15 Shades Of Pink

by Scott, Lisa

  “I’ve got a huge jar of beach glass at home,” Connor said. “I like wondering where it came from. Pirate ship? Party on a cruise boat?”

  Cassidy made a face. “Seriously?”

  Connor caught my eye, and I couldn’t hide my smile. “Or maybe a piece of a champagne bottle that christened a ship?” I offered.

  He pointed at me. “Clever. Hadn’t thought about that one.”

  Cassidy rolled her eyes. “It’s just from beer bottles and wine coolers.”

  The waitress came by to take our drink order, and I decided water with lemon wouldn’t cut it. “Rum and diet coke.”

  “I’ll help you look for some beach glass tomorrow,” Jared offered.

  Cassidy laughed. “Yeah, Jared, I forgot, you’re quite the treasure hunter.”

  “If Natalie likes it, I don’t mind helping her.”

  “I could help you, too,” offered another friend.

  I really had no plans to go beach glass hunting, but when two cute guys volunteered their assistance, what could I say? “Thanks. That’d be great.”

  Connor’s other friends were checking me out and I felt like the new baby panda at the zoo with so many eyes on me. I wanted to slide under the table. Cassidy watched them watching me, while Micki was watching her.

  “So, how about those Red Sox?” I said, breaking the silence at the table.

  Thankfully, the conversation turned to the baseball season and plans to rent jet skis the next day. Soon enough, our food came. Although I’d been mighty tempted by the Seafood Alfredo, I went with Shrimp Fra Diavolo instead, and probably saved a thousand calories doing so, although the portion was huge. I certainly wouldn’t be eating the whole thing.

  Cassidy slid half of her broiled fish onto Connor’s plate. Then she looked at me. “You’re not going to eat all that are you, Natalie?”

  I was seriously thinking about asking for a new cubicle when we went back to work Monday. “No, I’m not going to eat it all. I’m more than happy to share if anyone wants a taste.”

  “Would you have eaten the whole thing before you lost all the weight?” she asked.

  Connor shot her a look.

  “What? I’m just curious. I have no idea what it’s like to be that big. I’m proud of Natalie. I’ve been her cheering squad all along.” She pumped her fist in the air as if to prove it.

  Curious onlooker is more like it, I thought. I finished my drink and signaled the waitress for another. Once upon a time, a situation like this would have had me diving into the breadbasket. But I chewed on a few ice cubes instead, gnawing away at my stress, calorie-free.

  But I was still upset. I stood up to go to the restroom. “I’ll be right back.”

  “Let me come with you,” Micki said.

  I hurried to the restroom while Micki tried to keep up. I pushed through the door, closed my eyes, and leaned back against the wall. “Why is she being such a bitch?”

  “Because you’re the center of attention and she’s not. It’s probably the first time it’s ever happened to her.”

  “I’m so embarrassed.”

  “Don’t be. She’s embarrassing herself. Natalie, you’re not the number on your scale, even though that number’s a good one these days. You’re kind and funny and smart and you’re friends with me. And those things earn you big points.” She winked at me. “Chin up, girl. Now go to the bathroom, and we’re going to take our time walking back to the table. Let people look at you. Don’t worry about what they’re thinking.”

  I nodded and looked at myself in the mirror. My arms were crossed and my shoulders slumped like I was trying to curl up into the fetal position. I put my hands to my sides, straightened my shoulders, and took a deep breath. I did look good. But Micki was right. I was more proud of the kind of person I was than what I looked like.

  “Screw Cassidy,” I said.

  Micki let out a whoop of laughter. “Or her boyfriend. That would show her.”

  I whacked her arm and headed for a stall.

  Returning to the table, I took my time walking, not bothering to see who was looking as I went by. Cassidy was telling a story to the guys, but they stopped looking at her and watched us as we returned.

  She planted her hands on her hips. Then she forced a smile. “Did you go and throw up? Is that your secret?”

  Micki sat down and popped a piece of bread in her mouth. “No, we were talking about what a bitch you are.” She smiled. “Kidding.”

