Holding You

by Jewel E. Ann

  “You didn’t even let me tell you about lunch.”

  I turned around but didn’t make any advance toward him. “Then tell me.”

  “I texted Olivia and told her not to come to Masa. I had to practically tie my sister to her chair to keep her from storming out when she found out what I did.”

  I was stupefied, and way beyond speechless. He moved closer to me until he was so close I had to strain my neck to look up at his face. He swept back a few stray hairs from my face. “That’s all I’m going to tell you, and I know it’s a huge leap of faith I’m asking you to take … but please trust me. I made things right with my family where you are concerned, okay?”

  I nodded.

  He bent down and kissed me, slow at first but it became more intense and urgent. I dropped the clothes I had been holding as he pushed me back onto his bed. His hands moved up my shirt, cupping my breasts as his thumbs slipped under my bra brushing over my nipples. A deep groan escaped his throat. When his length rubbed against my thigh, I broke our kiss. Then he moved to my neck as I tried unsuccessfully to push him back.

  “Quinn?”

  “Hmm?” he hummed into my neck.

  “I’ve had a cup of tea and a banana today. You’re going to have to feed me before this goes any further.”

  He grabbed my wrist and placed my hand over his erection. “I think I can be accommodating to your hunger cravings.”

  My hands grabbed his hair and yanked it hard.

  “Ouch, okay, okay!”

  “I’m serious. My stomach isn’t filled with a parasitic breeding ground of raw fish and caviar like yours. I’m starving and you’re going to take me to dinner and feed me a sensibly priced meal.”

  “Parasitic breeding ground? You’d make one hell of a food critic, Addy.”

  I laughed to myself thinking about how proud Mac would have been of me. Her unfiltered mouth had rubbed off on me over the years. “Don’t act all offended. You know you love my honesty.”

  “I love you, my beautiful, as for your honesty, that’s yet to be determined.” He kissed the tip of my nose before crawling off me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me off the bed. “Let’s feed you … I think the golden arches might have something in your socially responsible budget.”

  *

  We went to a quaint little café that reminded me of my own. Sitting at a table in the corner, we enjoyed casual conversation over exceptionally good food.

  “Favorite food?” Quinn asked.

  “Not a fair question.”

  “Okay, favorite fruit?”

  “Still too hard, but I’d say a tie between figs and avocados.”

  “You?”

  “Abacaxi.”

  “Yum, pineapple, I love it too.”

  “Now you’re just being mean.” He shook his head.

  “What?”

  “When I say Abacaxi most normal people would say, ‘what?’ but not you. You act like people use pineapple and abacaxi as interchangeably as sweet potato and yam.”

  “Well, actuall—”

  “Don’t.” He tried to be serious but a chuckle escaped him. “Don’t give me the speech on the botanical differences between sweet potatoes and yams. Do you have a weak subject?”

  I wrinkled my face and rolled my eyes to the side in deep thought.

  “Sports, well at least traditional ones. I don’t follow baseball, football, basketball, et cetera.”

  Quinn smiled as if finding my weakness was a small victory for him. “What’s your favorite sport? We should play it together sometime. I love physical activity.”

  “Oh, don’t you worry, we will.” I gave him a cheeky grin. “Okay, my turn. Favorite book?”

  “The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace Wattle.” He smirked.

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah, seriously.”

  “Oh, jeez, The Original Guide To Manifesting Wealth Through The Secret Law Of Attraction, ‘No man can rise to his greatest possible height in talent of soul development unless he has plenty of money.’”

  “Words to live by, don’t you think?”

  I couldn’t control my laughter. “My ‘words to live by’ are not even close to those. I’d love to know the version of Quinten Cohen, blue collar worker, living paycheck to paycheck.”

  “Is my money a turnoff to you?” His question was almost one of shock.

  “No, not your money, your attitude towards it.” I stopped short to carefully piece together my next question. “Would you give it up?”

