by Jenna Jacob
“Goddamn it, Liz. Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” Ryan yelled. “You’ve fucked it up. Fucked it all up. Fucked me. Fucked us. It’s not going to end the way I wanted it to. Not now. Thanks to you. You stupid, fucking bitch.”
Biting my lips together to hold back my screams of fear, I tasted blood. Terrified out of my mind, I squeezed my eyes shut as Ryan continued to berate me in his rage.
“Tell me what you did, Liz. How did they know I’d taken you?”
“I—I don’t know,” I lied.
I didn’t see his hand coming, but I heard the loud slap echo in my ears…saw stars dance behind my eyes as pain radiated from my cheek and down my neck. Crying out, more in shock than pain, the brutal side he’d shown eliminated all hope that I would come through alive.
“Oh my god,” he whispered. A mortified expression lined his face. “I’m sorry, baby. Oh god… I’m so sorry. I lost it there for a minute. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Jerking my attention back out the window, I fought the tears I wanted to shed. My cheek throbbed, but it paled in comparison to the anguish ripping at my soul.
“Please forgive me, Liz. You know I’d never mean to hurt you… I just went a little crazy back there. I love you, baby. I’ll make this all up to you, I swear,” Ryan pled. “You’re the only one I want to spend my life with. I know this now. You’ve always taken such good care of me. I can’t let you go. I won’t. I know deep down you love me. You’ll forgive me for this when we reach the mountains. You’ll see. I’ll make it up to you, I will.”
His irrational apology meant nothing. The man was out of his fucking mind. I’d been a fool to think I could reason with him. All I could do was look for another opening, some small sliver of opportunity and find a way to break free from his crazy ass.
“I have to find out where this road leads us,” he mumbled as he began punching numbers into the GPS unit on the dash. “This wasn’t the way I’d mapped out our trip.”
Trip? Ryan acted as if we were taking a vacation. He’d lost all touch with reality, but I kept my mouth shut. It seemed the most logical way to keep from enticing his volatile rage upon me again.
I wallowed in thoughts of James and Ian, welcoming the despair and self-pity to sink its claws deep. Convinced I’d never see them again—not if Ryan had his way, a fact that seemed to be coming to fruition—agony consumed me, the ache more debilitating than even Dayne’s death. Lost in a swirling cauldron of regret, I let the tears stream down my cheeks as I wrapped my arms around my chest, holding on to the crushing pain.
Headlights from an oncoming car cresting a hill snagged my attention. Moving at a fast rate of speed, it passed us in a white blur, but not fast enough that I missed the cherries on top, or the insignia of a badge on the driver’s side door.
Highway Patrol. But he’s going the wrong way. Fuck!
Darting a glance in the side mirror, I held my breath, praying he’d turn around, but why would he? No one was going to save me… I couldn’t even save myself.
Suddenly, bright red brake light illuminated the dark road behind us. I could see smoke rolling from the back tires as the cop car swerved wide and made a U-turn in the middle of the road. My heart fluttered and skipped a beat. Hope annihilated my oily pessimism.
“Fuck me. No!” Ryan screamed. “This can’t be happening. Goddamn it.”
Flashing red and blue strobes lit up the night, dancing off the thick fields of corn in a fortuitous dance of salvation. The sound of the wailing siren filled the Audi while Ryan cursed, frantically darting his gaze from the road to the rearview mirror.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” Ryan yelled as he stomped the gas pedal to the floor.
The Audi lunged like a racehorse out of the gate, gaining a tremendous amount of speed.
“What are you doing?” I screamed. “Stop. You have to pull over.”
“The hell I do,” Ryan growled. “I’m not letting you go. You’re mine. Now and forever.”
“I’m not a thing you can own, Ryan. I’m a human being. I have the right to give my love to whomever I want to. Now pull over. Stop the fucking car.”
It was as if he didn’t hear me. Either he was too lost in his own demented mind, or intended to prove me wrong. I wasn’t sure which. The only thing certain was that the Audi continued to gain speed. Gripping the armrest with one hand, I dug my nails into the side of my seat, watching the speedometer climb.
