Just Fine with Caroline

by Annie England Noblin

  “You just gotta come see him race!” Kasey broke in, unable to contain her excitement.

  “Of course we’ll come,” Caroline said. For as long as she’d known Tyler, the only thing he’d ever wanted to do was race cars. As kids, he’d idolized Mark Martin, even going as him for Halloween years and years in a row. Now he was a bail bondsman for Kasey’s parents, and they all knew the closest he’d ever come to the Indy 500 was the Cold River dirt track just outside of town. Still, it would be fun to watch him race. “When is it?”

  “Two weeks from Saturday,” Tyler said. “I’ll make sure Kasey reminds everybody. Let’s get ourselves inside before the rain starts.” He ushered everyone inside. “At least get some music goin’.”

  Noah followed in behind Caroline, placing his hand on the small of her back. “It’s good to see you tonight, Caroline.”

  “It’s good to see you, too, Noah.”

  “I’d been hoping to run into you after dark.”

  Caroline felt her pulse quicken. What did that mean?

  She was about to respond when Ava Dawn grabbed ahold of Noah’s arm to introduce him to someone else. Caroline wrapped her fingers around the jar of moonshine in her purse and found the couch and sat herself down as a steady stream of people began to enter the cabin. She knew most of them. They were people she went to high school with, people who came into the bait shop, and people whose faces she knew even if she didn’t know their names. That’s what it was like living in a small town—everyone at least knew your face.

  “Well, Caroline O’Conner,” said a man in a sweat-stained T-shirt with the sleeves cut off. “I ain’t seen you in forever.”

  “Hey, Daryl,” Caroline said. She smiled over at him. “How’s it going?”

  “Oh, same old, same old.” He took a swig of his beer.

  “Daryl!” Caroline looked up to see Daryl’s wife, Bobbie, coming towards them, full speed ahead. “Don’t you tell Caroline our news! I want to tell her myself!”

  “What news?” Caroline asked.

  “We’re havin’ a baby!” Bobbie squealed, squeezing herself in between Daryl and Caroline. “Finally! After all these years!”

  “That’s wonderful!” Caroline replied. “Really, that’s great.”

  “It is, ain’t it?” Bobbie rubbed her belly. “Due in January.”

  “Guess the docs were wrong,” Daryl said. He was beaming. “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with my baby maker.”

  Bobbie punched Daryl in the arm. “Hush. Nobody wants to hear about your baby maker.”

  “Well, I’m thrilled for both of you,” Caroline said. “I know you’ve been trying for a long time.”

  “I’m sure you’ll be next.” Bobbie winked at her.

  “Lord, I hope not.”

  Bobbie cocked her head to the side. “You don’t want kids?”

  “Maybe someday,” Caroline said. She looked around the room for a place to escape or another person to latch on to. “But not right now.”

  Bobbie leaned in so close that Caroline could see down the gap in her tank top. “Those eggs of yours ain’t gettin’ any younger, you know. My baby doctor up in Springfield says girl babies are born with all the eggs they’ll ever have. Did you know that?”

  “Aw, let her alone,” Daryl scolded his wife. “Who’s she gonna marry? Court?”

  “I don’t see why not.”

  Daryl made a snorting sound and nearly choked on his beer. “That ain’t gonna happen. That boy is fruitier than a fruitcake, if you know what I mean.”

  “Daryl!”

  Caroline stood up, trying to keep a smile on her face. “I’m going to get another drink.”

  She grabbed a discarded jar of moonshine and headed outside to the dock. To her delight, there was no one outside, and no one sitting on the dock. Caroline sat down and pulled off her shoes, dangling her feet in the river. She took a swig from the jar, wishing she could jump right into the water. It felt so cool and soothing.

  Caroline craned her neck to see the cabin behind her. She doubted anyone even knew she was out there. There wasn’t even anybody left on the porch. They’d all gone inside to escape the rain.

  The moonshine no longer burned going down, and for a moment, everything was quiet and perfect. It wasn’t often she was alone on the water. Most of her alone time consisted of being holed up in her room, reading books about gangsters—about the men and women who ran jars like the one she was holding from one county to the next. They were risk takers, she thought. I can’t remember the last time I took a risk.

