by Jenna Jacob
James had left me, taking the unmitigated joy, I’d felt waking to find them by my bed, with him. I wanted to run after him, beg him to forgive me. Find a way to make things right between us once more. But it was too late. There was nothing I could do or say to fix the mistake I’d made.
Opening my eyes, I reached out and placed my hand on Ian’s thigh. “I didn’t mean to disregard your wishes or hurt either of you. I know James thinks I lied on purpose, but I didn’t. I’d never lie to either of you on purpose. I know it’s a deal breaker for him. Probably you too. Help me, Ian. Please make him understand that I didn’t lie, that I just make a stupid mistake.”
“Stop, little one,” Ian commanded in a whisper.
As he combed his fingers through my hair I feared it might be the last time I felt Ian’s caress. The thought made me want to curl up and die.
“I know I’ve fucked things up. I don’t blame you two if you walk away. I just want you both to know I never meant to hurt you. It wasn’t on purpose, and I know the depth of damage I’ve done to us.”
“I said stop,” Ian growled with a sharp squeeze of my hand. “We’ll sort this out later. You need to sleep. Turn off your brain and stop thinking. Stop obsessing. The doctor said you need peace and quiet in order to let your head heal. We’ll still be here when you wake up.”
But for how long? Long enough for me to get well then walk away and leave me? There had to be a way for me to make amends. But I didn’t know if they’d even let me try.
Ian didn’t bother instructing me to use my words when I gave him a tiny, disheartened nod, further augmenting the hopelessness settling deep among the shattered rubble of my heart.
I felt Ian ease from the bed before he wiped the tears from my cheeks. Pride kept me from reaching out to grab his arm, to beg and plead that they give me one more chance to prove how deeply I’d fallen in love with them. But when Ian bent and kissed my forehead, I didn’t even open my eyes. Instead, I let shame and regret fill me and listened to him walk out the door.
Biting back the howl rising from inside me, I opened my eyes and pressed the call button for the nurse. Longing to escape the hollow void inside, I requested more pain meds. Watching the nurse empty the syringe of liquid refuge into my IV tube, I closed my eyes. Tears spilled down my cheeks as I welcomed oblivion.
Terrifying nightmares spooled in a never-ending loop. Though I knew I was dreaming, I couldn’t force myself to wake. Memories melded in a macabre movie with no beginning and no end. I found myself holding a gun and sitting across from Dayne at his kitchen table. I tried to force my hand open and release the weapon, but my fingers refused to work. Dayne reached out and gripped my hand, forcing my finger against the trigger as he raised it toward his mouth.
Sobbing and screaming for him to stop, I struggled to take charge of the weapon. With some kind of inhuman strength, Dayne continued to raise the gun to his mouth, ignoring my pleas. I began telling him all the reasons he needed to live, but Dayne just shook his head and smiled, then wrapped his lips around the barrel. I tried to climb over the table to stop him, but my body was frozen in the chair. All I could do was scream and sob as Dayne angled the weapon toward the roof of his mouth.
Suddenly James appeared. Standing directly behind my brother, both men looked at me with sad, sympathetic eyes. I begged James to help me stop Dayne, but my Dom only smiled wistfully. Dayne closed his eyes and squeezed my finger down on the trigger. The gun exploded, tearing through both of them. A volcano of red erupted over the walls, the table, and my body. A scream of terror ripped from my throat.
“Liz.”
“Liz. Goddamn it, Liz.”
“Wake up, baby.”
Familiar, frantic voices called to me through the horrific images of blood. Guilt sucked the air from my lungs. Gasping, I sat upright in bed. Pain ricocheted through my head as I panted out a desolate cry. Hands cupped my face, forcing my gaze, I found myself staring into James’ wild and frightened eyes.
“That’s it. Come back to us, sweetheart,” he murmured softly, the sound so totally incongruent with his expression I thought I was still dreaming. “You had a bad dream, Liz. It wasn’t real.”
“You’re alive?” I choked, digging my nails into James’ arms.
“Of course I am, sweetheart. And so are you. Shhh, whatever the nightmare was about, it’s over. You’re safe. I’ve got you.” Further proving the fact, James gathered me into his arms.
