Rock & Regrets

by Cassandra Lawson

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Until recently, she wanted to castrate you with a dull knife,” she replied.

  “Ouch,” I said with a cringe. “That isn’t something I want to think about. Piper doesn’t seem to want to cause me bodily injury now, unless she’s just being nice to lure me into a false sense of security before she strikes.” I waved off that possibility. “Nah, Piper’s too upfront for that sort of thing. She’ll tell me if she wants to hurt me.”

  “This situation with her not wanting to injure you is new,” she remarked. “I’ve actually been too busy getting ready for the tour and closing on my condo to talk to Piper. We’ve exchanged a few texts, but that’s all. Buying this condo has been really stressful.”

  “It’s over,” I reminded her. “You signed the papers this morning. When we get back, you can have the movers take all of your stuff over from your apartment.”

  “Movers?” she asked with a raised eyebrow. “I don’t need movers. I have a band.”

  “Rock stars don’t move furniture,” I insisted.

  “They do,” she argued. “I’m not sure spoiled rich boys move furniture, but we’ll find out.”

  “This is why all the guys think you’re a dominatrix,” I pointed out. “You are a very bossy woman.”

  “I am not bossy.” She waved an onion ring at me as she spoke. “Now, answer my question about what’s going on with Piper.”

  I decided to not point out how bossy she sounded.

  “I’m trying to be her friend,” I replied.

  “You’re not pushing for more?” The doubt was obvious in her voice.

  “I’m really not,” I assured her. “I still want more, but not for the same reasons I did in the beginning. Yesterday, I spent a lot of time around Piper. She’s grown up a lot.”

  “Duh,” was her reply. “Did you expect her to stay sixteen?”

  “Cut me some slack,” I began. “I’m a little slow when it comes to these things.”

  “I know, but I still love you,” she assured me. “So, you like grown-up Piper.”

  “She’s been making me think about a lot of stuff,” I confessed.

  “You had better not say something perverted,” Harley warned.

  I chuckled at her reaction. There were plenty of perverted thoughts running through my mind when it came to Piper, but I wasn’t about to share them with Harley. “Would I say something perverted to you?”

  “Definitely,” she replied.

  “This time, I’m not planning to say anything perverted,” I assured her. “I’ve been thinking that maybe I should call my dad.”

  Harley rolled her eyes. “Let me guess. Being around Piper has reminded you of all the reasons you’re still pissed at your dad, so you’re going to ask him for money.”

  “No,” I replied. “I can see why you’d expect that of me.”

  “It is your usual MO,” she agreed.

  “I really am a spoiled rich boy,” I muttered. “After I hung out with Piper, I started thinking a lot about my relationship with my dad. It’s always been about money with us. He would buy me anything I wanted when I was a kid. My mom used to call him on it, but he kept buying me shit I didn’t need.”

  “Thus, the spoiled rich boy attitude,” Harley concluded.

  “I always assumed he did it to shut me up,” I explained. “When I was talking to Piper, she made me see that he might not know any other way to express his feelings. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying he isn’t an asshole, just that he might not be as bad as I believed. That’s why I think I should talk to him.”

  “You should,” Harley agreed. “Don’t screw up your chance to work this out. He won’t live forever.”

  Silence hung between us. I wanted to say something, but Harley didn’t like talking about her sister. They’d been close until shortly after high school when her sister had done something Harley deemed unforgivable—at least, it had been unforgivable at the time. I didn’t know what that once unforgivable act was, but I’d been there the day Harley got the call that her sister had been killed. She regretted the time she’d lost.

  “While we’re in the New England area, I’m going to see if he wants to meet for dinner or something,” I told her.

  “That’s great, Austin,” she said with a smile. “I hope this works out for you.”

  “Either way, I’ll know I tried,” I added. “I don’t want to regret not trying.”

  Harley nodded solemnly. “You’re pretty awesome for a spoiled rich boy.”

  “And you’re pretty awesome for a dominatrix,” I teased, because someone needed to lighten the mood.

  Chapter 20

  Piper

  I was in the office, handling paperwork, when the text came.

  Austin: I’m going to call my dad. Not for money. Just to talk.

  Piper: That’s great. When are you going to call him?

  Austin: Would you think less of me if I admitted I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to call him for six hours?

  Piper: I don’t think less of you. This is a big step. Is there anything I can do to help?

  There was a long pause before Austin responded. I imagined he was as shocked as I was that I’d made the offer. It seemed I’d entered some crazy parallel universe where I was Austin’s buddy. This definitely wasn’t how I’d seen things going between us.

  Austin: Can I come back to your office?

  Piper: You’re at Euphoria?

  Austin’s presence at Euphoria surprised me. Sure, it was an awesome club, but Austin could always go to The Project and hang out in the VIP section where he’d have more privacy. There was no reason for him to be at Euphoria, unless it was to see me. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that possibility. On the one hand, we were friends, so why should it matter that Austin was at Euphoria and asking to come back to my office? On the other hand, I’d had some very vivid dreams involving Austin the night before. Those dreams hadn’t been at all innocent, no matter how many times I told myself it was perfectly normal to have sex dreams about a friend.

