Paradox (The Thornfield Affair #2)

by Amity Cross

  “No one shall decide your destiny but you, Jane,” he whispered. “I offer you everything I am. If you take it, my heart is yours forever. If you decline, then I…” He blinked furiously, his eyes beginning to tear. “Jane, will you pass through life at my side as my better? Will you marry me?”

  A breeze began to blow, ruffling my untamed hair and a strand settled across my face, catching on my lips. I trembled even though the branches of the chestnut tree sheltered us from the changing weather. A storm was coming. The sun had dampened, the air had cooled, and I could feel moisture building above us.

  Edward stood, his palm still outstretched, offering me the ring. He was quiet, his expression hopeful in his strength and certainty.

  “You strange and unearthly thing,” I whispered, a tear escaping from my eye.

  “You have no faith in me?” he asked, never moving an inch.

  “Not a whit.”

  “I have done you wrong, played with your affections, but I made my intentions clear before I left for Paris. I care not for your past, lack of a name, or scant fortune. It is my soul that speaks to yours. It is my very being that calls to you. Everything else is of no consequence. I lay myself before you as your slave. Marry me, Jane.”

  I knew if I turned from him now, I would regret it the rest of my life. He was offering me everything I’d ever desired, and I would be a fool to deny him.

  “Yes,” I said. “I will marry you.”

  He drew in a sharp breath and grasped my hand, sliding the ring onto my finger. Then he kissed me again and again, muttering, “I will atone. You will be mine. I will make you happy. I shall be happy.”

  “We will be happy, Edward,” I said as he held me close, trembling.

  To see a man quiver as he did just now, a man usually so composed in his strength, was unnerving and relieving all at the same time.

  He was mine, reader. Not completely—that would come in time—but he was going be mine in the eyes of the world, and I was going to be his. We were going to marry, and it was a wonderful thing.

  Lightning lit up the sky, and we turned our faces upward to behold it as rain began to fall. A crash and a bang boomed in the sky, a peal of thunder signaling the storm had arrived, and I clung to Edward’s jacket.

  “Come,” he said. “We must turn in.”

  Grasping my hand, we ran as rain beat down in heavy sheets, drenching us to the bone. Our clothes clung to our skin, and my hair streamed with water as we climbed the same stairs I’d been cast down by Blanche, now hand in hand with my husband-to-be.

  Finally, we rounded the house and stumbled into the main gallery in a heap, leaving puddles in our wake on the polished floorboards. Edward caught my hand before I could slip and pulled me about, holding me in a tight embrace. Laughter was upon his lips, and it was infectious, my smile matching his.

  “I shall make you the happiest wife there has ever been,” he said, then kissed me right there in the entrance to Thornfield for all to see.

  I had never been happier than I was at that moment. Thornfield had ended me all those months ago on the moor, but now new life had been bequeathed upon my soul, and I saw her with fresh eyes.

  Home was not a place. It was not Thornfield. No, home was wherever Edward Rochester was present.

  18

  The next morning as I rose and dressed, I thought over what had happened the night before, wondering if it were a dream. I couldn’t be certain of it until I laid eyes on Edward and saw his affection, so I proceeded cautiously.

  Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I studied my features and felt I was no longer plain and little. There was hope in my eyes and a flush in my cheeks, and everything I saw was pleasing. If a man as handsome, powerful, and strong-willed as Edward Rochester wished to marry me, then I must have overlooked all things desirable in myself all these years.

  Holding up my hand, I beheld the ring he had placed there and found it entirely real. It sparkled under the glow of the little bulb hanging over my head, each facet glinting as I tilted my hand. He wanted to marry me.

  Outside, the sun was shining through the clouds, the ground sparkling with the last of the rain. Everything looked lush and very much alive after the storm, and it echoed in my very being. Thornfield was quiet in the wake of such rain, and I could hear the dull roar of the groundskeeper and his tools working away in the grounds someplace hidden from sight.

  Walking through the halls, I felt much changed. It was a strange sensation and one that had altered my balance so abruptly my head was spinning. It was true. I was lovesick.