  She dipped one of her legs farther into the water. Damn, she wanted to go swimming. But it was dark. And the river could carry her off if she wasn’t careful. Maybe if I just hold on to the dock, she thought. Looking around once more to make sure no one was watching, she unbuttoned her jeans and slid them off. Then she pulled her tank top over her head, leaving her standing on the dock in her bra and panties.

  Caroline let out a contented sigh when she lowered herself down into the water. It was just cold enough so that she wouldn’t want to stay in forever, but not so cold that her teeth were chattering. Sometimes she and Ava Dawn had gone swimming at night when they were in high school. They’d often gone to the riverbank with Court and Reese, but Caroline had to be careful that her parents couldn’t tell where she’d been. She was sure most parents were protective over their children, but her parents went beyond protective. They’d made her wear a life jacket until she was in college. They rarely let her go anywhere without them until she was well into high school, and a car at sixteen? Forget about it.

  She knew that it came from the pain of losing her brother. She knew they probably thought about losing her more than any parent should have to, but the older she got, the more she chaffed against their watchful eyes. It wasn’t until she moved home and her mother was sick that her father was distracted enough not to ask too many questions, and she was granted the freedom she’d always yearned for. In fact, sometimes her father seemed annoyed that she didn’t want to stay out with friends. It was a freedom she’d gladly trade to have her mother back.

  “Caroline, are you down there?” Noah Cranwell’s voice floated down from the top of the dock.

  Caroline popped up out of the water so fast that she didn’t realize she’d been under the dock. She bit down hard on her tongue when her head hit the wooden planks of the dock, and the last thing she remembered before everything turned dark was the metallic taste of blood.

  CHAPTER 12

  THE NEXT TIME CAROLINE OPENED HER EYES there was a figure above her, his mouth hovering over hers. She tried to speak, but it came out as a cough full of river water.

  “Caroline! Fuck! Caroline!”

  Caroline blinked, trying to make the figure in front of her come into focus. “What happened?”

  “You almost fucking drowned, that’s what happened.” Noah Cranwell sat back, pulling her up with him. “What were you doing in the water?”

  “Swimming,” Caroline replied. Her head felt fuzzy. “Floating, really.”

  “Are you okay?” Noah reached up and touched her face, pushing wet strands of hair away from her eyes.

  “I hit my head on the dock.”

  “I heard it.”

  “Did you jump in after me?” She squinted in the darkness. His clothes were sopping wet. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” he said. He moved his hand down from her face to her shoulder, his fingers stopping momentarily at her bra strap.

  That was when Caroline realized she was sitting in front of him half naked. “Oh, shit.” Her hand flew up to his. “My clothes.”

  “Your clothes?” Noah asked. “At least your clothes are dry.”

  “At least you’re wearing your clothes!”

  Noah stood up, his hand still intertwined with hers. “Well, if I’d known I was going to be jumping into rivers after dark, I’d have worn my glow-in-the-dark swimming trunks.”

  Caroline knew she should probably be embarras
sed about standing in front of him in what could now only be described as see-through underwear, but she wasn’t. “I hadn’t planned on almost drowning,” she replied. “You startled me.”

  “What were you doing in the river, anyway?” Noah wanted to know.

  Caroline shrugged. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.” Her head was pounding. She broke away from Noah and trudged up the bank to the dock.

  “You could have gotten yourself killed.”

  “I would have been fine if you hadn’t walked up and startled me.” Who did he think he was? She bent down and picked up her pants, sliding them up over her damp calves.

  “You make a habit out of this?”

  “Out of what?”

  “Drinking moonshine and taking off your clothes.”

  Caroline narrowed her eyes at him. “I reckon my habits are my own business.”

  “Not even gonna say thank you, huh?” Noah bent down and picked up her shirt. “Like I said, at least your clothes are dry.”

