The Case of the Angry Auctioneer (Auction House Mystery Series Book 1)

by Sherry Blakeley

  “I’m sure I’m safe. They smoke a lot but I don’t think they’re Bonnie and Clyde.”

  “Just the same.” Cookie’s mouth took on that firm, determined set that Jasper knew meant business. “I cleared it for you before you moved in, you know.”

  “No, I didn’t know.”

  “I went through with sage and incense and made sure there weren’t any spirits hanging around.”

  “Well, I appreciate that.” Jasper had never been sure what she did and did not believe about the supernatural and life after death, even though Rev. Tim had always avowed the existence of the traditional heaven and hell. There probably was something that went on after people passed out of this life but Jasper had never wanted anyone from the other side to come back and explain it to her.

  “By the way.” Cookie set her mug of tea down and scooted in closer to Jasper. “That Mary Clippert – she wants us to unhaunt her father’s house.”

  “Us?”

  “Well, me. But you can help.”

  “Thanks for including me, Sis. But I’m learning the auction trade. No offense but you’re the psychic in the family.”

  “Psychic medium. You’ve always had the same gifts. You’ve just decided not to hone your skills. Do you think there’s anything going on at the Clippert house?” Cookie asked.

  “I didn’t notice anything but a whole lot of junk and some tensions between Mary and her father.”

  “Maybe the house has a disturbing history.”

  “I’ll tell you what’s disturbing – Mary Clippert flirting with Jimmy. I’ve always wondered, do you think he has, I don’t know, any special sexual proclivities?”

  “I don’t know how special they are, but I bet he has lots of them,” Cookie said.

  The sisters dissolved into a giggling fit there in the Victorian style office of Psychic Medium Rare.

  Chapter 10

  The week sped along for Jasper. Friday was a day full of auction house busyness. She helped Jimmy sort through boxloads of stuff from several pickups. “Which lot is this?” Jimmy would holler to double-check here and there. “Number 127!” would come the answer from Kelly working in the office. “Run these things up to Grace,” Jimmy ordered Jasper. “No, not one thing at a time! Jesus! Use the cart, use the cart.” And Jasper would scurry to comply, filling one of the big metal carts with boxes of items and maneuvering it up to Grace who arranged the front tables each week. She had to group as many of one consigner’s items together as possible while maintaining an attractive theme at each table. Glassware by glassware, whenever possible. Dolls all on one table. Items that might go high such as Waterford crystal seeded in among things of lesser value, such as random hand-painted plates.

  There was nothing to preview at this point in the week, but customers who’d won their bids at Wednesday night’s sale stopped in to pay for their purchases and haul them away. Jasper already knew some of them by name. There was Myrus Kornhauser, whose liking for lawnmowers of all ages and workability belied the suits and ties he wore. April Bendham came in to pick up the boxfuls and flats of linens she left bids on. While Chuck and Terri Suiter stopped in to pay for felinabilia they’d won. They go for anything cat, Grace the clerk had whispered to Jasper before the last sale. Keep an eye on them when those showcase items come up. And sure enough – whenever a cat item, whether cookie jar or calendar came up for bidding, she watched for Chuck and Terri to flash their bidder card. “Yep!” Jasper would holler, louder each time as her confidence as a bid catcher grew.

  Friday closing time meant Jasper’s first paycheck from Biggs Auction House. Jimmy stood near the front door, handing out payroll one envelope at a time. “You think you deserve this?” he asked Tony.

  “Yeah, boss.”

  “Get outa here,” Jimmy said and thrust the check at him. He aimed a near-miss kick at Tony’s backside.

  Next came Kelly and Esteban.

  “Well, if it isn’t Man and Wife Martinez. You want one check or two?”

  “Come on, Jimmy. We gotta pick up the kids,” Kelly said. She jumped for the checks and Jimmy raised them high overhead.

  “Come and get ‘em,” Jimmy said.

  “Oh, yeah?” Kelly said, stepping in close and resting her palms against Jimmy’s chest.

  “Yeah, baby,” Jimmy said.

  Jasper hadn’t seen that coming. Her face flaming, she turned to Grace. She stood waiting as if all this was the norm.

