The Autumn Palace

by Ebony McKenna

  ‘Good morning, class,’ Ms Kyryl said as the last couple of students came into the room.

  Ondine, Hetty and the rest of the class stood up, sang the national anthem way off key, recited the pledge of allegiance to the Duke and resumed their seats.

  ‘We have a science test this morning,’ Ms Kyryl said.

  A groan escaped from Ondine’s throat. ‘Ms Kyryl, how come you’re giving us another test?’ she asked.

  ‘Because there’s no point teaching you things you already know. I need to know what you don’t.’

  That’s everything, Ondine thought.

  ‘Ten minutes’ reading time and half an hour for the test,’ Ms Kyryl said.

  Scanning the exam pages, Ondine tried to make sense of the questions. Multiple choice gave her a one-in-four chance of getting it right, but it also gave her a three-in-four chance of getting it wrong.

  Something tapped at her foot. Looking down, Ondine saw a dark ferret grinning up at her. A ferret with a wedge of paper in his mouth.

  Once again she had to restrain her natural reaction. Ordinarily she would have given a bit of a squee.75

  Sharp but not unwelcome claws latched on to her leg and climbed up. Shambles reached her lap and spat out the paper. It was damp in a few places, but what did Ondine care for a bit of ferret phlegm in this situation? Especially when she looked at the note and understood its power.

  Answers.

  Thrilled and terrified all at once, something churned in her stomach and she thought she might be sick. They’d talked about cheating, but only in the hypothetical sense and she’d been so distracted by his kisses she hadn’t been thinking straight.

  At any moment Hetty might see Shambles and scream, blowing his cover. Her teacher then might spot the crumpled paper in her hand and demand to know why she was cheating – which surely would result in expulsion or at the very least a hideous form of punishment.

  She cast a furtive look at Hetty. Had her desk-mate seen the ferret?

  Yes. Hetty’s mouth fell open and her eyes became as round as glistening marbles. Then she shut her mouth and blinked furiously. Pricks of panic spiked through Ondine. Everything rested on Hetty’s reaction. Slowly – horribly slowly – Hetty’s face moved through some strange emotions. As if she couldn’t work out whether she should laugh or scream.

  Bold as brass, Shambles crawled on to Ondine’s shoulder where everyone could see him. Well, they’d all know about the ferret now. She was about to move him off when he murmured into her ear, ‘Ye must lift yer grade or yer teacher will send ye home.’

  Yes, but cheating? What if she lifted her grades by working even harder? It wasn’t impossible. She’d just have to give up sleep for a while. Cold dread radiated from her tummy. Being sent home didn’t bear thinking about. Hetty was still looking at her strangely as well.

  Ondine whispered, ‘He’s absolutely harmless.’

  Hetty swallowed a few times. ‘Is that your great aunt’s ferret? The one who came to afternoon tea?’

  ‘I’ll take that.’ Yoink! Ms Kyryl’s slender hands wrapped around Shambles’s belly and ripped him off Ondine’s shoulder.

  Powerless, Ondine watched as Ms Kyryl plonked Shambles in a cardboard box and tucked the lid closed.

  ‘This is a school, not a zoo.’ From her handbag, Ms Kyryl took a small bottle of disinfectant, squirted the liquid into her palm and rubbed her hands together.

  Frustration and fear of Hetty discovering more about Shambles threatened to swamp Ondine. Surely Hetty hadn’t heard him speak?

  ‘He must have escaped from his cage,’ she whispered to Hetty, who looked like she was calming down a fair bit now. Thank goodness.

  ‘Back to your tests, children,’ Ms Kyryl said.

  The answers lay in Ondine’s hand. Casting a glance around the room, she made sure nobody was looking her way. Did she give in to temptation and cheat? Giving it another moment’s thought, Ondine vowed to try her best first, and only cheat as a last resort.

  Question one: What element is essential for carrying oxygen in red blood cells?

