“What was that all about?” April stared in disbelief as he left the tavern.
“You were right about him. He really is a jerk.” The girls looked at me when they heard the strength of my words, welcoming me into the club. I hated the words as soon as they left my lips, knowing it was a lie. At that point, I would have walked down the street naked if it would give me another chance with him.
That fateful day started as normally as any other. I agreed to take Lucas’ afternoon feeding shift, thinking maybe it was a way to get back in his good graces. As he left that morning I overheard Phin teasing him about having a date with his girlfriend and wanted to vomit.
After a long day of riding, I was quite exhausted as I pulled the heavy wheelbarrow of grain down the aisle, depositing scoops in each bucket as I went. Every horse greeted me with an excited nicker at their stall door, every horse except LeSheen. His stall was empty. The door that opened to his private paddock hung open and I heard him munching hay from the manger on the other side of the stall wall. It was the perfect opportunity. I slid in quietly, dropped the grain in his bucket and got out as quickly as I could.
“Ready to go?” Phin turned out the lights and we left for home.
When we arrived at the barn the next morning, Lucas was at my window before the truck was in park.
“Where’s LeSheen?” He demanded, panic clear on his face.
“What? Why are you asking me? You know I don’t go anywhere near that horse.” It was too early for this kind of interrogation.
“What’s going on, Lucas?” Concern deepened Phin’s usually playful voice.
“LeSheen’s gone. He’s not in his stall or in his paddock.” Phin immediately started running to the barn as fast as his limp would let him.
I followed behind them, thinking back to yesterday and trying to recall when I had last seen LeSheen.
We arrived at his empty stall where the grain I had deposited in his bucket last night lay untouched. We ran out the little door to his paddock where an uneaten hay bale filled the manger hanging against the barn wall.
My eyes searched the fence of the tiny paddock and I felt like I was going to throw up when I saw the exterior gate that led out to the unsecured courtyard in front of the barn hanging wide open. A set of big hoof prints led through the muddy stable yard and out into the woods.
Fear washed over me. LeSheen was gone.
“When did you see him last?” Phin demanded
“Last night when I was feeding.” The words tumbled from my mouth obediently as I tried to remember everything I had done the afternoon before.
“You saw him? In his stall?” He asked
“Well, no. I didn’t see him. It was dark. I heard him eating hay in his paddock when I put the grain in his bucket. That gate is never open.” I pointed at the opened gate and shook my head trying to defend my actions, but knowing it was my fault. I sank down and sat on the mounting block beside me while my brain registered what I had done. “I didn’t think to check.” I offered, knowing it wasn’t solving anything.
“Okay,” Phin tried to calm the situation. “I’m sure he’s on the grounds somewhere. Lucas, take a truck and start out to the eastern fields.” He thought a little longer. “I guess I have to call Mr. Dayne.” My heart sunk in my chest.
I felt like a criminal on trial standing outside his office. Phin had just hung up after a hushed and hurried conversation when Dayne came running into the barn.
“What happened?” He roared down the aisle as soon as he saw us. I was thankful for Phin’s protection against the storm raging in his eyes.
“LeSheen got out of his stall last night. We need to split up and look for him,” Phin answered. “Will you take the western fields?”
“Who had the last shift yesterday?” Dayne demanded.
Phin didn’t answer.
“I did.” I couldn’t look at him when I answered. My voice was as small as I felt. Of course I hated that horse, but I would never do anything to harm him.
Dayne grabbed a halter and lead rope from the rack. He opened the first stall he came to, threw the halter on the startled occupant, tied the lead rope into reins and galloped out of the barn towards the western fields.
“Take the north?” Phin said to me. “I’ll take the truck south.”
I walked to the rack of halters, trying to think quickly through which horse I should take.
“Faye, don’t approach him if you find him. He’s more dangerous on the loose than he ever was in here. Take this.” Phin put a two-way radio in my hand.
“Ok.” I grabbed Sterling and thundered out to the northern fields.