  Caroline grabbed at her tank top, and when she did, Noah grabbed ahold of the waistline of her jeans and pulled her all the way up to him, so close that her bare stomach was touching his. She put her hands up to push him away, but she didn’t. Instead, she placed them, palms down, onto his chest. She could feel the heat from his skin penetrating through his soggy shirt.

  Caroline looked up at him. Everyone was right. He sure did look like a Cranwell, and he sure did look the most like Jep Cranwell. She figured moonshine ran through his veins, and all she could think about was pulling him down to her level and tasting him. “I don’t even know you,” she said, her voice hoarse.

  “We could change that.”

  Behind her, Caroline heard voices, loud voices calling her name and coming from the direction of the cabin. She snatched her shirt out of Noah’s hands and pulled it on as quickly as she could.

  “Caroline!” Ava Dawn was charging towards her, full speed ahead. “Car-o-line!”

  “What?” Caroline hollered, sliding her flip-flops onto her feet.

  “What in the hell are you doing all the way out here?” Ava Dawn stopped short when she saw Noah. “Ohhhh . . .”

  “What do you want, Ava Dawn?”

  “Why is your tank top on inside out?” Ava Dawn asked. She looked past Caroline and at Noah. “Why is he all wet?”

  “I’ll tell you about it in a minute,” Caroline replied, turning her cousin around.

  “Why are you all wet?”

  “Just shut up and walk.”

  “Caroline, wait!”

  Caroline ignored her, continuing to push her forward.

  “I need to tell you something,” Ava Dawn persisted.

  “It can wait,” Caroline replied. She looked back at Noah still standing on the dock. She pushed Ava Dawn all the way back to the cabin where quite a crowd had amassed. “Jeezus, is there anybody who’s not here?”

  “Nope.” Ava Dawn managed to jerk herself away from Caroline. “Everybody is here.”

  “Oh yeah?” Caroline absently scanned the room. She wasn’t thinking about everybody. She was thinking about Noah. She was thinking about his damp shirt. She was thinking about the way he looked at her at Gary’s, and the way he looked at her when he’d pulled her close to him.

  “Caroline?”

  Caroline was standing face to face with Reese Graham. She looked desperately at Ava Dawn who only mouthed the words, “I tried to tell you,” before shrugging her shoulders.

  “Caroline?”

  Caroline focused on the man standing in front of her. Damn, it had been a long time. “Reese!”

  “How are you, Carolina?” He reached out to embrace her.

  “I’m good, I’m good,” she mumbled into his shoulder. She hadn’t expected such a warm greeting. He’d been good and pissed the last time she saw him. In fact, he’d said he never wanted to see her again. Ever.

  “Why is your hair wet?” Reese pulled away from her, holding her back at arm’s length. “Don’t tell me you went skinny dippin’ in the river without me!” He was grinning, little lines forming in the corners of his pale, blue eyes.

  “You know I don’t go skinny dippin’.”

  “Well, not without me.”

  He sounded like Reese, and Caroline guessed he looked like him, too. The last time she’d seen him, he’d had long hair and a stupid little earring in one ear. Now his long, reddish hair had been replaced with a buzz cut, and the earring was gone. She wondered what else about him had changed—back then he’d been the guy always up for a good time, the guy who always had an angle and always had a girlfriend. Caroline was just one girl in a long string of girls, and she wondered if people at the party were looking at the two of them and thinking, Oh no. Here we go again. “When did you get back into town?” she asked, even though she already knew the answer.

  “A few days ago,” he replied. “Looks like I’m back to stay for a while at least. I can’t believe Court didn’t tell you.”

  “Hey now,” Court, who’d clearly been listening in on their conversation, said. “I don’t tell her everything.”

  Reese rolled his eyes. “Yes you do. You knew she was gonna dump me before I did.”

  Caroline and Court shared an uncomfortable look.

  “It doesn’t matter now; it’s all water under the bridge. Water under the bridge.” Reese said, that familiar gleam in his eye. “Let’s get together, you and me, sometime soon.”

  “Sounds good,” Caroline said, nodding, but her eyes were narrowed. What did he want? Her head was still fuzzy from hitting it on the dock . . . and everything that happened after. She could feel Court staring at her. She knew he wouldn’t be happy. She’d just have to talk to him about it later.

