She bolted to her knees, knocking his hands away and looking frantically around her like a trapped animal.
“I can’t do this,” she whispered, the anguish in her voice echoing through the tunnel. He saw the same edgy, restlessness in her that he’d seen in the barn two days ago.
“Attie—”
She was gone. Just like that, she lunged out the opening of the cave into the night.
Cursing, Noah grabbed the lantern and went after her.
Chapter 4
Attie was heading toward the rocky ledge they had climbed earlier. Noah lengthened his stride to catch up with her and grabbed her elbow to stop her before she toppled over. He spun her around and stared down into eyes as turbulent as the storm around them.
“What are you trying to do, get yourself killed?” he shouted.
Disbelief widened her eyes, followed by anger, but beneath it laid pain and desperation so strong the force of it was like a blow to his midsection. He fought between shaking some sense into her and wrapping his arms around her.
“I knew where I was going,” Attie shouted back, glaring at him. “Why can’t you just go away and leave me alone?”
Rain plastered her hair to her head, falling in icy sheets as thunder boomed and lightning lit up the sky. Wind swirled around them with a vengeance, but neither noticed. Another storm raged and it had nothing to do with the weather.
“Don’t shut me out.”
She stared at him, full of pride and defiance. She had no intentions of trusting him, shutting him out just as she had everyone else, proving once again that she didn’t need anybody. Noah knew better. He had failed her once and he wasn’t going to do it again.
“Go away,” she shouted.
He leaned in closer until their mouths were only inches apart. “If I go what will you do? There’s no barn here.”
He was pushing her, forcing a reaction. He hated to do it, but their lives depended on it. If they were going to beat Santiago at his own game they needed to settle the past between them. His timing was bad, but he couldn’t handle seeing her like this. He wanted in, damn it.
She tugged at her arm, but he refused to let go.
“That’s none of your business.”
“It’s been my business since the day you stepped foot in my classroom.”
The wind whipped a strand of hair across her cheek where it clung to her skin. Attie angrily brushed it away. She was unraveling so he gave her one last push over the edge.
“Where do you go when you dream, Attie? Tell me.”
The dam broke and Noah hated himself for pushing her over the edge, but knew no other way to get through. Pain flashed in her eyes, followed by fury. Her body went rigid and her fists clenched at her sides.
“You want to know my secrets, Kincaid?” she taunted. “Because I don’t think you do. You want to know why I dream of Carlos Santiago and what he did to me?”
She visibly shook now, but he didn’t touch her, though he wanted to. He wanted to pull her into arms and hold her. Instead he remained still, hurting for her.
“I dream of him because he destroyed me and it’s your fault.”
She was furious now.
“If you had trusted me to handle Carlos, to do my job, this never would have happened. Tell me, if I was a man, one of the other agents, would you have sent Seth in? Would you have undermined their abilities?”
Noah flinched as she threw the words at him. He never realized…
Attie wasn’t done. “I could have finished the job. I was so close. You should have trusted me to finish it. Do you have any idea what you cost me?”
Her voice wavered on the last sentence, revealing her emotions, and Noah felt the repercussions clear to his bones. He was getting so much more than he bargained for, yet she still held back. There was more and he needed to hear it all, no matter how painful. Christ, he deserved it after what he’d done. He took a step toward her, saw her flinch, and stopped.
“And now you may have cost me my brother,” she added in a strangled voice he barely heard over the wind.
They stood in the rain staring at each other, both breathing heavily. More of her hair had come free of its bond and whipped wildly around her face. Her eyes were wide with emotion and he felt like a bastard for doing this to her. All he’d done was manage to drive a bigger wedge between them.
He hadn’t sent Seth in because he didn’t trust her, but because his sixth sense had kicked into overdrive. If an agent’s cover was compromised in any way, his first concern was protecting them. The only way he could do that was by pulling her out or sending someone in to be his eyes and ears. He told himself it was a professional judgment and not biased by his personal feelings for her, but couldn’t quite do it. Dammit, he’d done the right thing.
