Primal Surrender (Surrender Trilogy)

by Lori King

  “I slept with your brother. I betrayed you.” Her confusion and panic made her bluntly honest, and she cringed when the words left her mouth.

  Mack just nodded, ignoring Ryker’s hiss of anger. “I know, sweetheart, but what you don’t know is I sent him to seduce you.”

  Shame and guilt were suddenly washed away by fury, and she glared at him, “You did what?”

  “This is all my fault, sweetheart. I screwed it all up. I thought if you were interested enough in Ryker to allow him to seduce you, I would have the strength to try a ménage relationship, and if you didn’t let him make love to you, then I would know your feelings for me were honest.”

  “You didn’t trust my feelings?” She reached for the glass of water on the table, sipping it through dry lips as she fought to keep the glass steady.

  “Not exactly. I guess, I didn’t trust my own. I was being selfish, and I’m so sorry, Claudia. The last thing I wanted is to hurt you.” He dipped his head, and reached for her hand. “Please forgive me for the dickhead move.”

  She took several moments to absorb his explanation, but every second brought new questions to mind. Turning to Ryker who had remained almost completely silent through Mack’s explanation, she narrowed her eyes, “So you slept with me to prove a point?”

  “Fuck no. I slept with you because I wanted you more than I’ve ever wanted a woman. If Mack hadn’t even been in the picture I still would have wanted you, but knowing how much he cared about you made my feelings that much more complicated.” He rubbed at his chin, scratching his beard as it if to help him think. She could see the turmoil in his eyes, their normally gray-blue color had shifted to the bleak color of storm clouds, and his body was taut with tension.

  “You had to sleep with me to know how you felt about me?” she asked.

  Again he shook his head, “No. I always knew how I felt about you. I was just hoping after sleeping together you would admit you wanted both of us, and I would have a shot with you.”

  “So, what now? I’m supposed to choose? Like selecting a main course or a dessert? I’m supposed to just decide which of you I want the most, and the other will gracefully bow out?” her anger spewed from her mouth. The hurt and betrayal she had felt on Mack’s behalf before now consumed her own heart as she realized they had played with her emotions.

  The two men exchanged a look and shook their heads. “No, duchess. We’re asking you to give both of us a shot. We want you to come home with us, and date us both. Not a true ménage in the way the Brooks brothers or the Keegan boys do, but we both want a relationship with you,” Ryker’s words were icy cold against her bruised heart. They wanted to share her, but they were going to remain selfish about it.

  “I seem to recall telling you I wasn’t a toy to be passed back and forth. You think you’ll be content on a Monday evening knowing it’s Mack’s night with me, and I’m screaming out my orgasm in his bed, while you sleep alone in yours? And, Mack, you’re going to be okay with Ryker and me taking off on a lover’s vacation one Friday evening because it’s his weekend with me? Like some sort of visitation and custody ruling? Are you kidding me?” Pushing to her feet, she propped her hands on her hips and glared at the two men in front of her, “No thank you, gentleman. You can take your ménage offer and shove it up your ass. I might not be perfect, but I damn well deserve better than that. If you can’t play nice then I won’t either. I want both of you, or neither of you. If you can’t come to grips with the fact that I’ve fallen in love with the two of you as a set, then stay away from me. Don’t call, don’t write, and you sure as hell better not show up on my front porch begging for attention and making promises you can’t keep.”

  Her hair flew around her as her temper flared, and she spun on her sexy five inch heels, moving for the door. Mack jumped to his feet to stop her, but she could see Ryker’s emotional shut down in his eyes. “Claudia, wait! It’s not like that. We love you, but—”

  Putting out her hand to stop his words, she sighed, “No. No but. There should never be a “but” when someone loves you. My father told me when I came back, I deserved to have happiness, and live every moment of my life without regrets. Well that means giving up people who are destined to continue hurting me, and if this is all you two can offer, than accept this as goodbye.”

  “You don’t understand!” Mack argued, grabbing her hand, but she shook him off.

  “I understand perfectly, and I can’t do this.”

