Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Shoots and Scores

by Bathroom Readers' Institute

  TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE WORKING STIFF

  The situation inspired a fine tale of how Selke, who was business manager for the electrical workers’ union in his non-hockey job, jogged a mile from the bank where the fiscal backers’ meeting was held to the building trades council meeting, where he persuaded the unions to accept 20 percent of their salary in shares of MLG stock. In reality, Selke made personal pitches to the 24 unions, his hard sell convincing the workers that 80 percent of their salaries in cash was better than the unemployment faced by many skilled trades in the depressed economy.

  “Conn Smythe made it sound as if I ran up the street, made a pitch to the unions and ran back to tell the bankers that the workers went along with getting stock for part of their salaries,” Selke said. “Mostly, it was a hard pitch to the union leaders that did it. When the unions agreed, the bankers gave us more money and, slowly, the construction money reached a level where we could go ahead. I think the unions were a little suspicious of the deal we offered and had the economy been strong and jobs more plentiful, they would have turned it down. But jobs were so scarce in ’31, they went for our idea.”

  BUILDING FINISHED IN 80% OF EXPECTED TIME!

  Smythe had acquired a choice piece of downtown land as a site for the building. On June 1, 1931, construction started and, in an incredible feat, Maple Leaf Gardens was completed in approximately five months. On November 12, 1931, the building’s glittering opening night attracted a who’s who of Toronto society and money to see the Chicago Black Hawks beat the Leafs 2–1. However, the Leafs went on to capture the Stanley Cup in the first season in their new home.

  TODAY: SEASON’S TICKETS ON E-BAY FOR $250 Gs

  Even from the start, sold-out houses for Leafs games were common and the owners like to boast that from the end of World War II until the demise of the Gardens (it was replaced by the Air Canada Center in 1999), every seat for a Leafs game had been sold. With Hewitt spreading the Maple Leaf gospel across Canada every Saturday night from the “gondola” high above the Gardens’ ice, the Leafs filled Smythe’s dream of being “Canada’s team” (at least to that chunk of Canada that didn’t worship Les Habs).

  The controversial owner regarded the Gardens as Toronto’s entertainment center, the way opera houses are regarded in European cities. The seats closest to the ice were filled with well-dressed folk in the building’s first 30 years; old pictures show many women in those seats wearing snazzy hats. When Leaf games were televised in the 1950s, Smythe sent a letter to the box-seat holders, complaining that standards of dress had slipped and he hoped for an improvement.

  THE FAT LADY SINGS…

  A week after the first hockey game, the MLG ice was removed and a crowd of 15,000 packed the building to see a professional wrestling match in which Jim “The Golden Greek” Londos defeated Jumpin’ Gino Garilbaldi. Pro wrestling became a regular weekly feature of the building. But Smythe also tried to pass off the big barn as a fine arts palace. Extraordinary ballerina Dame Margot Fontaine danced Sleeping Beauty in the Gardens, called the place a cavern, and never returned. Paul Robeson in 1942 and Maria Callas in 1958 also battled the building’s horrific acoustics. Elvis Presley in 1957 and the Beatles in 1961 packed the place, and with the rock era well underway, the sound system was upgraded and MLG hosted every major pop music group over the next four decades.

  Conn Smythe sold his interest in the building to a group led by his son Stafford in the late 1950s and while he kept an office in the building, he often publicly expressed his distaste for the new regime’s bids to increase revenue by adding advertising and seats to his sacred palace.

  * * * * *

  “The top three worst things I’ve seen in hockey? The invention of the trap. The invention of the morning skate. And the invention of the extremely ugly uniform.”

  —Brett Hull, former St. Louis Blues forward

  “I don’t know if I find Brett Hull funny. But I can tell you this: He sure thinks he is.”

  —Craig Ludwig, former Dallas Stars defenceman

  BROTHERS-IN-TWINE

  Match the brothers with the numbers of goals scored in the NHL:

  1) Wayne and Brent Gretzky a-902

  2) Dennis and Bobby Hull b-821

  3) Maurice and Henri Richard c- 666

  4) Mario and Alain Lemieux d-792

  5) Brent and Brian Sutter e-711

  6) Peter and Frank Mahovlich f-913

  7) Peter and Anton Stasny g-664

  8) Marcel and Gilbert Dionne h-764

  9) Pierre and Sylvain Turgeon i-702

  10) Geoff and Russ Courtnall j-895

  * * * * *

  “Yeah, I’m cocky and I am arrogant. But that doesn’t mean I’m not a nice person.”