Sliding my arm around his back, I laid my head on his chest. Ebbing slowly off the ledge of terror, I focused on the steady beat of his heart. Drinking in the heat and feel of his sturdy body, I savored his living form as if it were a fine wine.
“I’m sorry I went with Ryan. I’m sorry I disappointed you. Sorry for everything. Please. Give me another chance, James. I won’t let you down again. I promise. I need you. I want you. Please don’t leave me. I don’t want to go back to existing… I want to keep living the way you’ve taught me to.”
For once, I didn’t care that I sounded pathetic and weak. Didn’t care that I opened my entire being to ultimate rejection. The nightmare of losing him had terrified me past the desire to shield myself behind my pride.
“I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart, not without you. I know you simply made a bad call, trusted someone who didn’t deserve your trust. I’m sorry I lashed out at you like I did. I was scared. We almost lost you, baby. I was out of my mind worried that Ian and I finally found the perfect woman for us, and we almost had you ripped from our hands. We love you, Liz. We’ll never turn our backs and walk away from you. Never.”
My head throbbed and my body ached, but the promise that they weren’t going to leave me set my heart ablaze. Melded against his steely chest, breathing in his familiar, calming scent made me feel as if I were floating on clouds.
“Erase that worry from your mind, Liz,” Ian instructed, his voice coming from behind me.
“I’m really sorry I lost my temper, Liz,” James’ voice dripped in remorse. “I didn’t put your emotional or physical wellbeing ahead of my anger.”
“James is trying to say that he broke the first rule of Dominance,” Ian whispered sadly.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry.” Guilt, thick and heavy, coated his words.
“There’s nothing to apologize or forgive, James,” I assured him, dragging my fingernails over his back. A tiny smile tugged my lips. “You simply said what you were feeling. Open, honest communication, remember? It goes both ways.”
“Yes it does,” James agreed. “But that doesn’t excuse—”
“I broke a promise, too. I’m just glad that my stupid mistake isn’t going to ruin the amazing relationship I share with you two.” Praying they heard the passion, the conviction, and the depth of truth in my confession, I held my breath, waiting for one of them to speak.
Ian stood on the other side of the bed for several silent minutes. His unreadable expression alarmed me. As I reached out for him, he climbed onto the mattress and pressed in close behind me.
“We’re tenacious stubborn bastards. We don’t give up without a fight. But then, neither do you. That’s one of the things I love most about you, little one. We know you thought going with Ryan was safe,” Ian murmured close to my ear. “We’ve already forgiven you, Liz. What we need to know is if you can forgive James, and give him back your trust, so the three of us can move forward together?”
“There’s nothing to forgive him for, but yes. I never took my trust away, not from either of you.”
“Thank you, gorgeous,” James’ solid tone held relief. “I won’t lose control of myself again, I promise.”
“Even if you do, I’ll always find a way to trust you, James. You’ll make sure I do.”
A melancholy smile tugged the corners of his mouth. He bent and pressed a sweet and poignant kiss to my lips. “How would you like to go home?”
“Is that a trick question? I’d love to go home, but…” I looked at the IV and the monitors by my bed
.
Ian strummed his fingertips up and down my left arm. “Not exactly home-home. You’ll have to spend a few more days in the hospital, but we can take you back to Chicago when you’re ready.”
“I’m ready now,” I eagerly replied. “But how did you two manage to pull that off?”
“We didn’t.” Ian held up his hands. “Your friend Dr. Reynolds demanded that you be transported as soon as medically possible. He told the physicians here that he would personally be held responsible for your care.”
“He did?”
“Yeah,” James grumbled, suspiciously. “That guy has a crush on you. I’ll be keeping a close eye on him.”
The green-eyed monster inside James was endearing, and more than a wee bit funny.
“No he doesn’t. Relax, Tarzan. You and Ian fulfill all the dreams I’ve ever had and probably a whole lot more I don’t know about yet.”
“Thankfully we’ll have time to investigate the new ones,” James assured me with a wicked grin before sobering. “We thought if you were surrounded by a few familiar faces, besides our own, you might heal faster and feel more secure.”
