Good Husband Material

by Susan Mallery

  “My mom came by for a visit,” she said.

  “How was that?”

  “Weird, as always.” She touched the line of his jaw, rubbing her fingers against his stubble. “I always had a very clear view of what happened when I was little. My parents went away and forgot about me. The fact that they kept my brothers with them only seemed to prove my point. But after talking with my mother, I’m not so sure.”

  She filled him in on the details of how she came to be left behind. “I saw my parents as the bad guys, but what was black and white is now gray. I still think they were wrong to leave me, but I can understand why they did what they did. I want to tell myself it doesn’t affect anything, but it does. Still, the fact that my interpretation of the past might be different doesn’t change my feelings. Am I making any sense?”

  “Yes.”

  She stared into his dark eyes. “I guess my point is, I understand your confusion a little more clearly. Nothing is different for you, yet everything is different. Information changes perception—but does it change emotion? Am I less angry with my mother now that I know the circumstances that contributed to her decisions? I’m not sure.”

  “Me, neither. About any of it.”

  She moved her hand to his mouth and traced his lips. “Don’t you dare think you’re anything but a wonderful man. You’re the best man I’ve ever known.”

  “I doubt that.”

  “Don’t. I’m telling the truth.” She made an X above her left breast. “I swear.”

  “Thank you.” He kissed her lightly.

  Kari kissed him back. As she did, her words repeated themselves inside her head. Gage was the best man she’d ever known. He was everything any woman could want. He was…

  Her chest tightened suddenly as she got it. The realization nearly made her laugh out loud. It also nearly made her cry.

  She was in love with him. After all this time and all the miles she’d traveled, she was still in love with him.

  Why hadn’t she figured it out before? The clues had been there—her reaction to seeing him after all this time. Her willingness to make love with him after putting off other men. Her eagerness to spend time with him. The way she worried about him. Her ambivalence about looking for a teaching position in Dallas or Abilene.

  “Kari? Are you okay?”

  She nodded because speaking was impossible. Now what? What happened when one of her interviews led to a job offer? Did she hang around Possum Landing, hoping Gage would fall in love with her, too? He’d just said he was grateful they hadn’t married. Hardly words to hang her dreams on.

  The mature solution was to ask him about his feelings, to find out where things stood between them. She opened her mouth, then closed it. Not yet, she thought, burying her face in his shoulder. She needed a little time to get used to the idea of being in love with Gage.

  “Hey,” he said, stroking her back. “It’s okay.”

  “I know,” she lied, because she didn’t know anything.

  He kissed her head. “Want to come home with me and spend the night?”

  She nodded. She loved him—there was nowhere else she would rather be.

  Gage didn’t have to work the next day, so they slept in late, then went over to her grandmother’s house and set to work. They’d just started moving furniture out of the dining room, when there was a knock on the front door.

  Kari went to answer it and found Edie waiting on the porch.

  “Is Gage here?” his mother asked. “He wasn’t home, but his truck is in the driveway, so I thought he might be helping you.”

  “Sure.” Kari held open the front door, then called for Gage.

  As she invited the older woman inside, she tried to quell the worry inside her. The past few hours had been magical. She and Gage had slept in each other’s arms, only to awaken and make love again at dawn. Her feelings were still so new and tender that she didn’t want anything to break the mood between them. Unfortunately, Edie’s visit was bound to do just that.

  Gage nodded at his mother. “What’s going on?”

  “You’re avoiding me,” Edie said bluntly. “I decided if you weren’t going to come to me, I would chase you down myself. We need to talk.”

  Kari’s throat went dry. “I’ll go upstairs.”

  “No.” Gage shot out a hand and grabbed her wrist. “You don’t have to go.” He gazed at her. “I’d prefer that you stay.”

  She nodded and led the way into the parlor. Edie perched on a chair, while Kari and Gage sat next to each other on the sofa.

  “If you tell me that you’re not really my mother, I’m going to be really pissed off,” Gage said lightly.

  Edie smiled slightly. “Sorry. You’re stuck with me.”

  “I don’t mind.”

  He reached for Kari’s hand and laced their fingers together. She looked from him to his mom and wished this would all just go away.

  “So here’s the thing,” Edie began. “When I went to Dallas the second time, I didn’t know what I wanted or what I was feeling. Everything confused me. I just knew I had to see Earl one more time. Which I did. Obviously. Quinn is proof of that. But that’s not all that happened.”

  Kari felt Gage brace himself against more bad news.

  “We spent the night together. The next morning there was a knock on the hotel room door. A young woman stood there. She was barely eighteen.” Edie shook her head. “She didn’t look a day over fifteen, and she had two little babies with her. The second I saw her face, I knew the truth. Earl had been with her, as well. She’d brought her boys to meet their father.”

  Kari’s stomach did a flip. She hadn’t thought things could get worse, but she’d been wrong.

  “Another conquest,” Edie said bitterly. “I realized in that moment, that was all I’d been to him. Any feelings were on my side. I don’t know how much of what he told me was truth and how much was lies. It didn’t matter. What I had thought was love was infatuation. Or maybe it was just a justification to myself. If I thought I loved him, then sleeping with him didn’t make me such a horrible person.”