  Turning a corner, I came to a complete standstill when I saw Edward approaching from the other direction. When he saw me, his lips curved in triumph as if he’d been seeking me out. He came toward me, his eyes flashing with desire and tenderness in every facet of his features, and I was transfixed. A moment later, I rallied and waited for him to approach me fully.

  “I have never seen you look so happy,” he murmured, pulling me into a soft embrace. “Nor so beautiful.”

  I shivered in his arms, thrilled he was holding me in such a familiar fashion in plain sight of anyone who should wander down the hall. I breathed in his scent deeply, committing the earthy spice to memory.

  “Is this my wild spirit?” he went on. “Is this Jane Doe? She feels the same, but now all is light and easy. It’s very welcome, don’t you agree?”

  “It is me,” I replied. “And no other.”

  He grasped my hand and lifted it, his eye finding the ring upon my finger. He smiled, his gaze finding mine again.

  “Four weeks,” he said. “No more, no less. That is ample time to make the necessary arrangements, wouldn’t you agree?”

  “That soon?” I asked, my eyes widening. It was very fast, and any other woman would be overjoyed, but I felt something close to shock with a little piece of fear added in.

  “Now you’ve gone pale,” Edward said with a frown. “Have I displeased you yet again, Jane? You must tell me.”

  “I must admit, I’m a little afraid,” I murmured. “All my life, I have been solitary, and to give myself to another so wholly… Well, it’s a little frightening, sir.”

  He lifted his big hand and placed it on my cheek, and I felt color returning to my skin at his touch. “Human beings never enjoy complete happiness in this world. I was not born with a separate destiny to the rest of my species, Jane, and neither were you. It’s perfectly natural to feel afraid. A marriage, especially one so unexpected, is an upheaval.”

  “Then I am comforted,” I whispered.

  He studied my features for a long moment, his steely eyes wandering, and then he said, “Once I have seized you for my own, I’ll never be parted from you again.”

  I shivered under his scrutiny, my veins warming with blistering desire. “I wish the very same.”

  “You will have everything you long for,” he whispered. “I will adorn you with jewels, my dear Jane.”

  I felt panic once more and shook my head. “No, if you please, Edward. I don’t need jewels or finery. Please don’t.”

  “Jane Doe shall have her diamonds,” he replied, placing his hand over my heart. “Do you remember that night last summer?”

  I stilled, allowing my head to fall forward. I assumed he was speaking of the fancy dinner he’d commanded me to attend, the one where I’d felt as fake as the shard of glass posing as a diamond, which sat daintily around my neck.

  “Diamonds for Jane Doe sounds strange,” I replied, my heart thrumming to a wild beat. “I’d much rather not have them. I am no great beauty, I need no riches, and I am satisfied with you, Edward. You, your mind, and your soul.”

  “What about my body?” he asked, his lips curving into a smile.

  “That is a given.” My cheeks flushed, my mind conjuring images of our short but very sweet tryst under the chestnut tree.

  “Surely, you’ll have something, Jane?” he asked. “Anything you desire. Just name it.”

  “Edward Rochester,” I
declared.

  He sighed and held me close. “I see life will never be dull with you, Jane, nor will we ever have to worry about being destitute.”

  I smiled, resting my cheek on his shoulder. “I value practicality.”

  “In four weeks, once we are married, I wish to take you away,” he said. “I want to take you across Europe and to wherever else you want to go. We shall while away the last days of winter in Tuscany, traverse the French Riviera, sojourn in Spain, and sail to Morocco. I shall carry you to the highest peaks in Switzerland and make love to you in twenty different countries and in a hundred ancient cities. Venice, Vienna, Rome, Berlin, Amsterdam, Paris, Madrid… I shall even take you to Egypt to see the pyramids.”

  “That all sounds wonderful,” I whispered. “A treasure.”

  “You are an angel sent to save me, Jane.”