  —Jeremy Roenick, former forward,

  Chicago Blackhawks

  Answers:

  1-j, 2-f, 3-a, 4-e, 5-c, 6-b, 7-i, 8-d, 9-h, 10-g

  STANLEY CUP STRATA

  In its 100-plus years of history, stories ring around the Stanley Cup like the strata layers of the Earth. Uncle John would like to share some recent ones with you.

  It is almost 36 inches high and weighs about 35 pounds. It has a top that bears a remarkable resemblance to a candy bowl (at one point, it was indeed used as a candy bowl, in Montreal in 1910) and below the bowl are silver bands—with hundreds of names engraved on them—that get larger as it grows older. “It,” of course, is the Stanley Cup, awarded annually to the NHL team that wins the most games in a two-to-three-month-long series of playoff games.

  LORD STANLEY THE GOOD

  Initiated as the Dominion Challenge Cup in 1892, the award later known as the Stanley Cup was created by Governor General Stanley of Preston to be presented annually to the hockey team that won the most games in a season. One of Governor General (later Lord) Stanley’s reasons for creating the trophy was to promote hockey as the sport of Canada. He has succeeded. Costing Stanley $48.67 in 1892, the first team to get the coveted prize was the Montreal Amateur Athletic Association in 1893.

  THE DANGERS OF SKIPPING CHEMISTRY CLASS

  Just as there are many chemicals interacting in the Earth’s strata, certain chemicals do not mix well with Stanley Cup silver. The Pittsburgh Penguins found this out the hard way. After the Penguins won the Stanley Cup for the second straight year (1992), superstar Mario Lemieux invited his teammates to a party at his home. Booze was flowing freely, and in this alcohol-induced envelope of happiness, jovial Phil Bourque took the Cup to the top of Lemieux’s manmade waterfall. When he was done, he pitched the prize into the swimming pool below. Lemieux, Bourque and friends learned quickly that chlorinated water is not good for silver; the Cup was badly tarnished.

  WHY HE’S ONE OF THE SMARTEST IN THE GAME

  It gets worse: Lemieux had to take the Cup to a victory parade the next day. He later told hockey sportswriters that he simply faced the blemished side of the Cup away from the people. This simple trick worked; nobody noticed that the Stanley Cup was discolored.

  PLAYERS NOT TO LEAVE UNSUPERVISED

  Lemieux was a two-time winner of the Cup, but goaltender Patrick Roy was a member of four Stanley Cup–winning teams (1986 and 1993 Montreal Canadiens and 1996 and 2001 Colorado Avalanche). The irrepressible Roy couldn’t believe what had happened to the Cup a year earlier, so gave it a dip in his own pool in 1993. While conducting more experiments, the perpetually curious Roy wanted to find out what’s inside the Cup. So he took a screwdriver, unscrewed the bottom, and found…nothing. The Cup is hollow.

  TEAM TRAGEDY

  Without question, the most tragic yet inspiring story of recent Stanley Cup memory involves the Detroit Red Wings of the late 1990s. Fans of the Red Wings waited a long time, 15,392 days to be precise, before they won the Cup in 1997. Previous to this—if you haven’t made the calculation for yourself yet—the last time they won was 1955. On a celebratory summer day in 1997, some of the players hired a limousine to get them home safely from a golf course. That didn’t happen. The limousin
e driver fell asleep and the car carrying three Russian Red Wings got into a severe accident. Hockey legend Slava Fetisov received a lung injury, team masseur Sergei Mnatsakanov got a brain injury and star defenceman Vladimir Konstantinov became paralyzed, probably for life. The euphoria which had engulfed the Detroit area evaporated.

