Her heart shifted at his sincere words. She felt a crack in her resistance.
Sydney licked her lips. “What if we reconciled and I get pregnant with another Down syndrome child?”
He gave a small smile. “I’d pray she looks like you.”
“He could look like you.”
Noah dropped the sack and took a tentative step toward her. “Let me come back home.”
Sydney shook her head. “It’s too soon.”
“It’s been long enough.” This time his tone was firm. “We’re married. We need to be under the same roof. Quinn needs the both of us full-time.”
Sydney touched her chest. “I’ll pray on it. That’s all I can promise. The old me would have filed divorce papers already.”
Noah opened his mouth like he was about to argue. Instead, he gave a terse nod.
“Small steps,” Sydney said.
He came over and took her hand. “Small steps.”
48
Portia entered Nathaniel’s office. It was 8:00 p.m. and the office was deserted. He looked up and motioned for her to take a seat. Since their show down in the parking lot, Nathaniel had been solicitous but hadn’t made any more advances toward her. Most days, he barely noticed her and it hurt.
She missed him.
“What are you still doing here?” he said.
“I was working on an assignment for my class. I’m not worried about it.” She had a 3.98 grade point average.
He smiled. “I would have given you some assistance if you needed.”
Portia gritted her teeth. She hated the professional tone he now used when he spoke to her. He raised an eyebrow. She knew he wanted to know why she was in his office.
“So…?” He drummed his fingers on the desk.
She straightened. “Nathaniel, I hate how things are between us. Everything’s all proper and polite.”
“Do you want me to be improper and rude?” he asked in a deferential tone.
Portia cupped her forehead. “No, of course not. What I mean is; you used to joke with me and seek me out and now…”
“You miss me,” he supplied.
She gave a jerky nod. “I do. I don’t even get why. I’m independent and I’m usually good at moving on, except this time…” she trailed off, then grinned self-consciously. “I’m sorry. I’m never at a loss for words.” She lowered her head.
He stood. “I’ve missed you, too.”
His admission made her head pop up. “You have?”
He nodded. “I didn’t lie to you when I said you shot an arrow in my heart. It’s a permanent hole meant to be filled by you.”
Portia chuckled. “I didn’t take you for the poetic type.”
“I didn’t either.” Nathaniel moved from around his desk and came to stand before her. He held out his hand.
She put her hands in his and stood.
Nathaniel took her in his arms and kissed her. He kissed her like he had all night. Portia didn’t mind. She grabbed his head and deepened the kiss. Who knows how much time passed before they broke apart.
“That was… amazing,” she said, touching her lips.
“I knew it would be,” he whispered. He drew her back into his arms once more.
Portia welcomed the embrace, taking in the scent of his cologne. He smelled like the ocean. She moaned. Nathaniel put his lips against hers. “Portia, how do you feel about God?”
She hadn’t expected that question. “He’s all right, I guess,” she said. Her lips brushed Nathaniel’s. She wasn’t trying to think about God right now. She wanted to taste more of Nathaniel’s kisses.
He had other ideas. “He’s more than all right. He’s everything to me.” Nathaniel’s bass voice caused her body to tremble. How could he be so erotic while talking about God?
Portia took the initiative and pressed her body closer to his. Nathaniel stepped back, putting some distance between them.
“Give me a chance to introduce Him to you,” he said. “I guarantee you’ll fall in love with Him the way I did.”
Portia stared him down. “I didn’t say I don’t love God. I’m not a bad person. God knows it. I’m better than most Christians out there.”
“It’s not enough. Plenty of good people are going to hell.”
She placed a hand on her hip. The love vibes cooled. “You saying I’m going to hell?”
“If you don’t accept Him. It’s all or nothing. I want to be with you. Do you want to be with me?”
Portia nodded. “I want to see where things go between us. I feel we’re unfinished business and I don’t want to look back with any regrets.”
“Well, I’m come with baggage,” Nathaniel said. “It’s God and me.”
Portia didn’t like being forced to do anything. This felt like an ultimatum. She folded her arms. “I suppose.” She wanted to say much more but reigned in her tongue.
He shook his head. “You’re one stubborn woman.”
Portia lifted her chin. “And proud. Don’t forget that.”
Nathaniel agreed. “Give God a chance. Let me help you get to know Him.”
“I do know Him.” She cut her eyes at him.