  The door shut silently behind her, or perhaps the blood rushing through her ears was loud enough she didn’t notice the added noise. Thankfully a taxi sat near the curb, having just dropped someone off at the restaurant. She hurried into it and managed to bark out the address of her home before the dam burst and the tears began to fall.

  Chapter Eleven

  Instead of driving straight home to Stone River, Ryker turned the car toward the Northeast. He figured taking Mack to visit their mom would distract him from what had occurred in Austin, now he just had to hope it didn’t backfire on him.

  “She won’t remember us, so I’m not sure why we even bother coming,” Mack grumbled under his breath as they entered the Alzheimer’s care facility where their mother lived. It was odd to hear him being so down about anything. Mack was the bright light in the family, Ryker was the turbulent clouds.

  “But we remember her, or at least that’s what you said last time we drove up here,” Ryker argued. He was hurting just as much as Mack. Claudia couldn’t have been clearer about her stance on a relationship with them, and now they had to figure out how to let her go.

  “I get what you’re trying to do, Ryk, but it won’t work.”

  Ryker shrugged, “Well then what’s the harm in it? You’re the one who tells me all the time that we don’t visit her enough.”

  The potent smell of antiseptic and age stung his nostrils as Ryker led the way down the bland hallway to the plain wood door. Considering the amount this place costs they should be able to hang some pictures on the walls or something, he thought. In reality he couldn’t care less about the décor. It was the knowledge that his mother was a prisoner here that killed him. She became a prisoner of her own mind years ago, but putting her in a secured facility to protect her had felt like locking the cell door.

  “Mama?” he called out, knocking softly and pushing the door open.

  She was seated in a wheelchair, staring out the window blankly. The blue eyes that turned to meet his were confused and ringed with deep grooves that age had drawn on her face.

  Judy Thompson was a beauty before the Alzheimer’s stole her away, but Ryker still remembered the way she used to smile at him when he came home from school. It wasn’t uncommon for her to have a plate of Oreos and a large glass of milk waiting for him and Mack. They would all sit at the kitchen table and talk about their day while they ate their snack. By the time their father came home from work, chores would be done and supper would be nearly ready. They were a happy family that supported each other in good times and bad.

  Ryker couldn’t remember the last time they sat at that kitchen table and ate together, or the last time he shared his daily life with his mother. His most vivid memories now consisted of doctors telling him that his mother would never regain herself, and angry confused words from the woman who had always been his rock, because she didn’t remember who she was.

  “Hi, Mom. It’s Cormac and Ryker come to visit.” Mack might have started this journey reluctant, but he quickly took the lead moving to pull out a small chair and take a seat near her wheelchair. “How are you today?”

  “The birds built a nest in the attic. We’ll need to clean it out before it snows.” The words made no sense, and pain filled Ryker’s chest. It was clearly not one of her good days.

  “You got it, Mama. We’ll take care of it,” Mack answered, meeting Ryker’s gaze with disappointment of his own.

  Clearing the lump in his throat, Ryker moved closer and reached out to cover her age spotted hand. “How are you f
eeling, Mama?”

  “Tired today. I need to clean up before Danny gets home. Have you seen my boys? They go to the school a block over. Good boys.”

  Damn it hurt to hear the absence of reality in her voice. She had no idea who they were, or where she was.

  “We’re your boys, Mama. It’s me, Ryker.” He knelt next to her, tears burning his eyes as he searched for any sign of recognition in their blue depths.

  “Oh Ryker, yes, he’s a little devil he is. Keeps me on my toes. Last week Mrs. Martin called me to tell me he was putting spitballs in Lily Colton’s hair. Danny was so disappointed. He had to send poor Ryker to bed without his supper.”

  Ryker remembered that punishment. He had been angry at his father, thinking he overreacted. Looking back he could see how he deserved far worse. The spitballs had been scattered all throughout Lily’s dark brown hair, and it took the teacher a good half an hour to pick them out.

  “I remember, Mama. I deserved it.”