I searched the entire northern corner of the woods and fields of Ennishlough before Phin’s voice came over the radio.
“We’ve found tracks leading out of the west gate. Come quick.” As I heard Phin’s words, dread crept over me. LeSheen was loose now, no longer protected by the safety of Ennishlough’s white walls. He was loose, and, if he wasn’t hurt, he was sure to hurt someone.
Phin and Lucas were about a mile outside of the gate, searching for the practically invisible hoof prints in the thick green grass. I pulled Sterling to a halt and jumped down to help.
“Where’s Dayne?” I asked. Lucas shot me a disgusted look from where he crawled along the green ground searching for tracks. I wasn’t sure if it was for asking about Dayne or for losing the horse.
“Up ahead, he’s riding out on the trail they take sometimes, told us to try and trace the tracks. Here’s one.” Phin squatted beside the slight indention in the grass, leaning heavily on the cane in his hand. Lucas crawled over for a closer look, his hands and knees soaking wet from the damp morning dew.
“It’s heading that way,” Lucas pointed ahead.
“Faye?” Phin nodded in the direction of Lucas’ hand.
“Yeah.” My knees were weak as Lucas gave me a leg up onto Sterling’s bare back. With trembling hands I gathered my reins and spurred him on.
I cantered off over the hill, the forceful winds off the Atlantic stinging my eyes and causing Sterling to shift under me. To my shock and horror, the field disappeared at a cliff not 20 yards over the crest. Dayne was dismounted and standing beside the cliff’s edge, staring down. The winds launched the ocean’s spray high into the soft morning as the waves broke furiously on the rocky shore below. Dayne’s hair was tangled in knots, swept in all directions by the salty drops pelting him like a rain shower.
As I slowed Sterling to a walk, huge hoof prints appeared in the muddy footing leading to Dayne. A single track led up to the edge and disappeared. There was fresh soil on the edge where a big chunk of cliffside had recently given way and fallen into the angry water below.
I jumped off Sterling and ran to his side. He didn’t even look at me as I crumbled in a pile beside him. Peering over the edge to the swirling ocean water beating itself on the rocks below, the blood ran cold in my veins at the realization of LeSheen’s fate. He was gone.
Dayne ripped the radio from my hand as I pulled my knees into my chest and began to rock back and forth on the cold wet ground at his feet.
“We found him.” There was static on the radio and it beeped once as Dayne launched it with all his might into the air in front of us.
There was nothing but water below, no beach for a horse to swim to, only a rocky ledge where waves broke their swells so violently no fish dared to swim. Nothing could have survived a fall like that, not even a horse as mighty and strong as LeSheen.
An arm wrapped around me, and I didn’t realize I was shaking and trembling, my body racked with sobs and tears, until Phin pulled me into him.
“Shhhh, Shhhh.” He didn’t tell me it was ok. I knew it wasn’t. It was my fault, my negligence that had led to this.
How could I have let this happen? Why did I let this happen? All I had to do was take two seconds to walk out of the barn and be sure LeSheen was safely locked in his paddock. But I hadn’t.
Dayne kept his back turned to us a
ll. I stood, but remained cowered against Phin. Lucas bent down at the cliff’s ledge, touching the imprint of the last step LeSheen would have taken before he fell to his death.
Dayne turned to face us. He was expressionless as he stared into the distance. “I guess it goes without saying that you are all fired.” His jaw muscles clenched and released.
“No. This is my fault. Don’t fire them. I’ll take the blame,” I pleaded with him.
Slowly he turned and faced me, like a king looking down on a peasant begging for her life.
“You…” The word was so full of rage I was afraid of what was coming next, “…better get off my land and I better never see you here again.” The icy coldness of his voice crashed into me with a fury more terrifying than the waves swirling below. “If I do, I’ll sue you for the full value of that horse.” I melted out of Phin’s arms and back to the ground below, unable to support my own weight and grief.