Trying to explain was out of the question, he knew she wasn’t in a place where she could listen, so he set the lantern on the ground and stepped back. “Come on, Devayne, take what you need from me.”
“You have nothing I need.”
“Oh, I think I do. Let’s work on your fighting skills before we meet up with Santiago.”
It worked. Attie took off her parka and hung it on a tree limb. Then she lunged. Noah simply allowed her to release her pent up emotions on him, parrying her blows, challenging her and offering what she needed. She flew at and around him with skill and agility that impressed him once again. She jabbed with her fists, kicked and danced as if she were weightless.
The ground below them grew muddy from rain and their boots. Anyone watching would no doubt think them crazy to be out in such weather—Noah would have agreed—but this was important. Attie’s state of mind took precedence over the storm.
Dodging a jab to his kidney, he put his hands together in a time-out gesture as lightning flashed overhead. Attie ignored it and trotted toward him. Deflecting the blow, he said loudly to be heard, “Enough. You’re going to catch pneumonia.”
Again, she ignored him.
Annoyed, he waited for her to turn just like so…and in one swift move spun her into his arms and trapped her arms at her sides, holding her tight against him.
Green ice met his stare and her beauty struck him again. Anger never looked so good on a woman. Raindrops clung to her lashes and slid over the smooth flesh of her cheeks. Her hair clung like a deep flame to her head and shoulders. She looked hostile and aggressive and sexy as hell with her eyes flashing, cheeks flushed and clothes plastered to her lithe body. Her chin jutted out stubbornly.
“I’ll tell you when I’m done,” she snapped, struggling against him.
“You’re done.”
Like a wildcat she fought to be released. She managed to slip an elbow free and slammed it into his ribs. The same as she had the night he rescued her from that cell. She’d landed a good blow to his jaw despite her battered state.
“Ouch,” he growled.
Somehow, she managed to wrap her leg around his. He tried to stop their descent, but the ground beneath them was slippery from where they had churned it up with their boots, and they both went down.
Noah managed to take the brunt of the fall, banging his elbow on a rock when they hit. Attie landed on top of him in a tangle of arms and legs and she was more furious than ever.
“Let me go.”
“Not until we finish this.” He clamped an arm around her waist to still her movements. She collapsed against him, her breath heaving in and out of her lungs. Her forehead dropped down on his shoulder and he tightened his arm around her waist. Slim and delicate against him, her curves fitting into his contours like puzzle pieces.
The air changed around them. Attie’s breath hitched. Like it or not, the chemistry was still there. Years of attraction, years of fighting it, broke him. His control snapped and he lifted his head and captured her mouth in his.
* * * *
Attie had wondered for a long time what it would be like to be kissed by Noah. Now she knew. It was like being sucked into another world. A world of pleasu
re and hunger and peace. For the first time in a long time she felt her fears and pains disappear as if they had never existed. They faded into nothing under the pressure of Noah’s mouth, leaving only erotic sensations she had never experienced before.
Noah’s arm tightened on her waist and the other slid up to cup the back of her neck, his fingers sliding into her hair and sending a warm sensation through her. She fisted her hands on his shoulders for a moment before flattening and flexing over hard muscle.
Noah’s hand splayed on her lower back beneath her shirt, his touch warm on her skin. She shuddered and pressed closer, wanting to feel his hands on her everywhere. Her lips parted beneath his and he groaned when their tongues met.
She could stay in Noah’s arms forever. It was safe and comfortable and she hadn’t felt either of those things in a long time. Not since the day she went undercover and certainly not since her return. Unable to think clearly with Noah’s hand massaging her neck and his lips caressing hers, she shifted and sank deeper into him, wanting to lose herself in this safe little world he created. Here, Carlos didn’t exist and her nightmares didn’t haunt her. Here, she was a whole, healthy woman without scars. Until this moment she hadn’t realized how much that meant to her.