  He looked a little nervous. “You mean hypothetically, right? Sure, I made it once I could make it all again.”

  “That’s not what I meant. Would you live on say … fifty grand or less a year in exchange for being with the one you love? Would you live with little or no health insurance? Would you clip coupons to make ends meet? Would you take public transportation because you couldn’t afford a car and the upkeep on it? Would you shop garage sales and discount stores for clothing? Would you plant a garden to save money on food?”

  “This is ridiculous. I don’t even know why you’re asking me all of this. It’s not realistic, not in this life.”

  I paused a moment, picking at my food with my fork. “I would … I would give it up for you. I would choose you with nothing, than everything without you.” My demeanor was cut throat serious. I meant what I said. I wasn’t sure why Quinn had come into my life but something in some undefinable place within me knew we needed each other.

  He reached for my hand on the table and squeezed it. “I don’t deserve you.”

  Smiling, I looked up at him. “You’re probably right.”

  *

  I stayed two more weeks in New York with Quinn. We saw more Broadway shows, settling for the cheaper seats. Quinn felt like he was slumming, but his willingness to appease me was endearing. We tried all the vegan-friendly restaurants and shopped Whole Foods for the meals I made at his place. I shared my opinion on grocery prices and the financial geek in Quinn considered the possibilities both from a business standpoint and an ethical one, which was great progress from our night at the café. We ice-skated, visited museums, art galleries, and served food at the local homeless shelter. Quinn was like a little kid with money burning a hole in his pocket. He wanted to lavish me with gifts, but I only allowed him to pay for a spa day that we both enjoyed together and a few Bikram yoga classes. Quinn in workout clothes showcasing his muscles in various yoga poses had me drooling on my mat. After the first class we only made it as far as the bathroom where we locked the door and he took me from behind at the sink while we watched each other in the mirror. The sex was always incredible. It didn’t matter if we slowly made love first thing in the morning or fucked like bunnies in a public restroom. Our mutually insatiable desires just grew stronger.

  He spent time working out of his home office for several hours each afternoon while I read, caught up on emails, and checked in on Jake. I knew Quinn hadn’t achieved his level of success by working a few hours a day. He was making time for me, and it meant a lot, but I knew it couldn’t last forever. We had fallen into a comfortable routine, but our time had come to an end. He had meetings and a few business trips that could no longer be delayed, and I needed to get back to my café and relieve my hard working employees and business partner. The drive to the airport was quiet. We hadn’t had any further discussion on the future of our relationship, and neither one of us was ready to pack up and move to make it work.

  “I’m going to be in Chicago on business in a few weeks. Maybe I’ll drive up to see you and check in on my hotel.”

  I gave a forced smile. “I’d love that. If I’m lucky you might get snowed in while you’re visiting and I can keep you a little longer.”

  He leaned over and kissed me while we pulled up to the terminal. “I love my greedy girl.”

  “I love you.” My eyes started to tear up so I quickly opened the door, but he grabbed my hand to stop me.

  “Look at me,” he demanded.

 
I shook my head, looking down as I tried to will away my tears.

  He tilted my chin up with his index finger and the flood gates opened. “Oh, baby, no … don’t cry.” He kissed my trails of tears and wiped my cheeks with his thumbs.

  “I hate goodbyes,” I sobbed.

  “Never goodbye, my beautiful, you know that. I’ll do whatever it takes to be with you, okay?”

  I sniffled and nodded as he handed me a handkerchief from the inside pocket of his suit.

  “See ya soon.” He gave me one last deep kiss.

  “You’d better.” I smiled back at him as I exited the car.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  “I want to be your favorite hello and hardest goodbye.”

  ~Unknown

  MAC WAS ECSTATIC when she picked me up at the airport. It was a déjà vu moment when she nearly tackled me in the middle of the airport. As much as I loved being with Quinn, I missed Mac so much it often felt like a piece of me was always in Milwaukee waiting to be reunited and made whole again. The ride home was nonstop questions.