He walked stiffly over to where his horse stood and leapt up to the waiting back. He looked over his shoulder at me one last time before he spurred the horse and thundered off into the afternoon.
I knew he was gone for good, out of my life forever. All the feelings I had for him, all the dreams I had about our make believe life together, were pointless. The secrets he kept, I would never know.
Any hopes I had that he might change his mind and whisk me away like some fairytale prince were as useless as I was, crumpled on that cliff, watching him ride away.
I knew leaving Ireland was the only way I could fix the mess I had made. Silence filled the tiny cab of Phin’s truck as we rattled down the pot-holed road, neither of us knowing what to say as we stared out the windows in opposite directions. I jumped out of the truck when it pulled to a stop in front of Rose’s picket fenced garden and practically ran to the computer where I purchased the bus and plane tickets that would put this awful experience in my past before anyone had a chance to change my mind.
An hour later I set my bags by the staircase, trying to hold back the tears and still my trembling chin as I looked around the little cottage that had become my home. I was really going to miss this life.
Neither Rose nor Phin were surprised to see the suitcase by my feet. Phin was already half way through a bottle of whiskey, peeling the label with his worn hands at the kitchen table. Rose stood at the window, rubbing her hands over the worn wooden seal with her lips pursed as tightly as her eyes. She turned with a start when my suitcase thumped against the floor. We looked at each other with the same empty look over puffy, red eyelids.
“I’m so sorry!” The tears broke free despite my best attempts to quell them. I had really ruined things for them. Phin had lost the best job he had ever had, and jobs were few and far between for barn managers.
“Oh, honey. We’ll get through this,” Rose wiped her own tears as she came over and wrapped me in a hug.
“I hate to leave you guys,” my voice broke with grief. Sobs began to jerk my body so violently even Rose’s hug couldn’t stop them.
“I know, honey.” She stroked my hair as she hugged, rocking me from side to side with her. There was no one in America that would ever hug me like she did. “But you really can’t stay. If Mr. Dayne really is thinking about suing you for the price of that horse?” She paused and shook her head in a worried way. “You could never afford it, and neither could your parents.” Her voice was soft and soothing and I felt even guiltier.
“Easily a million,” Phin interjected without looking up from the bottle that held his attention.
“It’s best if you leave. Give this time to blow over. Come back and see us next summer.” She pulled away and tilted her head toward me with a strained smile that wrinkled her entire face.
I nodded my head, sniffing and wiping at my wet cheeks.
“Come on, I’ll drive you to the bus stop.” She picked up my bag and waited by the door.
Phin gave me a hug before I left, swaying and unsteady on his bad leg as he stood. How was he ever going to find another job?
“I love you, Faye.” I didn’t deserve his kindness and fresh tears of guilt sprung up in my eyes. I couldn’t believe how horribly I had messed things up for everyone.
At exactly 6:30 the hiss of the bus’ air brakes released and the revving engine belched a hot grumble that vibrated under foot. My face was pressed up against the cold glass, fogging it to a hazy white, as I waved goodbye out of the tinted bus window. Rose wiped a tear with one hand and held the other one high in the air as a cloud of dust kicked up by the big wheels enveloped her. April and Norah ran over to Rose, and after a brief exchange, April’s hand flew up in the air too. I waved goodbye to my best friend.
With a pitiful sigh, I settled into the back seat of the bus hating, every turning wheel that took me further away from the life in Clonlea I had come to love. Unable to believe how quickly, and easily, it had slipped through my fingers.
Banshee Pointe rose over the Atlantic in the distance. The brown thatched roof of the town tavern and the little row of buildings that housed Rose’s bakery cast shadows on the streets as the setting sun threw its last rays of light onto the seaside town. In the distance the green field that had been tented for my first town festival was being mowed in preparation for the Summer Solstice Festival. The bus passed April’s house on the edge of town where we had gotten ready for my first dance. I strained my eyes far into the distance, not wanting to let go of the little road that ran out of town to Rose and Phin’s, the same road that ran by Ennishlough. I hung my head down in my hands when the tiny ribbon vanished on the horizon. Things had really gone to pieces.
