by Lipa Nandes
But as incredible as it may seem, and though I was strangely calm, I felt comfortable answering him.
"That I should get out of here and forget Patrick," I said defeated.
I swear, I swear his pupils were so dilated at that moment that it seemed like they were going to burst at any time.
But then; "Well, at least we agree on something here,"
I rolled my eyes to that comment. I no longer have the strength to argue or sought with him because it would not help me get Patrick out of the cage. Once Patrick is out, I won't waste my time seeing Kyle anymore.
Finally!
I turned my back on him and went straight to the house. Kyle followed me, and I only noticed it when I stopped in front of the main door, that was completely broken.
Those damn cops destroyed the door of my protection bubble, from my sanctuary.
What the fuck am I doing with the door now? How am I going to put it back on the place?
Focus on Neva, the door is the least of your problems; I thought to myself. I took two steps forward.
Kyle followed me upstairs to prevent my escaping through the window and go back to my father.
When we get into the bedroom; "So... this is where you've been living, huh!" He said in a lower voice. "You probably want to put on some clothes, I can wait outside while you change." He adds.
Then he continues to scan the entire room for a few more seconds. The horrified expression on his face... The shock of knowing another part of me that so far, he didn't know, that I hide this entire time is well aware in his eyes.
"You don't need to leave, just wait on the bed; I'll change in the—" My words were interrupted when I heard Patrick's phone ringing.
I approached to see, and on the screen, an unknown number appeared, instead of answering the call, I pressed to ignore, and the phone fell silent.
I turned to Kyle, who is now across the room looking out the window.
"I'll get dressed, and I'll be right back," I conclude.
I walked into the little walking closet and close the door. I got a t-shirt and pants, luckily for me, Patrick knows me so well that for me now it's a lot easier to match the clothes because they are all black.
How lucky!
"Hey Clark," Kyle shouts from the other side of the door.
"Just a minute," I yelled back.
What the hell, Kyle, you can be so annoying sometimes.
"The phone is ringing again," He adds.
What the hell. Breathe, take a deep breath!
"Ignore, I'm almost ready to go," I replied with a bit of aggression in my voice. I was holding all my buttons not to lose my head.
Already dressed, I sat on the floor of the walking closet, and put on my black Vans, made two ties, got up and open the door.
When I entered the room again, Kyle was sitting at the window's edge, with his arms crossed.
"Let's go? I want to call my dad and see if he's already got Patrick out of jail."
I made my way to my bedside table to pick up my phone when, and once again, Patrick's phone started ringing.
What the fuck.
I put myself on top of the mattress to get to his phone faster. When I saw the screen that it was the same unknown number that it had called him a few minutes ago.
Without thinking about the consequences of answering the call, because I know how Patrick hates when I do that, and not caring whether if Patrick will be angry with me for having answered the call; "Patrick at the moment cannot answer, do you want to leave a message?" I asked without even knowing who it was on the other side.
"I'm sorry, who am I talking to?" I heard from the other side. For a moment, I would swear that voice was a bit familiar to me, but I ignored my instinct. "Clark, Neva Clark, and who the fuck are you?" I asked, aggressively.
I was in a hurry to get out and go back to my father, to be there by the time Patrick gets his freedom again. I needed to be there to show him my unconditional support. I needed to show him that I could be the perfect girlfriend for him.
"Well, well, well! Hello again Miss Clark," The voice on the other side told me. And that very second, my instincts were correct on who he was, and now everything inside me started to get out of control.
My head whirled as I heard the sound of that voice again, my heart stopped beating for a thousandth of a second, and all my muscles began to feel tense, agitated, and nervous.
The nightmare becomes real.
Panic stormed my eyes, my words, and all of me.
"What do—" I try like hell to speak, but my words are stuck in my throat. I let out all my air of my lungs, sat on the edge of the bed because I felt my whole body collapse. Kyle sat down beside me, and I was no longer the owner of myself, or of my emotions. - "What do you want?" I asked him with the bit of courage I still had deep inside my being.
The silence stretched for a few seconds, my mind was blank, completely blank. I could not think; I could not find a reason why he was calling Patrick. I know they know each other, but still!
Did he know Patrick was arrested? Maybe that's why he's calling.
Okay, Neva, stay calm, you can do this.
"I wanted to talk to Patrick Miss Clark, but I ended up having a rather pleasant surprise. What are you doing with Patrick, Miss Clark?" He asked me, and though I could not see him, I could feel the smirk in his voice. "I live with him, and that’s none of your fucking business," I answered him arrogantly!
Where the hell came the courage? Is it my constant need to defend Patrick?
"Well, after all, that must have happened since you came back… I think it takes a lot of courage to forgive someone like Patrick, Miss Clark, but once again, and with no doubt that you're a box full of surprises." He told me coldly.
My mind drifts away, and now a big question appeared right in front of me; What the hell is he talking about? Forgive Patrick? From what?
"What the hell are you talking about?"
