by S. J. McGran
For several minutes, I sit there listening to the clatter of dishes in the other room wondering what in the hell is going on. Our flirting always comes so easily when we’re in the office. But, tonight it seems like everything is awkward and tinged with tension.
What if he’s no longer interested in me now that I’ve given in? What if it was all about the chase?
Or, is it because we aren’t safe outside of the office? Because we’re in my home and the promise of something happening is high here, unlike in my office. We aren’t at risk of being caught here. We’re alone. Completely alone. Is that why the tension is ricocheting around the room?
My eyes are downcast staring unseeing at the sweet dessert in front of me when he comes back into the room. He stops across the table from me, his hands resting on the chair he vacated.
“Hey,” the gentleness in his voice forces me to look up at him. “What’s wrong?”
Pushing the plate out of my sight I take a deep breath before asking him the one question that’s been on my mind since he walked out of the room. “Did I do something wrong?” I hate that I have to ask. I hate that I’m so unsure of myself. I preach all day long to my clients to believe in themselves, to believe in what they have to offer, yet I can’t find it in me at this moment to take my own advice.
“Yes,” he says sternly as he walks around the table. Gripping my arm in his hand, he pulls me to my feet. His hands rest against my neck, his thumbs brushing my jaw. “I’m trying to be good here, Kit, but you’re slowly killing me.” Wrinkling my brow in confusion I look up at him hoping his eyes hold the answers I’m looking for. “You have to stop making that sound, and you have to stop blushing when you look at me because I know exactly what you’re thinking and I want it to—so fucking badly it hurts.”
My self-doubt falls away almost instantly. I’ve never thought of myself as beautiful or sexy, but the look in Rico’s eyes tells me that’s exactly what he thinks of me. His eyes are trained on my lips and without realizing it he’s moved closer to me and I can feel the heat radiating off of him.
His lips graze against my forehead and I close my eyes, allowing myself this one moment in time to just enjoy feeling wanted. His lips move against my skin as he whispers against it, “You have to believe me when I tell you I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you. I crave you on the most basic level.” He lets out a low laugh that sends goose bumps down my back. “I used to dread the thought of therapy, of baring my soul to someone, but now I count the hours until my sessions. I can’t wait to see your smile, hear your laugh, feel your gentle touches, smell your intoxicating scent. You’re all I think about, Kit.”
A single tear falls from my eye at his words. They are by far the sweetest words I’ve ever heard. I know exactly what he means because I feel the exact same way about him. I think about him even when I shouldn’t, and the worst part is that I find myself unwilling to stop thinking about him.
But, we can’t do this. Not just yet.
“Rico. I want you, too. I think about you all of the time. But, we can’t do this.”
He drops his hands and takes a step back. Some of the light falls from his eyes, and defeat takes its place. “Yeah, I know. You’ve told me over and over. But, what I don’t get is why you asked me over tonight if we can’t?”
When his eyes fall to the floor, I rush to clarify what exactly I mean when I say that. “I don’t mean we can’t ever, just not yet.” His eyes snap back up to mine, a crease between his brow. “You’ve come so far and I just don’t want to let you go just yet. I want more time. I want to help you heal.”
I’ve been told my entire life that my eyes are my tell. I’ve been told that everything I’m thinking, everything I’m feeling is visible through my eyes. But, Rico isn’t much better.
I watch as hope and confusion disappear from his stare, in their place anger. It’s burning hotly and is directed right at me.
He steps forward until our chests are pressed together. Looking down his nose at me he seethes, “You want to fix me before you date me? You want to make me good enough for you, Kit, is that it? I’m too damaged for you?”
Shock is the only way to describe how I’m feeling in this moment. I think back through my words and realize exactly where I slipped up. Without thinking I wrap my arms around his neck, burying my face in his neck. He stands there unmoving, allowing me to hang from him.
“Not at all. You’re not broken Rico, I don’t want to fix you. I admire the man that you are, shit I crave you every second of every day. But, I want to heal you. I want to help you see the man that I see. That’s all.”