  Austin: I wanted to see you. Harley told me you were working an early shift today because you had shipments to handle this morning.

  Piper: That is a little creepy.

  Austin: Shipments always are.

  Piper: Ha ha. You are too funny.

  Austin: Can I come back to your office?

  Looking down at the paperwork in front of me, I decided it could wait.

  Piper: Sure. Come on back. I won’t be here much longer.

  Austin: Then I’ll have to make the most of the time I have with you.

  This was probably a very bad idea.

  Chapter 21

  Austin

  What the hell was I doing?

  That was the question I asked myself as I headed back to Piper’s office. I’d been sitting at home, trying to work up the nerve to call my dad, when I’d gotten it into my head that I should talk to Piper about all my insecurities. I had no business just showing up at her place of employment, but that’s exactly where I’d ended up. I looked like some sicko stalker.

  “Come on in,” she called out when I knocked on her office door.

  I found Piper sitting behind her desk. Her red hair was pulled back from her face, and she had adorable wire-rimmed glasses on. I flashed her a sheepish smile. “You’re going to end up getting a restraining order against me, aren’t you?”

  She laughed at my question. “Are you planning to become the stalker type?”

  “So, you don’t think I’m a stalker already?” I asked as I stepped into the office and closed the door behind me.

  She shook her head. “Not yet, but I can see you’re moving in that direction. What’s going on?”

  “You were right,” I began.

  “Of course, I was right,” she agreed. “I’m always right. The sooner you realize that, the better your life will be.”

  “Smartass,” I accused.

  “Which of the countless things I’ve been right a
bout are you referring to?” she asked.

  “Maybe buying me stuff is the only way my dad knows how to show affection,” I explained. “Harley agrees I should talk to him.”

  “Harley is also always right,” she told me. “I still don’t understand why you’re here.”

  I took a deep breath and told her the truth. “I’m not even sure why I came here. When I was sitting at my house, staring at my phone, and trying to work up the nerve to call my dad, I suddenly got it in my head that I needed to be close to you. I have no idea what I’m doing,” I admitted helplessly.

  “Oh, Austin,” she uttered as she moved across the room and slipped her arms around my waist. Her head rested against my chest.

  A shuddering breath slipped past my lips as my arms moved around her. Having her in my arms felt fucking incredible. I was afraid to speak, not wanting to ruin the moment. I wanted to keep her in my arms as long as possible. When I finally spoke, it was just one rasped out word. “Button.”.

  She pulled back slightly. Her arms hadn’t released me, but I could tell by her startled green eyes that she was ready to bolt.

  “Don’t run from me,” I pleaded in a ragged whisper.

  “I’m not running, Austin,” she assured me, but there was a nervous, hunted quality to her voice. She might not be running, but she wanted to.

  My lips hovered above hers. “I’m not going to hurt you,” I promised.

  It was the wrong thing to say. Piper’s arms left my waist. I could have held her there, but I didn’t. Instead, I let my hands drop to my sides and looked down at my feet as Piper put several steps between us.

  “I’m not worried about you hurting me,” she insisted with a nervous smile. “You’re emotional about the stuff with your dad, and I don’t want you to get carried away and try something with me because of that.”

  “I want to tell you none of this has to do with my dad, but that would be a lie,” I began. “It would also be a lie to say it’s all about my dad. I’m screwing this up.”

  “How about if we focus on your dad?” she suggested.

  “Okay,” I agreed.

  Piper moved behind her desk again to put a barrier between us. “This would be the part where you tell me what’s on your mind.”

  What was on my mind? She wanted me to tell her all the things that were running through my mind. I wanted to move behind her desk, turn her chair to face me so I could drop to my knees in front of her and kiss her. I wanted to savor her full, pink lips and make her squirm with need.

  “Why are you so nervous about calling your dad?” she asked. “It’s not like you haven’t spoken to him in years.”

  “I talk to my dad, but not about anything deep,” I explained. “Besides, I’ve thought of him as a huge asshole for years. He is a huge asshole.”

  “But you are hoping to change how you feel about him,” she deduced.

  “Hoping?” I asked with a bark of laughter. “That seems like a stretch.”

  “Don’t give me that line, Austin. If you weren’t hoping for more, you wouldn’t be nervous. You’re nervous because you want this conversation to be more, and you’re afraid your dad will let you down.”

  Chapter 22

  Piper

  I watched Austin’s reaction to my words. He knew I was right, but he was afraid to admit it to himself for some reason.

  “I haven’t seen my father in years,” he admitted.

  “Really?” I asked, continuing when he nodded. “I figured you would have visited him when you moved back to the Bay Area. Hasn’t he ever asked you to stop by when you ask for money.”

  “He moved out of the area after the divorce,” he explained.

  “Let me guess,” I began. “He’s close to Boston. You feel pressured to call him now because you’ll be in that area.”

  “Exactly,” he confirmed. “I want this talk to be in person. It’s not easy to read him in person, but it’s impossible over the phone. I’m not really sure what I’ll say to him.”

  “It sounds like you’ve already decided to do this,” I remarked. “You’re doing the right thing, and I know you’ll find the words when you talk to him.”

