, it's all of you," I said, pointing my finger at them. Then I looked at them all, and I could tell they all were terrified with my words because they knew that I knew all the shit they hid from me when I came home. Not even my brothers had the audacity to address me a single word, and so did Kyle and Marcus.
And despite my father's closeness, I could feel his world collapsing right in front of me!
What a great show!
There was nothing more that could sustain him. My eyes started to kill them one by one! But I didn't come to cause any damage; I'm going get a few things and get the fuck out of here as soon as possible.