"That's not what it looks like." Frank lit his cigar and took a long drag. Then he blew the smoke in Henry's face. Henry turned away gagging and coughing. "It looks to me, you were about to kiss her. I can't blame you. She tastes pretty good for a nigger. I've been thinking about kissing her again myself." Frank looked directly at Emma Lynn though he spoke to Henry.
Emma Lynn backed away from Frank slowly as she searched for something to strike him with.
Frank smiled as he strode toward Emma Lynn, forcing her into a corner. Then he reached out, grabbed her neck and forcefully pressed his lips to hers.
"Henry! Please!" she called. But Henry was frozen with fear. This was not how it was supposed to go. They were supposed to kiss and hug each other alone together in the alleyway. He was going to tell her how much he loved her and how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He was going to propose marriage to her. He even had a ring that he had fashioned out of piece of wire. He was going to give it to her as her birthday gift. But not like this. This was all wrong.
Emma Lynn was screaming under Frank's crushing embrace.
"Leave her alone!" Henry yelled, finally coming to his senses. He reached for Emma Lynn, but Frank released her just long enough to punch Henry in the face. Henry fell to the floor. Before he could get to his feet, a streak of blond whizzed past him.
"Get off of her!" Charles yelled pulling Frank away from his sister. He threw Frank to the ground and start pounding in his face. Frank didn't stand a chance against Charles.
Henry stared at the fight in ... awe. Why wasn't he strong enough to defend Emma's honor?
"Charles, stop he's not moving," Rebecca Jane said as she hugged her sister, Emma Lynn.
Charles didn't stop.
"Henry, do something."
Henry heard Rebecca's plea, but still he didn't move.
Finally, Rebecca Jane let go of Emma Lynn and pulled her brother off of Frank herself.
"I hate him as much as you do, Charles, but you can't kill him," she said as she pulled him away.
"The hell I can't." He shook off his sister and lunged for Frank again.
"Charles, please," Emma Lynn said through tears.
Charles stopped mid-punch and looked at his baby sister as she hugged herself.
Slowly he got to his feet. He spit on Frank, then pointed to Emma Lynn and said, "She's the only reason you're still alive." Charles picked up Emma Lynn then the three of them walked out of the alley.
Still Henry didn't move.
Jesse
“Charles, I can walk. I’m fine,” Emma Lynn said moments later.
“Are you sure? I don’t mind carrying you. We still have several blocks to go,” he said.
“Where are we going?” Emma Lynn looked around for the first time. They weren’t headed back to the Goodwin home. “Are we going toward the shantytown?”
Charles sighed then set her down on her feet. “This has been an awful birthday for you, hasn’t it?”
“It’s all right. I wasn’t expecting much. It’s Mary Anna’s night anyway.”
“The hell it is,” Rebecca Jane said. “She’s had hundreds of parties in her honor. This should have been your night. You deserve it.”
“I don’t deserve anything,” Emma Lynn swallowed back tears. Though she honestly didn’t feel that way, she knew it was the truth. She certainly knew she didn’t deserve happiness with Henry. It was crazy for her to even think that was possible. “It’s just the way it is, Rebecca Jane.”
“But it’s not the way it should be,” Charles said. “I … we … need to tell you something.”
Charles and Rebecca Jane exchanged glances, but neither of them spoke.
“Well? What is it?”
“Just follow us. There is someone you need to meet.”
Moments later, she Rebecca Jane and Charles entered a rickety shack built of two-by-fours and tin. It was dreadfully warm inside. Emma Lynn always imagined that the shantytown … homes, if you could call them that, reeked of sweat and human excrement. This one thankfully smelled of collard greens, as if the family had just finished dinner.
Rebecca Jane made herself right at home and started helping two little girls clean the dishes.
“Hi, Becky,” they said in unison. Why were they so comfortable with a white woman like Rebecca Jane entering their home? Emma Lynn was thoroughly confused.
“Um, Charles? Where are we? Who are they?” Emma asked in a whisper as if the little girls wouldn’t be able to hear her in the small space.