  “We’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

  “Do we?”

  Reese looked down at his shoes. “Come on, Carolina, don’t make me say it.”

  “Say what?” Caroline was confused. And she was cold. She wished her hair wasn’t wet.

  “I’ve missed you.”

  Now she had to fight to roll her eyes. She hadn’t missed him. Well, not really. She hadn’t missed uncomfortable conversations like this one. That was for sure. “Well, I’ve missed you, too.” Again, it was the only thing she could say.

  Before Reese could respond, an already drunk Daryl tackled him. “REEEESE!” Daryl slung an arm around Reese’s neck, spilling his Budweiser all over Reese’s shirt. “I been lookin’ for ya all night, man!”

  Reese wiped in vain at his shirt as he was dragged away. He looked back and grinned at Caroline. “I’ll call ya, Carolina!”

  Caroline watched him go. She knew he’d call her. Reese always did what he said he was going to do. Unfortunately, that got him into a lot of trouble. She scanned the room for Noah. She’d forgotten about him when she saw Reese, and her heart sank when she realized he wasn’t anywhere inside. Wading through the crowd, she went outside onto the porch and sure enough, Noah’s car was gone. She didn’t want to go back inside and deal with Court and Reese again. She was tired. Flagging down Ava Dawn, she said, “I’m exhausted. Can we go home now?”

  Ava Dawn nodded. “Are you alright?”

  “Of course,” Caroline said. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “Oh, I don’t know.” Ava Dawn shrugged. “Maybe because I found you half naked rubbing up against Noah Cranwell and then Reese Graham comes in lookin’ all hot. It’s bound to confuse and confound a girl, wouldn’t you say?”

  “I am neither confused nor confounded.”

  Her cousin wasn’t convinced. “Well, we’ll have plenty of time for you to pick your own adjectives on the way home.” Ava Dawn linked her arm through her cousin’s. “But I think I hit the nail right on its confused and confounded little head.”

  CHAPTER 13

  CAROLINE OFTEN WONDERED IF HER FATHER wished she had been born a boy. It wasn’t because she thought Max O’Conner believed, as many did in her small Ozarks town, that boys were still preferable to g
irls. No, her father had never been that kind of man. He’d raised her to ignore that kind of logic; he’d been an advocate for women’s rights during the ’60s and ’70s. He’d even proudly advertised birth control and the Gardasil shot for his female patients, much to the chagrin of the town’s many social conservatives. Women in the O’Conner family were very often heard long before they were seen.

  No, Caroline wondered if her father wished she had been a boy because it might have been easier for him to deal with the death of his son. Maybe if she’d been a boy, she could have eased his pain instead of being born to him as he was on the cusp of middle age, a screaming, freckled girl-child. Sometimes her father looked at her as if he didn’t quite understand her, didn’t quite know how to relate, even after she’d become an adult. In fact, Caroline thought, he looked at her this way more now that she was an adult.

  Her father hadn’t been the only one to give Caroline odd looks. She’d been getting them her whole life. It started in the second grade. Rather, it was the first time she truly began to realize she was different from the other kids. It was during circle time, two days before her eighth birthday, in Mrs. David’s classroom. The subject of circle time had been “family.”

  “What’s your family like?” Mrs. David had asked. She clasped her hands together expectantly. She was a pudgy woman with a ruddy complexion, and Caroline thought she was very smart-looking in her large, round glasses. “What are your traditions?” Mrs. David continued, using the plural form of the word tradition that they’d learned about the day before. “Who makes up your family?”

  At first, it had been just fine. Caroline jabbered about Christmas stockings and fishing trips. But when it got to the part about siblings, Caroline hadn’t been entirely sure what to say. Most of the other kids were the oldest or only children, like her cousin Ava Dawn. Some had sisters or brothers, and one unfortunate student, Lilly Barker, was the younger sister of Milly and Tilly Barker. Caroline supposed she was an only child, and she figured that’s what she’d say when it got to be her turn, but before she could make a sound she heard the words dead brother escape past the lips of Bobby Boyd.