His arms wrap around my waist and with no effort at all he lifts me until I feel my ass hit the dining room table. Standing between my legs he keeps his grip on my waist firm, but I release my stranglehold on him.
“Why you, doc? Why do you have to be the one to fix me? I can start seeing someone else.”
I tilt my lips in a smirk that I think he’d be proud of. The only time I ever feel confident is in my work. “Because I’m the best,” I say simply.
He laughs at me gently. His hands coming up to cup my face. “That you are.”
He stares at me and holds me like that for a long while. I can see his thoughts bouncing all over the place and with every switch of emotion I become more and more nervous about what he’s going to say.
When his cocky smirk comes out to play I breathe a little easier, without even needing his words. “Okay, Kit. I’ll play along. You have two months. Two months to get it all out of your system and then you’re mine. Got it?”
“Got it,” I respond unable to keep the dopey smile off my face.
He presses a firm kiss to the top of my head, stepping out of my space. He gives me a devilish look as he starts to walk away from me. “Doesn’t mean I’m going to make it easy on you to wait though. Game on, Riley.”
When the front door closes behind him, I breathe a sigh of relief. My emotions are all over the fucking place. I can’t decide if I’m happy that Rico is willing to give this a shot—both with me as his therapist, and with me as a potential girlfriend. Or, if I’m nervous because I know the propositions, and flirting he’s been doing are nothing compared to what’s to come.
Finally, I decide on excitement. In two months, I’ll finally be able to call Rico mine. In two months, I’ll know if my fantasies even compare to the real thing.
Sighing I throw myself back on the table fighting the urge to let out a little squeal incase Rico is still within hearing range.
Is it May yet?
Chapter Sixteen
Rico
March 2014, Session Eighteen
“Can I walk you out?” My session ran over tonight, and I hate the thought of her walking through that dark parking lot alone.
She just nods at me, too busy packing up her things and turning off her computer to really acknowledge my question. Grabbing her jacket, I hold it open for her, letting her sweet scent rush through me.
Tonight has been hell. I promised her I’d give her two months, but it’s only been a handful of days and I can’t get her off my mind long enough to even think straight. I’m literally counting down the days until we can stop this damn charade and just give into our desires.
We walk side by side down the hallway, neither of us speaking much. Which has to be a first in the many months I’ve known this girl. I’ve never known her to not fill the silence with something. Still, the quiet is nice. Comfortable.
The elevator doors open and we step in. Pressing the button for the ground floor, I step back and press my back up against the mirrored wall of the elevator. Riley glances up at me from under her ridiculously long lashes, her eyes hooded and innocent. I swear that girl has no idea what she does to me.
I’m no fool. I know I’m no good for her. I know she deserves better, but I really don’t care. I’m going to take advantage of this night and do my best to prove to her that I’m worth the shot she’s ready to give me.
&nbs
p; I can’t wait until she finally lets me in the way she so desperately wants to. I’m not blind to the way she looks at me. I’m not dense enough to ignore the way her entire body heats when I get near her. I can practically see her losing her tight grip on her ethics every time I ask her out. And, then last week at her house when she told me how much she wants me—it was the nail in her coffin.
Forty-three more days until I can kiss her the way I want to.
We’re stuck in this damn elevator together and all I can think about is grabbing her curvy hips, pushing her against the wall and taking her mouth in a brutal kiss. The kind of kiss I’ve imagined giving her ever since the first day I met her. Every time she smiles, every time she bites her bottom lip in concentration or embarrassment all I can think about is tasting her. Biting her.
I got an idea of what she feels like in my arms, what that smooth skin feels like against my lips and now I’m like a man obsessed. Every ounce of my body is vibrating with need. This is the worst withdrawal I’ve ever gone through, and I’ve barely had a taste.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Dragging my eyes away from her lips, I get a little lost in her eyes that are more green than brown today. She looks confused, worried. But, just under all of that is an emotion I’m tired of fighting. I don’t care if she smacks me. I don’t care if she drops me as a client—shit, I wish she would so she’d stop using that as an excuse.