  “Cassidy, I think you’ve had enough to drink tonight,” Connor said.

  She looked offended. “I’m concerned about my friend. I want to be sure she’s okay.”She stretched out the word like there were five letter A’s in it.

  “You don’t need to worry about me. I’m great.”

  “Yeah, you are,” Connor said.

  Cassidy’s lips curled into a smile, but her eyes were flat and dull. “I want to show you guys something.” She reached into her purse and grabbed her phone. After pressing a few buttons, she handed it to Connor. “Look.”

  He examined the phone.

  “That’s Natalie at the company’s Memorial Day cookout last year.”

  My stomach tumbled and I pressed my eyes shut, but I could still picture the scene. We’d been playing volleyball, and I was excited that I scored the winning point for our team. We posed for a picture, and our boss posted it on the bulletin board the next week. I hadn’t had my picture taken in years, and didn’t realize how big I’d really become. That’s when I’d decided to lose weight.

  I reached for my drink, but it was empty. All the ice cubes were gone too.

  “Isn’t that incredible?” Cassidy asked. “She’s like a different person. It’s like she lost a whole person or something. It’s like she lost me!” She giggled.

  Frowning, Connor handed it back to her and looked at me. “I knew that was you right away. No one has green eyes like yours. Beach-glass green.”

  Cassidy handed the phone to the guy next to her, while Micki placed her hand on my leg. “Hold your head high,” she whispered.

  And I did. Then I stood up. “I’m heading back to the room.” I threw two twenties on the table to cover my part of the bill, and decided to drive home the next morning. This was too much.

  “Natalie, I can’t let you drive. You’ve had too much to drink. You need to wait a while.” Micki pulled me back down in my seat.

  The phone made its way back to Cassidy.

  “So how did you do it?” Connor asked. “How did you lose the weight?”

  I wanted to crawl under the table.

  “I don’t mean to pry. You should be really proud, that’s all.”

  “She stopped eating so much. Duh.” Cassidy rolled her eyes.

  Something inside me snapped. She wasn’t really my friend and I wasn’t going to let her treat me like this. I wouldn’t slink away from the table because of her and I wouldn’t be leaving the beach, either.

  I gave her a great big smile. “Actually, it was more than that.” I explained everything I’d learned about the glycemic index and carbs versus protein.

  The guys were interested, and asked lots of questions about whole grains and fat grams.

  “Of course, exercising helps, too,” I added.

  “Right. And don’t forget our run tomorrow,” Connor said. He was sitting further away from Cassidy, who was pouting and glaring at her empty drink.

  “Well, I don’t have to work hard at it at all,” she said. “This all comes naturally.”

  Connor shook his head and let out a laugh. “There’s really not much natural about you. Have fun, guys. I’m headed back to the condo, too. I’ve got a running date tomorrow morning.” He winked at me and pushed away from the table. “Want a ride home, Natalie?”

  I nodded and handed my keys to Micki. “See you guys later.”

  “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine,” Cassidy said sarcastically.

  “I know you will,” Connor said. “You have fun without me all the time.” />
  I followed Connor to his car, wondering if the churning in my stomach was because of the alcohol or the fact I was driving home with him and Cassidy wasn’t.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m really embarrassed.” He held open my door for me.

  “You didn’t say anything wrong.”

  He climbed into the driver’s seat and stared out the windshield before starting the car. “I’m embarrassed that I’m dating someone so ugly.”

  I snorted. “Cassidy is hardly ugly.”

  “She is on the inside. How did I end up with someone so rude? The minute someone besides her gets a little attention, she turns into a brat. She tried to hurt you tonight and that was terrible.”

  “So, why are you going out with her?” God. I couldn’t believe I’d asked it, drunk or not.

  “Good question,” he said, pulling out of the parking lot. “One that I can’t answer. I don’t think she’s ever had to work hard for a thing in her life.” He looked over at me. “It’s really impressive what you did. You shouldn’t be embarrassed.”