  Tears filled her eyes. She blinked them away. Kari tightened her hold on Gage’s hand. She was afraid to look at him. For once, she didn’t want to know what he was thinking.

  “What happened?” Gage asked, his voice low.

  “The girl showed him the babies. He didn’t deny they were his. He didn’t do anything but get dressed and tell her he wished her well. That was it. No offer to marry her or even help out with his sons. I felt so stupid. The girl took off in tears. I ran into her in the lobby and found out her parents had thrown her and her two babies out the day she turned eighteen.”

  Gage wanted to run. He wanted to run so far and so fast that the words would be erased from his mind. He wanted to close his eyes and have the past disappear. But his mother kept talking, and he couldn’t stop himself from listening.

  But as she spoke an ugly thought appeared in his brain. This man—this Earl Haynes who used women and abandoned them—was an integral part of himself. Earl’s biology was in Gage.

  He thought of his own past, his inability to settle down with someone. How easily he moved from relationship to relationship. Was that because of his biological father? Was he a philanderer, too?

  No! He didn’t want that history, that blood, flowing through his veins. He didn’t want to be a part of it.

  But it was too late. The past had already occurred and he couldn’t undo it. Not now.

  Then, before he could make peace with any of it, his mother’s words caught his attention.

  “I couldn’t leave her there alone,” she was saying. “So I brought her home. We made up a dead husband and gave her a new last name.”

  Gage swore as the pieces all fell into place. Vivian Harmon was a close friend of the family. Her two sons, Kevin and Nash, were his age. Both tall, dark-haired, with dark eyes. And no father.

  “Kevin and Nash?” he said.

  She nodded. “Your half brothers. V
ivian and I have talked about telling you four. We’ve gone back and forth a dozen times over the years. At first, I didn’t want to say anything because of Ralph. He didn’t want you to know. Vivian and I talked about it again after his death. At that point, I was too afraid to confess the truth. So I asked Vivian to keep quiet. She didn’t mind. She’d married Howard years before and he’d been like a father to the boys. She never thought they were missing out.”

  Gage felt as if the room were spinning. He didn’t just have faceless half siblings in California, he had two right here in Texas. Not that Nash and Kevin lived here now. Nash was a negotiator with the FBI and Kevin was a U.S. Marshal, but they came home on occasion. He and Quinn had played with the twins all their lives. They’d double-dated, been on the same football and baseball teams, worked on each other’s cars and shared their dreams with each other. Never had they considered the fact that they might share a whole lot more.

  “Vivian’s going to tell the boys,” Edie said. “Now that you’re all going to know, it might help you four to talk about it.”

  Gage wasn’t sure what they were supposed to say. “He has a family,” he told her. “Earl Haynes. I looked him up on the Internet. He’s retired now, but he was a sheriff in a small town in California.”

  His mother nodded slightly.

  “There are other children. He has several sons from his first wife and a daughter by another woman.”

  Edie winced. “I suspected there was more family, but I wasn’t sure.”

  “You never asked.”

  “I didn’t want to know,” she admitted.

  At least she was being honest. “It’s too much,” he said.

  “I’m sorry.” She paused. “Do you have any other questions?”

  “None that I can think of.” He laughed humorlessly. “Just tell me that there aren’t any other revelations.”

  “None that I’m aware of.”

  “Good.”

  He could live the rest of his life without any more secrets, he thought grimly.

  Edie rose. “You haven’t heard from Quinn yet, have you?”

  “No. I’ll let you know when he gets in touch.”

  Gage still didn’t know how he was going to tell his brother the truth. Nor did he know how Quinn would react. It was a lot to take in.

  He released Kari’s hand, stood and walked his mother to the door. Tears filled her eyes.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  He nodded and gave her a quick hug. When she’d left, he returned to the parlor.

  Kari stood by the window. She turned to look at him. As they’d planned to work in the house, she wore a paint-spattered T-shirt and cutoffs. A scarf covered her hair, and she hadn’t bothered with makeup. She still looked beautiful.

  He wanted to go to her and hold her so tightly that he couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began. He wanted to breathe in the scent of her and return to that place where he’d felt everything was going to be all right. Unfortunately, that time had passed.

  “I know I said I’d help, but I need to head out and—” He broke off, not knowing what he had to do. He only knew that he needed to be by himself for a while.

  “It’s okay,” she said. “I understand.”

  “I’ll be in touch.”

  “You said that before.”

  Had he? “This time I mean it. I’ll call you tonight.”

  He walked to the front door and let himself out. He crossed to his own yard and was about to climb the front porch steps, when he heard her calling his name. He turned.

  “What’s up?” he asked.

  She crossed the driveway to stand next to him. “This is wrong,” she said, determination blazing in her eyes. “I know you’re going through a lot right now, but you can’t let it destroy everything.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  She swallowed. “Last time, I was the one to walk away. It looks like this time you’re going to walk away. Do you think we’ll ever get it right?”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Gage felt as if he’d been turned to stone. He couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. Then the sensation passed and he was able to draw in a breath.