Her hands slid beneath Noah’s shirt, seeking warmth, finding that and more. Wet smooth skin stretched taut over hard muscle. She let her palms glide over his chest and across his broad, muscular shoulders. Pure, masculine heat radiated from him into her. She wanted more, needed more. Attie dug her fingers into his flesh. Beneath her, Noah shifted, rolling her into a more intimate position and her fingers flexed on his chest. His heart beat wildly beneath her palm, betraying his true emotion, and empowering her.
She had waited too long for this. Had she known it would be like this, she would have thrown her career away long ago. This was a much more pleasurable way to lose it.
* * * *
Noah groaned as Attie let her guard down and gave in to the heat of their kiss. He hadn’t intended for this to happen, hadn’t expected to feel desire, hot and raw, stab through him. He wanted to roll her beneath him, but couldn’t in their current location. Desire slammed through him, driving his need for her. His control slipped more with every second that passed.
Attie moved sensuously against him. He found his way beneath her layers of clothing and slid his hand across her bare skin. If he didn’t get closer to her he was going to explode. For so many years he’d buried his attraction to her, ignored the need to taste her to see if her kiss was as fiery as her attitude.
He’d never had a woman imbed herself so far into his psyche that just the thought of having her made his blood run hot. Attie clung to him as if she wanted to crawl inside his skin. It drove him closer to the edge.
With a low growl, he rose until they were sitting and in one motion brought them both to their feet. He needed to feel her beneath him, taking his full weight, knowing how much he wanted her. Attie wrapped her legs around his waist, her hands burrowing into his hair. Their lips devoured, frantic for more of this thing they’d found.
Noah carried her to the nearest tree, mindless of the storm, and backed her against it. Attie gasped and he immediately backed off, thinking he’d hurt her, but she squeezed her legs around him, urging him closer. She kissed him with a hunger that he matched with equal measure, the tattered shreds of his control slipping.
* * * *
Dimly, Attie was aware of tree bark scraping her back and her pulse pounding in her head. She had never felt so consumed by need that she felt she might die if she didn’t have Noah inside her soon…
Noah.
His name registered through the passion-induced haze in her brain and reality crashed in. Her safe little world centered on the one man she vowed never to allow herself to have, for more reasons than she could count.
She tore her mouth away from his and pushed against his shoulders. He immediately let her go and set her feet on the ground. She wobbled for a moment before her legs would hold her, and then stepped back. Noah’s chest rose and fell as if he’d just finished a 5k run. She was in no better shape, her breathing just as ragged. He was covered in mud and she realized that he had been out here all this time in nothing but a t-shirt. He didn’t seem to notice the cold but she did, felt it clear to her bones, and not just because of the weather. She tried not to notice the way the fabric clung to his broad chest like a second skin or that she could count his abs. Standing there in the rain, staring at her with barely concealed desire, he looked like every woman’s delicious wet dream. Hot. Hard. Rugged.
What was she doing? Noah Kincaid wasn’t a fantasy. Not hers anyway. How could she have betrayed herself like that? Good God, she’d let Noah touch her bare skin and she’d liked the way his hands felt. She’d been one step away from taking off her clothes and letting him take her right there against a tree. What a nightmare that would have been. He had seen her in that prison cell, but not after her body had healed. No man had. And she wasn’t sure any man ever would. That part of her past wasn’t something she wanted to explain to a lover. She spent enough time in the past in her nightmares.
Angry with him for being everything she couldn’t have and with herself for wanting it, she glared and whispered, “You bastard,” then she stalked past him toward the cave.
* * * *
He was a bastard.
Noah rubbed a hand over his face. What had he been thinking? He knew exactly what he’d been thinking and with which head. His ironclad control had flown right out the window the instant he tasted Attie, and he hadn’t given a damn. He would have made love to her if she hadn’t stopped him. It was so out of character for him that he stood there a full five minutes contemplating what had just happened.
Hell.
Instead of drawing her out he’d pushed her even farther away. He’d crossed the line and no amount of mutual desire could change that. Good thing she was retired because his behavior was inexcusable. She’d needed an outlet and he’d let it get out of control. He wanted to rebuild her trust, not break it even more. His actions sure as hell didn’t help his cause.