“I’ve grown deeply fond of your familiar faces, I’ll have you know.” The banter between us relaxed me far more than all the pain meds on the planet. “But yes, I would love to go home, even if it means being cooped up in a hospital room.”
“You’ll have plenty of visitors, beside us,” James promised. “Cindy’s been burning up our cell phones, calling for updates every five minutes since we arrived.”
I missed my bestie, and felt horrible that I’d put her through such a scare. I couldn’t imagine life without my fiercely, protective friend.
James tucked my hand in his. A serious expression settled over his handsome face. “There’s a detective outside who wants to talk to you. If you’re not up for answering his questions, we’ll tell him to leave. He can call, or come to Chicago later to interview you.”
“No. I’d rather do it now,” I replied. “I don’t want this dragging out and hanging over my head. Will you both stay in the room with me while he’s here?”
“We’re not going anywhere, little one. I thought we cleared that up.” Ian arched a brow.
His Dominant force sluiced through me like molasses. “Kiss me, Sir. Please.”
Though he might have tried to hide it, I saw Ian’s hard edges soften. A flicker of heat danced across his dark eyes as he leaned in and gently nudged his mouth to mine. With a purr, I kissed him back, softly, but with all the passion I held in my soul.
“Okay, you two. Before this spirals out of hand, I’ll go get the cop. Keep your clothes on,” James chuckled.
The detective didn’t ask as many questions as I had expected. But when he explained that Ryan had confessed to drugging and kidnapping me, his short interrogation made sense.
Still, being forced to relive the ordeal brought back every second of fear, and with it the realization that I could have easily died in the accident. Like a fist, mortality landed hard in my gut, underscoring the cowardly way I’d crawled inside my shell after Dayne died.
James and Ian found the key to free me from my self-imposed asylum. Because of them, I discovered more strength and courage than I knew I possessed. They stood right by my side throughout the questioning, chests puffed out, shoulders pinned back, looking every inch badass, powerful, protective Doms. I wasn’t well enough for what they’d do to me if I told them they looked cute and adorable.
After the detective left, the three of us went through an inordinate amount of paperwork, absolving the hospital of all negligence as we readied for our departure. Ian and James patiently listened to a litany of instructions should something happen to me during the flight before we were finally cleared to leave.
As they prepped to take me down to the waiting ambulance, I received another injection of morphine before my IV was removed. I tried to fight the drug and stay awake, for fear the nightmares would return. But my world turned fuzzy and black before we’d even reached the airport. Dreams did come, but they were happy ones, filled with hope and promise, and the smiling faces of my Doms.
When I surfaced to the land of the living once again, Cindy stood next to my bed, holding my hand with tears trickling down her face.
“You’re going to mess up your make-up,” I murmured thickly. “You want Sam seeing you looking a hot mess?”
Cindy choked on a sob and grinned. “Thank god you’re all right.” She leaned in and kissed my cheek. “You scared the living shit out of me. Don’t ever do that again.”
“It was never was on my list of things to do in the first place.”
“I know, honey. I know.” Cindy smoothed a hand over my hair with a watery smile. “You won’t be upset if I find Ryan and kill him with my bare hands, would you?”
“Be my guest,” I replied with a gravely groan.
Reaching for the squatty, Styrofoam cup on the tray by my bed, Cindy snatched it up and placed the tip of the straw to my lips. The cold liquid felt good sliding down my throat.
“When you’re up to it, I want to know everything that sorry sack of shit put you through, but not now…later. Right now, I just want you to get better,” she softly encouraged. “How’s the pain? Do you need more meds?”
“No. I’m tired of being drugged up. Besides, they give me wicked nightmares.”
“Morphine is wicked that way.” Cindy set the cup down but didn’t look at me. “Did Ryan… I mean he didn’t…”
“Rape me?”
“Yeah,” Cindy whispered with a hint of fear.
“No.”
“Thank god,” Cindy exhaled on a sigh of relief.
