Just Fine with Caroline

by Annie England Noblin

  “Deal,” Caroline replied.

  Noah handed her two cards.

  “Blackjack.” Caroline turned the cards over.

  “Well done.”

  Caroline smiled over at him. Two could play at his little game. “What kind of trouble did you have fifteen years ago?” she asked.

  Noah wrapped one of his hands around the glass of whiskey and brought it to his lips. After draining the glass he said, “My friends and I robbed a house.”

  Caroline sat back. She hadn’t expected that.

  “I had a gun,” Noah continued. “Aggravated burglary is what the state of New Jersey called it. If they tried us as adults, I was looking at five to ten years. It wasn’t my first offense.”

  “Oh,” Caroline replied, her voice scarcely above a whisper.

  “I was a dumb kid,” Noah replied. “Look, I’m not making excuses, but the fact is that I was living on the streets. My mom didn’t want me. So I took off.” He wasn’t looking at her anymore. “I was just trying to survive.”

  “I’m sorry.” Caroline knew that was a lame response, but she didn’t know what else to say. She was sorry.

  “My grandfather paid for my lawyer. Helped me cut a deal.” Noah twirled the glass around with his fingers. “He paid the restitution,” he said. “I never would have gotten into the Navy if it hadn’t been for him.”

  “So you moved back here to try to make it up to him.”

  Noah nodded. “In part. But I was tired of traveling. I’ve never had a place that I could really call home, you know?”

  Caroline didn’t know. She’d always had a home. She reached out and placed her hand on top of his. “Well, now you do.”

  “I’m not used to it yet,” Noah confessed. “I don’t think I’m doing a very good job at being a part of a family.”

  “Why not?”

  Noah shrugged. “I’m used to being on my own . . . to doing things on my own.”

  “You’ll get better at it.”

  “Easy for you to say,” Noah replied. “You’ve always had a family.”

  “So have you,” Caroline said. “It’s just that you haven’t always lived near them.”

  “I guess.” Noah stood up. “I’m tired. I think I’ll head on to bed.”

  Caroline felt her heart sink. “Okay. I lit a couple of candles in the spare room.”

  “Thanks.” Noah was already heading towards the room. Without looking back at her, he said, “Good night, Caroline.”

  Caroline waited until the door to the spare room had closed and then she put the glasses in the sink and made her way back to her bedroom. She wasn’t sure what to do with the information she’d been given. She hadn’t meant to upset him, and now she wished she could take her question back. If he’d wanted her to know, he would have offered up the information instead of waiting to be asked. At least he told me the truth when I asked, she thought. Surely that meant he was telling the truth about everything. Maybe she was making too much out of her mother’s relationship with Jep. Nobody but her seemed to be concerned with it, anyway.

  She rummaged around in her laundry basket for a clean nightgown. When she didn’t find one, she pulled on a camisole and threw herself down on top of her bed. She was just drifting off when she heard someone knocking at her bedroom door.

  Caroline sat up and squinted into the darkness, willing her eyes to adjust. “Is someone there?” she whispered. Maybe her mother had wandered out of her bedroom.

  “Did I wake you up?” It was Noah.

  “No, it’s okay,” Caroline replied. “Come in.”

  “I can’t sleep.”

  Caroline sat up in bed. “Is there something wrong with the bed? Ava Dawn said she put clean sheets on it. Sometimes she eats crackers in bed. I hope she didn’t leave crumbs.”

  “No.” Noah laughed. “No, the sheets are fine.” He sat down in the chair by her bookshelf.

  “Okay, then,” Caroline said. She drew her knees up to her chest underneath the covers when she realized the only thing she was wearing was a camisole and panties.

  “The wind has picked back up again.”

  “I heard.”

  Noah shifted in the chair, his elbow catching on a stack of books, sending them crashing to the floor. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” Caroline replied.

  “I came in here to apologize.” Noah said.

  “Apologize for what?”

  “For acting like an asshole earlier,” he replied. “I’m not . . . I’m not used to talking about my past.”

  “You don’t have to apologize,” Caroline said. “I shouldn’t have asked you about it. It’s not my business.”