  Do you think we’ll ever get it right?

  “What the hell are you talking about?” he demanded.

  Kari didn’t back down from his obvious temper. Instead, she planted her hands on her hips and glared back at him.

  “I’m talking about us. You and me. There’s something here, Gage. I know you can feel it. Lord knows, it’s keeping me up at night. Eight years ago I panicked. I was too young to tell you I needed time, so I ran. My fears and my desire to experience my dreams kept us apart. I’ve grown up and you’ve changed, too, yet whatever we had is still alive. But I’m afraid that this time your past is going to rip us apart.”

  He didn’t know what to say. While he was willing to admit there was something between Kari and himself, he’d never thought past the moment. He knew about her plans, and they didn’t include him. He’d been okay with that. Now she was suddenly changing the rules.

  “Are you saying you’re not leaving Possum Landing?” he asked, not sure how he felt about any of this.

  “I’m saying I don’t know. Last night you told me you were glad we’d never married and had children. You said the fact that Ralph isn’t your biological father changes everything.”

  “It does.” How could it not?

  She dropped her hands to her sides and took a deep breath. “See, that’s what I’m afraid of. I want you to see that it doesn’t matter.”

  His temper erupted. “You’re ignoring the obvious. I understand that Ralph Reynolds had a tremendous influence on my life. He raised me to believe certain things and to act a certain way, but those are only influences. What about my basic character? Were you listening to what my mother said about Earl Haynes? He got a seventeen-year-old girl pregnant. When he found out about her twins, he simply walked away. That is my heritage. That is the character of the man who fathered me. I have to live with that and make peace with it, if possible. I may not know much about him, but I know he was a cheating bastard who wouldn’t take responsibility for his own children. I’m not willing to take a chance on passing those qualities on. Are you?”

  Pain flashed through her blue eyes. Her mouth trembled. “You’re not him,” she said softly. “You’re not him.”

  “Are you willing to bet your children’s future on that?”

  “Yes,” she said with a confidence that stunned him. “I know you. I’ve known you for years. You’re the kind of man who would put his life on the line for his town because he doesn’t know another way to do things. You’re the kind of man who looks after other people’s grandmothers, and cares for his own mother when her husband dies. You’re responsible, caring, gentle, loving and passionate. You’re a good man.”

  Her words hit him like arrows finding their way to his soul. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” he said, turning away.

  She grabbed his arm and stepped in front of him. “I know exactly what I’m saying. You are the same man you were last month and last year. Believing anything else is giving power to a ghost. I believe in you with all my heart.”

  She stopped talking and pressed a hand to her mouth. Tears filled her eyes. “Oh, Gage.”

  He watched her warily.

  She blinked the tears away. “I just realized, it doesn’t matter how much I believe in you. If you won’t believe in yourself, there’s no point in having this conversation. I can’t convince you. I can’t make you believe. And loving you won’t matter because you won’t let it.”

  He froze. “What did you say?”

  She lowered her hand. “I love you. I’m beginning to think I never stopped. You still have every quality I loved before, but you’re even better now. How was I supposed to resist that?”

  Her words stunned him. She loved him? Now? “I don’t believe you,” he said flatly.

  “I’m not surp
rised. Worse, I don’t know how to convince you. I’m beginning to think I don’t know anything.” She sighed and took a step back, holding out her hands, palms up.

  “I love you and I’m terrified you’re going to let me walk away because of some ridiculous obsession with the past and what it means to you today. I’m afraid we’re going to lose our second chance, and I’m willing to bet there won’t be a third.”

  Kari’s declaration had caught him off guard. Defenseless and confused, he wanted to retreat. No more words, he thought. No more.

  But she wasn’t finished. “It all comes down to making choices,” she said. “Are you willing to trust yourself?” She gave a strangled laugh. “I guess that’s your most significant question. Mine is different. Do you still love me? Are you interested in any of this? I’ve been going on, based on the assumption that my feelings matter to you—and they may not. But if they do, it’s your choice. Are you willing to let the biology rule your life? You do have a choice in this.”

  She turned away and started for her house. When she reached the driveway, she glanced back at him. “Let me know what you decide. I hope you have enough sense to see how lucky we are to have found each other again. I think we could be wonderful together. At one time I was set on leaving Possum Landing, but that’s not an issue anymore. What I don’t know is if you can get past everything you’ve learned recently. One way or the other, I have to make a decision. To stay or go. When you figure out what you want, let me know.”

  And then she was gone. Gage stared after her, watching her disappear into the house, feeling his lifeblood flow away.

  She loved him.

  After all these years, after all the waiting—he’d just realized that’s what he’d been doing—she finally realized she loved him. She’d come to the same conclusion he had—that all they’d loved about each other was still in place, only better.

  The information came a couple of weeks too late.

  He might want to be with Kari with all his heart, but did that matter? He had nothing to offer her. Without a past he could depend on, he had no future.