I don’t give a flying fuck what the repercussions are at this point. I know I promised her two months, but I can’t wait. I’m kissing this girl. I’m kissing her the way I want to. The way she wants me to.
Stepping into her space I back her into the wall, I’m careful to leave enough room between us that she doesn’t feel threatened, but instead—hopefully—craves my touch. With my eyes locked onto hers, I make sure she understands what’s going to happen before I do it. I quirk my lips up in the same crooked grin that has gotten me everything I’ve ever wanted in life, especially women. Dropping my voice low, the same voice that I use against her every damn week, I threaten her, “I’m going to kiss you, Kit.”
Her eyes go wide as my words hit her. Where my voice was strong and sure, hers is shaky and weak, “N-no.”
I let out a humorless laugh. “I’m not asking permission. I am going to kiss you.” I pause, dropping my lips closer to hers. I have to close my eyes at the sensation, at the electricity slipping through us. I want so badly to give into it. To make good on this promise, while reneging my other. But, I can’t. I can’t do that to her. I need to prove to her that I can wait. That it’s about more than sex. More than desire.
“I’m not going to do it yet because you’re not ready, just know one day soon I’m going to kiss you.” My lips brush gently across her high cheekbones, a cocky smile taking over at her closed eyes, her increased breathing. “I’m going to kiss you the way you deserve to be kissed. It’ll be so damn good you’ll forget anything else exists, you’ll ache for my lips to be on yours again, you’ll feel lost when they aren’t. When I finally kiss you, Kit, you’ll regret making us wait so long. You’ll be begging me for more.”
The elevator dings and I turn my back on her as the door opens grinning at how perfectly things worked out. A reprieve was definitely needed. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to stop myself for a moment there. The open door gives me an escape before I force her to do something she’s not ready to do. Before I take what’s not mine to take.
I’m not giving up until that girl is mine. That sweet, feisty, innocent girl is going to be mine whether she fully realizes it yet or not. She wants me, but I’m not sure if she knows just how badly I want to claim her, mark her. Own her.
Unable to resist I sneak one more glance at her over my shoulder finding her standing there with her back still pressed against the wall. Her eyes are wide and trained on me and a beautiful flush is covering her cheeks.
She’s fucking beautiful.
I watch as her expression changes within seconds. Her eyes go wide, flaring with fear. Her mouth opens and lets out a high-pitched scream. “No!”
I barely get my head turned before a fist knocks me in the jaw. Once. Twice. The blows take me by surprise causing me to stumble back a few steps. Blinking my eyes, I regain my equilibrium, focusing on my attacker. I watch him through fuzzy eyes as he steps in her direction and she cowers back a step or two.
“Surprise, baby,” the scumbag practically purrs at her.
By the time I clear my vision the douche has Riley trapped between him and the wall; his hands are gripping her upper arms so tightly they’re turning white.
“What, what are you doing here? How?” Riley stutters
“Got out early,” a sadistic smile creeps across his face. “Good behavior.”
Her eyes find mine over the guys shoulder and the fear I see there has me moving without thinking. Gripping his collar I pull him back roughly before shoving him forward into the wall just beside Riley. With his face pressed against the cool brick, I ask him in a voice bordering on manic, “Who the fuck are you?”
His face twists, his eyes growing wide, his voice choppy. “I’m her fiancé asshole. Who the fuck are you?”
The word fiancé hits me harder than his fist. Fiancé? She’s engaged? What the fuck? Doing my best to ignore the pang of hurt and disappointment, I focus on how scared she was to see him. “Why is she so afraid of you?” When he doesn’t answer, I slam his face against the wall again. His yelp of pain only serving to fuel me on, stoke the fire he’s already lit within me. “Answer me!” My voice echoes in the empty lobby. It strikes me then just what this fucker was going to try. He knew Riley would be in this building alone. Fuck. What would have happened if I hadn’t been here?