Regret replaced desire. Why did Attie send his control out the window? He wanted to call his brother, Camron, who would give him a good ass chewing. At the very least Camron would tell Noah to find out just why this woman had him acting irrationally, and to get his head on straight before they met up with Santiago. Good advice. Maybe after the mission he’d take a short leave of absence and go for a visit. It had been way too long.
Bending, Noah picked up the lantern, snagged Attie’s coat off the branch and followed more slowly toward the cave. Taking his time before going back in so she could cool down, he used the time to let the rain rinse the mud off him. When he entered the cave Attie was buried in her sleeping bag with her back to him. All he could see was the top of her head. She lay very still, but he knew she wasn’t sleeping. Tension radiated off her in waves.
Once he’d turned out the lantern so that only hers lit the small cave, he quickly changed out of his wet clothes. He didn’t attempt to start a conversation with her. It would be a waste of time. Attie wasn’t in the mood to listen and he wasn’t sure he could explain. The past lay between them as big as an ocean. She blamed him for Seth’s death and her failing her mission by sending Seth in unscheduled to check up on her. Which he had, but not for the reasons she thought. He hadn’t sent Seth in because he doubted Attie’s abilities. He’d sent Seth in because his conversations with Attie had put up warning flags. Not by what she said in their calls, but what she hadn’t.
Damn, this was more complicated than he’d thought. He’d had no idea she felt this way and he didn’t know how to fix it. He always had a plan, always knew what his next move was. He might be able to get rid of Santiago for her, but how could he get rid of Attie’s nightmares? Convince her that his decision was based on instinct, on her protection, not his lack of faith in her abilities?
Attie held strong to her belief that she could have saved
Seth. And nothing anyone told her would change her mind or make her see reason. The ATCOM shrink Max made them visit periodically to keep them on a good mental track said it was part of Attie’s survival mechanism. Believing Seth was alive and she could save him gave her a reason to fight. Knowing Attie like he did, he knew she’d do whatever it took to get to her partner. She wasn’t a quitter and nothing short of death would have stopped her. Unfortunately, the downside to that was now Attie suffered survivor’s guilt. She’d tried and failed to save the life of a fellow agent and it only exacerbated her PTSD.
Rubbing a hand over his face, he picked up his sleeping bag and inched toward the entryway. Silently, he moved to the mouth of the cave and laid it out so he didn’t get wet all over again. When Attie’s temper cooled he would try and recover the ground he’d lost. This needed to be settled before they met up with Santiago. He wanted her focused, not angry and unreasonable.
Ah, hell. He wished she didn’t even have to be here to do this.
Stretching out on top of his bag, Noah stacked his hands under his head and stared into the darkness. Attie wasn’t the only one too edgy to sleep. At the moment he was better off focusing on Santiago.
The bastard had to be stopped. Permanently. He never should have slipped through their fingers. He’d proven resourceful and slipperier than a snake. He’d slithered away into one of his holes after ATCOM destroyed his estate in South America and he hadn’t surfaced until now. Which could only mean bad things. He’d had time to plan what he had waiting for Attie.
Max had agreed to let Noah be the one to go, not only because of his experience as an agent, but for his skills as a Navy SEAL. His expertise as a sharpshooter would prevent Santiago from hurting Attie again. He just hoped she could hold it together long enough for him to do his job.
Noah sighed. Attie wasn’t to blame for her behavior. Santiago was. If she hadn’t been thrown into his underground prison and tortured for three days, she wouldn’t be living with nightmares.
Damn. He’d agonized over this for six months and it still didn’t ease the pain of knowing he’d let his agents fall into the hands of a madman. One was dead and the other retired because of it. Two good agents. Seth had been the best at what he did, falling into the role of coffee bean broker easily. He had possessed the ability to blend into a crowd and his easy manner had encouraged people to trust and talk to him, making him an expert in undercover work.
The Maze (ATCOM) Page 4