  “So you’ve declared your love for each other but no plans have been made to be together?”

  “Correct.”

  “And you’re okay with this?”

  “I don’t have a choice right now.”

  “Adler Sage, you know that’s not true. You could pack up and move tomorrow so what’s the real reason?”

  “So could he, but he’s not throwing his stuff in boxes yet either.”

  “What is this, some western movie standoff between you two? You just said you told him you would give up everything to be with him. What are you waiting for?”

  “I would, but I have to be certain that I’m not giving up everything to move in with some guy who doesn’t share my commitment. If he called me tonight and said he was moving to Milwaukee, I would have my stuff in New York before I hung up the phone. I just want confirmation that what we have is real no matter where we live or what we have.”

  “This sounds like the makings of a tragic love story, except for the sex. Holy cow, I can’t see you screwing in a public restroom. I never knew you were such a little minx.”

  “You and me both. Quinn brings out a part of me I never knew existed. It’s thrilling and intoxicating yet frightening and reckless too. We don’t have that much in common. We are the cliché of opposites attract. I know he’s helped me heal parts of my soul that I thought were permanently damaged, and I love the Quinn that I see when he isn’t trying to impress me with all of his money.”

  Mac giggled. “I take it that’s a part of you he doesn’t know about yet?”

  “I’ve alluded to it several times, but he hasn’t taken the bait and you know it’s not something I flaunt.”

  “That’s an understatement.” She remarked rolling her eyes.

  “He’s coming for a visit in a few weeks since he has some business in Chicago. Maybe by then I’ll have a better idea of where we stand or where we’re going.”

  “I hope so, sweetie, because limbo is miserable.”

  “I know that. It’s where I’ve been for close to eight years so what’s a few more weeks?”

  “I suppose so.”

  *

  I unpacked as soon as I got home and started some laundry. My loft was wearing a nice glove of dust so I cranked up the music and dove into cleaning. When I wiped off my counter where my phone was I noticed two missed calls and a text, all from Quinn.

  Missing you, lucky for me my bed smells like you.

  If my housekeeper washes my sheets I’m going to fire her.

  I’m going to get a blown up print of that picture you sent me.

  It will get hung on the ceiling above my bed. Qx

  Missing you too but my bed doesn’t smell like you.

  Not fair. Lucky for me I have a good memory.

  I plan on replaying them in my head each night while touching myself. Ax

  Holy Fuck, Addy, I am so hard! Keep talking.

  The thought of you touching yourself has me half way there. Qx

  Goodnight, babe! Ax

  Not yet, seriously, you’re killing me! Qx

  *

  The weeks in New York with Quinn spoiled me. I thought being home would remind me of how much I enjoyed time to myself, but all I felt was alone. Everything was better with Quinn. All my senses were heightened, the world was a brighter place, even my creativity was inspired. I came up with five new menu ideas during my time in New York. I was alive, not just living, with Quinn near. It had been weeks since I’d had any flash backs, which was a record for me.

  The weather was cold and the piles of snow were so high the DOT was running out of places to put it. Jake was glad to have me back, but it wasn’t because he needed me. He just liked to bounce ideas off me. At the end of my first week back we had a late dinner together after the café closed.

  “So, I want to discuss the future of the café with you.”

  “What do you mean.” It was as if he’d been oblivious to my recent time away and what it might mean.

  “Would you be interested in taking over ownership with Mac?”

  His brow furrowed. “I don’t understand, are you wanting to sell out?”

  “No, that’s not what I mean … I’m offering you the business, and Mac will help out until she and Evan move back to Chicago which will happen when they decide to start a family or if-when Evan gets offered a position at Richard’s law firm.”

  “Addy, I’m flattered, but I don’t have that kind of money, and I don’t know if I can get a loan from the bank right now.”

  I grabbed his hand from across the table. “Jake, I don’t want to sell you the café. I want to give you the café.”