  A: copper

  B: gold

  C: iron

  D: zinc

  Too easy. She circled ‘C’ and moved on to the next question. Confidence radiated through her – she might not need to cheat after all. The next few questions were tricky, but she knew the answers. When she turned the next page things came a little unstuck. How many bones in the human body? Name the muscle group between the shoulders. The same muscle group presently tensing up the more she tried to work out the answers. For the next two minutes she held off looking at the answers, to see if she could get any more questions right for herself first. Of the remaining twenty questions, she knew at least half the answers. But only getting half right wouldn’t be enough. Hamish had just warned her she needed to lift her grades. The damp paper made hardly a sound as she opened it.76 Andreas across the room coughed and sniffed. A few people looked his way. It gave Ondine the chance to peek at Shambles’s note without anyone else noticing.

  Of course! I knew that really, Ondine thought as she looked at the answers and finished the test.

  By the time Ms Kyryl called, ‘Pens down,’ Ondine felt she’d scored at least seventy-five per cent, maybe eighty. Some of her answers were pure guesses, because Shambles’s spit had smeared the note. She handed back the test papers and the air whooshed out of her lungs in relief.

  For the next half hour they read about how white blood cells work in the body, how they recognised germs and defeated them. Ondine copied the diagram from the textbook into her school notebook.

  Hetty leant over and whispered, ‘Did you hear about the Duke?’

  Fear jabbed at Ondine’s nerves. How did Hetty know about that? Last she’d heard, Col had said something about him being on the mend. Could he still be sick?

  ‘He was due to visit my parents’ farm at the weekend to Pardon the Chicken,77 but he sent the Infanta instead. I was there, because, well, I thought maybe Vincent might come in his place. Anyway, it all went badly. I don’t think the Infanta likes handling poultry. And her dog ran through the barns and ruffled their feathers. It could have been a bloodbath, except it turns out the dog has no teeth, so he just gummed them a bit and they ended up pecking him and chasing him away. You should have seen it –’

  ‘Girls. Quiet please,’ Ms Kyryl said.

  Ondine should have laughed at the thought of the chickens turning the tables on the dog, but all she could think about was the Duke being sick again.

  Ms Kyryl handed back the papers – all except Ondine’s and Hetty’s. The two of them sat at their desk, wondering why the teacher hadn’t given back their tests. Meanwhile, Ms Kyryl pulled the television trolley towards the centre of the room and slotted a disk into the player.

  ‘You two can see me in my office,’ Ms Kyryl said to Hetty and Ondine. ‘The rest of the class can watch last year’s performance of the Harvest Pageant. Please take note and use this as a chance to memorise your lines. I want an even better performance this year.’

  Guilt rooted Ondine to her chair. Hetty stood up and obeyed her teacher. The rest of the class looked at Ondine with suspicion. Somehow she found the will to get to her feet. Walking to the teacher’s office, she cast a glance at Shambles’s cardboard prison. He’d managed to get one claw through the thick wall. With the television on, nobody heard his gnawing escape.

  Ms Kyryl took a seat behind her desk and made a gesture for the girls to sit down. Then she showed them their test papers. They’d both scored one hundred per cent. Ordinarily Ondine would feel elated, but she didn’t because she hadn’t earned it.

  ‘You may explain yourselves now,’ Ms Kyryl said.

  Hetty croaked, ‘I’ve been studying really hard.’

  ‘You let Ondine copy from your paper.’ Ms Kyryl’s tone dripped with accusation.

  ‘No, I didn’t!’ Hetty said.

  ‘Hetty didn’t let me copy,’ Ondine protested, ‘I’ve been studying
too.’

  ‘Ondine, you are a plodder. If you’d scored eighty per cent, I’d be proud of you for buckling down. Full marks, on the other hand, makes me suspicious.’

  Ondine needed to think of something, fast. ‘Why is it so hard to believe I’d be good at science? I love science.’

  ‘Come now, Ondine. You spent your summer on dream analysis and inventing horoscopes. That is about as far from science as you can get.’

  ‘Which is exactly why I left early. I really do like science.’

  An uneasy quiet rippled through the room. Hetty sniffed and wiped her nose on her sleeve. Then she looked at Ondine with tears in her eyes and asked, ‘You didn’t copy from me, did you?’

  ‘No, Hetty, I promise I didn’t.’

  At least that wasn’t a lie.

  Ms Kyryl twisted her mouth to one side, deep in thought. ‘I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt. This time. But I’m also going to split you up. From now on, Hetty, you will sit with Andreas. Ondine will sit on her own.’