  “Me? An angel?” I replied with a laugh. “I am only Jane Doe, sir. I shan’t be an angel until I die, and I hope it’s not until I’m a hundred years old.”

  “What a very Jane-like thing to say. I’ve never met your likeness. You please me, and you master me.”

  “You have already won my hand, Edward,” I said. “There is no need for all these pleasantries.”

  “You must get used to it,” he replied, his eyes sparkling. “You have conquered me, Jane, and I thought it impossible. My heart has been cold for so long, my soul dark with demons, but you… You…”

  His lips met mine, and he kissed me there in the hallway, out in the open, and my heart soared.

  I loved him dearly—more than I could trust myself to admit—and more than words had the power to express. In fact, there were none adequate enough to explain what I felt for Edward at that moment. He was everything. His light filled the dark spaces inside my soul and made them shine with fierce energy.

  “You must want something,” he murmured. “You cannot be content with my company alone.”

  “Is it such a strange notion?” I asked. “All I desire is an easy mind and a purpose. I don’t wish to be kept.”

  “What is now mine will be yours, dear Jane, and I would give you all of it.”

  “I cannot be idle.”

  “Then you shall be worked to the bone,” he said with a wicked grin.

  Returning his smile, I said, “Speaking of work, I am due in reception.”

  He caught me around the waist, preventing me from parting. “You still want to work in this dreary hotel? Now I give you leave to retire from such nonsense, you do not wish to go? Typical Jane Doe.”

  “What else am I supposed to do?”

  “Sit by my side, and keep me company whilst I work,” he replied. “Then you shall be in reaching distance when the desire to taste your lips overcomes me.”

  “Just my lips?” I asked. “Nothing else?”

  His eyes sparkled, and he placed his fingers over my mouth. “Dear Jane, there are these lips…then there are these.” His hand lowered, brushing over my breasts, over my stomach, and then settled between my legs, igniting a sharp throb in his most favorite place to touch me.

  “You are insatiable,” I whispered as he applied pressure, rubbing the hard seam of my jeans against my sensitive flesh.

  “But,” he declared, pulling away. “You wish to go to work in the office, so off with you!”

  My mouth fell open, and I pushed him gently. “You wicked man!”

  He laughed, the sound of it like pure magic in my ears, and began to walk away. Edward Rochester was happy, and it warmed my heart to see it. The joy on his face changed his aura completely, and I found myself drawn to him like moth to a flame.

  When he kept walking, I shrugged and continued on my path—two could play at that game! Descending into the main gallery and stepping into the office, I glowed.

  “Did you hear, Jane?” Alice asked as I entered. “Lightning struck the chestnut tree last night!”

  “Which one?” I asked, feeling uneasy at the omen.

  “The one at the bottom of the garden, near the forest,” she replied. “Split it in two!”

  It appeared to be another omen, and I didn’t like it at all. Sitting at my desk, I shook off the sense of foreboding. Lightning struck where it may, no matter what any human being wanted. It was a random act of nature.

  “I suppose that’s why there’s all that racket out there this morning,” I said. “The groundskeeper’s chainsaw has been going for an hour.”

  “I saw you last night when you came in with Rocky.” Rolling her chair next to mine, she peered at me curiously. “So you have reconciled fully?”

  I nodded. “Not without some drama, but it wouldn’t be Edward if he didn’t come with some variety of fanfare.”

  Silence greeted my response, and when I looked, her eyes were fixed upon the jewel that Edward had slipped onto my finger the day before.

  “Jane!” She grasped my hand and pulled it toward her face. “Is this what I think it is?”

  I nodded.

  Her mouth fell open in astonishment. “He asked you to marry him?”

  I pulled my hand away, beginning to feel uncomfortable at her reaction. “He has.”

  “I’m shocked!” Alice exclaimed, her gaze darting from the ring on my finger to my face and back again. “I wanted you to be together but marriage? I hardly know what to say.”

  “It was a shock, indeed, but a welcome one after all we have been through.”

  “Do you believe him? Have you accepted?”

  I nodded. “Yes, of course. I’m wearing his ring.”