  “My Ryker is going to college to play football. He’s going to be a big name someday, you wait and see. I was afraid he would skip college to play that silly game, but no sir, he’s a good boy. He’s going to study hard so he can help his brother become successful. Cormac needs him.”

  The heavy silence that followed stole Ryker’s breath. That had been the plan fifteen years ago. He knew Mack wanted to build his own business, and needed his brother’s business smarts to help him, but Ryker was so focused on being successful himself that he let him down. Guilt burned in his gut. Now he had let Mack down in a whole new arena, and possibly cost him the love of his life.

  Jumping to his feet, he headed for the door. It was too painful to hear her reminisce about the past and not know the present. Why stay here and inflict this kind of agony on himself?

  “Ryk, wait.” Mack’s voice caught him as he stepped out the door, and he glanced back, “Please don’t run away. I know she doesn’t know us, but she’s our mother. If this is the fate that we face one day ourselves, I’d like to think that karma will come back to us.”

  “Do you know my husband Danny?”

  Mack turned back to face Judy, leaving Ryker to make his own decision about whether to stay or go. With a sigh of frustration he stepped back into the room and took up residence against the wall out of her line of sight.

  “I know Danny,” Mack answered, bringing a wide smile to their mother’s face.

  “Wonderful man. Good father, even better husband. He takes such good care of me. Always worried about my happiness and comfort first. I think he’d rob a bank if I asked him to,” she laughed. “He told me once that any man worth his salt would give up his very soul for the woman he loved. I never thought much of it until he died. Did you know he died? Had a heart attack, and died. It broke my heart.”

  Mack’s voice was hoarse when he responded, “I know, Mom. It broke mine too.”

  “He’s waiting for me though. Knows I’m coming to him soon, but he keeps telling me to wait a little longer. Says my boys still need me. Do you know my boys? Cormac and Ryker? They’re good boys.”

  Rising to his feet, Mack brushed a kiss on her cheek, and smiled, “I know them very well, and he’s absolutely right, they do need you. We’re going to go now, okay?”

  “Okay, tell Dottie that I will order one of those ice cream cakes for Danny’s birthday when you see her. And bring me back some cucumber seeds from the store, would you? I need to get the garden planted before winter.”

  “Sure, Mom. Anything you need. I love you.”

  Silently, Ryker followed his brother out of the hospital decorated prison cell, and back to the truck. Instead of firing up the engine, they both just sat and stared out the front window.

  “I’m sorry for letting you down, Mack. I knew you wanted me to come back and help with the business. If I hadn’t let celebrity and money go to my head—“

  “Don’t do that to yourself, Ryk. You did exactly what I would have told you to do if you had asked me. You know, mom’s right. Dad would have sold his soul to the devil if it made her happy.”

  Ryker’s lip curled up in a half smile, “Yep.”

  After another long pause Mack sighed, “I feel that way about Claudia, and I know you do too.”

  “Yep.”

  “It’s like there’s something deep inside of me, something primal, something I was born with that matches her. Like puzzle pieces, you know?”

  When Ryker didn’t say anything else Mack started the truck and pointed it toward Stone River.

  *****

  For two weeks Ryker and Mack kept their physical distance from Claudia, but every moment of every day Ryker’s heart ached for her. He didn’t know how to fix what they had messed up because he really wasn’t sure how they did it in the first place.

  The only positive to come out of the whole mess was the closeness he had found with his brother again. After returning from their disastrous dinner and the painful visit with their mom, Ryker had taken it upon his own shoulders to rebuild Mack’s leatherworking business. He’d made trips to every ranch within a hundred miles of Stone River, and he had orders for six custom saddles. It wasn’t enough business to sustain them, but it was a huge step in the right direction. The only problem he still faced was Mack’s lack of desire.

  Last night they fought about it again when Ryker presented the sixth order to him and explained the owner of the Kicking J Ranch might be interested in a dozen more if he liked the work on the first one. That was thousands of dollars’ worth of business, and yet Mack had blown it off.

  “Give it a chance, Mack. Even if we can’t build it back up into a million dollar company, we could at least make enough to support ourselves so you’re doing what you love instead of working for someone else.”