“I’m Lulu,” one girl said.
“And I’m Josephine, but everyone calls me Tumpie,” the other girl said with a bright smile. “I’m gonna be a famous singer one day just like Becky.” The girl smiled up at Rebecca Jane.
“You sure are,” Rebecca Jane said, planting a kiss on her forehead.
“They often don’t have anything to eat so Cecilia has them come over for dinner,” Charles said as Lulu, Tumpie, and Rebecca Jane set about cleaning up the kitchen area.
“And who is Cecilia?” Emma Lynn asked.
Just then a rather large black woman with smooth dark skinned appeared from behind a sheet. Emma Lynn assumed the sheet took the place of a door.
“Well, I am Cecilia. The one and only,” the woman said, holding out her arms. Charles smiled and gave her a hug. “But you two need to hush, Jesse just fell asleep.” Her eyes fell on Emma Lynn. “My, my, you are just as pretty as Charles said you were. It’s nice to finally meet you.” She held out her hand, but Emma Lynn was too confused and frightened to realize she was supposed to do the same.
“Charles, what is going on? Why are we here?”
Charles sighed and grabbed her hand. “Come with me. It’s time you meet Jesse.” He pulled her behind the hanging sheet into a room with two mattresses on the floor. Emma Lynn assumed it was some sort of bedroom. On one of the mattresses lay a small child.
Emma Lynn looked down at the little boy peacefully asleep. She couldn't figure out why both Charles and Rebecca Jane were so adamant about her meeting him. He was a pretty little boy of about two years of age. He had shoulder length smooth black hair that was more wavy than curly. It definitely wasn't normal Negro hair, but from his complexion Emma Lynn could tell he was in fact Negro.
"He's beautiful. But I'm not sure why I need to meet him," Emma Lynn said as she tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. He stirred a little but his eyes remained shut.
After sighing, Charles said, "Emma Lynn, this is my son." At the sound of Charles voice, the little boy opened his eyes.
"Papa?" he said sleepily. "Papa!" Jesse jumped into Charles arms.
"What do you mean?" she said, staring at the two of them in shock.
"I mean, I'm his father," Charles said, kissing the little boy on the forehead and then both cheeks.
"But I don't ... Is his mother a negro? Is that why Charlotte left you?" Emma Lynn asked. She knew there had to be some important reason why his marriage to Charlotte was suddenly called off almost two years ago. She was never in a position to inquire. But now she knew. Charles had obviously cheated on Charlotte.
"Why don't you go see Aunt Becky? I think she has a surprise for you," Charles said to his son.
Jesse jumped up and scurried out of the room in search of this promised present.
Charles sighed as he watched his son leave the room. Then he turned to Emma Lynn and said, "Charlotte is his mother."
"How is this possible? Both you and Charlotte are white. How can you have a negro baby?"
"Because I'm not white, Emmie. I'm Negro, just like you."
As Emma Lynn tried to process this information, Charles continued. "My parents are Negro." He paused then added, "Our parents are Negro."
"Mr. And Mrs. Goodwin are Negro?" Emma Lynn didn't notice the special emphasis he had placed on the word “our.” She thought he was merely referring to him and Rebecca Jane. Plus, she was still trying to comprehend the fact that her employers were Negros passing as whites.
Any other implications in Charles' words went completely unnoticed by her.
Charles nodded. "They both have black mothers. Which means I'm Negro. Rebecca Jane and Mary Anne are Negro too. Just like you. We are all Negro."
Emma Lynn found it odd that Charles kept comparing himself and his sisters to her. They were nothing alike. She was completely Negro. And while Charles, Rebecca Jane and Mary Anne may have had a bit of Negro blood in them, they were still white by society's standards. They would never be beaten for wearing white’s clothing, or kicked off a trolley ride just because of their skin color. That was something only she had to worry about.
She noticed how Charles kept staring at her intently as if he was trying to tell her something with his eyes.
"You've often wondered why you look so much like Rebecca Jane. We should have just told you. We should have told you years ago."