I didn’t bother telling her that he’d slapped me. Offering up that bit of information to the detective caused a potent wave of rage to roll off both Ian and James. Cindy was upset enough. I didn’t want to add more fuel to her fire. All I wanted was to put the whole horrific event in the past, where it belonged.
“There’s my angel,” Trevor exclaimed.
Wearing a big, toothless smile, he dragged his feet on the floor, positioning the wheelchair next to my bed. Trevor’s long, blonde hair swayed from side to side and my heart soared, seeing him moving on his own. The poor guy still looked as if he’d gone ten rounds with a prizefighter, but the joy he exuded lit up the room like a blinding ray of sunshine.
“Look at you. Cruising around like a bad-assed, sexy beast.” I grinned. “How’s my favorite patient?”
“Better than my favorite nurse, by the looks of you,” Trevor teased. “Damn, Liz. You look like somebody dragged you through a bucket then mopped the floor with your ass, woman.”
“Don’t candy coat it, Trevor. Tell me how you really feel.” I chuckled.
“You’ve looked better, sugar. But I’m still jealous.”
“Of what?” I gaped.
“You only have one stinking bruise.” He teased with a wink.
Cindy started to laugh. “Yeah, but she only had to fight off one lunatic. You had what? Three? Four?”
“Four,” Trevor said with pride, flexing a scrawny bicep. “But get a load of this. My friend Savannah is going to start teaching me self-defense. Once I’m all healed up, I’m going to be a badass ninja. So the next time a bunch of fuck-nuts decide to mess with me, they’ll be the ones landing in the ER. Not me.”
“That’s wonderful,” I cheered.
“How’s your head?” Trevor asked, frowning.
“It’s still there; I know by the constant throbbing. But it’s better than when I first woke up. Unfortunately, the rest of me is starting to ache in places I hadn’t noticed before.”
“I know that feeling. My face doesn’t hurt too much anymore, but my ribs? They hurt like a son of a…”
“They take the longest,” I sympathized.
Cindy squeezed my hand. “I’ll tell Reynolds to order you something other than morphine.”
“I can talk to him about it later. Right now, I’m just glad to be home.”
“Not half as glad as we are to have you here,” Cindy assured me.
“Have either of you seen James and Ian?” I asked.
“I shooed them out and told them to get some dinner or fresh air when I popped in. They haven’t left your side since you got here,” Cindy announced, as if approving of their protective mien. “They’ve been stuck like glue to you.”
“Well, they didn’t go eat. They’re next door in my room, talking to Daddy.” A hint of unease skidded over Trevor’s blue eyes.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“Nothing really,” he hedged in an unconvincing tone.
“Spill it,” I demanded.
“Honest, it’s nothing. It’s just…the guys who beat me up are back on the streets. They all posted bail.” Trevor lifted his chin courageously. “But I have a lawyer now. Reed Landes, one of Mika’s friends, is representing me. He helps a lot of our friends with legal issues. He’s already assured me that he won’t accept any kind of plea-bargain. Reed wants my case to go to trial.”
“I agree with him,” Cindy chimed in. “Those asswipes need to serve some serious jail time. I just hope the judge sends them away for years.”
“I’d rather haul them into a deserted ally and put a bullet in their heads,” Drake growled as he stepped into the room.
“We know, Daddy, we know.” Trevor rolled his eyes in mocking exasperation.
Drake’s face pinched in an unhappy scowl. “You’d better watch that sassy attitude of yours, boy. I am keeping track of your insolence and the minute—”
“I sure hope so,” Trevor giggled.
Cindy’s eyes grew wide. “Be careful, Trevor. Drake doesn’t sound like he’s kidding.”
“He’d better not be.” A lop-sided grin bloomed over Trevor’s mouth. “I like it when Daddy gets all mean and snarly. It’s a hell of a lot of fun soothing his savage beast. Mmmmm.”
Trevor’s innuendo set a lusty blaze in Drake’s eyes. “When you’re well enough, my love.”
Cindy blanched, then glanced at her watch before she bent and kissed my cheek. “I need to go back downstairs. I promised Reynolds I’d only be gone fifteen minutes. I’ll tell him to call up and switch your pain meds, but you better take them or you’ll have to deal with me. Understood, young lady?”