  He nodded and looked at me, our eyes locked, and I sucked in a sharp breath. “You feel it, too,” he uttered.

  I could easily pretend I didn’t know what he was talking about. He wouldn’t push me, but I still found myself saying, “Yes, I feel it.”

  He stayed there, just staring at me. I felt the invisible pull of his desire and stood to cross the room. When I was directly in front of him, he made no move to touch me. “You know we can’t do this, right?” I asked, even as my hands moved to his arms, gripping his biceps.

  “I know,” he agreed as he leaned closer.

  Austin’s lips hovered just above mine. All I had to do was say the word and I could taste him again. I hadn’t forgotten what an incredible kisser Austin was. I desperately wanted this, and that helped with my decision.

  My hands left his biceps, and my gaze dropped. “I need to get back to work. There’s still a lot to get done before I go home.”

  I’d already told him I was almost done for the night, so I half-expected him to argue. Instead, Austin took a step back.

  “Okay,” he replied. “Thanks for listening to me.”

  I finally looked up at him with a slightly strained smile. “That’s what friends are for,” I assured him.

  “Right,” he muttered. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  On those words, he walked out my office door.

  “Work,” I told myself. “Focus on work and not on Austin.”

  That was easier said than done.

  Chapter 23

  Piper

  “I should cancel,” I said to my reflection.

  “Cancel what?” Andy asked as he passed by the open bathroom. The lighting was best in the hall bathroom, so that’s where I did my makeup and hair. Cerise was working, leaving me home alone with Andy.

  “I’m having lunch with Austin,” I replied.

  “You’ve been seeing a lot of Austin.” Andy’s comment sounded innocent, but I heard the censure in his voice.

  “Has Cerise won you over on this?” I asked, turning to face him.

  He shook his head. “She doesn’t have to win me over. I’m not sure it’s a good idea for you to get too attached to Austin after everything that’s happened in the past, not to mention his reputation.”

  “Aren’t you the one who thought it was a good idea for me and Austin to be friends again?” I asked.

  “Friends is good,” he agreed. “There’s no reason you shouldn’t try being friends. When I go out with my friends, I don’t put this much effort into getting ready.”

  “Because you’re a guy,” I reminded him. When I went out with my girlfriends, I always dressed up. Not so much with Cerise, but she didn’t count. She saw me in the morning, so she’d seen me without makeup. She was more like a sister.

  “And you don’t dress up when you hang out with me,” he argued.

  “We live together,” was my response. “I don’t have to look nice for you.”

  “Cerise told me women only go to this much effort for other women or guys they like,” Andy remarked casually.

  I turned to glare at him. “I am not interested in Austin.”

  What I’d said was the absolute truth. At least, ninety percent true.

  “You should cancel,” Andy insisted.

  “I can handle this,” I assured him. “Austin is leaving on tour tomorrow.”

  “For two weeks,” he reminded me. “That hardly counts as a tour.”

  “True,” I agreed. “What is up with two weeks of touring and then coming home? I suppose the band wanted to be home more around the holidays, so they scheduled this leg of the tour for later. It’s always possible some of these venues wouldn’t work out during their main touring time.”

  “Isn’t it funny how interesting the scheduling practices of bands becomes when you’re trying to avoid
talking about your feelings for Austin?” he asked.

  I let out a sigh and turned to walk past Andy. “Maybe I am attracted to Austin. Me and half the women in the country. He’s hot, and he’s in a rock band.”

  “I’d do him,” Andy agreed, startling a bark of laughter from me.

  “Sorry, but you can’t pull it off,” I said around my laughter.

  “Pull what off?” he asked innocently.

  “Either you’re trying to act like my girlfriend or my bi-sexual guy friend,” I explained.

  “I could be trying to act like your gay friend,” he argued.

  “You could never pull that off after what I saw in the living room,” I said with a shudder as I looked around my living room. It wasn’t fair that Andy and Cerise were the only people who’d had sex in my living room. “How long have you had that thing?”

  “Which thing?” he asked with a smirk. He laughed and put his hands up in surrender when I grabbed a throw pillow to toss at him. Clearly, he’d moved past his embarrassment. “We got it about six months ago.”

  “You’ve been playing sex games in the living room for six months?” I practically gasped.

  Andy chuckled. “More than six months. Why do you think we always ask about your schedule?”

  “I don’t know why I put up with the two of you,” I muttered.

  “I don’t know why you’re trying so hard to avoid talking about Austin,” Andy added.

  “Ugh!” I threw my hands up in the air for emphasis before dropping down onto my sofa. “I hate it when you do that. How does Cerise put up with you?”

  “I’m awesome, and you know it,” he bragged as he took a seat in the armchair. “Now, about Austin. This is a bad idea.”

  “It’s not a bad idea,” I insisted, though it seemed ridiculous arguing about this when I’d told myself the same thing. I wasn’t falling in love with Austin. I didn’t even feel that girlish twitter of love I’d experienced all those years ago, but I liked Austin in a less-than-platonic way. When he’d almost kissed me, I’d been tempted to let him.