  Alice looked bewildered, but she hadn’t been privy to the conversations Edward and I’d had after Blanche’s attack and subsequent dismissal from Thornfield.

  “I never thought it possible,” she said after a moment. “He is changeful and proud, and his family loves money. Though they are passed, I always assumed he was the same. I’m sure this will go down a treat with the social crowd. He means to marry you no matter what?”

  My cheeks heated at the mention of fortune and class divides. There was no impediment if money was a factor, but I still wished to keep it a secret.

  “Is it really for love he’s going to marry you?” she asked again. I was hurt by her skepticism, and I felt my hopes come tumbling down. “I’m sorry, Jane! It’s such a surprise after everything that’s happened. I only wish to keep you on your guard.”

  “Why?” I asked. “Am I a monster? Is it so outrageous to consider Edward could love me?”

  “No,” she replied. “It’s only I thought it impossible he could love at all.”

  “I understand what I’m getting into, Alice,” I returned. “I know he harbors secrets and difficulties. I have my own. In time, we shall work together and solve them all. We love one another.”

  “I know, Jane.” Alice frowned and patted my arm in reassurance. “I hope all will be right in the end, but you cannot be too careful. Rich men are not usually accustomed to marrying their employees.”

  “You needn’t worry about me, Alice,” I said. “I am used to being downtrodden. I know how to deal with other people who disapprove. Besides, all that matters are the feelings Edward and I share. This is between him and me, not the rest of the world.”

  Turning back to my computer, I turned it on and watched the screen start up, the ring growing heavier and heavier on my finger.

  Downtrodden, abused, underestimated, looked over, scorned, destitute… These were all circumstances I was familiar with, and there was no person on this planet who could use them against me. Not anymore. I knew how to counter them all now my shield was impervious to their scorn. I was no longer the poor, plain, and little Jane Doe who had arrived at Thornfield a year ago.

  I was Jane Eyre, and I could now admit fully that I was in love with Edward Rochester. Such progress could not be squashed under the doubts of the world.

  19

  When the next morning dawned, its light bathing everything it touched in an unearthly glow, I was still restless.

  I sat in the office,
work entirely forgotten as my fingers turned the ring around and around on my finger, my mind mulling over the ultimate change in my circumstances. The only sound which found my ears was Alice’s fingers tapping lightly on her keyboard as she typed.

  Her words bothered me still, and despite wanting to marry Edward more than anything, doubt had begun to creep into my mind unbidden.

  I glanced up as a shadow appeared in the corner of my eye and found Edward lingering in the doorway. It seemed he couldn’t do without my presence for long at all, and the thought warmed me from the inside out, extinguishing my uneasiness completely.

  “Jane,” he said. “Will you take a walk with me?”

  Immediately, I rose from my chair and followed him out into the gallery, hardly aware of Alice’s concerned gaze following our departure.

  Emerging outside, he took my hand in his, threading his fingers through mine, and we strolled around the side of the hotel. The sky was clear, the storm, which had cast its drizzle all over the countryside the entirety of yesterday, all but gone. The grass glistened and the flowerbeds had darkened as moisture sank into the soil and boosted the life found there. Thornfield’s gardens were spectacular this time of year.

  We strolled through the orchard and wove a lazy path through the hedges until we found ourselves at the very bottom of the yard. It was the same place where Edward had asked me to marry him and the same route I’d planned to take when I was going to flee the morning Blanche had attacked me. Now it looked entirely different.

  I faced the remains of the grand chestnut tree, my gaze lingering on the precise cuts the groundskeeper had made with his chainsaw. The ground was littered with chips of wood and debris, the trunk marked with the char the bolt of lightning had wrought.

  “It’s a sight, isn’t it?” Edward asked, standing beside me.

  “Such power a bolt of lightning holds,” I replied. “Do you think it’s an omen?”

  “Hardly. It’s just lightning,” he said with a scoff and strode away. Sitting on the bluestone wall, he patted the space beside him. “Come, Jane. I have something to tell you.”