  “I asked you about yours.”

  “True.”

  “And I could tell it made you uncomfortable.”

  Caroline nodded, even though she knew Noah couldn’t see her. “I guess I’m not used to talking about it, either,” she said.

  “I’ve spent most of my life alone,” Noah continued. “I just assumed when I moved here that it would be the same way.”

  “You can’t be alone in Cold River,” Caroline replied. “It’s impossible.”

  “I’m beginning to figure that out.”

  “It’s taken you this long?”

  “I’m a slow learner.”

  Caroline grinned into the darkness.

  “It’s just that I don’t want to live that way anymore.” Noah straightened up in the chair. “I don’t want to go from place to place. I don’t want to pretend that my past doesn’t exist. I don’t want to shut down when someone asks questions that they have every right to know the answers to.”

  “You gave me answers,” Caroline said. “You told me the truth, and that counts for something.”

  When Noah didn’t say anything, Caroline pushed the covers off of her legs and stood up. She didn’t care that she was standing half naked in front of him. She just wanted to be near him. She just wanted him to feel better. Without saying a word, she reached down and laced her fingers through his and lowered herself down onto his lap. “I don’t want to talk anymore,” she whispered.

  Noah let go of her hands and hooked his thumbs around the fabric of her camisole, lifting it up and over her head. “There are no words for what you are,” Noah said.

  Caroline could feel his breath on her bare skin, and it was almost more than she could handle. She wanted to be patient, but she was finding it more and more difficult to control herself when she was this close to Noah. She leaned until their lips met, drawing her into him more and more with every kiss.

  Finally, just when she thought she was going to have to beg him, Noah stood up, lifting her up with him. She wrapped her legs around him and allowed him to carry her to the bed as he continued kissing her. He sat her down on the bed, and Caroline watched as he undressed in front of her.

  Noah was so confident. Of course, she thought as he peeled off each layer in front of her, why shouldn’t he be? Even in the dark, Caroline could see the outline of his body. She could see the way his muscles rippled and that little trail of dark hair that traveled from his navel down past his boxer shorts—the boxer shorts that were now discarded on the floor. More than his confidence, there was something honest in his nakedness.

  Noah slid in next to her. His skin was warm next to hers, and he lingered there for a moment, anticipation building so that Caroline couldn’t breathe. “I need to take these off now,” he said, kissing his way down her stomach to the band of her panties. “It’s only fair.”

  “Well, by all means, let’s be fair.” She guided his hand down and allowed him to pull at the fabric until her panties were discarded at the foot of the bed.

  Noah settled himself between her legs and thrust inside of her. Caroline had to bite down on his shoulder in order to keep from crying out, which only made him quicken his pace. He didn’t stop until they were both exhausted and he was collapsed on top of her.

  She let him lay there, the scent of him mingling with her
own. Caroline wasn’t sure if it was the whiskey or Noah, but she felt herself drifting off into one of the most delicious sleeps she’d ever known.

  CHAPTER 28

  THE RAIN WAS STILL COMING DOWN IN A slow drizzle the next morning when Caroline opened her eyes. Through the crack in the doorway, she could see that the hallway light was on, which meant power had finally been restored. She tried to roll out of bed, and heard a muffled yelp from the opposite end of the bed.

  “Hey, ow!” Noah sat up. “You kicked me in the face!”

  “What are you doing down there?”

  “Well,” Noah began, looking sheepish. “You were snoring.”

  “Oh my God.” Caroline felt her face grow warm. “I was?”

  “I thought if I moved to the bottom of the bed that it wouldn’t be so loud.”

  Caroline drew her knees up to her chest and buried her head in them. “Why didn’t you just leave?”

  “Because,” Noah said, pulling her legs out from under her, “you’re so cute when you’re asleep.”

  “Did being at the end help?” Caroline wanted to know. She couldn’t help but grin at him, despite her embarrassment.

  “Not really.”

  Caroline kicked at him playfully. “Now you’re just being mean.”