"Charles, what are you saying?" Emma Lynn asked suddenly feeling a chill run through her.
Just then Rebecca Jane entered the room. "He's saying you're our little sister."
Emma Lynn wrapped her arms around herself then sat on the mattress in a stunned silence.
"I've wanted to tell you for years. I really have. Something has always stopped me," Charles said.
"But I'm your servant," she said. "I work for you."
"That was my fault," Charles admitted. "Mary Anna, Rebecca Jane, and I were born looking white. You were always darker. And you got darker and darker as the years went on. People would look at you strangely whenever we were out as a family."
"Family?" Emma Lynn repeated the word as if it never had meaning before that day.
Rebecca Jane nodded. "That's right, Em. You're our family."
Charles continued. "Our parents wanted to get rid of you, but I wouldn't let them."
"So, you made me your servant?"
"I'm so sorry, Emmie. It was the only way."
Emma Lynn pressed her eyes shut with her fingers trying to hold in all the emotions rushing through her. "All my life you've treated me like I was some sort of slave," she said trying to remain calm.
"That's not true." Rebecca Jane stepped forward and tried to put her arm around Emma Lynn but she shrugged her away. "Emmie, you know we've always treated you like you were a part of the family."
"That is because I am. I am your family. That is the least you could have done. You will get no praise from me for treating me like family when I am your family."
"You're right, Emmie. You're absolutely right. You have every reason to be angry with us."
"Damn right I do. I understand what you did, Charles. I truly do. But I'm sixteen years old now. You don't think you could have told me this earlier? All those times I asked about my family and where I came from and neither of you said a word. You've lied to me my entire life."
"We know and we are so sorry," Rebecca Jane added. "We didn't know what else to do."
"I don't ... I don't want to be here right now," Emma Lynn said heading for the exit. She suddenly felt like the walls were closing in, threatening to engulf her like a coffin. "I have to go."
"Emmie, it's late. Don't go out there alone. Let us walk you home," Charles suggested.
"Home? I have no home. I have nothing."
Emma Lynn ran out of the house and on to the dark streets of East St. Louis. Her birthday had turned into the worst night of her life. First, Henry did nothing to protect her from the likes of Frank Gibson, and then she found out that her own family, her flesh and blood had lied to her for sixteen years.
The danger she might be in as a young Negro walking the streets alone didn't cross her mind. She didn't care about anything or anyone. But after hours of roaming the streets, she realized she had nowhere to go. She headed back toward the Goodwins’ home wondering if she would ever be able to say it was her home.
Clarence
As she crossed Market Street, Emma Lynn noticed a dark figure staring at her. She quickened her pace and made a left at State Street. The figure did as well. After the next corner, she ran through an alley in order to lose him. But when she came out on the other side, he was already there.
She fell into him and he grabbed her shoulders. She started to scream, but he placed a hand over her mouth.
"Don't be alarmed. I am a friend," he said.
Emma Lynn was still alarmed. She didn't have any friends. Her only friends her entire life had been Rebecca Jane and Charles. Yet, she didn't know whether she could think of them that way anymore. They weren't her friends, they were her lying family.
"If I let you go, will you scream?" he asked.
Emma Lynn nodded furiously.
"Well then I'm not going to let you go."
They stood on the street corner for several seconds. The man kept one hand on her mouth and the other across her chest pressing her against him. She couldn't move.
Finally, he said, "We could stay like this all night, but I think we both might get a little tired."
In response, Emma Lynn tried to bite his hand.
"Emma Lynn, I'm telling the truth. I am a friend."
She mumbled something into his hand, which he was not able to understand. "I can't understand you. I'm going to let you go. Do you promise not to scream?"
After she nodded her consent, he slowly released her. Emma Lynn took a step away and said, "How do you know my name?"
When he smiled, she instantly knew he was telling the truth. He was a friend. His smile said it all. It was warm, inviting, honest, and joyous all at the same time. "I know because Rebecca Jane told me you look just like her," he answered. "I didn't realize how much until I saw you tonight."