  THIS ONE’S FOR VLADIMIR

  Months passed and the Red Wings were determined to get back to the Stanley Cup finals. And they did, against the Washington Capitals. All of the team’s personnel had but one goal: to repeat as Stanley Cup champions and devote the win to wheelchair-bound Konstantinov. The Red Wings won the first three games and, with five minutes played in the third period of game four, the attention of everyone during a play stoppage in Washington’s MCI Center was diverted to a luxury box seating Konstantinov and his wife. As Konstantinov was raised to his feet by his wife and a friend, everyone cheered, including Capitals fans and players. After the Red Wings won the game, Konstantinov was brought to the ice and the Cup was placed in his lap. Fellow Russian star Sergei Fedorov, Detroit captain Steve Yzerman, and other Red Wings pushed the smiling Konstantinov around the rink.

  CAN THIS THING COLLECT AIR MILES?

  During the summer months, each player of the winning team gets the Cup for 24 hours, to do with it whatever they wish. Red Wings Fetisov, center Igor Larionov (once called “the Russian Gretzky” by The New Yorker) and Slava Kozlov took the Cup to the Red Army Hockey School in Moscow and to their hometowns after the Red Wings’ Cup win in 1997. Later, they took it on the streets of the Russian capital and curious onlookers touched the Cup the way a child first pets a cat—somewhat tentatively, yet with love and affection.

  Besides Canada, Russia and the United States, the Cup has gone to the Czech Republic, Sweden, and numerous other countries in Europe. But contrary to popular belief, it has not been on all seven continents: never to Africa, Australia, Antarctica, or South America.

  CANADA’S ANSWER TO LINCOLN’S TOMB

  Lord Stanley’s original Dominion Challenge Cup was retired in 1967. It now sits in a vault in the International Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto. The vault door is open during business hours for all Hall of Fame visitors to peer at hockey’s holy grail. A Hall of Fame employee is constantly with the Cup, both for its protection and to answer questions. These Stanley Cup guardians tell curious folk such gems as the fact that in 1971 Jean Béliveau of the Montreal Canadiens was the first team captain to circle the rink with the Stanley Cup, and that Wayne Gretzky came up with the idea of the Cup-winning “team photo” (where all players and coaches of the winning club gather at center ice to have their picture taken), after his Edmonton Oilers won it in 1987–88. These are just some of the Stanley Cup strata that will be passed down, from generation to generation, by lovers of hockey.

  RISE OF THE UNION

  Organizing the NHL Players’ Association was a bitter fight that started with defeat on the first try, but finally found acceptance by the league.

  IN BRIEF

  That the NHL Players’ Association had the strength to close down the league’s operation for half the 1994–95 season and the entire 2004–05 schedule and playoffs was the result of a long, uphill climb over close to five decades—first to gain acceptance, then to acquire the solidarity to engage in labor war with the team owners.

  The first try at organizing a players’ association—the word “union” seldom was employed in the late 1950s—resulted in a bitter squashing of the workers’ efforts by the league’s old guard of owners, who operated the NHL as if the feudal system were still in vogue. But a decade later, with Toronto lawyer Alan Eagleson as the catalyst in several minor victories for individual players against the hockey establishment; the bright hope that Eagleson’s main client Bobby Orr gave hockey; and the presence of a new group of forward- thinking owners—both with the established teams and the 1967 expansion clubs—the NHL agreed to accept the association.

  PENSION PLANNERS

  In the 1950s, the NHL governors, led by league president Clarence Campbell, a Rhodes scholar, lawyer and former NHL referee, had boasted frequently about the players having the best pension plan in professional team sports. At the same time, they claimed that the league’s profits were, at best, very small. Detroit Red Wings star winger Ted Lindsay, as determined in his off-ice business efforts as he was in his gritty, abrasive playing style, and Doug Harvey, the mighty defenceman of the Montreal Canadiens, were named to the NHL pension board along with Campbell, New York Rangers president John Reed Kilpatrick, and Ian Johnston, a Toronto lawyer and secretary of Maple Leaf Gardens Ltd.

  BUM DEAL

  The NHL pension was started in 1946 by a few players working with a Detroit insurance agent on injury benefits. Led by Maple Leafs owner Conn Smythe, the NHL quickly took over the pension plan and gave Campbell the job of stripping the players of any control. For ten years from the late 1940s, the players paid $900 per year into the plan, a large stipend considering that the average NHL salary was $5,000 a season. The owners added $600 per player, money gained from the all-star game gate and a surcharge on playoff tickets.