  Before Noah could respond, Ava Dawn rushed into the room without knocking. She took just a second to look from Caroline to Noah before saying, “Caroline, you’ve got to get up. Aunt Maureen is gone!”

  “What do you mean she’s gone?”

  Ava Dawn took another step into the room. “I mean I woke up and she’s gone.”

  “Where is my dad?” Caroline asked. She swung her legs off the bed and pulled on a pair of crumpled yoga pants from the floor.

  “I don’t know,” Ava Dawn replied. She handed Caroline the camisole hanging from the chair by the bookcase. “He hasn’t come home yet.”

  Caroline felt panic rising in her throat. She ushered Ava Dawn out of the room so that Noah could get dressed. “You didn’t hear her get up out of bed?”

  “No. I didn’t even realize she was gone until a few minutes ago.”

  “Did you check outside?”

  Ava Dawn nodded, her face pale. “I checked all around the house and even in the cellar before I woke you up.”

  “Call Court,” Caroline said. She stuffed her feet into a pair of flip-flops. “I’m going to walk around the block and see if I can find her.”

  “Do you want me to call Uncle Max?” Ava Dawn called after her.

  “No,” Caroline replied, reaching for the door. “Not until I know we have to.” She walked outside and into the already sweltering day. It was the kind of muggy Ozarks morning they got just after a rainstorm, but the rain had done nothing to keep the summer heat at bay.

  She walked around the house just in case, hoping maybe her mother was there and Ava Dawn had just missed her. It wasn’t the first time Maureen O’Conner had wandered out of the house, but most of the time she stayed in the yard. The fear of her disappearing was real, as her father warned her over and over could be typical of people with Alzheimer’s. It was why last night Ava Dawn slept in the bedroom with her aunt. Caroline knew it wasn’t Ava Dawn’s fault, but she couldn’t help but feel angry with her that it had happened.

  “I just got off the phone with Court,” Ava Dawn said. “He’s heading out to look for her right now.”

  “What can I do?” Noah asked, appearing from Caroline’s room.

  “I’m going to take the truck out,” Caroline said. “Why don’t you stay here in case she comes back?”

  “Okay,” Noah replied. “Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?”

  “You go on with her,” Ava Dawn spoke up. “I’ll stay here.”

  “I don’t care which one of you goes,” Caroline said, already halfway out the door. “Give it half an hour, and if we’re not back, call my dad, okay?”

  “Okay,” Ava Dawn replied miserably. “Caroline . . . I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault.”

  “I’ll go with you,” Noah said, scurrying to catch up with Caroline. “Here, give me the keys. I’ll drive; you look.”

  Caroline handed them over. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

  “It’s never happened before?”

  “She’s wandered off once or twice grocery shopping or wandered into the yard, but she’s never taken off before and gone so far that we couldn’t find her.”

  “I’m sure she’s fine.”

  Caroline pulled herself up into the passenger’s seat of the truck. “My dad is never going to forgive me for letting her leave.”

  “It’s hardly your fault,” Noah said. He started the truck.

  “I don’t know how he does it,” Caroline continued. “I don’t know how he goes to sleep next to her every night not knowing what she’s going to be like in the morning or if she’ll . . . if she’ll take off in the middle of the night.”

  “Where do you want to go first?”

  “Just drive down the street here towards downtown,” Caroline said. “I can’t imagine that she’s gotten very far.”

  “How long do you think she’s been gone?” Noah asked. He looked at his watch. “It’s just 6:30 a.m.”

  Caroline hadn’t realized it was so early. “I don’t know.”

  Cold River was practically a ghost town this early, especially downtown. None of the shops opened until eight o’clock, and except for the occasional car or jogger, the streets were empty. She knew it wouldn’t do any good to try and rationalize her mother’s actions, but she couldn’t help it. Why would she just get up and leave in the middle of the night?

  “Hey,” Noah said, swerving into a parking space on the left-hand side of the road. “Is that your mom right down there?”

  Caroline squinted. “Yes!” She was elated. Her mother was sitting on the front steps of a little pizza shop. She was still in her nightgown.