"You know my … " she started to say boss and then she thought about saying sister, but neither of those sounded right. So instead she said, "You know Rebecca Jane?"
He chuckled a little. "I know Jane better than she knows herself." He extended his hand and said, "I'm Clarence."
"Nice to meet you," she said, shaking his hand.
Clarence leaned against the wall of the brick building and put his hands in his pocket as he studied Emma Lynn. Then he added, "I also know Charles pretty well ... and his son. Little Jesse lives in my house. My sister Cecilia takes care of him."
"Oh." The word came out as a combination of a gasp of surprise and relief. She was somehow relieved that someone else knew. But at the same time, she was appalled that her siblings had told a stranger before they had told her. "So you know the truth then, too? You know that they're Negro just like us and that they lied to me my entire life. I'm sure you all just had a good laugh at my expense."
"Nothing of the sort, Emmie."
"Don't call me that. No one calls me that except ... " Except Charles. Charles was the only one that called her Emmie. Now it pained her to hear that nickname.
"Emma Lynn, your brother and sister are not happy with the way things turned out. They love you."
Scenes from the past sixteen years of her life flashed through her mind. The countless gifts they had given her, the parties, the support and attention. That kind of love couldn't be faked. It couldn't be bought or sold. It wasn't compulsory. Rebecca Jane and Charles had treated her as a part of the family for her entire life. There was no way now she could suddenly claim that they didn't love her. She'd felt the proof of their love in her heart. But she couldn't reconcile that love with their lies.
"If they loved me so much, why did they lie to me?" she said, stepping away from him. "I have always wondered where I came from. I can't count the number of times I asked them who my parents were and if they'd ever met them. They responded to me with lies. My parents were right there in front of my face the whole time. I feel like the big loser in some sick cruel joke. Part of me wishes they had never told me the truth."
"You feel that way now, but in a little while you'll forgive them and you'll be ready to move on."
Clarence's voice was so confident and reassuring she was already convinced. For a moment, she forgot why she was even mad at them. Clarence had su
ch a way about him. Anyone could be at ease in his presence. She wondered how he knew her ... how he knew Rebecca Jane. There was only one way to find out.
"How exactly do you know Rebecca Jane?"
"We play music together sometimes. She has an amazing voice."
Emma Lynn nodded. That was definitely true.
"And we're in love," Clarence added.
"Oh," Emma Lynn said shocked again. She had no idea Rebecca Jane was in love with a Negro. How was this even possible? How did she keep this a secret? Maybe it wasn't possible and this Clarence person was lying to her.
"You don't believe me?" Clarence asked. He must have read the incredulousness written all over her face. "That's all right. You don't have to believe me. But it's true. Just as true as how you feel about your milkman?"
"She told you about him?"
He nodded. "Jane tells me everything."
Emma Lynn hugged herself as she tried to process all of the information she had learned today. "So Charles and Rebecca Jane are Negro. Charles has a Negro child. Rebecca Jane is in love with a Negro. And I am in love with a white man," she said by way of summary.
Charles nodded again. "That seems like an adequate analysis."
Emma Lynn shook her head. "I just don't see how this is going to turn out well for any of us."
Apology Accepted
Henry couldn't go home after that fiasco at the Grande Hotel. He needed to see his Emma. He needed to apologize and let her know that he would never fail her again. Not so long as he lived.
He also knew that Charles was going to tell her the truth tonight. She might be upset. She might need him. He wanted to be there and support her, especially since he had failed so miserably at supporting her earlier in the evening.
It was late. Almost midnight. His family wouldn't be worried about him though. In fact, they would be ecstatic to know that he'd had such a late evening in the company of the Goodwins. His mother was probably sitting at home right now planning a possible wedding to Rebecca Jane. He thought about the proposal Rebecca Jane had made to him just yesterday. Sure, it would be easier for him to secretly marry Emma Lynn and then live publicly as Rebecca Jane's husband, but would that be fair to Emma Lynn? She'd already had a life of fabrication; he didn't want her to have to continue it.
Shadows of St. Louis Page 9