My mind was now at the speed of light, the questions kept coming to me. Was this what Miles was talking about? What Patrick is hiding from me? Is that why Miles told me he was not happy I was with Patrick again?
What the fuck is going on?
I could hear Mr. Lewis laughing loudly, but then; "You don't know anything, do you?" He laughed a few more minutes, and before I even tried to say something; "Oh Miss Clark, this is going to be so much fun." He said with his voice filled with malice. My eyes filled with tears, and my ears were invaded by everything he was telling me.
Everything that, apparently in this house, everyone knew something I didn’t know. Once again, karma catches me, and I'm stuck in a place where the secrets are too big and bulky, a place where everything hidden from me hurts me and cuts me, even more, when the truth comes.
I feel myself in the midst of an ugly and scary conspiracy, where the only purpose seems to be to make me suffer, even more, to make my life even more miserable than it already is.
My energies are exhausted with every word I hear, every corner of truth that I discover.
This, compared to what my brothers, Kyle and Marcus did to me. It's as if it were just a grain of sand in the middle of the fucking desert.
But what Mr. Lewis, Patrick, and my mother, yes, my fucking mother did to me!
They know each other, my mother, Patrick, and Mr. Lewis. This entire time my mother has been acting a role and Patrick fool me since the day I meet him! And Mr. Lewis!
He is the genius behind all this.
Gosh!
It is for me only the end of the world. From my world that was completely destroyed, which burned and that even the ashes themselves are not left.
They fucking killed me.
chapter twenty-nine
neva
My eyes were covered with tears running down my face, without my noticing, my free hand squeezed Kyle's hand.
I cannot believe all that Mr. Lewis is telling me, I was outraged by all this, and Kyle realized that. He reached for Patrick's phone, hung up
, and waited for me to say something. He waited for me to recover, but that was impossible, the damage was already done, the wound that had not yet healed, was now deeper.
When I gained courage, and when I fell on me a little, I looked terrified at Kyle; "Get me out of here, please," I begged.
Kyle didn’t waste much time; he took my hand, and it was as if we flew out.
Now more than ever, I wanted to disappear, run away from California and never come back.
My head was still spinning the moment I entered the GMC, I felt totally out of myself, out of my body. I felt that none of this was real and that it was all a bad dream that I could never wake up again!
I could not speak, I could not stop crying, the anger inside me was replaced by the feeling of emptiness, of nothingness. Everything in me was replaced by— Nothing!
I was left without anything from me, not even from me would the ashes remain if I died now!
Kyle started off with no destination, nowhere to go.
I was disoriented, my head was heavy, and the tears gave me no respite. Kyle half looked at me through the corner of his eyes but never asked me any questions, and I appreciated that he understood that at that moment, the silence was all I needed.
He must have driven like this about an hour, in silence and aimlessly.
Until; "Can you take me to your yacht? Please?" I begged. I didn't want to face my mother or even Patrick — "Miss Clark, Patrick James, and Martha Clark know each other. Why do you think I introduce him to you in the first place? You're so naive, and you were so desperate to please your mother that you didn't even think it was weird what Patrick was doing to you." This is screaming inside my head since Mr. Lewis told me the whole truth.
And because of that, my mind and body were totally exhausted, although I have nowhere else to go, Kyle's families yacht seems to me to be the best option.
"Of course," he answered me immediately.
He made the U-turn and literally flew through the cars.
I could barely see the people on the street so fast that the car was moving. I think he too felt my urgency to go somewhere safer and away from everyone else. I guess I could look at Kyle another way. Not like the boy, I used to flirt with, but as a friend, as a protector. I felt that at that moment, and perhaps in the next few days, that Kyle would be my protection. But not to protect me just from others, but to protect me from myself.
When we arrived at the marina, we started walking toward the yacht at lightning speed. Kyle, on the other hand, kept silent and at my side. Suddenly, I felt the full weight of truth fall on me, my legs faltered, I could not keep going, and my body gave in.
My knees hit the ground, and I hit the bottom of the most bottomless hole in the whole universe. My hands reached over my head to keep it from hitting the floor. My chest rose and fell at an incredibly fast speed, everything around me began to whirl, the air was starting to fail, and all my muscles began to tremble.
When Kyle grabbed me and pulled me to his chest, everything inside me broke. The pain in my chest was getting more and more intense, and all my movements were conditioned.
Kyle and I stayed on the floor until I felt able to get back on the path, but I was too weak and too fragile to be able to hold onto my own feet.
Kyle took me in his lap, and I ended up leaning my head against his torso. My eyes began to grow heavier and harder; the pain and the tremors were still well present all over my body.
Kyle's footsteps were hurried, his breathing was out of control, and I just wanted to be in a place where I could be isolated, to allow me the silence I need.
In a matter of seconds, I could see through my half-open eyes, the wooden ceilings of the yacht, and then I felt Kyle's footsteps go down into the bedroom area.
We walked down the small corridor, ending up in front of the room where Kyle used to stay when he had parties in his yacht because his parents were home.