  SMALL QUESTIONS, NO ANSWERS

  When Lindsay asked pointed questions about the pension fund and its financing—the owners’ contributions turned out to be very small—he was brushed aside. Never one to back away from a scrap, Lindsay persisted in his efforts to gain an accurate financial picture of the NHL’s operation. Lindsay and Harvey, a lethargic-looking but mentally sharp man, did their own calculations and discovered that the NHL claims of losses or very small profits were false and all clubs made money, and some were very profitable.

  CALL IN THE NEW YORK LAWYERS

  Frustrated at the lack of answers, Lindsay, at his own expense, recruited the New York lawyers who had helped major league baseball players negotiate their first collective agreement. “I didn’t want to start a union; I just wanted a few answers on the financial status of the league in regards to pension and benefits,” Lindsay said. “We only went ahead when we were told that it was none of our business.” The players’ association formation was announced in New York in February, 1957, with Lindsay as president and Harvey, Fern Flaman, Bill Gadsby, Gus Mortson, and Jimmy Thomson on the executive.

  CAPTAIN COMMUNIST

  But the NHL reacted quickly and harshly, led by Campbell, Smythe and Red Wings general manager Jack Adams. Smythe, who had fought in both world wars and had the rank of major, treated the players and team coach Hap Day, who suggested the association be allowed, as traitors. In a meeting with Thomson, Smythe called his team captain a communist. “If Conn Smythe had fought the Germans as hard as he fought the players, World War II would have been over in about a week,” Harvey said years later. Adams was vehement in his opposition to the association. Years later, it was revealed that Adams was given a set amount of operating capital each season by the owners, the Norris family, and what he did not spend was his salary. One year, when several members of a Red Wing team that won the Stanley Cup signed contracts for the next season, their salaries were cut.

  WHAT A COINCIDENCE

  Within a year, most of the players involved in the association had been traded, several to the sad-sack Chicago Black Hawks. In the middle of a streak of five consecutive Stanley Cup wins, the Canadiens kept the great Harvey until the string was snapped in 1961, then traded him. Adams traded Lindsay, who had just finished his best NHL season (30 goals, 85 points) and sensational young goalie Glenn Hall, a Lindsay supporter, to Chicago. Adams’ efforts led to the Wing players, minus Lindsay’s leadership and determination, pulling out of the association and other teams, under extreme pressure from owners, buckled and the association folded, giving full control back to the owners. “Our effort was not a failure despite what happened because we did make some small gains in benefits and we paved the way for Eagleson and his bunch to form the union a few years down the road,” Lindsay said.

  THE EAGLE LANDS

  Eagleson had played lacrosse against Bob Pulford of
the Maple Leafs, then their paths crossed again at the University of Toronto in the early 1960s, where Eagleson was a law school student and Pulford was working on a degree. Eagleson became involved in hockey when Bobby Orr’s family asked him to look after the junior-hockey superstar’s affairs. Then Pulford sought Eagleson’s advice on a contract and other young Leaf stars of the 1960s such as Bob Baun and Carl Brewer consulted him, too. When Brewer left the NHL in 1965, Eagleson aided in the defenceman’s successful fight to be reinstated as an amateur to join the Canadian national team. In 1966, Eagleson helped the players on the Springfield Indians of the American League gain some concessions against the cruel and unusual working conditions of team owner Eddie Shore. “A few of us had talked with Eagleson and his law partners for hours on forming a union,” Baun said. “We talked about it with friends on other teams and there was positive response to the idea.”

  CAN’T SAY NO TO A ROOM FULL OF BRUINS

  Eagleson negotiated the largest contract in NHL history for Orr when he joined the Bruins out of junior hockey in 1966. In Montreal to see his client, Eagleson was invited to a hotel room by several Bruins and when he arrived, the whole team was present. They suggested that a union was needed and Eagleson was the man to explore the idea. With the Leaf players encouraging him, Eagleson quietly talked with all NHL teams and set down the groundwork for the players’ association. Pulford was the first NHLPA president and when the Board of Governors would not allow Eagleson, the association executive-director, to address their meeting, Pulford, accompanied by veteran players Norm Ullman, Bob Nevin, Eddie Johnston, Harry Howell, and J.C. Tremblay, told the owners they had formed an association and the owners agreed to recognize it.