  “Ouch! Goddammit – she bit me!” Jimmy yelled.

  “Thanks, Jimmy. Have a good night,” Esteban called, waving the checks in his hand. He and Kelly hurried out the door.

  Grace accepted her check from Jimmy. He put his hand on her ass. “If you weren’t such a roughneck, you wouldn’t get in so much trouble.” Grace removed his hand “Now give your daughter – “

  “Stepdaughter.”

  “Give your stepdaughter her paycheck and let’s all go home,” Grace said.

  Jimmy shrugged. “Everybody gangs up on me,” he said.

  Sweat trickled down Jasper’s sides. She was tired, she was hungry, and she wanted to escape the workhouse atmosphere of her father’s auction house. How would the little king make her sing for her supper?

  Jimmy held out an envelope. Jasper reached for it, and he snatched it away. “You think you can learn this business?”

  Jasper had her doubts. But she crossed her arms and stood her ground. “I’m gonna try.” What choice did she have?

  “Atta girl!” Ted walked through the front door. “Just getting rid of one of our favorite dumpster divers,” he said to Jimmy. He plucked the envelope out of Jimmy’s hand and held it out to Jasper. She grabbed it and walked toward the door with Grace.

  “Hey, little lady!” Ted called after her. “You owe me one.”

  “For my paycheck?” Jasper asked.

  “Just pretend you didn’t hear him,” Grace said.

  “Bright and early tomorrow, girls,” Jimmy said.

  Saturday was not a day off for any of the auction employees. Jasper didn’t mind so much. Her apartment was still largely unfurnished and, since Jasper returned most evenings tired out from a long day side-stepping Jimmy’s rages all whilst learning the ropes of appraisals and look-ats and auction set-up, largely unlived in. She’d usually microwave a semi-healthy frozen dinner, then open out her sleeper sofa and nod off to whatever she found on TV. So, Saturday, she helped out at an afternoon coin auction attended mostly by intense looking men who crowded around the locked showcases and bid on first editions, limited editions, proof sets and a variety of metal money that Jasper had never known existed. It was a quieter sort of auction than the weekly sale on Wednesday night. Jasper thought she might like that. But she found that she missed the noise and the crowd of people from different walks of life. Surprise, surprise, Jasper Biggs, she told herself. And you thought you knew all about you.

  On Sunday morning, Jasper woke out of habit at dawn. Then realized there was no Pastor Tim to cater to, no congregation to think of, nor Sunday School to see to, or, or, or…anything. Her downstairs neighbor, Mrs. Smoky O’Neil as she’d come to think of her, had invited her to attend the couple’s Pentecostal church, the sincere one over on the West side, not the more popular one just a couple miles out on Milwaukee Road. Jasper declined. She’d had enough of churches to last her another 15 years. And when and if she ever returned to one, she wanted it to be after she’d fully settled in to her new life and come to know herself on new terms, not out of obligation. She drifted back to sleep until a buoyant Yoo-Hoo from halfway up the stairs wakened her. She pulled a pillow over her head and stayed quiet. So far, the O’Neils had not ventured over that invisible border into her territory. It was only their cigarette smoke that trailed all the way up to her second floor digs.

  “She must not be home!” Margie O’Neil said loudly. Minutes later, the front door slammed. Jasper reached over the bed and grabbed her cell phone’s recharger cord. She fished it up next to her to check the time. 9:39! Wait.
Relax. Nothing to do for hours. She set the alarm for 11, then let herself drift away again until the sailor’s hornpipe woke her. She’d spend the afternoon helping Jimmy and Grace at a benefit auction down at the River Center. Butterflies Unlimited or something like that.

  She was in the bathtub when she heard the Alleluia of her cell phone – she had to get that ringtone changed soon to something more appropriate like I Am Woman Hear Me Roar or maybe even something more modern once she’d caught on to modern…Cookie could help in the music-for-phones dept. The phone went off a couple more times while she was searching through her modest choice of clothes for something appropriate.

  When she finally decided on a bib dress with an embroidered butterfly she’d forgotten she owned and fastened the buttons on the side, the phone Alleluiaed again. Good thing too. She’d forgotten that she had left it on the kitchen table.