  I looked down, more embarrassed than ever.

  He walked me to my door when we got back to the condo. “You gonna make it tomorrow morning? I understand if you need to sleep off a hangover.” He reached out and grabbed my hand.

  I squeezed back, wanting to thank him for being such a good friend. No way was I missing a running date with Connor. Didn’t matter if I had to stop to puke, I’d be there. “I’ll meet you behind the condo at seven.”

  ***

  I thought I’d have a hard time falling asleep, but I didn’t even hear Micki and Cassidy come in. Before I knew it, the alarm was going off and I got dressed and headed outside, pleased to feel the cool morning air on my skin. The cool feeling disappeared when I saw Connor headed my way.

  “Glad you made it,” he said.

  “I think it’ll help with the hangover. I don’t usually drink much. But last night…” I rubbed my temples.

  “We all needed a drink last night.”

  I reached down and touched my toes. I never tired of the sensation, plus it was a good excuse not to face him. “I’ll feel better after a run, that’s for sure.”

  After stretching, we jogged down to the shore. “Let’s head for the pier,” he said.

  We started off at a medium pace, and the fresh ocean air felt incredible flooding my lungs. My headache disappeared and my mood lifted. I wished I’d known years ago how good running made me feel. Could’ve had a whole different life. I shook off the regret and sprinted ahead of Connor.

  “Wait up!” he yelled behind me.

  That only made me run faster, but he did finally catch up, and then we fell into the same rhythm. My ponytail swung behind me as we ran, and I caught him glancing at me a few times.

  I closed my eyes, running along, lost in the moment. When I opened them, Connor wasn’t by me. I slowed down and looked behind me. He was twenty yards back, tying his shoe. I waited for him, but he was still squatting down. Maybe he’d lost his key?

  I planted my hands on my hips and walked back to him. “What’s up?”

  He smiled up at me and held out his hand. Something shiny glinted in his palm. “I spotted a piece of blue beach glass. That’s your favorite, right?”

  He stood up and handed it to me. Our fingers brushed and I had to think of my hilarious calendar featuring puppies dressed in formal wear to stop from crying. The poodle in pumps cracked me up every time. Luckily, it made me smile as I stared at the hunk of glass in my hand. In my twenty-six years, this was the nicest thing any boy, teen, or man had ever given me. “Thanks,” I managed to choke out. I held the piece of glass up to the sun. It was a good-sized hunk of cobalt blue.

  He bent down again and plucked a smaller, clear piece from the sand. “There’s a bunch of it, right here in these rocks. I think it’s from a wine bottle a pair of honeymooners tossed off their yacht.” He grinned.

  I stooped down next to him. “This brown piece must’ve been the last bottle of whiskey from a ship marooned on an island.”

  Together, we picked up bits of brown glass and a few smooth, green pieces telling stories about where they came from. I found a tiny crab and let it crawl across the palm of my hand. “I should keep you. I love crab cakes.”

  He laughed. “You’d need about a hundred of those for one cake. I know a great place not far from here that serves the world’s best crab cakes. Maybe we can go there for dinner tonight.”

  I let the crab scoot off my hand onto the sand. I looked up at Connor. “I don’t think I’ll be joining the group for dinner tonight. I need a break from your girlfriend. Sorry.”

  He reached his hand to me and pulled me up. “Me too. I forgot about her for a moment. I was thinking about dinner, just you and me.”

  A wave of delight—chased by a mound of guilt—hit my gut. “Okay, she’s not the nicest person in the world, but I couldn’t do that.”

  “I know. It would just be nice, that’s all.” He dumped his pieces of glass in my hand and I tucked them in my pocket.

  “Wanna keep running, or should we walk back?” he asked.

  “Let’s walk.” We headed back for the condo and talked about favorite vacations we’d taken, the inexplicable popularity of reality TV, and whether brownies or chocolate chip cookies were the perfect dessert.

  “Not that I eat those very often anymore,” I admitted.

  “Once in a while, I hope. Gotta live your life.”