Eighty. Eighty-five. Ninety. Ninety-five. One hundred. Red and blue flashing fields of corn whizzed past my window as I watched the police car slowly fade behind us. Ryan didn’t relent. He kept the accelerator pegged to the floor.
“Hold on, angel.” A voice that didn’t sound like Ryan echoed in my ears.
“What did you say?”
“Huh?” Ryan asked, jerking his head my direction.
Snapping his attention back on the road, he issued a cry of alarm and slammed his foot on the brake pedal. The car careened off the road. Airborne, my stomach pitched and my heart sputtered. Holding on tight, I closed my eyes. The sound of shrieking metal and breaking glass exploded all around me. Pain stabbed my chest and hips with a savage bite as the seatbelt gnawed into my body. Screaming in terror, my mind told me I was going to die. All I could see behind my closed eyes was the image of Ian and James: smiling at me.
I’d never have the chance to feel the warmth of their bodies, or the sweet caress of their touch. Never taste their moist breath as they kissed my lips. Never wake nestled in their arms, so safe and protected. Never have the chance to tell them that I’d fallen in love with them. I was going to be ripped from their lives, just as Dayne had been ripped from mine.
“No,” I screamed.
My head slammed against something hard with a jarring thud, then everything went black.
#
Surrounded in darkness, I couldn’t tell reality from dreams, or dreams from reality. Sirens screamed through my head. Voices swarmed like bees buzzing in my ears. Fear, like the icy hand of death gripped my heart, then the blackness swallowed me up once more. Floating in the dark abyss, I feared that I had died and that I was lost in the bowels of hell. No one came to claim me. I was alone…totally, helplessly alone.
From out of the darkness I heard James and Ian calling my name. Their voices were so far away, begging and pleading for me to wake up. I tried to call out to them through the murky void, but the air in my lungs felt thick and grainy, like wet sand.
Stumbling through the blackness, I ran toward the sound of their voices, only to discover I was running through a vast wasteland of corn. Fighting my way through the stalks, I then found myself clawing at rock and clay, attempting to scale cold, rocky spires of white-capped mountains. And still I couldn’t find Ian or James. The craggy peaks loomed over me, transforming to gaping jaws of death with red, malevolent eyes.
Crying out, I lost my grip on the rocks and tumbled head over heels into a bed of pansies next to my grandmother’s front door. I hadn’t been to her house since she died when I was ten. James and Ian continued to call out to me, but I couldn’t find them.
The rational, practical part of my brain told me I was dreaming, but my desolate heart leapt in defense over my mind, forcing me to continue my quest. I might have only known my two amazing Doms a short time, but they’d taught me more about life and love in those few short days than I’d experienced in my entire life. Never being able to find them again ripped at my soul. I loved, needed, and wanted them. Quitting wasn’t an option.
Liz? Miss Johansson? Someone called from behind me. Spinning in the black mist, there wasn’t anyone there. Afraid that I had stepped into the realm of insanity, like Ryan, I screamed and ran; ran toward the sound of James and Ian once again, then tumbled off the edge of the world into a dark and silent abyss.
The familiar scent of rubbing alcohol and ammonia filled my senses. Confused, I told myself that I’d fallen asleep at the nurse’s station. Mortified that someone would see me, I forced my
eyes open. Pain like a sledgehammer pounded my skull, and I quickly closed them again. Trying to piece together the fragmented images fluttering out of reach, I squinted against the intense bright light and spied a heart monitor, IV stand, and SAT monitor looming next to me. I was in a hospital bed. But why? How? The level of pain consuming me assured me that I was there as a patient and not a nurse, but I couldn’t pluck a single memory from my brain. Whatever had happened, it had been major, and that scared me even more.
With slow deliberation, I rolled my head away from the machines. Sprawled out in uncomfortable-looking chairs next to my bed sat James and Ian, fast asleep. My heart turned summersaults, and a thick ball of emotion clogged my throat. The sight of them blurred from the tears that slid from my eyes. A tiny sob of joy and relief rolled off my lips. I’d found them.
Simultaneously, they both jerked awake. Their eyes grew wide, filled with a combination of fear and relief. Bolting from their chairs, they hovered over me as I cried in joy.