  Caller ID showed Jimmy’s cell. She picked up. “Hello there,” she said.

  “Where the hell have you been?” he yelled in her ear. “I called you five times.”

  “Hmm. I only see three messages.”

  “I got tired of hearing your stupid recording.”

  “Sorry. I’ve been getting ready to go.”

  “Well I hope you made it. I’ll pick you up in five minutes.”

  Jasper put him on speaker and carried the phone back to the bathroom where she ran a brush through her wavy hair and daubed some colored moisturizer on her cheeks and forehead.

  “Why so early?” she asked him.

  “You know I hate being late. Not like you.”

  A horn honked outside. Jasper peered out the bathroom window which faced the street below. Jimmy’s SUV sat in the driveway. Jasper left the phone on the toilet seat and ran barefoot to the bedroom to grab a pair of pumps. With them in hand, she started down the stairs. She made it to that mysterious halfway point, then slid on the carpet. She travelled on her backside the rest of the way down. She sat for a minute, mentally checking that nothing was broken. Bruised maybe but not broken. She pushed her feet into the pearl-colored pumps, checked her pocket for her keys, and let herself out. She climbed into Jimmy’s SUV and he roared back out of the driveway. “Took you long enough,” he said.

  The benefit auction went without a hitch although after three hours in her nice pumps – for Jimmy’s compulsive earliness meant they arrived at the River Center a full hour before the start of the sale – Jasper’s feet hurt like the devil. Jimmy loosened his tie, but he showed no compassion for his stepdaughter and required her presence for dinner at the same restaurant where he had insisted throughout the week that she join him for each and every lunch. Her stepfather didn’t seem to like her, Jasper, the individual very much but he hated eating alone.

  By the time, he dropped her off in her front yard, Jasper felt all used up. Luckily, the O’Neils’ door was closed when she let herself in. She tiptoed carefully upstairs where she undressed, pulled a nightgown over her head, and retreated once again to her bedroom cum living room. I’m in bed exhausted. I was in bed and exhausted last night, and I don’t even have anyone to be in bed exhausted with. Is this all there is? Jasper asked her plain white ceiling.

  Chapter 11

  Monday and Tuesday brought more of the same. The final sorting and set-up in time for the auction preview all day Tuesday and Wednesday before the sale. A couple look-ats that didn’t amount to much. “It’s not worth my time or yours for me to send the truck out,” Jimmy told the older couple with a garage full of rummage sale leftovers, and the doll collector who only bought Limited Edition modern dolls. All three people looked crestfallen but Jimmy didn’t waste words. “You can bring some of it to the auction house, but I don’t think it’ll bring anything much,” he told the two households in identical language.

  “Why can’t you put that differently?” Jasper asked him back in the SUV, passing slower vehicles right and left on the way back to the auction house. “Do you have to hurt their feelings? You kind of insulted them, maybe, don’t you think?”

  “They’d be more insulted if I sent the truck out. You know we have to charge them for that. Then on auction we’d end up having to box-lot all their crap, and hand them a bill afterward instead of a check. You can’t be nice to people in this business, Candy.”

  “Jasper.”

  “I don’t care if you call yourself Lady Jane. You gotta get over some of this niceness, kiddo. Toughen up. I never got anywhere being nice. And neither did you.”

  “Wow,” Jasper said. “That stings. And pretty much stinks too.”

  “The truth hurts – until you get used to it,” Jimmy said.

  “What if it’s not really the truth? There’s more than one way of looking at things, I think.”

  “You gotta cut the philosophy shit too,” Jimmy told her as they pulled into his regular parking space in front of the plate glass window at Biggs Auction. “Those people will come back to us.”

  “Why?"

  “They always come back for more,” Jimmy said. “You came back, didn’t you?”

  Well. Nothing like a typical Jimmyism to remind Jasper of life’s repeating miseries.