He opened the door, took three steps toward the bed, and laid me gently; "Do you need something?" He asked me, leaning in my direction. I could feel the air of his words, and the worry settled in his voice.
"Close the curtains and don't let anyone come in here," I answered him in my muffled and drawn voice, my eyes were closed, and tears were still streaming down my face, one of the many consequences of the horrors I discovered today.
Kyle heard my request, and immediately after that, he closed all the curtains in the room, there was no space for a little sunbeam to come in.
The room was dark and silent.
"I'm upstairs if you need me," Kyle told me as he prepared to leave the bedroom.
"Don't go, please stay with me. I don't want to be alone, please." I said desperately in my voice.
The truth is, I didn't know what I could do if I were alone for long. My desire to live was very little, so much that now, dying would be the perfect solution to my problems.
Kyle closed the bedroom door and then lay down beside me, I turned my body to Kyle's chest, and there I drowned all my tears, all the hurt, and all the resentment.
On the other hand, Kyle put his arm over me, pulling me closer to him. I could feel his muscles tightening around me for comfort. As much as I struggled inside my head to find out why my mother had done what she did, I could not find a single reason, a single one.
Did she always hate me?
I knew she could not really like me because after all, I had been an unwanted daughter forever, but did she have to destroy me in this way?
How can a person be so cruel?
The more I thought about it, the more tears came, and the higher is my despair.
"Can you talk to me about the phone call?"
I pushed my head away from Kyle's chest, just to let the air out of my mouth.
I wanted to talk, I tried to tell him what happened, but I still could not find the words or the strength to do it.
I nodded once more with my head; "If my parents call you, tell them I don't want to talk to anyone, please."
It was the only words I could tell him, the only thing my mouth and head could think of. And although this was not the answer, Kyle expected to hear from me, he accepted it.
I leaned my head back against his chest, my eyes grew heavier now, and the silence and the darkness gave way to sleep, to rest.
"I'll always be here,"
These were the last words I'd heard from Kyle before falling asleep completely.
"Neva... Neva..." I heard a voice calling for me.
"Who's there?" I asked in the empty room. I could not see anyone, and I did not know where the voice came from. There was a door in the room. I walked toward it, but it's locked.
Am I in the rehab again?
How did this happen to me?
I turned my back to the door and tried to see if in the small room, all covered with white and cushioned walls if there was any security device, something that would allow me to ask for help.
Suddenly behind me I heard a loud bang, I looked back and the door that had fallen to the ground. Then Patrick appeared, walking towards me.
My eyes were wide and full of fear, I didn't want him to approach me, so I limited my steps to get away from him as much as I could. But then things got much worse. After Patrick, my mother came in, and Mr. Lewis as well. In spite of my misfortune, I was cornered in at the end of the room as they approached me with a smile and look very sinister.
I shrunk all over my body, keeping my head protected between my legs and with my hands pressing down so that in case they try to do something to me, I can thus defend myself. Although all that is in vain because they are three and I here, alone; completely defenseless.
I heard their footsteps approaching, and I didn't know what was going to happen or what I was going to do.
For the first time, I felt wholly unprotected and at the mercy of them.
I was thrown to the lions, and now, they are ready to eat me.
"Let go of me," I shouted with all my forces. Still, I could hear their foots
teps, then with my hands, I began to wriggle in the void.
"Let go of me," I repeated again.
Suddenly I felt a hand grasp at my wrist.
"No! No! Please, let me go," I begged.
"Neva" A different voice calling me.
"No, leave me," I was so desperate!
"Neva, wake up, please," I heard that voice inside my head again.
Wake up? This is just — A dream?
I opened my eyes and saw Kyle at my side calling for me, staring at me with wide, panicked eyes. He never witnessed these things that happen to me from time to time. He knew this kind of thing happened to me, but he never knew they were that intense.
"Kyle?" I asked him.
My question fell into the void of the air between us because he was speechless, and I was left without any reaction, if not the immense feeling of confusion that was growing more and more inside me.
That awkward moment was interrupted as we both heard his phone ring. He took the phone from his pocket, got up from the bed, and ran his hand through his hair; "I'll get it out there, I'll be right back."
He stormed out of the room, and I was alone in the dark in every way possible.
chapter thirty
kyle
I left the room because I didn't want to answer Mr. Clark's call nearby Neva. I went to the main deck of the yacht, so I could keep Neva from hearing anything, even though she was laying on my bed down below, I couldn't risk her hearing my conversation with her father. I'm apprehensive about her because I don't know what has been told to her.
I don't know what's happened to leave her like this. And worst of all; I feel powerless. I don't know how to deal with these things that are happening to her.
"Mr. Clark," I said quietly. Although I'm holding myself back from telling him about Neva. But I know I cannot do it; otherwise, she's going to run away from me again, and that's not what I want.
"Hi Kyle, are you with Neva?" He asked me. I didn't know what had happened at the police station, but I could tell he was worried.