Pulling him back I turn him until his back is against the wall, my arm cocks back ready to lay into him. Ready to give him everything he deserves and more. Ready to give him what he planned on giving that sweet girl.
“No, Rico.” A soft whimper sounds from behind me and when I glance back I see Riley curled into a ball tears streaming down her face. She looks fucking terrified. My anger, my hate, my urge to beat this guy’s face in all disappear. The only thing I can focus on now is my instinct to protect Riley.
Dragging the guy—whose name and story I still don’t know—by the collar I shove him out of the door of the building. “If you come near her again, I’ll fucking kill you. Do you understand me?” I don’t leave my spot until I watch him limp across the parking lot to his car. Only once his taillights are no longer visible do I move.
Rushing back through the lobby I scoop Riley up in my arms, her own wrap around my neck as her face burrows into my shoulder. Tears are still streaming down her face, soaking my shirt. Her breathing comes in uneven puffs as she fights for control.
“Shh, I’ve got you, Kit. You’re okay.” I don’t ask questions, no matter how badly I want answers. I don’t hesitate. I carry her to my car, shifting her in my arms to get the door open. When I place her in the front seat and lean over her to buckle her up and she doesn’t protest, it hits me, really hits me just how traumatized she is.
Her tears, her expressive eyes telling me not to leave her are the only thing stopping me from hunting that bastard down and killing him with my bare hands. My lips find their way to her forehead. “I’m here, okay?” She just nods, her eyes still wide, her hands shaking in her lap.
Fuck.
Careful, not to slam her door, I make my way to my side of the car, start the engine and take her to the one place I know for sure she’ll be safe. The one place that will give us both peace of mind for the night.
My place.
I don’t care if I promised to back off. She’s staying with me tonight. No discussion.
***
Eerie silence. That’s the only way to describe the last half hour. Riley’s tears stopped not long after we got in the car, and they haven’t picked back up in the twenty minutes since we’ve been home. She walked straight to the couch, sat in the
corner, pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. She’s stayed that way, staring off into space ever since. I don’t know what was worse: the uncontrollable tears or the silence.
“Riley look at me,” my voice is stern, unyielding but there’s still a hint of softness in it. I need to tread carefully with her, but this is too much. When she finally opens her eyes, I know with certainty that the tears were better. The cold, dead eyes she gives me gut me. Tear me in two. “Oh, baby.” Standing from my spot at the dining room table I make it to her in two steps, pulling her into my arms.
Her tears start again as she tries to fight me off. Her tiny hands land soft punches on my chest before she unfists them to shove me away from her as hard as she can. Her head shakes from side to side frantically, her entire body strung tightly as she uses every ounce of strength and energy she has to fight me off.
I have no idea what happened to her, what that douche bag did to her, but I have to hold her, I don’t care if it’s a trigger for her. “Kit, talk to me. Please.”
A loud sob wracks her entire body, the fight finally leaving her as she collapses against me. “Don’t let him near me, Rico. I can’t do it again.”
My chest tightens, my muscles shake with rage, with the need to find this fucking asshole and kill him. Momentarily I push the fury aside and focus on the sweet girl in my arms. I wrap her up tightly, tucking her face into my chest. “He’s not going to hurt you again. I’m here.”
“He’s not supposed to be out yet. Why didn’t they tell me he was getting out?”
Cupping the back of her head, I hold her to me as tightly as I can. I don’t have an answer for her; I don’t even know what the fuck she’s talking about. I want to press her, make her tell me who that guy is and what he wanted, what he did but I don’t. She’s too fragile right now. All I can do is hold her and make sure she’s okay, safe, comforted.
We spend the entire night wrapped in each other, taking comfort in the other. Her comfort comes from my arms, knowing I won’t let anything get to her. My comfort comes from the way she fits against me so perfectly, the way she calms me. Knowing she’s safe.