  ***

  Wednesday afternoon rolled around and the auction preview was in full swing. Members of the auction crew, Jasper included, wore the uniform of khaki pants and red polo shirts emblazoned with Bid & Buy at Biggs! Kelly accompanied people around the auction floor, speaking quietly to them and jotting notes on the backs of their bidder cards. They would name the top dollar they wanted to pay for an item, and during the auction a few hours hence, Kelly would do her best to win what they wanted just as if the absentee bidders were there in person. Of course someone could outbid them, as Kelly patiently explained to each and every one of them. Even the regulars got the spiel. Kelly was as careful about that as she was about the bidding itself.

  The women in the office, along the wall at the back of the big room where the main event took place, kept busy registering bidders and answering questions about the bidding process for newcomers.

  Jasper walked among the browsers, doing what she could to radiate friendliness even though she didn’t yet feel very knowledgeable about many of the items. “Hi, Jasper!” many people called. She shook hands and patted backs. She was already on a hugging basis with several of the women.

  Ted Phillips’s jocular bass voice sounded out even among all the hubbub. “Well I don’t know about that, Charlie, but you can give it a go, give it a go! Why the hell not!”

  Jasper knew that if Jimmy or Ted saw her lingering too long with any one customer, there’d be hell to pay. So she kept moving, circulating. She knew how to do that well. She never thought that any of her training to become the perfect minister’s wife would come in useful out in the bigger world. But here she was and it was working for her. No wonder job counselors urged people to list whatever it was they’d been up to regardless of seeming relevance. Life could take some funny turns.

  Kelly approached her. “Jasper, have you seen your father?”

  “Stepfather.”

  “Whatever. Jimmy? I need to know whether he’s going to sell the souvenir bells piece by piece or as a collection.”

  Jasper looked around the room, which was rapidly filling with people as the hour for the auction neared. “Didn’t he and Estie go out on a couple calls a while ago?”

  “Yeah. But I thought they’d be back by now,” Kelly said. “Hey, Ted! Got a sec?” She moved away with her bell bidder in tow.

  Jasper left the auction floor and hurried past the snack machines and the restrooms to the back door of the auction house. She went outside into the chilly March afternoon. She knocked. No answer. She tried the doorknob. Locked tight. She shivered and hurried through the crowded parking lot toward the street and the auction house’s main entrance. Nope. Jimmy’s parking spot was vacant. The regulars knew to leave it free for The Boss.

  Inside again, Jasper spotted several people in the crowd whom she’d met with Jimmy on look-ats and appra
isals during the past week. She waved hi to the older folks who’d had the garage full of rummage sale leftovers. The woman turned her head away, pretending to study a floral sofa that sat waiting for sale along with chests of drawers, dining room sets and mattresses in varying degrees of “Like New-ness” lined up against the wall. The rummage sale husband glared at Jasper.

  Okay. She could see that Jimmy’s rejection had stung the old folks, as she’d thought. But they had come back to Biggs Auction. Just as he said they would. When she noticed a woman crouched down in front of a boxful of toys in front of the auction block, she knew that Jimmy knew how to read people. It was the Collector Doll lady! Jasper started up toward her, thinking to say hello and reintroduce herself. But as she drew closer, she saw the scowl on the woman’s face. Oh, oh, another one. Jimmy knew how to bring people out for an auction but he won them over through sheer force of will, certainly not friendliness or kindness.

  Jasper couldn’t help but think about Pastor Tim who cheated on her time and again. Pastor Tim who criticized her clothing, her appearance, the way she laughed. And how, for 15 years, she kept coming back for more. She glanced back toward the faces of those already seated for the start of the auction. There were a good number of friendly faces in the crowd. But at least a third of the people she saw looked mad, annoyed, aggravated. Arrogant, gruff Jimmy might not be able to win friends but he sure knew how to influence people.

  One man thumped his cane and called out, “Let’s get this show on the road!” Jasper saw that it was Ray Clippert, sitting alone. A bidder number was taped to the seat of the empty chair next to him. Jasper squinted toward the clock on the wall behind the counter. She couldn’t make it out. But she felt sure it was still early. “Mr. Clippert!” she said, walking up to him and extending her hand. “I’m glad to see you again. Jasper Biggs. My step-dad runs this auction house. Remember me?”