“Aw, sweetheart,” James softly murmured. “Don’t cry. You’re going to be all right.”
“We’re not leaving your side, little one,” Ian reassured me as tears filled his eyes and his strong chin quivered.
“Hold me,” I whispered. Reaching out to them, my right shoulder screamed in pain, and I quickly dropped my hand to the mattress. “Touch me. Please, so I know I’m not dreaming.”
Tears glistened in Ian’s eyes as he sniffed and rounded the bed. James eased onto the mattress next to me. I felt the heat of his body seconds before he gently wrapped me in his strong, safe arms. Then Ian enveloped me, too. I closed my eyes and breathed in their familiar, manly scents, absorbed the warmth of their steely bodies, and sent up a prayer of thanks.
“We were so damn scared,” Ian confessed. His voice, thick and tortured, vibrated over my skin as he buried his face against my neck. “Don’t ever scare us like that again, little one.”
“I won’t,” I vowed, shaken by the torment in his voice. “What happened? Where am I?”
In tandem they both lifted from me. Exchanging a look of apprehension, James feathered a soft caress over my pounding head.
“You were in a car accident,” James replied.
“I was?” Fear that I couldn’t remember rose up inside me.
“It’s okay that you don’t remember right now. The doctor warned us that might happen. It will come back to you. Don’t be afraid.” Ian reassured. “You remember us. That’s all that matters for now.”
“I’ve been looking for you both, but I couldn’t find you.” I murmured, fighting the pull of darkness that wanted to drag me away from them once more.
“What’s the last thing you do remember, sweetheart?” James asked.
I focused on his question as if it were a lifeline that would hold me to the here and now.
“Cindy. She figured out I was involved with both of you. She wanted details.”
“She’s a good friend, Liz. Because of Cindy, we found you,” Ian enlightened me.
“How?”
“Drake called,” Ian continued. I closed my eyes and listened to the beautiful sound of his sensual voice. “You left the ER for your dinner break, but you didn’t come back. Cindy knew something was wrong. When she couldn’t reach you on your cell phone or find your car in the parking garage she went up to Trevor’s room. She hoped that you had met us for dinner and had lost track of time.”
“That’s when Drake called, to see if you were with us. He put Cindy on the phone and we explained how Ryan had walked in on us at your house,” James expounded.
“Wait. We’re at Highland Park Hospital, right?” I asked. Fragments of Ryan and a gas station flashed in my mind.
“No, baby,” James murmured. “You’re in Marshalltown, Iowa. You were brought here by ambulance after the car crash, late last night.”
“Welcome To Grinnell,” I mumbled as the big brick sign flashed behind my eyes.
“Yes, the accident happened not far from Grinnell,” Ian confirmed.
“How did I get to Iowa? And what are you two doing here?”
“Mika flew us in on a private jet around three this morning,” James replied, completely bypassing my first question.
“And me? How did I get from Chicago to Iowa? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I remember?” My voice rose with the panic spiking inside me.
“Relax, little one,” Ian ordered in a luscious command. “You’ve suffered a bad concussion and a couple of strained ligaments in your right shoulder. But you’re going to be just fine.”
“We’re going to take good care of you, my love,” James assured.
“My what?” I whispered, blinking to make sure I wasn’t still dreaming.
“My love,” James repeated. Bending, he feathered a kiss over my lips.
“Our love,” Ian corrected. Quickly moving in, he brushed a gentle caress over my lips as James pulled away.
They loved me. A rush of emotions so poignant and sweet rushed through me, saturating every cell in my body with elation. The idea of falling in love with someone—with two someones—in such a short amount of time seemed ludicrous, yet their declaration proved I wasn’t the only one blinded by the connection we shared.
“Please. Tell me what happened. I need to know, need to remember,” I begged.
“Are you sure you feel up to it?” James asked.
“Yes,” I said as I closed my eyes.
“After we explained to Cindy that you weren’t with us and that we’d driven you to work, she contacted Security. They began looking at the footage both in and out of the hospital.” James paused. Peeking up at him beneath my lashes, I saw him struggling to fight back tears.