  He was speechless. I wondered if it was just the lighting or if he truly had tears in his eyes. Seeing this tattooed muscular man crying would have caused me to lose it too.

  “Why on earth would you just give me the café?”

  “We have such a great following of loyal customers and it’s been a great addition to the city, I can’t imagine closing it. I’m not going to go into all the reasons why I don’t need to sell it to you, I just want you to say yes and promise to treat my little café with all the love and dignity she deserves.”

  “Are you moving?”

  I shrugged my shoulders as I focused on a small scratch in the table, not knowing the answer to his question. “I’m not sure yet, but maybe. I just want to have all my loose ends taken care of if I decide to leave Milwaukee.”

  “Would this have anything to do with a Latin businessman from New York?”

  Unable to hold back the happiness I felt when I thought of Quinn, I smiled. “It may.”

  Jake stood and took my hand pulling me to my feet. Then he embraced me. “You deserve the very best, Addy. I hope Quinn knows what a lucky guy he is and if he hurts you I will break him.”

  I laughed. “You’re a lot younger than me, but you sure sound like a big brother.”

  He pulled back and slowly wet his lips. The firm look in his eyes made me a little uncomfortable. “Addy, my feelings about you are anything but brotherly.”

  Not good, not good at all.

  Jake was always flirting with me and since he’d had a girlfriend I assumed it was just playful and innocent, but the way he held me and looked at me felt intimate. He was much younger than I was and quite good looking in his own right, which made our flirtations that much more flattering.

  I looked away as I pulled back. “Thank you. Jake, you’re a great friend and everything you’ve done for me means so very much.”

  “Anything for you, Addy.”

  We ironed out the details over the next couple of days while my attorney got the paperwork together to officially sign ownership over to Jake. I made plenty of excuses to spend limited time at the café because the uncomfortable moment I shared with him left me a bit apprehensive.

  Mac was happy for me and I think she felt an equal sense of relief knowing the café was in good hands. I suspe
cted it might expedite her and Evan’s decision to start a family.

  Quinn and I texted several times a day and talked on the phone at night. I hadn’t yet told him about the café transition. Since I was not yet one hundred percent sure I was moving to New York, I didn’t want him to think it was a foregone conclusion.

  *

  Quinn told me he would arrive around eight in the evening on Sunday, so that morning I slept in knowing we would be up late reacquainting. To my surprise, I woke to the warmth of a large naked body at my back. I screamed bloody murder until a strong hand covered my mouth. My heart was pounding out of my chest as I kicked and flailed around trying to escape.

  “Shh, baby, it’s just me,” Quinn whispered in my ear as he removed his hand from my mouth.

  I whipped around out of breath. “Oh my God, what the hell, Quinn? You about scared the crap out of me. What are you doing here?”

  He pulled me into his body and stroked the back of my head. “I wanted to surprise you.”

  “Well, mission accomplished. How did you get in?”

  “The door.”

  “You need my security code to open the door.” I pulled away from him waiting for his explanation.

  “I watched you enter it while saying the numbers out loud the night we ate at the pier. You’d had a little too much to drink. And you really should come up with something a little more secure than five, five, five, five.”

  “It’s easy to remember.” I shrugged.

  “Do you know how ridiculous that sounds coming from you?”

  “Not for me, it’s more for Mac, Evan, and Jake.”

  “Jake? Why does Jake have access to your loft?”

  “He and Mac keep an eye on things while I’m gone and I grow most of the herbs and edible flowers for the café up here.”

  He still didn’t look too pleased. “I’m not sure how I feel about Jake.”

  Me neither.

  “Well if you’re not planning on taking him to bed anytime soon, then what does it matter?”

  “Addy! What’s that supposed to mean? You think I’m gay?” He pinned me to the bed, his face a breath away from mine.

  “All the sexy guys are, don’t you know?”

  “Looks like I may need to remind you how not gay I am.”