“You know about Him,” he said. “God is so much more.”
Portia looked into Nathaniel’s earnest eyes. He seemed so sure. She felt a pang of jealousy at the relationship he must have with God. She touched her heart. She wanted to feel that assurance. She needed to know what it felt like to be so sure about someone.
Portia uttered two heartfelt words. “I’m interested.”
They were enough. Nathaniel embraced her.
“We’ll remain celibate,” he said, rocking her gently.
She groaned. Nathaniel was pushing it. But she pushed another two words out of her mouth. “I’ll try.”
Epilogue
“I’m glad to see you’re taking your meds,” Dr. Raymond Burton said, leaning close.
Monica opened her mouth wide and lifted her tongue. She stuck it out close enough to graze the doctor’s cheek. He blushed and retreated.
She followed his every move. He was pudgy in the middle and had a big nose. But Dr. Raymond had a good heart. He was a kind soul. He treated her with dignity and he was smart.
Monica had confessed to stabbing Clarendon and hitting Sydney. But she had been declared unfit for trial and placed in this mental institution in Fort Myers. Her lawyer had told her she would probably be there for the rest of her life.
Monica had been too heartbroken to care. Lance was gone.
After Lance’s death, Monica didn’t think she could love again. But now she knew God had been behind everything. He made her do all those things so she could end up in here with Raymond.
God was so good to her. She uttered a silent praise.
Monica knew if she started rejoicing and speaking in tongues, the idiots would give her another shot. Aside from the misunderstandings of the heathen staff, she liked being in the ward. Monica was a model patient. She participated in all the group sessions and avoided the real crazy folk.
Every now and again, Quinn would enter her mind. But Monica dismissed Sydney’s child from her thoughts. God had shown Monica why she’d given birth to Quinn. She was blessed to have been Quinn’s surrogate for two years. But God knew Sydney would lose a child. Monica was happy she had fulfilled that need.
The more Monica read her Bible, the more she understood. She filled her notebook pages with God’s revelations. Maybe one day she would get a chance to share her findings with the world. Many found the Bible confusing, but it was as easy as ABC to her.
When she wasn’t in the Word, Monica took the time to get to know Raymond. She watched him all the time. The more she saw him interact with the nurses and patients, the more convinced she became.
He was her second chance. He was the one.
That’s why she knew this was the moment. He was ready. Her mild flirtations were about to pay off.
Monica stood and locked her door.
Raymond fa
ced her. “What are you doing?”
She smiled, then pulled on the strings of her gown. His eyes followed as it fell to the floor…
Questions for Discussion
1. Like some women today, Monica believed it was okay and justifiable to get a man by any means necessary. Do you agree with Monica’s tactics? What advice would you give to these women?
2. Lance and Belinda was a Christian couple that grappled with celibacy. What advice can we give couples to help them realize love is worth the wait?
3. Belinda struggled with believing God had forgiven her past. Why is it so hard to accept God has forgiven us? Do you think many struggle with forgiving themselves?
4. Portia didn’t want to give up her life of fun to give God a chance. How can we minister to friends like Portia who are loyal and good in our eyes?
5. Recall some of Monica’s actions in the story. Do you think she genuinely believed God was leading her?
6. When Noah tried to pray for Monica, why do you think his prayers were unsuccessful?
7. Sydney had a lot to forgive with Noah. Do you think she forgave him too easily for keeping the truth about his parents from her?
8. Do you agree with/understand Noah’s position about their baby?
9. Do you think Noah made the right choice between his spouse and the baby? Do you understand Sydney’s reaction to his choice?
10.What was your favorite or most memorable scene? Who was your favorite character?
About the Author
Michelle Lindo-Rice is an award winning, bestselling author of the "Able to Love" and "On the Right Path" series. She enjoys crafting fiction centered around the four "F" words: Faith, Friendship, Family, and Forgiveness. She is the 2015 winner of the Black Writers and Book Clubs Rocks Female Author of the Year Award.
Originally from Jamaica West Indies, Michelle Lindo-Rice calls herself a lifelong learner. She has earned degrees from New York University, SUNY at Stony Brook, Teachers College Columbia University and Argosy University. A pastor's kid, Michelle upholds the faith, preaching, teaching, and ministering through praise and worship. Feel free to connect with her at michellelindorice.com
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