I tried not to think about what I had done. It was the only way to keep the tears out of my eyes. I put my earphones on and cranked the volume so loud I didn’t have to think. The bus wasn’t full, so I spread out over the back seat that ran the entire width of the cabin. When I tucked my jacket under my head for a pillow, I caught the bus driver looking at me in the mirror. His black eyes studied me and I wondered if he knew what I had done.
Try as I may, the overwhelming emotions of the day eventually caught up with me no matter how badly I wanted to forget.
There were so many reasons to be angry it was hard to focus on one. I hated how irresponsible I had been. It would have taken five seconds to look out and be sure LeSheen’s paddock was locked, but I had been too wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself over the loss of Dayne and Lucas to bother. On top of that my inattention had caused an amazing animal to suffer, and I had always taken great pride in the way I cared for all animals.
If the suffocating mix of anger and guilt had been only related to the accident with LeSheen I probably could have found a silver lining in the storm cloud—told myself it was at least a quick and painless death, or that LeSheen could’ve easily jumped the fence even if the gate was closed. I knew the reasons for my pain were way deeper than that, and my breath began to quiver when I was forced to admit what it really was.
I was leaving everything I loved in Clonlea. Rose and Phin, the perfect life I had lived over the past month, the best friend I knew I would never replace.
And, of course, there was Dayne.
It just didn’t seem fair that my life had danced to closely with perfection only to be ripped from my grasp. Had I not held on tightly enough? No. Dayne was willing giving me up, insisting on my departure even. Rose and Phin had encouraged me to leave, afraid of the ramifications my mistake could have on us all. April had waved her goodbye without running along behind the bus like they do in the movies. Yep, Ireland was giving me up, even though it was all I wanted anymore.
I fought against the tears pooling on my lower lashes. Georgia wasn’t home anymore...Ireland was.
A tear made its way into my hairline and emptied in my ear. I wiped it against my jacket and folded my arms over my chest, squeezing as hard as I could, trying to stop the sobs welling up in my lungs.
Normally I would comfort myself by slipping into my fantasies. The little trick Rose taught
me was my main comfort at times like this, but dreaming about any kind of life with Dayne was a nightmare now. The emotions were just too raw. I knew I would never have a chance with him ever again. He would find a girl worthy of him and get married and raise a family on the idyllic grounds of Ennishlough. He would never think of me again.
I didn’t have a choice. I had to let him go, but I could never forget him. That would have been impossible. I’d have to keep his memory, tucked safely in the far reaches of my brain, along with the other painful secrets I hid away. When the pain passed, I would be able to dream about him again. He would be my happy place, a dream I would pull out when life got too real. That’s all I would be able to keep of my perfect life. He was gone.
Sleep finally washed over me.
It didn’t register at first when I heard the squeal of the brakes and the shout of the driver. My first reaction was to yell at Phin to turn the TV down. When my body lifted off the seat and began its flight through the air, I woke up.
It was all in slow motion, a flickering, fuzzy, old timey movie.
Headlights clicked by in the widows I past, illuminating the horrified faces and bodies hunched against the seatbacks in front of them. Luggage, unsecured like me, hung in the air, slowly making its way to the front of the bus with me. I was halfway down the aisle when I knew I was about to die. The windshield glass glinted menacingly in front of me, hard and shiny as an ax cleaned for execution. The driver’s arms were thrown up, covering his face, braced for impact. The scene was silent around me. Despite the open mouths of horrified passengers and screeching wheels below, nothing but a mellow hum filled my ears.
This was it. My sorry excuse for a life was coming to an end. A calm washed over me at the finality of it all. There was nothing I could do. I pictured my parents one last time and saw the way they used to smile at me. I saw Rose and Phin, and I felt her hug. I said goodbye to the only people who had loved me and closed my eyes, ready to go.
Heir of Earth (Forgotten Gods) Page 21