  “But not as a fat girl again. Back then? A guy like you never would have talked to me.” I looked away from him and thought about the Labrador in a tiara who grinned at me for all of March.

  Connor grabbed my arm. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it. “Well, I would have been a fool. Because you’re even sweeter and funnier and more interesting than you are pretty.”

  I sucked in a breath. The surf crashed against the shore, the birds cried overhead and we stared at each other for a moment. Not that I had any experience, but I imagined this would be the right time to place my hand on his chest. Or maybe his cheek. His butt cheek? No. Shoulder, maybe, and look up with a coy smile. But I took a step back from him, because he was still dating my co-worker, snot or not.

  “Thanks, Connor. I hope I can meet someone like you someday.” And then I ran off to the condo so he couldn’t see my tears.

  Images of dogs in drag only work for so long; you just know some of those poor pooches are boys.

  It was nine o’clock when I got back, and Micki was in the kitchen dipping her finger in a jar of peanut butter. Cassidy was in the shower.

  “How was your run?” she asked. “With Connor,” she added, with a sexy tone in her voice.

  “Fine. Good.” I took the beach glass out of my pocket and dumped it in an empty wine glass on the counter.

  “What’s this?”

  “We found some beach glass.”

  Her eyebrow shot up. “You and Connor went beachcombing? How sweet.”

  “It wasn’t like that.” Even though it had been for a moment.

  “Don’t let the Queen of Everything in there know. She’s trying to pretend like she doesn’t care that Connor brought you home last night—and went running with you this morning. But I know a jilted diva when I see one. I think it was her talons that gave her away.”

  I headed for my bedroom and looked back at her. “Thanks for the warning, but I did nothing wrong.” Guilt blinked its beady eyes because I’d been thinking about five different kinds of wrong.

  Micki chased me into the bedroom. “Listen, you really rocked that dress last night. It’s time to step up your game.” She pulled a black bikini from behind her. “It’s brand new—I couldn’t decide which one to buy. But I know it would look awesome on you.” She handed it to me. “Consider it a thank you gift for making Cassidy squirm last night. That was fun.”

  I was ready to say, no, no I couldn’t. But I remembered the moment last night when I returned from the restroom, with my chin
up and shoulders back. I liked that feeling. And I liked the way Connor looked at me then.

  I snatched the bathing suit from her. “Why not?”

  Micki clapped. “Yay! I’ll meet you down at the beach.”

  I closed the door and put on the bikini, examining myself from every angle in the mirror hanging on the back of the door. I jumped up and down a few times, expecting to see something jiggle, but nothing did. I stared at myself in the mirror; the little girl who’d been teased for her big thighs and her wide load since she was seven was staring back at me.

  I grabbed my cover-up and slipped it on. I’d take it off later. I would. I needed to work up my courage, first.

  Cassidy was still in her room getting ready. I grabbed my beach bag and towel and headed down to the beach. I found Micki and settled in next to her.

  Connor and his friends were set up a little ways down from us. I felt Connor watching me, but wouldn’t look his way. Maybe I’d been wrong about him. What kind of guy flirts with his girlfriend’s coworker—while they’re on vacation together?

  Cassidy sauntered down in a gold bikini. Her hair was piled on top of her head in a twist that was meant to look casual, but clearly took some time and significant hair product to achieve. I held my breath, expecting her to come over and give me shit. But she made her way over to Connor and the gang.

  She stood in front of them, spreading out her towel and giving the group a good look at her thong. I snuck a peak at Connor, who was frowning.

  I’m not really sure why I did it, but I stood up, pulled off my cover-up and walked down to the water.

  “And say hello to the new Natalie,” Micki said quietly, with a polite clap.

  I looked at her over my shoulder. “And say goodbye to the old me.” Taking my time walking out to the water, I sensed someone coming behind me.

  “Hey, wanna take a walk?” Jared asked.

  I smiled. “Maybe later. Right now, I want to go for a swim.” I looked back at the guys. They were all watching, and so was Cassidy, although she snapped her head away when I caught her gaze.