  Panic spread across Hetty’s face. ‘But Andreas picks his nose and . . . wipes it on the desk!’

  ‘I know,’ Ms Kyryl said, handing over a small bottle of disinfectant. ‘You’ll need this.’

  A shudder of revulsion rocked Ondine. ‘Please don’t punish Hetty, she didn’t do anything wrong. All she’s done is be nice to me. I’ll sit next to Andreas.’

  ‘Interesting,’ Ms Kyryl said, twisting her mouth in thought again.

  Something flickered in Ondine. Silent understanding crossed between herself and the teacher. Taking the worse punishment was tantamount to an admission of guilt. She hadn’t copied from Hetty. What she’d really done was read notes from a ferret, but how did she explain that?

  Hetty gave the bottle of disinfectant to Ondine.

  They walked back into the classroom and Ondine took her seat by Andreas. She tried to take an interest in the rest of the play, but couldn’t help watching Shambles chew his way out of the box. Instead of scurrying away to freedom, he sneaked back into Ms Kyryl’s office.

  Ondine silently pleaded, Don’t get more answers for me. This whole cheating thing makes me feel sick.

  73 Over the centuries, the Autumn Palechia had had many modern conveniences added. Ducted heating and air conditioning have made life more comfortable for the modern resident (although not for the staff, who wear two pairs of fingerless gloves in the cold mornings). But none of the dukes in the history of Brugel had seen fit to install lifts. Or a dumb waiter.

  74 Little knick-knack figurines that look like Trotsky.

  75 It’s a little-known fact that the term ‘squee’ began in Brugel.

  76 Not a bad little science experiment in itself. If you wish to tear paper silently, make sure it’s wet. The same goes for opening scrunched paper – if it’s wet it barely makes a sound. You may, however, find it almost impossible to read the contents.

  77 In the weeks leading up to the Harvest Festival, the Duke of Brugel gives a pardon to a chicken – or several chickens, depending on his mood – in order to spare them from ending up on the dinner tables.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Funny how life turns out. One moment you’re madly in love and setting out on an adventure. The next it’s a beautiful Sunday afternoon and you’re up to your armpits in dirty laundry.

  ‘Not what you thought it would be?’ Draguta lifted enormous bath sheets out of the machine and into the waiting basket without so much as a grunt.

  Ondine shook her head. ‘Am I that easy to read?’

  ‘Yes.’

  A dramatic sigh rushed out of her. ‘I’m sorry, Draguta. I’m grateful for the job, but somehow I just . . .’

  ‘You in slump.’

  Ondine continued separating red socks from a pile of whites. Despite all the work, it beat staying at home because this way she could still see Hamish from time to time. ‘I think it’s the food that’s been the real surprise. Somehow I thought it might be a bit more grand.’

  ‘Everyone thinks same. Duchess sets meal budgets. Her purse tight as fish’s bum.’

  Ondine laughed and said, ‘But they’re so rich.’

  ‘Exactly. Want to stay that way.’

  Ondine plunged her hands into a shirt pocket and pulled out a crumpled tissue. ‘Draguta, how long have you been here?’

  Draguta rolled her eyes, mentally counting. ‘In four months, will be twelve years.’

  ‘Wow. That’s amazing! I would have been three years old when you started here.’

  ‘Ack! Don’t make me feel old.’

  ‘Sorry.’ Ondine sorted some more clothes into piles and began loading them into the washing machines. ‘How come you’ve stayed so long?’

  ‘Did not plan to. Like said, I lasted few months and found work suited me. And there are pay-offs. Coming up to second long-service leave. Going to have well-deserved break.’78

  Ondine already knew about the long-service leave because of the note she’d seen in the Duchess’s ledger. She managed a polite, ‘Good for you,’ before changing the topic to the ball and pageant for the Harvest Festival and Hallowe’en.

  ‘Shambles, I don’t think it’s such a good idea to give me the answers to the tests any more,’ Ondine said that night. The ferret had snuck into her room and she’d already told him about the Infanta taking the sick Duke’s place at the chicken farm.

  ‘But it’s important ye keep up yer good marks,’ Shambles said. ‘If ye score badly from now on, she’ll know ye must hae been cheating. If yer consistently good, it’s proof of yer improvement. Just make sure ye don’t score one hundred per cent again.’