  Noah put the truck into park. “Want me to walk down there with you?”

  “No,” Caroline replied. “Just sit here. I’ll be right back.” She handed Noah her phone. “Call Ava Dawn and tell her we found her.”

  Caroline hopped out of the truck, the sense of relief so overwhelming she thought she might cry. She knew why her mother was sitting there. Until last year, the pizza place had been the hair salon where her mother got her hair trimmed every few months. Before the place moved, her mother had gone every week for a blowout. In fact, she’d gone every Friday.

  Today was Friday.

  “Hey, Mom,” Caroline said, approaching her mother. “The salon isn’t open yet.”

  “I’m early,” her mother replied. “But my hair is a mess.”

  “Why don’t you come on home, and I can bring you back later.”

  “I’ll just wait here.”

  Caroline sat down next to her mother. It was then that she noticed that she wasn’t wearing any shoes. There were spots of blood on the pavement from the soles of her feet. “Mom, I really need you to come home with me.”

  Her mother pursed her lips together. “I am not leaving. I can’t let him see me with my hair looking like this.”

  “Who?”

  Maureen O’Conner didn’t answer.

  Caroline didn’t know what to do. She knew she couldn’t just drag her mother from the stoop. She’d seen her mother put up a fight before, many times before, when her father tried to get her to do something she’d set her mind against doing. It rarely ended well for anyone.

  “Hello, Maureen.”

  Caroline looked up to see Noah standing in front of them.

  “What are you doing here?” Maureen demanded, her hands flying up to her hair.

  “I’ve been looking for you.” Noah extended his hand out to her. “We were worried when we couldn’t find you at home this morning.”

  “You were at my house?” Caroline’s mother looked panicked. “Did he see you?”

  “Did who see him?” Caroline wanted to
know.

  Maureen O’Conner took Noah’s hand and stood up. “My husband,” she whispered, ignoring her daughter. “Did he see you?”

  “He’s not home, Maureen,” he said. “He was working at the hospital all night.”

  “Oh, thank God.” Caroline’s mother hooked her arm in with Noah’s. “Let’s go home, then.”

  Caroline stared at Noah, but he avoided looking at her. Somehow he knew that her mother would come with him. He knew it, and now she knew it, too.

  CAROLINE’S FATHER WAS waiting for them when they got home. She prepared herself for her mother to be upset, but all her mother did was wave when she saw Max O’Conner standing on the front porch. Caroline knew she should leave it alone, everything her mother said in front of the pizza shop. There was no point in asking questions or trying to find out the truth right now—her mother, even if she was having a good day, wouldn’t tell her anything. But when she saw her father standing expectantly on the porch, worry written all over his face, she couldn’t help herself.

  “Mom,” Caroline said, grabbing hold of Maureen O’Conner’s arm just as she was about to exit the truck. “Mom, I need to ask you something.”

  Her mother glanced down at Caroline’s hand around her arm and said, “You’re hurting me.”

  Caroline didn’t let go. “Mom, I need you to tell me the truth, can you do that?”

  “Let go!”

  “Caroline,” Noah interrupted. “Let go of your mom.”

  Caroline ignored him. “Look at me, Mom.”

  “What is it?” Her mother looked up from her arm and at her daughter.

  “I need you to tell me if you know who this man is.” She pointed at Noah. “What’s his name?”

  Maureen’s eyes flitted over to where Noah was sitting, in the driver’s seat of the truck. She smiled at him, blushing slightly. “You know who he is.”

  “I need you to tell me.”

  “I can’t understand why,” her mother replied. “Alright, alright, it’s Jep Cranwell. Can’t you see who he is? Don’t tell your father. I promised not to see him anymore.”

  Caroline let go of her mother’s arm.

  “Can I get out of the car now?”

  Caroline didn’t answer her. She simply turned herself back around to face the front of the truck while Noah hopped out and helped her mother. She watched him help guide her mother to the front porch where he and Doctor O’Conner sat her down in one of the rocking chairs so her father could inspect her mother’s feet. Noah watched her carefully from the porch, but Caroline couldn’t look at him.