  “What’s the point? I can live here at Brooks Pastures in a free house working with horses and just creating in my spare time, and not have the headaches to go along with the business,” Mack argued.

  “But you won’t have the headaches. I will. I’m willing to step up and take control of the sales and bookkeeping, while you just create the product. Don’t you miss doing what you love?”

  “Of course I miss it, but I don’t have the money to invest in it, and if we did grow the business then we would have to track down another leather artist to join us, or God forbid train another one.”

  Ryker punched the wall, and then glared at his brother, “I’ll pay for it, you jackoff. I have enough to get us started, and float us for a while. And if they track down some of my missing money—”

  “They aren’t going to track down your money. Give up the fight already, Ryk,” Mack said.

  “Oh that’s rich. You’ve been telling me for almost a year to have hope things would work out, but now you’re acting like a scolded child because the woman you love is mad at you.”

  “She’s not just mad at me. She hates us both. We’ve lost her, and so I don’t see any point in all of the work to build a business that would overwhelm us. If the business goes well, we would have to bring on new people, and then it becomes less fun.”

  “You’re telling me you won’t try because you’re fucking afraid of success? What kind of pussy shit is that?”

  “I can’t succeed without her, Ryk. It’s not worth it.”

  Instead of fighting for Claudia, Mack had withdrawn like Ryker had never seen in his life. Cormac Thompson was a fighter, so seeing him broken and defeated was a shock.

  This morning was the final straw. Mack had actually slept in the barn instead of coming back to the cabin, and when Ryker went in search of him, he found him stinking of alcohol and bitter regret.

  “This has to stop, Mack.”

  Glaring back, Mack just grumbled a garbled, “Fuck you.”

  “I’m serious. You wouldn’t let me waste away in a pity party for one, and I’m not going to let you do it either.” Ryker took a seat on a hay bale, watching as Mack took his shirt off and dunked his face in a bucket of icy cold water.

&nb
sp; “You never really loved her, did you?” Mack snapped.

  Ryker fought to hold his temper in check, “That is the furthest thing from the truth and you know it. I love her more than anything else in the world. Hell, she’s the type of woman I would have walked away from football for.”

  His statement seemed to surprise Mack as much as it surprised him, and they both stared at each other in silence, each man dealing with his own broken heart. Finally Mack dropped onto the hay bale across the barn from him and sighed heavily, “I’m sorry, man. I’m trying to let her go, but damn it, I don’t want to. I fucking love that woman. I want to spend the rest of my life with her.”

  “So if I’m hearing this right, you’ve both fallen in love with the luscious Claudia. And you aren’t claiming her because why?” Sawyer Brooks stepped into the barn, clearly having heard their conversation.

  Ryker glared at the cocky cowboy, who was happily ensconced in the perfect marriage. “Because we both want her, and neither of us is willing to walk away.”

  “Again, I’m still not seeing the problem? Look around you boys, this is the twenty-first century, you don’t have to duel at dawn to claim the ladies hand,” Sawyer said, snickering at their dilemma.

  “We offered to share her, but she didn’t go for it,” Mack said, dropping his head into his hands. He looked so dejected that Ryker felt guilty for loving Claudia. “We haven’t seen her for two weeks.”

  Sawyer’s eyes widened and he let out a long whistle. “You boys are dumber than I thought. Hey, Rogan, Parker! Come here a minute!”

  The two older Brooks brothers appeared in the doorway a moment later. While Parker waited silently, Rogan spoke up right away sounding concerned. “What’s up? Everything okay?”

  “Fuck no it’s not. These two dumbasses fucked up with Claudia, and need our help,” Sawyer said, giving both Thompson brothers the stink eye. Ryker glared right back, refusing to speak up in defense of his choices.

  Quickly, Sawyer explained what he knew to Parker and Rogan who took it all in like Army Generals preparing for battle. Rogan turned his dark eyed gaze on Ryker and bluntly asked, “Do you want her enough to do anything to make her happy?”