  ‘I didn’t mean to! I must have guessed right, that’s all.’

  Shambles gave her a friendly nudge. ‘So mebbe ye are psychic.’

  ‘Urgh!’ Ondine rolled her eyes so high her sinuses hurt. Her ear hurt a bit too. Maybe she was coming down with a virus from sitting next to Andreas the snot-robber?

  ‘How is Pavla? Is he feeling better?’ she asked.

  ‘Nawt really. Col thinks he’s caught something. There are a few going round. Chills and all that, what with the cold weather moving in. We’re checking his food and the meat is fine. Col said the salad is a bit weird, but they must be moving on to winter veg, so it’s turning bitter.’

  Ondine couldn’t help feeling some of that bitterness herself. Here she was, working harder each day doing four jobs at once – butler, laundress, student and spy – and she didn’t seem to be doing very well at any of them.

  When Ondine arrived at school the next morning, she found Ms Kyryl and Pyotr the seneschal deep in conversation over some paperwork. For a moment Ondine’s stomach lurched. What could they be talking about? Pyotr remained in the classroom as the students took their places and sang the national anthem. In key.

  Beautifully!

  Even Ms Kyryl, whose singing voice usually sounded like a rusty saw, reached the high notes.

  How bizarre, Ondine thought.

  When they recited their pledge of allegiance to the Duke, they all tried to sound a little more enthusiastic about it.

  Ms Kyryl said, ‘Thank you, class, now if you would line up, tallest to shortest, in front of the whiteboard.’

  Nobody asked any questions, but Hetty sidled up to Ondine and whispered, ‘It’s worming day. Everyone gets a dose.’

  ‘Whose idea is this?’ Ondine asked.

  ‘The Duchess’s.’

  ‘No need for chatting,’ Ms Kyryl said. ‘The sooner we get this done, the sooner we get back to our studies.’

  One by one they lined up and stood on the scales. Pyotr wrote notes on his clipboard. Ondine couldn’t help thinking her weight would make its way into the Duchess’s ledger.

  ‘You’re a little heavy, better take two doses to be on the safe side,’ Ms Kyryl said as Pyotr jotted down Ondine’s weight. Ondine had never considered herself ‘heavy’ before, but, compared to the rest of the children, she did look a little taller and better filled out. More to th
e point, they all looked reed thin. Probably on account of their meagre diet.

  The medicine tasted like chalky bananas. ‘Not bad,’ Ondine said to Hetty as she resumed her place in the line up.

  Hetty shook her head slowly, a look of defeat on her face. ‘Wait four hours, then you’ll change your mind.’

  ‘Right children, grab your scripts for the Harvest Pageant, we’ll do a read-through of the whole thing from start to finish. In the next few days I want you to know your cues and get your lines word perfect.’

  ‘I’m so excited,’ Hetty bubbled as she reached for her script. ‘My parents are very pleased I’m the Harvest Moon this year.’

  Dread sank a hole in Ondine’s stomach. Everyone was happy about the pageant except her. Because everyone else had a decent role. She’d be the one up on stage, in front of everyone, dressed as a cabbage.

  That afternoon, Ondine was hard at work in the laundry. There were piles and piles of washing to get through.

  ‘Not more vomiting?’ Ondine groaned, not feeling too great at the sight of all the extra work.

  ‘No, this precautionary,’ Draguta said, sounding thoroughly annoyed. ‘Every sheet, mattress protector, pillow slip, towel, hand towel, bathmat and dressing gown get washed today.’

  ‘And every single pair of underpants by the looks of it,’ Ondine said, wincing at the teetering tower of smalls.

  ‘I hate worm day,’ Draguta said. ‘As if not busy enough!’

  Pain buckled in Ondine’s stomach, ‘Excuse me. I need to go to the toilet.’ She made it just in time. Damn that medicine, it ripped right through her! It took a few moments to get her breath back and she felt a little light-headed.

  ‘You taken worse than most,’ Draguta said.

  ‘Ms Kyryl gave me a bit extra to be on the safe side.’

  Draguta slapped her hand over her stomach and laughed, ‘Did she? Have you been wriggling and fidgeting in seat?’