“We saw you leave with Ryan,” Ian announced, grimly.
Ryan. Yes. Oh god… Ryan. Suddenly everything came rushing back in a tidal wave of anger and fear.
“I remember now…remember everything. What happened to him? Is he dead?”
“No, he’s in jail,” Ian confirmed. “James and I rushed to the hospital after Cindy’s call. They showed us the video. We watched you walk with him to his car, but we didn’t see a weapon. Everyone thought you went voluntarily, but James and I knew you didn’t. Not after you promised us—”
“I did go with him voluntary,” I whispered as I opened my eyes.
James reared back as if I’d slapped him. Ian cursed under his breath. My heart throbbed in time with my head and the air-stealing weight of guilt landed heavy on my chest.
“Ryan wanted to talk to me in private. He said he had sandwiches and drinks and asked me to go with him to the park by the lake. But instead, he drugged me and kidnapped me.”
Neither man said a word. Their searing anger and acrid disappointment filled the air and swirled between us. James stood abruptly and scrubbed a hand over his face. He paced back and forth as if trying to outrun the landslide of emotions plowing through him. Ian’s mouth melded into a thin, tight line before he lowered his head and stared at the IV lead protruding from the back of my right hand.
“Please don’t be mad. I—I know I promised I wouldn’t talk to Ryan alone, but when he showed up at the hospital, he was so apologetic…” My voice cracked. Memories of the fear I’d felt waking up in Ryan’s car after being drugged gripped me in a brutal chokehold. Tears slid from my eyes, remembering the anguish I felt when I thought I’d never see James or Ian again.
“I didn’t have any reason not to trust him.”
“No reason?” James growled. “You’re here, lying in a goddamn hospital bed. You could have fucking died because you didn’t think you needed, or maybe didn’t want our protection. You chose not to honor our request…our one request. Maybe our relationship isn’t as important to you as it is to us. Hell, maybe you trust Ryan more than you do Ian and me.”
“No, that’s not true,” I gasped.
“Then tell me why, without so much as a second thought, you yanked your promise and your submission back to go with him? That son of a bitch alm
ost killed you.” James’ words cut deep, like a cold and wicked blade of ice.
“James,” Ian murmured.
“No. It wasn’t like th—”
“I’m not sure what hurts more, sitting here all night, staring at your unresponsive body, praying that you’d open your pretty blue eyes for us; open them for just one fucking second so we could tell you how much we love you, or knowing you lied to me…to us. You never had any intention of letting us protect you from your precious nut-job boyfriend, did you, Liz?”
“James,” Ian growled. “That’s enough.”
“I’d never choose Ryan over you, over either of you,” I sobbed, gripping a hand to my head to keep my skull from splitting in two. “I didn’t plan to go with him. It wasn’t premeditated the way you make it sound. I fucked up. I swear. I just fucked up.”
“Fuck!” James hissed, scrubbing a hand over his face before sucking in a deep breath. “I know. I know.”
Pacing, remorse lined his face before he stopped next to the bed. “I’m sorry, Liz. I’m sorry. I had no right to unleash all that on you. Son of a bitch.”
His eyes glistened in torment, then without another word James turned and stormed out of the room. Helplessly hooked up to the machines, I lay there while my heart shattered into a million pieces. My sobs echoed in the room, increasing the stabbing pain in my brain, but I couldn’t stop, couldn’t stem the heartbreak of James leaving me; abandoning me, just like all the rest.
“He’s gone for good isn’t he, Ian?” My question came out in a desolate wail, as a thousand, sharp spikes stabbed my brain.
“Shhh,” Ian soothed. “Don’t think like that. Relax, little one. Stop worrying and stop thinking. You have to rest your brain. Close your eyes. Everything’s going to be all right.”
“No, it’s not,” I murmured. Closing my eyes didn’t block the overwhelming rejection. “It’s never going to be all right again.”
I wanted to go back in time; back to when Ryan first approached me wanting to talk. I would have changed it all. Giving my trust to a madman had cost me everything, and left me with nothing; nothing but more memories to add to my haunted collection of regrets.